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God Damned Unisex Young People Make Me Nervous!

The problem with young people today is that they don’t know if they’re boys or girls.

Back when I was a lad we were damned sure about our gender. Boys played football, climbed trees and kept their emotions in check. Girls wore skirts, played with dolls and helped their mothers clean house. It made sense and it made it easy to keep track of people.

But these young people today?

The boys dye their hair, paint their lips and doll themselves up like 5th Avenue trollops out for an evening stroll. And the girls are no better. They wear slacks and short hair cuts, participate in sport and run for public office.

It’s getting so you can’t tell them apart damn it and that’s not what the Lord intended. Half the time I don’t know who I’m yelling at. If it weren’t for Adam’s apples I wouldn’t have a clue where to start for God’s sake.

And what the Hell ever happened to the words “boy” and “girl” anyway?

According to the Reader’s Digest, everyone nowadays is some form of “sexual.” “Metrosexual”…”ubersexual”…”retrosexual.” I have no idea what it means but I’m damn sure that “idiotsexual” is not only more accurate but easier to remember.

If I had ever come home slathered in mascara and eye liner, my old mom would have scrubbed my face clean with a cheese grater and then keeled over dead from the shame of it all.

These young people need to turn off their Ipods and start listening to their stereotypes. There’s a reason men and women look different, dress different and act different. It deters dangerous impulses toward self-expression and stops society from spiraling into an asexual Sodom and a genderless Gomorrah.

If this perversity keeps up, how long will it be before old men like me are be forced to sport purple beehives and wear capri pants, lip gloss and charm bracelets? And it won’t stop there. Eventually we’ll all become one blob of indiscriminate gender – one gigantic East German woman’s swim team. They’ll be no gender, no class structure and no distinctions of any kind.

And if that isn’t the blue print for Godless communism, then I don’t know what is.

They don’t know if they’re boys or girls. That’s the problem with young people today.

98 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:36 pm

    It’s nothing we haven’t seen before, what about the New Romantics in the 80s? Elaborate hairstyles, dangly jewellery and dramatic makeup – and that was the men.
    And before that – way before that – even Roman and Greek men wore togas.
    You should try out that purple beehive, maybe you’d like it!

    • 1:17 pm

      Many thanks, Anna, and welcome.

      You raise an interesting point but I choose to discount it outright. The ancient Greeks and Romans are, for the most part, dead now and unlikely to make me angry with their flashy togas and ridiculous sandals. But be assured, however, that if they were alive and traipsing around the Walmart with laurel wreaths in their hair I’d be unhappy about it.

      Also interesting to read an argument that draws comparisons between ancient Greek and Roman societies and the “New Romantic” movement. Good to see Simon LeBon and his ignoble ilk referenced in the same breath as Socrates and Augustus Caesar. I’ll take that as another sign that the world will come to and end before dinner time.

      Thanks for visiting. I hope to hear from you again.

      All the best.


      p.s. I’ll pass on the beehive. Perhaps a bun would be more appropriate.

      • Lily permalink
        2:06 am

        My understanding of Ancient Geek and Roman is that they were all homosexual.

        • Josh K. permalink
          6:44 pm

          They were mostly heterosexuals, naturally. Or all bisexual, as many studies show humans to be naturally, you decide. The fact is that sexuality is also sociocultural in it’s expression in a lot of ways, and because there was no tabboo these men would also have sex with each other, acting like bisexuals.
          In fact, all men have been having sex with each other in big orgies since the cave man times. Really, search for it in the ancient paitings.

  2. 1:51 pm

    Not the capri pants pleeeeeze!

    • 2:11 pm

      Thanks for visiting, Nursemyra.

      Back in my day we called them “high waters” and you sure as Hell didn’t pay top dollar for them. They were generally your older brother’s ill-fitting hand me downs.

      Best regards,


  3. 1:57 pm


    What in christmas’s name has gotten into you. Nothing wrong with women enjoying sports and wearing jeans..and running for public office???? geez louise as a society we advance. As far as men wearing makeup and what not..some folks express themselves in a different way. People behaved like that back then, but they were kept in the closet or out of view of upstanding families because it was a reflection on mom and dad or so people thought. Maybe the older generation is closed minded.hmmmm Zman sends

    • 2:22 pm

      Thanks Zman,

      Look, son, I have no problem with self-expression as long as everyone does it the same way. If a man wants to express himself he can wear a plaid tie instead of a blue one.

