God Damned Materialistic Young People Drive me to Drink
The problem with young people today is that they’re too materialistic.
In my day young people didn’t own goods and chattel – we were goods and chattel. Our parents owned us and any food, clothes or toys we received were simply on loan in exchange for our blind obedience and manual labor.
Prior to the age of 18 the only thing I owned was my name and even that was a hand me down from my father and subject to repossession if I stepped out of line.
But these young people today? They have an almost insatiable need to own everything they can lay their greedy little fingers on. They seem to view life as a contest to see who can acquire the most stuff in the shortest period of time and then die sitting atop the largest pile of useless crap.
I didn’t want fancy clothes and electronics when I was a lad – all I wanted was to avoid polio and to live to see adulthood. I had a single pair of pants from the time I was four until I was 13 and can still squeeze my wrinkly ass into a pair of 6X trousers if I damn well need to.
But nowadays young people think they’re entitled to 10 of everything. Televisions, hats, slacks, fingers – you name it. They stagger through the outlet malls like an army of credit card clutching zombies – arms outstretched, mouths agape, blindly pulling items off the shelves with no idea of what they actually want; just an all encompassing sense of need.
If I had ever told my old mom that I wanted a 2nd pair of sneakers she’d have hobbled me with a meat tenderizer and relieved me of my need for shoes entirely. And she’d have been correct to do so.
What these young people really “need” to purchase is a moral compass, half a brain and a lick of self-restraint. It’s a shame they don’t sell those particular items at Abercrombie and Fitch or every young person on the planet would be clamoring to get their hands on some. And let me tell you – there’s certainly a god damned need.
They’re too materialistic. That’s the problem with young people today.