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God Damned Giant Teenagers Get my Goat

The problem with young people today is that they are too tall.

When I was a boy I was short. Damned short. Stunted, you might say. And so were my friends.

I was 4’2” until my last year of high school, for Christ’s sake, and I was captain of the basketball team.

My dad was the tall one and if I tried to get bigger than my size-three britches before my time he’d have thumped me senseless and been right to do it. It’s disrespectful. He called me “short stack” or “shorty” or “hey you” and I was grateful for the attention.

You’re not supposed to be taller than your old man until he starts to stoop over from age and is ready for a rocker and long afternoons sipping iced tea spiked with gin.

But these kids today…six feet tall before they’re out of grade school and lumbering around the playground in size 22 Keds like a pack of slack-assed Godzillas.

It’s disrespectful and a crime against nature.

People say it’s steroids in meat and milk that are making these kids so damned tall but I don’t buy that load of crap for a minute. It’s arrogance, video games and the MTV – pure and simple.

I didn’t grow unless my parents told me to. I asked permission before I grew and if my dad was pissed from a bad day at work and told me not to – I didn’t dare.

But not these kids today. They don’t understand fear, or respect.

They just grow willy-nilly without any concern for public decency or proper morals. And believe me, when we are living in a world populated by teenage giants running around with their oversized pants and enormous fountain drinks you are all going to be sorry you didn’t heed my warning.

And that is the problem with young people today.

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141 Comments leave one →
  1. Laura Hedgecock permalink
    4:40 pm

    Thanks for that. My son just turned 15 and is 6′. It’s a freak of nature and downright disrespectful.

    • 6:05 pm

      Dear Mrs. Hedgecock
      First of all, lolcocksarehot.
      But anyway, you can’t control how people grow. It’s genetic, which means that you’re a freak of nature, too.

  2. 4:54 pm

    Thank you Mrs. Hedgecock. Keep an eye on that boy, he could be trouble.

    • 4:55 pm

      I never know when you are being satirical or just …

      • Buck permalink
        12:11 am

        He being just …

        I too have tried to figure it out. Sorry. More hate here than funny. So sad.

  3. lakezigzag permalink
    10:59 pm

    Mr. Mills,

    I’ve saved your blog onto my favorites and will check back regularly. Love your post. Thanks.


  4. maliaann permalink
    11:53 pm

    Let’s hear it for short people. Yay!

  5. 7:39 pm

    This is hilarious. I can’t wait for more. Now I’m learning why kids make me crazy.

    • 7:52 pm

      Thanks very much Joan.

      Them kids have no shortage of ways to make you nuts and that’s for damned sure.

      Appreciate your kind words.


  6. 9:43 pm

    My fourteen year old is about 6’2″. He towers over me. I told him to knock it off and he grew more just to spite me! Doesn’t he realize how expensive it is to buy new shoes every two weeks? And he’s taken to calling me “shorty”. I’m nearly 6 ft tall myself and NO ONE has ever referred to me as “shorty”. That’s it, when he goes to sleep tonight, I’m going to shrink wrap him back down to a more respectable 5’3″.

    • 9:49 pm

      That’s the ticket Mrs. Collins. Good on you and have at ‘er!

      6’2″ at fourteen? Good Christ you could have stacked three of us atop one another at that age and we’d still have barely reached 5 feet!

      Something has to be done.

      Thanks for visiting. Please let me know how you make out.

  7. 12:50 am

    You may want to sit down for this one Don! Are you sitting?? I’m almost emberrased to say this to you as I’m scared of what you may think of me but my son is HONESTLY 6’10” tall at 17 years old. He wears size 17 shoe and can eat probably more than you can imagine.

    It’s funny because I’m only 5’9″. People think we are bullshitting them when they find out I’m his father. LOL

    • 2:36 am

      Holy Christ. A size 17 shoe? My first house was smaller than that!

      Gary, what the hell is going on here?

      • 3:07 am

        I don’t know?? It’s just CRAZY innit Don???

        • Anonymous permalink
          8:28 pm

          maybe hes part tree

          • Logan permalink
            4:53 pm

            Wow this is one of the funniest comments I’ve ever read! Thank you.

    • 2:32 pm

      Might there be a basketball or baseball scholarship in the offing? If so, you can then make an exception.

  8. oldpeopleareweird permalink
    8:37 pm

    Wow, It’s funny how all the comments are from old people that agree and say things like “yeah, kids are totally off their rockers!” .
    Let me put it this way.
    I am 16, 5 foot 8 inches, and I’m standing up for teens. All this crap on this blog is so stereotypical. Yeah, we’re tall and like to dress the way we want, but we’re all right in the head! Just don’t even try to understand how we feel about life and what’s going on inside our heads! You and everybody else who’s not a teen will never understand what being a teen is all about. We don’t even know what being a teen is all about.
    There’s no corrupt gene, no subliminal messages, no nothing! We’re just trying to get used to everything changing around us! The world seems like it’s all about to implode on you and sometimes it gets really hard being teenage! You know what? IT SUCKS! Stupid hormones and puberty trying to kill us all.
    Oh, and I’ll think I will leave off with a quote of yours…

    “It’s disrespectful and a crime against nature.”