      Call me old fashioned (or better yet pour me an old-fashioned) but I don’t think you should need to look for clues in order to determine what sex someone is. It’s not like with cats, you can’t flip people onto their backs to see what equipment they’ve got on board.

      I don’t care what people do in the privacy or their homes or who they do it with, I just like to know who the hell it is that I’m talking to. Girls should look like girls and boys should look like boys.

      All the best, Zman. Keep on sending, son.

      • Samm permalink
        2:48 am

        What’s wrong with women running for office, playing sports, and wearing slacks? It does many beneficial things especially for old men. We females do make up approximately 50% of the population (actually more than 50% because you old men tend to kick the bucket before the old ladies) so it keeps the other females happy that there is some sort of representation for their needs/rights. Playing sports keeps us active, healthy, and in shape which does several things for the benefit of humanity: keeps health care costs down and it helps us look a little more like Jane Mansfield (a lady I’ve noticed you’ve lusted after for quite some time (back when you would think about defiling yourself and whatnot). And wearing slacks is just practical. Its easier to perform everyday tasks in and it shows off a great view of the hiney for men’s viewing pleasure.

        However, men wearing tight pants and skirts is a definite no-no. And I’m not so much a fan of the ladies in ties and elephant pants (you know the ones, with the billion zippers, chains, snaps, and the 8ft wide leg openings…) Perhaps a better rule for the sexes would be thongs are for ladies, tightie-whities are for boys?

        All the Best,
        Samm T.

      • Josh K. permalink
        6:46 pm

        You know, you can ASK someone about their biological sex if you are that confused.

  4. 2:52 pm

    The no-brainer who invented the metrosexual expression is now coming out with another one he calls “sporno” which refers to that split second in time when a photographer captures two strapping athletes “becoming one”. Who told me that? That little acne factory 17 year old that works in the bookstore I go to near my house. By the way, I have no idea if that is a boy or a girl. I can´t tell by just looking at His/Her, okay, Its clothes. Next time I’ll check if I notice some volume similar to a crouch [with all due respect of course].

    I wish the Brazilian government would create something like that Star Wars program that would barricade those insane ideas to reach our youngsters.

    In my dreams.

    • 3:08 pm

      Hello, Ivan.

      Nice to hear from you. I have to admit that the “sporno” concept has me a little stumped. It sounds like a soviet missile program or an Italian appetizer – I can’t quite decide which. (Regardless, I am now watching the skies and craving tortellini alfredo.)

      I’d highly recommend that you have a chat with your local politician about your idea for a high tech filter to keep asinine ideas from spreading to the young people of Brazil. It sounds like an idea whose time has come.

      The low tech solution, of course, would be to just unplug the televisions, take away their internet access and give them each a shiny new soccer ball. (I would have said “baseball,” Ivan, but I know you’re partial to the game of soccer).

      All the best and thanks for stopping in.


  5. 4:39 pm

    I feel your pain. There is nothing worse than playing “Guess Your Gender” with people named Chris or Pat.

    • 10:03 pm

      Thanks for visiting Ahmnodt,

      If this trend keeps up we’ll all be named “Robin” or “Alex” or “Chris” or “Pat.”

      Mark my words.

      All the best


  6. Gerard permalink
    4:54 pm

    I like this post, Don. I also get angry when I see all this gender-mix-and-match. There have been times where I literally meet a person and have no clue whether or not they are male or female, and I have to ASK someone else. It’s that bad.

    I don’t agree that women shouldn’t play sports or be involved in politics though. Playing sports keep women in shape, and I’m not into fat girls 😉 I like the soccer players…but I digress! I believe that women and men should be equal in terms of politics.

    Another thing that gets me mad is guys with hair down to their shoulders and skin-tight jeans (they call them SkinnyJeans). The more popular this trend gets, the less fertile men we’ll have due to suffocation of the family jewels (although maybe that will weed out the offspring of these types of people).

