God Damned Young People and Their Video Games Make Me Furious!
The problem with young people today is that they play video games.
Back in my day, we didn’t have video games. My friends and I had sensible toys like BB guns and bowie knives. Wholesome toys that instilled decent values and prepared you to be a productive member of society.
But these young people today…all they do is play the damned video games. Night and day. They’re burrowed away in their dimly lit basements, rotting their brains, ruining their eyesight and developing skin tones normally reserved for corpses and naked mole rats.
It’s insidious and dangerous. All this foolhardy “gaming” is turning them into gormless butterballs while, at the same time, deluding them into thinking that they’re actually capable of doing things.
Well I have news for them. They may be able to throw a 50 yard pass on the “Madden Football,” and kill a man with their bare hands on the “Splinter Cell” but turn the games off and these young people would be hard pressed to pick their own noses without an instruction manual, cheat codes and parental assistance.
The only positive is it keeps them off the streets and out of the way of decent old folks out for a Sunday stroll.
Here’s a video game they might want to try – it’s called “If You Really Want to be a Navy Seal, Get Off Your Ass, Go Outside and Get Some Exercise Junior.”
The way I see it, the best you’ll get from playing 150 hours a week of “Halo” is eye strain, a fat ass and a case of inoperable stupidity. But in the long term, what it’s really doing is creating a generation of anti-social weirdoes, violent sociopaths, introverted nut bars, twitchy endomorphs and good old fashioned useless nerds.
And when they take the helm of this fine country, these young people will be well and truly lost if it doesn’t come with a video game controller.
They play video games. That’s the problem with young people today.