    Well guess what? YOU’RE DISRESPECTFUL AND A CRIME AGAINST NATURE. I’m very offended. Go f*** yourself.

    Good Day. :angry:

    • oldpeopleareweird permalink
      8:42 pm

      Wow, I’m sorry. Major testosterone rush there.
      I still don’t agree with your opinions, though. It’s all of this stereotypical nonsense.

    • 10:54 pm

      Damn it but I like you boy! You have spunk.

      And good for you for standing up for your fellow teens (thought at 5’6″ we may have a hard time picking you out of the crowd).

      All the best


      • 1:39 am

        Well said, oldpeopleareweird. And what I mean is, oh my god a teenager who can form complete sentences and pretty much get a coherent thought across! It’s amazing! And glorious! Except possibly for the overuse of exclamation points.

    • Greg permalink
      4:15 am

      Dude, chill.

    • Madison permalink
      3:13 am

      OMG, idiot boy. Too bad you dumbass modern kids are too dense to get humor.

      • 5:52 am

        Exactly why we are growing up and inventing the things you use every day. Now you know you guys had no idea what a computer was back in 1765. Primitive, yet you call the ones that are changing the world “dense” and “stupid.” The most “dense” and “stupid” kids you see today that act unruly and wild are usually the smartest ones. I’m starting to REALLY not look forward to getting old. Then there will be nothing but this senseless bitterness, ignorance and stereotypical behavior surrounding me.

      • Buck permalink
        12:14 am

        Perhaps the misunderstanding is due to the fact that its just not funny.

    • 5:05 am

      How is growing tall disrespectful?

    • Mel permalink
      2:48 pm

      totally agree with you
      this is actually so offensive

    • 11:03 pm

      Nice job Randy!

      Hell of a blog. Sorry you’ve been down lately. Hopefully I haven’t contributed to your angst too much. Sounds like some fresh air and deep knee bends might be just the thing to pick you up.

      So “Randy Bush” is your handle is it? I shook hands with a Randy Bush once and I can honestly say it was one of the best experiences of my life. What a coincidence…after all, it’s not every day that a Randy Bush drops into you lap.

      And what a great name! I’d consider changing the blog name to “the Randy teenager” or “The Wide World of Bush.”

      Both have a hell of a ring and will likely draw a crowd of like-minded studious youngters to your fine site.

      All the best Randy Bush. I hope you return. I’d love to hear from you again.

      • 7:29 pm

        Don, I must say that your last comment is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while. You are a gem. Can’t wait to read your next post.


      • 9:44 pm

        Sheer class, Mr Don…sheer class.

      • oldpeopleareweird permalink
        11:39 pm

        Well, hey. I guess you’re not that bad yourself. You make for some very entertaining blog material!

  9. Sol permalink
    9:59 pm

    Wow. This blog is just stupid. It’s disrespectful and a crime against nature to be tall? Well, oh my gods, go throw every basketball player in the world in jail. Go yell at their parents for having strong genetics.

    “I didn’t grow unless my parents told me to.” Um.. What? I assume from that statement of ignorance that you know nothing about genetics or biology. A human body is going to grow, regardless of whether anyone “allows” it or not. There is no physical way possible for anyone to stop their own body from growing (Except in countries like China where they used to tie the children’s feet to keep them small.) There is no real way to keep yourself from growing. Only an outside force can keep you from growing so that statement is just ignorant and utterly pointless.

    This whole blog is basically ignorant and pointless. Yes, let’s blame MTV, video games, and arrogance for something that no one has control over. If a child is going to be tall, it’s in their DNA. No TV, Video game, or attitude is going to inhibit or progress that gene any further.

    For the record, I just turned 21. I’m 5’11; my brother is 6’5; my father is 6’2; and my mother is 5’10. It’s genetics. Has nothing to do with any of the bullshit that you rambled on about in this blog.

    Kids today are disrespectful because their parents are lazy asses that won’t raise their voice, much less a hand, belt or paddle, to their children like my parents did. I got my ass beat if I stepped a toe over the line. All children need to be raised like that, then they won’t be disrespectful. I’ve never cursed at my parents, hit them, I’ve rarely yelled at them. I have respect for my elders because I was taught to. If I didn’t show respect, I was spanked when I got home. All of the parents that have agreed with you, I would bet money that none of them have ever spanked or yelled at their kids. I would bet they just roll over and allow their kids to do whatever in hell they want. That’s why they’re disrespectful.

    • 11:01 pm

      You make some good points there Sol…damn good. Nice to see a young man take these issues as seriously as I do. And you’re obviously very smart and extremely perceptive.