    I think we can see eye-to-eye on most of this issue, Don. I’m glad we do.


    • 12:47 am

      Many thanks Gerard,

      Glad to hear we can see eye-to-eye on most of this one. It’s been a while since we outright disagreed hasn’t it? I was keeping track but lost count a while back.

      Those skinny jeans sound damned awful. But, as you suggest, if you’re inclined to wear pants so tight that they impede your manly abilities, you likely aren’t the type of person we want procreating anyway.

      Hope all is well, Gerard.


  7. downcastmysoul permalink
    5:55 pm

    It’s hard to tell if someone is gay or just being “androgynous” anymore. Even straight men sometimes affect what sounds like a gay lisp and even straight women cut all their hair off and dress in mannish clothes. I decided, last year, to attempt to wear skirts daily instead of pants because some damn Web site said that women who wore long skirts got respected more. All the brain dead shit around here thought was that I was trying to get someone to pick me up. Maybe I need the whole getup. High necked blouse on top, long skirt on bottom, some kind of kercheif or other schmatte on the head, no makeup, and nurse shoes. Instead of “hey baby” I’d get “hello sister”.

    • 12:54 am

      Hello downcastmysoul.

      If any of those lads down at the clinic are giving you the business, you just say the word and I’ll scoot down and have a word with them. I’ll straighten those whelping pups out once and for all and you can be sure of that!

      Anyway, I don’t care if someone is gay or androgynous or Presbyterian or a dancing bear…I just want them to dress the way they were supposed to. Boys in slacks and girl in skirts.

      Now, far be it from me to tell you what to do but that notion of “high necked blouse on top, long skirt on bottom, some kind of kercheif or other schmatte on the head, no makeup, and nurse shoes” sounds like a sensible and fashionable option.

      I think you may be on to something, Miss.

      All the best


      • downcastmysoul permalink
        6:40 pm

        Thank you sweetie:

        The fear of the crabby 0ld man will keep them on their toes for weeks!

        As far as that style of dress goes, I’d either have to be Hassidic, Amish, Mennonite, Crazy, or all 7 of the above.

        There’s modesty and then there’s being a Meshuggeh.

        Of course, there are some who try and dress like it’s 1899, so it might still fit the bill if the headgear is a sunbonnet and the shoes are high top boots and everything is covered by an apron.

  8. 8:10 pm

    Frankly, if I had a son (thank God mine are grown, well just about) and he was painting his fingernails and toenails, and using hairspray or putting makeup on, I’d smack him into next week.

    • 12:55 am

      Hello Bella and thanks for visiting.

      A damned sensible approach to parenting if you don’t mind me saying so.

      All the best,


  9. 9:01 pm

    you’re gonna love pantyhose and high heels! please post a pic of your beehive and capri pants. i can’t wait to see it.

    • 1:14 am

      Thanks Nonnie,

      While I’m sure it would be quite a sight, I don’t expect I’ll be trying it anytime soon.

      All the best


  10. Lily permalink
    9:11 pm

    Dear Don,

    Thankyou Sir for another very fine commentary on gender bending young people. I nearly damned well choked on my porridge.

    “Retrosexual”….. ? I must be slipping behind the times because I had to look it up. Apparently it means the opposite of metrosexual, whatever that is. I thought the Metro was a train station.

    Goodness gracious me, Don. The day I see you sporting a purple beehive, earrings, wearing capri pants and painting your fingernails black, I will eat my hat.

    I’m quite partial to the lilac tints in the hair of women my age, however, and am seriously considering which shade to go. Light lilac, medium lilac or deep purple? Whatever I decide, I will wear it as a badge of honour.

    Best wishes,

    Lily Fossil

    • 1:20 am

      Many thanks to you Lily,

      Always nice to have the pleasure of your company. And while I’m no Anne Fogarty I would say that a medium lilac is a very stylish color on a woman.

      All the best and thanks for visiting.


  11. Sander permalink
    9:38 pm

    Strangely enough, listening to the music on my ipod actually makes the gender stereotypes more obvious to me. I’ve yet to meet a girl who doesn’t give me the “turn that bloody noise down”-look when she notices the music I’m listening to.

