God Damned Young People Never Crack A Book
The problem with young people today is that they don’t read books.
Back in my day, books were an important part of our lives. We read them, cherished them and often gathered to burn them in the town square. They educated, entertained and brought communities together in fear.
My old Dad always had a book in his hands. If you failed a spelling test he’d whack you with a dictionary. Fall asleep in church and he’s brain you with a bible. And God forbid you had trouble in geography because the printed World Atlas could hobble you for days.
We had no choice but to read damn it. It was the only form of entertainment we had other than radio programs, shadow puppetry and the annual trip to see Edna Price, the neon tube swallower at the World Circus Sideshow. Books opened our minds to a world of daring pirates, righteous cowboys and carefully re-written history. We loved them.
Books were also our primary source of learning. We didn’t have the internet and half-assed sources of information like Wikipedia in my day. If we needed facts we went to the library and hauled out a 15-pound dusty tome from the mid-1800s or consulted a 27-volume set of the Encyclopedia Britannica. And let me tell you – if you couldn’t find the answer you were looking for, you weren’t meant to know it.
But these young people today, they don’t read books. They don’t read anything at all beyond text messages and the words printed on the ass of each other’s sweat pants. They wouldn’t recognize a book if you took them to a library, sat them in the adult fiction section and force fed them a hard cover copy of The Grapes of Wrath.
They don’t have time for real reading and can’t fathom trying to digest anything longer than 140 characters in length. They have no damned attention span and aren’t willing to invest time in anything that requires effort, thought or patience.
It’s a damned disgrace and a terrible shame. If this keeps up it won’t be long before libraries become museums and we’ve forgotten how to read entirely. We’ll be nothing more than a nation of illiterate, tweet-farting morons. And as our society crumbles around us the ultimate irony will be that we weren’t even able to read the writing on the wall.
They don’t read books. That’s the problem with young people today.