      I try, Sol, I damn well try to present my heartfelt beliefs in a balanced and factual manner. This is socially important, Sol, and I research these blogs carefully before posting. No fooling around here.

      If you see factual errors I want…no Sol, I need you to point them out to me. You can keep me in check.

      You seem like a smart young man with a good head on your shoulders.



      • Sol permalink
        4:55 am

        Well I’m actually a girl, but thank you. I try to be at least semi-intelligent in my responses to things. Now although I do disagree with most of the things you have said in this blog, and in a few others that I have been reading, I do respect your opinion enough to not throw a fit and yell at you like I’ve seen others do. All they’re doing, especially if they are young kids, is prove you right- they’re just proving how disrespectful and unintelligent they can be.


    • 9:40 pm


      I’m a youthful 50 and 5’6″.

      My son is 20 and 6’3″.

      You can’t argue with numbers.

      Genetics my arse!

      Although… we did have that tall postman that used to call a lot after I’d gone out to work, and that was about 21 years ago.

      Maybe you’re onto something…. you and that Darwin bloke.

      • Ryan permalink
        12:11 am

        The height a person is infact entirely due to genetics. I hope by saying “genetics my arse” you are being sarcastic. If you arent then you have displayed a brand new kind of stupid. Do you really think that we have a switch that suddenly makes us start growing. Its ironic that you people complain about the youth being stupid but you think humans can control their growth.

    • Art permalink
      5:57 pm

      Sol: Chill son, this is what is known as permitted hyperbole. You get better at it with age. My 4 sons accused me of being overly sarcastic,(a more unfriendly form of communication utalizing hyperbole). They now wear t-shirts which say:” Sarcasem, only one of the services we offer”. Try it, it’s fun. Think of a funny way to describe a situation using a little exageration.

    • 6:56 pm

      I am not disrespectful or rude, and my parents never smacked me, they just told me if i did something wrong.

  10. ROFLOL permalink
    2:50 am

    You know what? Go f* yourself. I’m 16 years old and i’m 6’3″.
    You’re calling me a freak of nature? The way people look at me in the highschool hallway gives me the same feeling. I didn’t ask to be tall, nor do I want to be tall. If height alterations were the way you put them Don, I would have told myself to stop growing when i was 5’8″ at the age of 13.
    I have my whole highschool thinking that I’m a freak. Now I have an old man’s posted blog saying that I’m a freak, that I’m sex-crazed and all that bullshit. It makes us “freakishly” tall people feel oh so great about ourselves, especially during puberty.
    Am I disrespectful to my mother because I’m taller than her? I respect my mother. No one deserves more respect than she does. If being shorter than her would be more respectful, I’d cut off my legs you bastard.
    Blame arrogance, MTV, and video games for anything other than this one, old man. Like the sex-crazed teen “problem”. I use quotations there because it’s anything but a problem. Well yes, teen pregancies are bad. But they’re just ignorant retards who can’t use a condom properly.

    • 3:14 am

      Jesus ROFOL, You crack me up. I like you.

      “I’d cut off my legs you bastard.” That’s a damned nice gesture and pretty darned dramatic. You may have screenplays in your future. Or afterschool specials. Think on it lad. There’s money to be made in Hollywood.

      I have to hand it to you. You make a damned strong case. Just to be clear though – and I know that sometimes this can be confusing – I wasn’t speaking about YOU specifically. Okay? With me so far Tiger?

      I truly wish I could be more tolerant and make fewer generalizations. I mean, take a look at the pregnancy issue. You cut through my bluster and cruel accusations and lay responsibility firm where it belongs, with the “ignorant retards.” Your a sensitive young man and I apologize if I offended you.

      Give ’em Hell little man!


      Thank God you

      • ROFLOL permalink
        12:15 am

        I guess I went a little bit over the edge there. I know you weren’t talking about me as an individual, but I was speaking on behalf of all teenagers. It’s not my fault that I’m taller, it’s not your fault either. If I were to point the finger of blame, it would be towards the generation between us that decided to pump chickens full of growth hormones. Am I right?!
        I won’t lie, I was pretty offended with the “Freaks of nature” and “disrepectful”, but you are entitled to your opinion (no matter how crazy it is). Although I’m no grown man I know some rules of manhood, one of them : argue and debate at will, brawl if you must, crack a beer together after the matter is dealt with.
        So cheers to you old man!
        PS – You say you research these topics very well before you post… Where in hell did you get these facts?!?

      • ROFLOL permalink
        12:18 am

        And for the record, I do love this set of blogs you have. I WILL be back to debate.

  11. Kenni permalink
    3:44 am

    haha. this is a great blog. its a different experience to see a topic from someone else’s point of view. i have to say, i agree with you on teen sex and tattoos (they freak me out at times). however, i am not one to call a tall person a freak of nature. sol up there has alredy said a lot of my opinions on this. im 14 and am nearly 6′ and very respectful to my elders. my height was from a healthy dose of vitamin c every day when i was younger. never taken an ounce of steroids in my life. being taller than your elders, i could see how that could be seen as disrespectful. but for many people, height is something gained from a healthy lifestyle and/or good genes. just wanted to state my opinions. id love to see your position on other topics! ^_^
    also, the cursing could be toned down a bit. its just not nice, spoken or typed.