    • 1:27 am

      Thanks Sander,

      Sounds like the young lady may want some additional attention there lad. You have to be careful with the ladies, son, they prefer that you listen to them – not music.

      Thanks for stopping in, Sander. Always good to hear from you.


  12. magickfaerie permalink
    9:56 pm

    Oh no Mr. Mills, you would never survive at my house then. My girlfriend buys her clothes from the mens department and she recently cut off all of her hair.

    I, on the other hand, am growing mine out and I am wearing a skirt right now.

    If we don’t look like a stereotypical lesbian couple, then I don’t know who does.

    • 1:41 am

      Nice to hear from you Jenny.

      I’m not sure I know what a stereotypical lesbian couple looks like. I didn’t even know they existed until I was in my 40s. So, I’ll take your word on it.

      Regardless, you’re a decent young woman who loved here old dad and is going to be a teacher…so, really, you could set your hair on fire and run around wearing a gunny sack and you’d still be okay in my book.

      All the best


      • magickfaerie permalink
        2:05 am

        Well, that makes me feel better. As long as I’m ok in your book then I’m good.

        <—- That's us in Washington DC. It's a reference photo, just in case you're ever asked about it by some uppity young person.

  13. 11:48 pm

    Don, you hit the nail on the head with “idiotsexual”.

    It’s all a bunch of crap as far as I’m concerned. I’m a man, I like women, I’m heterosexual. Simple. We don’t need a slew of “sub-genres”.

    • 1:44 am

      Thanks Perry,

      A damned sensible comment. If only life were still that simple.

      All the best


  14. 12:44 am

    I have to agree with Lily, Don. I almost choked on my porridge too, only it was vodka and red bull…Stampede’s in town so I’ll probably be on the intravenous whiskey for the next 10 days. You’ll have to forgive my typos and innappropriate commentary. But I digress.

    Since you brought it up, let’s get rid of those emosexuals as well. I can never tell if those long-banged temperbenders are sad, indifferent, or just socially inept. They are blurring the mood lines, Don, and it scares me. It scares me something fierce.

    As for unisexuals, I think we should start by getting rid of skinny jeans. That might work.

    Your #1 fan (in a non-Kathy Bates way),


    • 2:43 pm

      Many thanks Bschooled,

      I’m not inclined toward offering unsolicited advice but you might want to exercise some caution around your intake of alcohol.

      My experience has been that it leads to all manner of foolishness and with the Stampede in town I’m sure there will be no shortage of cowboys looking to take advantage.

      I had to read that “emosexuals” twice. At first I thought it said “emusexuals” and I was having some trouble imagining what the Hell kind of perversity that might entail.

      I don’t claim to understand “emosexuals” or “skinny jeans” or any other aspect of this nonsense but it sure as Christ scares me too.

      Always nice to hear from you Bschooled.


      • 9:41 am

        If you’ll forgive me for interrupting, I’d say that steady intake of alcohol is the only way one can deal with the damned teens these days.


  15. Lynn permalink
    1:27 am

    “These young people need to turn off their Ipods and start listening to their stereotypes.” Don, this is brilliant! Very enjoyable reading…you have such a refreshing view of today’s world…or is it delirium? At any rate, I’ll be back…

    • 2:45 pm

      Nice of you to visit Lynn,

      I appreciate the kind words. I like to think my views are based on common sense and not delirium but I suppose that is open to some debate.

      Hope to hear from you again soon.

      All the best,


  16. 3:11 am

    They’re all pinrolling their jeans into their socks again too! Some are even color coordinating socks and shirts. CRAZINESS!

    • 2:46 pm

      You’ve got that right, Betty.

      It’s damned craziness and I’m increasingly concerned about where it might be leading us.

      Nice of you to visit.


  17. 7:32 am

    LOL. I have mistaken a long-haired guy for a girl before. He had his back turned and I leaned over to my friend and made some comment about the way,”she” looked, only to have, “him” turn around showing off his full beard. That was awkward.

    • 2:47 pm

      Thank you for stopping in Eric.

