God Damned Young People and Their Cell Phones Make Me Furious!
The problem with young people today is that they all have cell phones.
Back when I was a boy, we didn’t carry phones with us. In my day phones weighed 10 pounds, had rotary dials and were firmly attached to your father’s desk. They were phones of substance, damn it.
We young people weren’t allowed to use the phone. Ever. It was there for emergencies or special occasions like the death of a relative. If I had ever told my dad I wanted to cart a phone around with me he would have strapped a phone booth to my back, kicked my ass out the back door and told me to call him when I got to Hell.
In my day, if you wanted to talk to a friend you walked across the street and spoke to him in person. Archaic? Perhaps. But it was free and it didn’t give you brain cancer.
But these young people today. You’d swear they had cell phones grafted into their palms at birth. They walk down the street blathering away on their blueberries and blacktooths like a bunch of chattering howler monkeys out on a day pass from the zoo.
And what they Hell are they talking about all the time anyway? Last time I checked, young people had nothing of consequence to say, no opinion worthy of vocalizing and no ideas that weren’t half-baked, half-witted or completely half-assed.
If I wanted to listen to inane teen banter I’d go talk to the staff at Old Navy. I sure as Hell don’t need to listen to the idiotic musing of every young person riding the Downtown 34 Express bus. You know what? I don’t care what dumbass boy you “like,” what flavour lip gloss you’re wearing, or want to be subjected to your moronic debate on the relative merits of the new Hannah Montana moving picture.
Here’s an incoming message for you: “Shut the Hell up, you’re annoying me.”
It’s a terrible disgrace and the death of decent conversation. The young people should hang up their phones, button their mouths and just listen for a while. They may damned well learn something.
They all have cell phones. That’s the problem with young people today.