  12. Sean permalink
    5:35 am

    LMAO, I’m 17 and all I can say is this blog is FUCKING HILARIOUS. Keep up the good work old man!

    • 1:24 am

      Now, Sean…

      Please son. Easy on the F word and a “Mr.” wouldn’t go amiss either.

      Thanks for the kind words though lad.

    • 5:34 am

      Thank goodness someone can see the humour. So many serious types in here!

  13. WilliamRansom permalink
    9:11 pm

    I have to say… I am VERY impressed by the way my fellow teenagers have responded to your posts. I think that anything that can inspire such ferocity and meaningful debate is well worth the effort you are putting into it.

    Keep up the posts Ron!!!


    • 1:25 am

      Thanks William,

      They’re a passionate crew, no doubt about it.

      All the best

      Don (Ron is my brother)

  14. MnM permalink
    9:05 am

    Damn those kids, they have a more ample supply of food and nutrition letting them grow! You old folks like wars right? Lets start another one so we can ration our food, that’ll keep the future little runts from growing to their full potential!

    • 1:32 am

      Goodness, It’s MnM again.

      Thanks for the comment lad. Sorry I didn’t get to it sooner but I’ve been having problem with my hips. But you kids don’t care about my joints.

      And, sure, yeah, we old folks like wars.

      Any ideas on who we might want to fight? How about the Belgians? I hate their waffles. Taste like god damned rubber. Or how about the Swiss. They’re not much on fighting and they have some damned nice cheese. Old people like war but we love cheese.

      Where was I?

      Anyway, glad to see a young person actually using their noggin and coming up with ideas.

      Thanks lad. Good to see you again..

  15. Natovr permalink
    6:27 pm

    I’m short, but I’m suddenly growning very tall 🙂 same size as my sister now, and she’s almost 18. I’m about 2 years younger.

    You can’t control it.

    This post is hilarious 🙂 I like your blog, very funny

  16. JoelSanchez permalink
    5:11 am

    I understand your point of view Mr. Mills, but i am short my self 5′ 4″. In all honesty i would like to grow taller but there is no real way to accomplish that. Your blog has brought many people to respectfully debate their opinions and that is the reason why i am going to come back and visit your blog daily.

  17. Tom permalink
    3:33 pm

    I’m 13 and im about 5′ but many people are bigger and smaller than me !
    We’re not freaks of nature it is merely genetics , so sorry if i don’t meet your standards !

    Maybe I’ll ” ask my parents if i can grow ” so that i can ‘ get your goat

    I am very insulted and I will be dropping in and DISagreeing what you have to say daily so…

    P.S In the UK we don’t Watch MTV , So you’re theory is Wrong ( HAHA )
    My theory is you don’t like us because , Of the bullying you had when you were in your youth – ain’t that rite shorty ! ;P

    • Devon-Anya permalink
      4:02 pm

      I grow when I grow and there isn’t anything anybody can do about it. I’m 13 and I’m 5 foot 5 and yes, I may be alot taller than some of my friends (including you, Tom =D), but I don’t see it as a problem. It just singles me out as being an individual – nobody wants to be the same as everybody else. I wouldn’t care if I was small, it doesn’t matter!

    • lurcherboy permalink
      10:03 pm

      This is a Joke , To you don – Of course 😛

  18. Animadi permalink
    7:03 am

    I love reading your posts, in fact your entire blog is a pleasure to read!
    You know what I think is wrong with kids today:
    They don’t grasp satire.
    Just an opinion.

  19. Oldwrinkly permalink
    5:21 am

    U tellim’ Don!!!!!… I’m 57 & 5’7 that means my son should be 2’1 tall…OH NOOOO my son is 6’3 …HOW disrespectful!!!!!. If I could reach his backside I’d place my 71/2 shoe fairly between it. Speaking of which my dearly departed 5’7 dad would give me 2 belting’s a day for what I did.. & one in case I secretly grew while he was at work.
    YES!!! video games, KFC, ipods, Maca’s etc….& whats with the damn pants around the their ginger, pubes & crack galore…hand me the bucket..mmmpf.
    Now he’s hungry 24/7 he eats more than a third world country.
    A what’s with the “conversation” ..”nah” ..”yep”.. “nothin'”..”dunno” why did I spend all that money sending him to school!!!???:P
    The social & economic ramifications are enormous of a planet of GIANTS!!!
    I’m glad to say I was 5’6 & 3/4 till my dear old dad died (sniff)… then reached my lofty 5’7 I am today.
    Teenagers!!!! I wish they’d go back to where they come from!!!!!!

    • 11:25 pm

      Many thanks for the comment Oldwrinkly,

      I have to say that oldwrinkly was my dear wife Aggie’s pet name for me (when she wasn’t calling me old bastard).