      It sounds damned awkward but at least the young man had the decency to grow facial hair. It doesn’t excuse the long hair but at least it’s a damned good clue that he might actually be male.

      All the best


  18. 10:06 am

    The thing is everyone has their own styles and they ovolve over time. Remember glam rock and bands like KISS? The problem is that it’s becoming too main stream. Now I’ll admit I’m one of those ‘boys’ with long hair, but the thing is I look rediculous with short hair, so should I deliberately look stupid to follow a stereotypical ‘male’ role? (As a point in note, i’m 6’4 and skinny, which is why short hair doesnt suit me).
    Though you do raise valid points with metrosexual etc, but isnt that coming from a developing nanny culture where parents try to shield thier kids from anything that might possibly be a danger, and then trying to justify everything that goes wrong from it?
    Just my few words from a guy that looks like a girl, from behind anyway.

    • 2:56 pm

      Many thanks Nathan and welcome.

      Now I realize the “ovolve” was likely a typo on your part (I do it all the time, son, so I’m not passing judgement) but I think that might be a term that sticks.

      “Ovolve” has a vaguely “ovarian” feel to it and as far as I can see, young men are well on their way to transforming themselves into the gentler sex. You should copyright that word immediately, Nathan.

      And I agree about the mollycoddling of the young folks. I’m sure that plays a part. I was actually considering writing a wee post about it. Seems to me that young people aren’t allowed to descend a flight of stairs anymore without a wearing helmet and kneepads just in case they have a fall.

      I’m not sure how being tall and skinny disallows a short haircut. My old friend Benny “the beanpole” Radford was 6’6″, had ears like the sails on a clipper ship and was rail thin but he had a crew cut from the day he was born and still managed to snag himself a handsome wife. I believe her name was Carla…or Carrie. I’m not entirely sure.

      Anyway, I’m rambling now. Maybe Lynn was right about the delirium.

      All the best, Nathan, hope to hear from you again.


      • Lily permalink
        8:29 pm

        Charles Darwin would be turning in his grave if he could witness the current ovolution of species and the descent of man.

  19. Friar permalink
    3:02 pm


    A couple of months ago, you wrote about the Godamn fornicating teenagers driving you crazy.

    So despite looking asexual, I don’t think it’s stopped today’s kids from going at it like rabbits.

    But who knows? They’re probably so confused, maybe their roles have reversed.

    That’s probably why they stick metal through their face. It makes them feel better.

  20. 5:06 pm

    Amen, Mr. Mills.

    Just a few years ago, I remember having to look long and hard at a girl’s hand in order to determine if she is married or available. Now, I have to look long at hard at the “girl” in general just to make certain that she IS a girl.

    Once again, you are spot on.

    • 1:01 am

      Many thanks, The Reading Geek,

      You’re absolutely right. And even if you think you’re sure, I’d play it safe and ask for I.D. as well.

      Nice of you to stop in and visit.


  21. azure420 permalink
    9:32 pm

    Mr. Mills, I completely agree. It’s outright wrong having to guess the gender of a person, and unfortunately it happens too often in the city where I live.

    • 1:02 am

      Many thanks azure420 and welcome.

      I appreciate your stopping in and hope to hear from you again. Where exactly are you from?

      All the best


      • azure420 permalink
        1:02 am

        I’m from Cambridge, MA. It’s a lovely city but sometimes too liberal for my taste.

        Have a good one Mr.Mills

    • Kim permalink
      9:51 pm

      Think about it. Why should it matter to you what gender someone is unless you are planning on getting physically involved with that person?

  22. 9:46 am

    Well done sir, not only is this adroit social commentary, but its damn funny as well. I have had to stop punching people in the face for fear that I might be actually striking a woman.

  23. 6:32 pm


    You weren’t by chance a relation to Warren Jeffs or a member of FLDS were you? Those people made sure men dressed like men and women dressed like women.

    • 1:10 am

      Thanks Claire,

      Funny, I was going to ask Fundamentaljelly the same thing.

      I’m not related to Warren Jeffs, any member of the FLDS or anyone else of note for that matter. I have one half-wit brother, a sister-in-law in Sudbury, Canada, a pocketful of distant relatives in Scotland and that’s about all.

