God Damned Food-Slopping Young People Make Me Sick
The problem with young people today is that they don’t have any table manners.
When I was a lad, the evening meal was a trial by pot roast. There were rules to eating and we were terrified of breaching them. We ate tentatively and fearfully, ever mindful of our peas and social cues.
But these young people today? They’re nothing but uncouth, vulgar, ham-fisted Neanderthals. They storm the dinner table like a barbarian horde descending on an unattended virgin. They sit with their elbows on the table, shirts un-tucked and hands unwashed – yelling at one another while they burp, slurp and fart their way through their evening repast.
And they sure as Hell don’t bother with cutlery. Knives are reserved for mugging seniors, forks are just for picking teeth and the only use they have for a spoon is in boiling up their god damned heroin.
They use their grubby hands to stuff food in their mouths and then leave them hanging open while they slop the contents around for all to see. It’s like watching the rinse cycle of a front loading washing machine.
It’s damned sickening. I’ve been to zoos where the rending of flesh was more civilized for Christ’s sake.
In my day, young people sat with eyes downcast, napkins spread across our laps and elbows tucked to our sides. If I had ever reached my arm across the table my old dad would have cut it off with a steak knife and used the stump to ladle our soup. Etiquette demanded it, for Christ’s sake.
These damned young today people eat exactly the same way they live there lives – sloppily, haphazardly and with all the grace of a circus carnie on a 3-day drunk. I’m telling you, if this disgraceful trend keeps up it won’t be long before we’re nothing but a nation of farm animals gorging ourselves from a communal trough and then rolling around in our own filth afterward.
And that’s a future I just can’t stomach.
They don’t have any table manners. That’s the problem with young people today.