      And good on you for waiting until you dad had passed before growing that final quarter inch. You’re obviously a good man and I’m delighted to make you acquaintance.

      Now, to answer your question (below) I believe you need to have a wordpress account in order to upload your photo. I don’t think you need to register a blog but you do need an account. If you go to the main wordpress site (there is a link on my home page) you should be able to get any instructions or help you may need.

      All the best.


  20. Oldwrinkly permalink
    5:31 am

    If it’s not a rude question….how do I upload my photo….For heavens sakes!!!!!!

  21. Oldwrinkly permalink
    7:24 am

    Thanks Don, it’s nice to meet a bloke with old fashion values. Love your blog.

  22. 4:51 am

    My wife is now baby sitting a 4 year old who is one foot for every year of age. He is the size of an 8 year old. It’s crazy.

  23. 1:42 am


    I was 5’1” when I was thirteen…..and am still 5’1”. I’m the petite kind, and the only thing I can say is I’m really good at maneuvering around tight places, and can hide in small places………believe it or not that is good for little women.

    I couldn’t stand that song that was popular in the early 80’s…..”Short people got no reason, short people got no reason to live”. I forgot the guys name who sang that….and if I ever meet him I might pounce on him and beat the crap out of him for writing such a mean song.

    Yes, I believe the kids these days are freakishly tall and huge… isn’t normal.

  24. The Tour De Force permalink
    4:48 pm

    I’m a teenager. I’m not too tall. I have no tattooes. I dress sensibly. I don’t mumble. I am completely literate and computer literate and socially wise. My hair is normal. I’ve never been high. I respect all those who earn it. I don’t have a nickname. My posture is perfect. I rarely swear (unlike you). I have no piercings. I don’t play video games. I’M NOT OVERWEIGHT. I hate rap. I’m an early riser. I don’t gamble. Owning a gun is illegal in the UK. I’m aware of my sex. I can’t wait to move out. I have two jobs. I don’t look at porn. I’m a dance student – proper dance, by the way. I like beer; not too sissy. I read constantly. I save money to buy my own things. There’s a lot I’m afraid of. I don’t pretend I know everything. My table manners are impeccable. I value my friends and family above posesssions. I have so much ambition – just read my ‘About’ section. I’m never afraid to get dirty.


    My friends are sex obsessed. I’m not old enough to drive yet. Hot drinks go straight through me. I rant regularly about politics, particularly with our lame coalition government. I have OCD. I do have a cell phone, and a pretty one at that. I don’t understand romance and I don’t know if I ever will. I do like the occasional cocktail. And the World Wide Web means I can know everything about anything at the click of a mouse.

    So I guess nobody is perfect.

    • 12:55 pm

      Many thanks Tour De Force.

      An excellent comment and I appreciate your sharing it with me. I like a young person that can address issues promptly and directly without wasting time or using rude words. It’s quite refreshing.

      All the best and thanks for visiting.


    • FAIRY FACE permalink
      1:20 pm

      Well you pretty much are and what a nice change.

  25. Miki permalink
    6:13 pm

    I’m 13, female, 5’8, I have a purple streak in my hair, and I gotta say, this blog is pretty funny. My mom’s friends are always making jokes about how tall I am. After a while it gets old, but I just roll with it.

    But I listen to rock. All the time. Does that mean I’m gonna die?

  26. shyla thomas permalink
    1:45 am

    I have a 14 year old boy who’s 6’1 and has a size 17 shoe! I didn’t even know that was possible. I think I might need to start building an extra room in my house just for his skis, I mean shoes:)

  27. 3:55 pm

    I’m 16 and I’m quite short for my age. I have to look upwards to talk to most people. I have platform shoes that make me taller, but not much taller.

  28. dejan permalink
    11:29 am


  29. Persianbambina permalink
    5:43 am

    By far the funniest blog…thank you!

  30. Emma permalink
    6:18 am

    I’m five feet tall.
    And I am not getting much taller.
    So feel happy. Some of us are actually midgets.

  31. musingsofagirlinspain permalink
    8:13 pm

    I am 28 and 6 ft 1. I have been 6 ft 1 since I was about 15. And I’m a girl. Being tall was the bane of my life until the age of about 21 when I realised it wasn’t as bad as being ginger.

  32. 2:25 am

    Mr. Don, I’m so glad I found your blog. I’m one of the teenagers that you always talk about and I laugh hysterically at your writing. And it’s not funny just because you’re funny, but because it’s true. I’m 5ft 2in, and I’m one of the shortest in my middle school class. My friend’s only a half-a-year older than me, but yet she is almost a foot taller than me. It’s strange because the grade below us is atleast 6 inches below my head level. And then the grade above us is taller than us by 10 inches. Maybe the generations just get taller then smaller again.