      Take Care and thanks for visiting.


      • 3:12 am

        This half wit of a brother…

        Tell me more.

        • 8:13 am

          Isn’t he the fabulously wealthy one?

          Rich as Croesus, but being true to his Scottish roots won’t spend a single penny of it on his own kith and kin?

          The one whose miserly atitude has turned his own brother into a bitter, twisted old man who lashes out at anyone under the age of 73?

          You mean that brother?

          • 8:27 am

            Yes. Yes, that’s the guy! The dashing, handsome, irresistible and fabulously wealthy brother who is rich as Croesus, but who – with damn good reason – holds back on sharing his wealth with his ne’er-do-well relatives.

            Well done, NobblySan. Thanks for sorting that out.

  24. 9:54 pm

    not to mention that now guys are even shaving their privates….eeeew!

    • Lynn permalink
      10:24 pm

      well this comment tells us a little more about YnBs doesn’t it? 🙂

      • Lily permalink
        11:29 pm

        It certainly does, Ms Lynn (not that I have any idea what she means, of course)

        • Lily permalink
          12:24 am

          ps If she is a she, and not a he!

          • 12:49 am

            Guess it does! Remember that photo you posted a couple of weeks ago, Lynn? That’s the way I like ’em! Hair and all! 😉 Sorry, Crabby, I hope us girls haven’t offended! 🙂

            • 12:50 am

              Lily….I’m a she alright! 🙂

              • Lily permalink
                12:56 am

                Oh I’m glad we cleared that up. Nice to meet you, Ms Yorksnbeans.

                I hope dear Mr Mills doesn’t burst an artery when he reads your comment, lass.

                Best wishes,

                Lily Fossil

            • 1:21 am

              YNB or Lynn, Where’s the link to the manly photo?

              • Lily permalink
                2:07 am

                Goodness gracious me, Ms Claire! What has got into you?

                I hope you will give me plenty of warning before you go linking “manly photos” !

                Best wishes,

                Lily Fossil

                • 3:06 am

                  Oh my. I do apologize, Ms Lily. I just don’t know what got into me. Something about the thought of a nice manly man admist all of the talk of metrosexuals and retrosexuals and whothehellknowsexuals…. I just couldn’t help myself.

                  I’m going to go to Lynn’s blog and find the manly photos.

                  P.S. Lily, I’ll email them to you later. 😉

    • 1:23 am

      Thanks Yorksnbeans,

      So much for my dinner. That put me off my salsbury steak alright.

      I nearly burst an artery when I read your comment (nice call Lily) but I’ve calmed down now. Honestly – what kind of a horse’s ass has the the time or inclination to go and shave his equipment. In my day, the only privates that got shaved were the ones who went overseas to fight for democracy.

      Think I’ll have a liquid dinner tonight.

      All the best


      • 2:31 am

        What’s worse, is that these guys are doing it because they think women like it. They call it a “manscape.” Bleck! It’s gross.

  25. 8:27 pm

    Talking about all kinds of sexual, a High-Court legalized homosexuality in India!

    It was a punishable offence (upto 10 yrs rigorous imprisonment) until the law was changed a few days back.

    Would love to hear your opinion of the same…



    P.S: I’ve been gone too long eh? I’ve missed you pops! Kiss!

  26. Sasha permalink
    8:34 pm

    Dear Don,

    I would like to hear your opinion on why you have the need to determine someones gender or sex? What kind of information does it give you? Does it change your approach to that person knowing that s/he is male or female/boy or girl?

    Any, even though I absolutely do not agree with you about gender bending and think that a time is (finally) coming where we must approach a person without any previous constructions and presumptions, I have to admit that your texts are funny and that it would be great to have a grand-pa like you are.

    Greetings from a teenager and all the best to you 🙂

  27. UglyMoe permalink
    4:50 pm

    Masculine women, and feminine men, which one’s the rooster and which one’s the hen?
    It’s hard to tell ’em apart these days.

    Sung by Cliff Edwards in 1926

  28. YellowRoses610 permalink
    4:16 am

    I suppose you would nto approve my shennigans involving cross dressing.

