Affronts to Old People #2: Blaming Seniors for All that is Wrong with the World
If there is one thing that riles us old folks up it’s when god damned young people start whining about how we’ve ruined the planet for them.
They hold me and my pals at the seniors centre personally responsible for everything from global warming to the price of gas to the cancellation of the O.C.
I’m not sure what they expected to find when they popped out of the womb but it seems they were hoping for a fairy dreamland where Ipods grow on trees in fair-trade forests and smoke stacks puff out giant clouds of marijuana smoke.
According to the young folks, if they’d been in charge over the last hundred years they’d have remedied all of the world’s problems and still had time left over to invent flying skateboards. They’re short on specifics but I’m guessing their master plan would have involved a lot of high level discussion in internet chat rooms among brainiacs with names like “Freakazoid123” and repeated use of the words “random” and “sweet.”
The big ones they’re always carping on about are the Economy and the Environment. Apparently we old folks have destroyed both during our generation-long luau of depravity.
It’s a load of malarkey.
And it seems to me that young people haven’t done anything to improve matters.
Sure, they can spend their parent’s money with reckless abandon but beyond that and a part time job at Dominos Pizza making “crazy bread” and spitting on pizzas I’m not sure they’re doing a Hell of a lot to prop up the economy.
And the Environment? The young people talk a good game but have you ever walked past a school yard? Nothing but styrofoam containers, old bongs and discarded lunch bags as far as the eye can see. And if the state of their bedrooms is any indication of how they plan to treat the planet it’s going to be a short drive to the end of the world.
So, listen, do me a favor and put a lid on the sanctimonious clap trap and stop blaming me and my senior pals. If you’re so damned upset about the state of the world try coming up with some ways to fix it – and stop picking on pensioners who are just trying to enjoy their golden years while keeping young people off of their lawns.
Now I have to run. It’s time for us old folks to go pour lead paint in the water supply and then celebrate at our weekly panda roast.