    You also pick some of the most common things to pick at teenagers like the way they dress and their video game obsessions. Teenagers these days wear those fancy $150 Uggs along with shorts that are way too short and jeans that will probably rip from being so dang tight around their thighs. And I’m surrounded by boys when I’m at my locker, so all I ever hear is “Hey, are you gonna be livestreaming tonight? and then “Yeah, I’ll even have my headsets on and everything!” I love video games and all, but not to the point where I’ll ask my friends if we wanna kill each other with pixels using some technology called an Xbox Live 360. Besides, that would be a mouthful.

    Again, awesome job on the rants. They’re very humorous and I get joy out of reading them.

  33. W.Smith84 permalink
    11:36 pm

    I love this blog! I think it’s the right, nay the responsibility of all the lingering members of a generation facing the ensuing dusk to be appalled and confused by the “behavior” of it’s successors.

    I may only be a green 30 year old “tattooed freak” but I champion you pith, I feel there’s a lot to learn here!

  34. W.Smith84 permalink
    11:38 pm

    Oh and am I too tall for my own good at 185cm, or are the doorways too short?!

  35. Woman permalink
    12:26 am

    HA HA!!! You said willy nilly!!! That phrase is very much under used these days!!!! I’ve been over 6’1 since I turned 9. Darn tootin I respected my father and feared his belt… but the hormones didn’t seem to listen!!!!

  36. shyla permalink
    2:57 pm

    “My son has grown again!He won’t be 15 until the end of August and is now 6’3”, and a size 18 shoe! I can’t even find him any shoes for track. Well, at least I’ll never have to worry about having to reach for anything:)

  37. A. B. permalink
    7:09 pm


    I must respectfully disagree with this post. Human beings in industrialized nations have grown taller over time because society has provided them better nutrition.
    And I must also criticize this post because it’s one big non-sequitur: I agree with you that our youth has a lot of problems when it comes to morals and decency, but as far as height influencing social conduct? It doesn’t follow.


    – A.

  38. 7:43 pm

    I know you’re probably joking, but I’d just like to say that it’s really not our fault that we grow. I am a teenager, and yes, I’m tall, but really, it’s not like I chose to grow.
    And you’re generalizing. My best friend who happens to be almost two years older than me and also a teenager (16 to be exact), and she’s REALLY short. Even shorter than my 12 year old brother, to be exact.
    And she gets a lot of crap for being short (I should know, I give some of it to her), so how about instead blaming the people who pressure us teens to be tall?

    And you say this is a crime against nature? Try blaming nature instead of teenagers.

    Either ways though, I’m subscribing to this blog, your posts are absolutely hilarious, and It’ll be lots of fun to rebut them whenever I have the time. After of course all of the homework and other DIFFICULTIES there are of being a teenager. It’s probably easy to be a senior citizen……

  39. Sam747 permalink
    6:24 am

    Gee, all these while I thought I am alone thinking why young people are getting taller and taller ! You were too huh??? I am 5’3 all these years….pity huh?

  40. thinkingofapseudonym permalink
    3:06 am

    My husband and I (30 and almost 29, respectively) have been howling with laughter over your blog. But I cannot BELIEVE the silly indignation of–what–under-20-years-old people? They’re probably more of the same who would look at me blankly when I told a joke. I love how they get so high and mighty in cracking the whip at you for being so foolish as to think ________. And people said *I* was literal! 🙂

    Anyway…I’m going to guess you’re somewhere between 32 and 34. I have a hard time picturing a cranky person of your purported age being motivated to maintain a blog for our entertainment.

    But thanks!

    Also, how can I tell which post is the most recent? The one on the top in the right hand column? I’m not seeing dates.

  41. Markie permalink
    6:48 pm

    Woah Sir! Now your complaining that teenagers are to tall…i mean what’s wrong with that?!
    in my place when your tall your parents is proud of you…my big brother is taller than my father but he never lose respect to my father and my father is proud of my big brother,now my big brother has finished his college and now his working. For your information not all teenagers at this days are lazy and unambitious.There is still kids or teenagers like me ”mm”
    who still dream to be the best of the best of myself with the help of Our God. Godbless you Sir!

  42. Nameless Hero permalink
    5:23 am

    Someone Please Tell me this closeminded bullshit is a fucking joke…

    I’m 6’6 and this is fucking bullshit. My dad always said the one thing in life I had to do was to be better than him in everyway, especially in how tall I was. I am fucking proud to say I’m taller than him. If this blog isn’t a joke then you take your fucking bigotry and shove it so far up your ass you fucking choke on it. I seriously fucking doubt height has anything to do with the problems in society.

    “People say it’s steroids in meat and milk that are making these kids so damned tall but I don’t buy that load of crap for a minute. It’s arrogance, video games and the MTV – pure and simple”
    It’s ignorance like that which causes some of the greatest and most artistic expressions in life to be cancelled, ended, or ruined. If you don’t like what you see, why don’t you change the goddamn channel rather that spew that garbage. I don’t bitch about that show Antique hunters or any old time books you probably read, how about you mind your own goddamn business and stop blaming the things people my age enjoy, like movies, music and video games.