  29. Mystsong permalink
    9:40 pm

    I’ve started keeping my hair short because, frankly, it just looks better on me. Some girls simply do not have the face for more “traditional” hair styles. On the other hand, I have my ears pierced twice and favor feminine earrings. I also like to wander around in public in dress heels. On the third hand, I’ve begun to tend toward clothing that conceals my -ahem- feminine figure. Why? It’s comfortable and boys my age are more likely to look at my face when I’m talking to them. And I’m not even very well endowed.

    Not all aspects of androgyny are bad. Yes, it’s confusing at times. But shouldn’t everyone have the right to pursue the things they enjoy without being judged for it? And if that means dressing a little funny, well, there are much worse things out there.

  30. Vivi permalink
    2:23 am

    I do not know how I stumbled unto your blog but I am so glad I did. I am LOVING it! The best part of your blogs is when you start off with, “If I had ever…” ’cause I know hilarity is about to ensue. I’m probably in the age bracket of what you may consider “young people” but trust I am in no way offended by your blog. You’re speaking from the heart and it shows. ;o) I would like to think that you’re actually a nice looking 25-30ish year old male with great creative writing skills.

    Oh and this bout did it for me: “If I had ever come home slathered in mascara and eye liner, my old mom would have scrubbed my face clean with a cheese grater and then keeled over dead from the shame of it all.” GENIUS.

    Take care.

  31. Allan jaques permalink
    6:41 am

    what a load of codswallop you go on with, I also came from the era when the only colour men were allowed to wear was white, the times are changing my friend and as for androgny who cares if you can’t tell boys from girls, what difference does it make unless you want to bed them. Now my real bugbear is ties they choke the life right out of you and men are supposed to enjoy them, what the hell is worst in summer are men’s clothing which is made for winter, while women’s clothing is made for summer, the way I see it men should be wearing skirts as the scots with their kilts are revered as the most virile of all men.what I am trying to say is that you should not judge people on the clothes they wear as society dictates. every person has the right to wear what they are comfortable in and that was the reason I went to war,well not really I was drafted.( women were ever drafted.)

  32. momromp permalink
    4:26 am

    Don, another hilarious post. I’ve been reading many of them today and they’ve truly made my day so much better. The only thing that worries me is that my husband says a hell of a lot of things that sound like they could come from you. And he’s only 33. Should I be worried?

    • 7:37 pm

      Thank you momromp for your comments and for taking the time to reader my older posts. Both are greatly appreciated.

      And far from being worried, I think you should be delighted that you’ve married such a sensible young man. He’ll only get better with age!

      Best regards.


      • momromp permalink
        9:48 pm

        Thanks, Don. My husband and I think your blog is outstanding. I suppose my husband is quite sensible. He also makes me laugh, so I suppose I’m quite lucky. Please keep writing!

  33. Dallas Reagen permalink
    11:38 am

    Hello again,

    I noticed that you have unnecessarily capitalized the product iPod. As an All-American correct use of grammar is paramount to a healthy society.

    God bless you sir,

    Dallas Reagen

  34. 5:48 pm

    Oh, why won’t you die, already? You old people are pathetically trying to make everyone straight, be on one side of the gender prism (I forget what it’s called, but that’s my guess), and not express ourselves. Well, gay sex is fucking hot, and anything you say is stupid.

  35. underDmangotree permalink
    8:06 am

    Mr. Mills:

    This is such a funny blog it reminds me of an incident that happened at a Blockbuster store. I took my 2 small children (my son was only 6 yrs old and my daughter was 8 yrs. old at that time. They’re now 10 and 12 yrs. old).

    As we approached the counter to check out the movies, I noticed my children whispering to each other behind me with a very confused look. So, while we’re still waiting in line, I stooped over and asked what it was they looked so worried about. My son whispered in a very quiet voice and asked me (and imagine a very confused look on a small boy) “Mommy, is that person (referring to the employee) a boy or a girl?” I didn’t want to look up because this has been something I was dreading he might ask me one day after seeing this person a few times before. To be honest, I wasn’t sure, either. She/he wasn’t much taller than I (I’m only 5’1), but she is very well-endowed (across the chest, I mean), was on the heavy side, was wearing a collared men’s shirt (if I my mind serves me right, it must have just been their uniform), slacks, very short hair (man’s cut), but had noticeably facial hair that a 14-16 year old boy would have. The thing is, when I went in that store just a few weeks before that day, that person didn’t have that much facial hair – if at all.

    So, going back to my son’s question, I was tongue-tied. I couldn’t tell, either. When she spoke, her/his voice was somewhat neutral – almost like a soft-spoken man or a husky-voiced woman, I really COULD NOT tell. So, I told him I didn’t know and hushed him. But, my darling daughter who always has an answer for everything, whispered back to him and matter-of-factly said “I told you, she’s a HE-SHE”. Still confused, my son asked what it meant, so my daughter continued, “You know, boy on the outside, but girl on the inside.” The expression on my son’s face when he heard that was PRICELESS (I wish I had a video camera rolling), as if a light bulb just went off in his head, his eyes were so wide, his mouth opened and said “OH….. like a transformer?” (referring to the movie or his favorite toy, Transformers). I have never laughed so hard in my life!

    From then on, I tried to explain to them why there are people who choose to be that way, although, even I – have a difficult time understanding or explaining it. Now, we call them “Transformers”. And that’s my true story….

    Thank you for your blog. It’s definitely the highlight of my day after a bad day on Facebook – which – by the way, is another story. I’m going to have to post my comment under the “They’re so damn disrespectful” category.



  36. Stephen Rouse permalink
    7:20 pm

    I found this site by “accident”… and I haven’t stopped laughing for 2 days. I’m trying to read just a few each day so I can keep laughing. This blog makes my day. Whomever you are that writes this…. you have one hell of a talent for writing. 🙂

  37. juan permalink
    7:43 am

    I like to tell people to be unique, and don’t spend your time trying to live up to people’s expectations because we were not put on this earth to please others. I can pretty much make a pretty close estimate on your age just bye viewing your morals and beliefs, but you really should update them because times have changed since the fall of the roman empire.

    • Sedate Me permalink
      2:58 pm

      Actually, you’re dead wrong. Only the names and faces have really changed since the days of the Roman Empire.

      The world was once dominated by their empire. With bases everywhere, its unparalleled military might spanned the globe. It was once a democracy, but it gave up on democracy and few noticed or cared. It’s population payed little attention to anything other than their own self-gratification. They were always chasing after every exciting new trinket made available by the spoils of empire. They fornicated with anything that moved and were obsessed with freak shows and human combat. But the reality was that the Empire spread itself too thin, that they squandered everything and were on the verge of collapse for some time. Those public obsessions were just distractions the ruling classes set up to hide the fact that the barbarian hordes were massing at the gates, that the ruling class had looted the treasury and were ready to flee to luxurious safety at any moment. Their fellow countrymen were on their own.

      Wait, which empire am I describing again? The Roman Empire or the American Empire? I forgot. It’s just so seamless.

      Point is, kid. Nothing has changed. You and your entire generation are nothing special, with the possible exception that you’re probably the Last Nail In The Coffin Generation. Every empire has had one. Now go back to dancing to the fiddle of the One Percenters as this baby burns to the ground.

      • 11:27 pm

        Perfect. Well put, lad.

        • Sedate Me permalink
          2:45 pm

          Thank you, sir.

          As a former History major, it’s always a treat when I can pull out my otherwise useless degree and use it to go pre-medieval on some slack-jawed youngster’s ass.

          To be fair, my education wasn’t completely useless. To play around with the old saying, History has allowed me to see how we doomed we are for repeating the same mistakes over & over.

      • Darbinho permalink
        12:30 pm

        American empire? I know I snooze a lot nowadays but i’d have thought i’d have noticed that. Not to worry. Fine work chaps, keep it up! Regards from Old Blighty.

  38. 5:03 am

    Is this a satire blog, I almost believed this was real but after this…I just can’t possibly believe this is serious. Its satirical right?

  39. Jennifer Marie Blaser permalink
    6:34 am

    Oh boo who!


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  3. Is Don Mills Dead? – Featured E – Magazine

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