    • Sedate Me permalink
      3:49 pm

      So, being taller is the only way you’ve improved on your pops? Mission Accomplished!

      You can go back to tweeting some guy in Bangkok about your latest game of Call Of Duty now, knowing that you have reached your pinnacle.

      • Nameless Hero permalink
        4:16 pm

        No you idiot, I’ve improved in many other ways, height is what this guy was talking about here so I figured I’d stay on topic.

        I’m not saying video games and twitter are the be all and end all of existance, I’m saying mind your fucking business when someone else enjoys something. Don’t shit on it just because you don’t like it. I personally despise religion but I don’t go out shouting about how much of a croc of shit religion is at every chance I get. I hate American idol, I think that show is full of talentless people and I think it’s pathetic that more people watch that than bother to vote, but again, I don’t call up the networks all day long shouting “CANCEL THAT FUCKING SHOW.” No I don’t, I let those who enjoy it, enjoy it. People who blame video games as the problem are simply close minded bigots who can’t be bothered to find the real problem with society and simply want something easy they can blame.

        As I said before, I don’t think video games are the be all and end all. Personally I spend more time playing guitar than I do video games.
        And I also personally dislike Call of Duty. (Note the lack of me talking shit about it on it here.)

        • Simon permalink
          9:11 pm

          Stop bad mouthing religion and American Idol. You idiotic tall people think you know it all. But you don’t! Moron.

          • Nameless Hero permalink
            4:16 pm

            I’m not bad mouthing it you dumbass. I’m pointing out I personally don’t like it but I don’t say anything bad or blame it for stupidity (much like yours) because others enjoy it.
            You fucking ignorant people need to shut up. If only because you can’t even read and understand what I’m saying properly.
            By the way, your come-back “You idiotic tall people think you know it all. But you don’t! Moron.” That was really clever and intelligent. Have you thought about writing a book? Perhaps you could call it, “The nonsensical ramblings of an ignorant asshole whose opinions and thoughts are more detrimental to the progress of society than fucking slavery.”

            • Sedate Me permalink
              8:00 pm

              “You fucking ignorant people need to shut up.”

              Hey, maybe he’s starting to come around.

        • Sedate Me permalink
          7:54 pm

          You should being going off on American Idol, Call of Doodie, religion and all that other stupid bullshit you speak of. Instead, you criticize others for being critical, even of the very things you describe as bullshit. Your criticism of people for being critical is hypocritical by its very nature, especially when you let slip that you are critical of some of the very things criticized. (Your “lack of talking shit” about the things you describe as bullshit was duly noted.)

          It also is severely lacking in the logic department. If I criticize people for engaging in something they enjoy, according to you, that is wrong. But if I enjoy the act of criticizing them (which I most certainly do!), then you criticizing me should be equally wrong. As such, I fully expect you to post something critical of your criticism of my criticism. And that should be followed by an apology to yourself for being critical of yourself.

          You say the root of the problem is not that people enjoy engaging in stupid behaviours. Stupid is as stupid does. Those who do stupid foster the growth of the stupid within themselves. A society full of stupid people is a society that makes stupid decisions. Pointing that fact out may be pointless, but it ain’t stupid.

          Likewise, the root of societal problems is not my critisim, so why attack it? I’m not an idiot for attacking idiocy. You’re the idiot for criticizing people for assailing idiotic things even you seem critical of.

          Perhaps, what’s going on is that you have abdicated your responsibilty to criticize that which is worthy of criticism, (ie mind numbing bullshit) and you are trying to assuage your guilt by attacking those who are picking up your slack.

          Evil triumphs when good men say nothing. As does bullshit.

          But congratulations on being tall because that is a highly prized personality trait in this ass backward society that values useless bullshit. Or maybe I should keep my opinion of that under wraps too?

          • 1:10 am

            I really do admire your responses to the young people, Sedate Me. They’re in a class all their own.

            I just pour a glass of rye after dinner, turn on the computer, sit back and laugh, shake my head and laugh some more. You’re a pip.

    • 4:44 am

      Hey, you….Shh.
      I’m really glad you can reach the things on the top shelf, but your opinion on this blog means nothing to me or anyone else. And I’m sure Mr. Mills doesn’t care either.

  43. 4:42 am

    You, sir, are absolutely hilarious. I will be subscribing to all of your blog posts! Have a good day!

  44. Simon permalink
    6:31 pm

    Ah, glad you cleared that up, Nameless Zero.

    So, we are agreed then: There is a difference between badmouthing something (like the way you did American Idol and Jesus) if you couch it by saying “I personally don’t like it.” Great! Now that we’ve cleared that up, I’d like to add that I personally don’t like tall people because they are all feces gargling pituitary freaks.

    Not that I’m bad mouthing you. I’m just pointing out that I personally don’t think much of your IQ and your odd habit of rinsing your mouth with shit; but wait, let me be clearer – I certainly don’t blame you for your stupidity. Because as everyone knows, all tall people are stupid. It’s a scientific fact. Anyway, apropos of nothing… Guess the air is pretty thin up there, huh?

    Oh, and by the way, I loved your comeback. And thanks for quoting me. Ironically, I do have a book and it is called “The nonsensical ramblings of an ignorant asshole whose opinions and thoughts are more detrimental to the progress of society than fucking slavery.”

    And here’s a pleasant surprise! it’s all about you, genius! So come on, Stretch, why don’t you fire up those two brain cells of yours and buy it? All the proceeds go toward putting an end to Jesus and American Idol. You know, the two things you always go on about hating so much.

    Finally, about American Idol… Sheesh, let it go will ya, ya damned heathen. Just because you and your guitar didn’t make it in the American Idol auditions doesn’t mean you have to ruin it for the rest of us.

    • 1:11 am


      Is that book of yours available in large print? Sounds like a hell of a read.



  45. Anonymous permalink
    8:25 pm

    i fully believe Don is a genius….he rules and I agree those giant pants are a load of bunk

  46. Savannah permalink
    10:38 pm

    You make a great point Mr. Mills. Well, some people are getting shorter now, but its because they keep drinking caffeine all day and getting no sleep whatsoever. What ever happened to 8 cups of water a day? Or an apple a day keeps the doctor away? Or a good nights sleep? I think now it might as well be fine that they are tall. Caffeine stunts growth. (Or so they say. I’m 14 and 5′ 1″ and only have caffeine in a small cup of tea every morning or so.)

  47. vyvienne permalink
    2:20 am

    This is so true! So many people are completely average, short, until one day, they think it would be a wonderful idea to just GROW! Suddenly, they shoot up 30cm above everyone else, and leave the normal people far behind! It is just plain inconsiderate!

  48. 3:16 am

    I’m 4’11”,–damned short!– and proud. In 7th grade I was only 4’7″ and chose not to take a hormone pill to help me grow taller, though my doctor suggested it. I’m 30 now– and it’s one of the best decisions I ever made. That would have been a crime against nature! You are hilarious and I hope that I’m still blogging when I’m a curmudgeon like you! I will think twice before “peeing indiscriminately” and cannot wait to read the rest of your rants against young people.

  49. 4:34 am

    This is hilarious! Despite my young age and tall height!
    6 foot 1 and been that way since I was 16!

  50. Aisiri permalink
    5:35 pm

    Your blog is hilarious, yes. But if being tall is considered wrong, I guess you have the older generation to blame. After all, we kids are the result of your doings, and we had no control what so ever on which DNA or whatever made us what we are (Not good in biology, sorry.)

    My take on your blog is: It is just an old man, who now has no other work than to point out the “wrong” WRONG stuff in younger generation. This irony is what makes your blog funny to me.
    No disrespect intended.

  51. theasaurusvol82 permalink
    12:22 am

    Hi Mr Mills,

    As well as being disrespectful, tall teenagers are an occupational hazard, especially for teachers. I recall an incident in my second week of being a high school teacher where one Year 10 boy insulted the mother of another Year 10 boy. Of course, the teenagers then launched directly into a brawl right there on top of the classroom desks.

    Now, I’m a 165cm woman who doesn’t have much experience in physical combat, so I was at a significant physical disadvantage. Both boys were taller than me by at least 20cm and were built like football players. Needless to say, I stayed well away from them.

    Luckily, despite being disrespectfully tall, these boys had had a sound upbringing that included respecting elders when they spoke. When I screamed instructions to them to sit the hell down and stop eye-gouging each other, they did so immediately, and remained stationary until the principal escorted them to his office.

    I truly believe that, as long as they can make up for their height with respectful behaviour, tall teenagers do have a degree of hope.


  52. Anonymous permalink
    1:59 pm

    Dad, is that you?

  53. Carl Ross permalink
    8:09 pm

    Well given the average height at the dawn of man was more around 6’1″ than the mere 5’6″ it is today, I can hardly agree with your argument. Perhaps we are finally reverting back to our natural state.

  54. Karin permalink
    8:55 pm

    My three cousins on my mom’s side were all almost 6ft tall by the time they were 12. My nephews are huge. At 5’3″ (almost 5’4″), I am the shortest person in my entire family. I’m getting tired of it.

  55. Jake permalink
    2:27 am

    I will be turning 16 in April and I am 6 foot 5 inches so according to you I am going to burn in Hell for being an Ent (living tree from The Lord of the Rings). You know what me and every other tall person are just more evolved, you Homo Sapiens are just jealous of us Homo Gigantuses. But to be serious now, if I were to follow your logic that tall people are a crime against nature I could easily tell you to go to a museum and look at the size of the clothes people wore in the 1800s, then tell you that your disrespectful for being tall in comparison. I disagree with your use of height as the source of how messed teenagers are today(even though I realize your joking) but I do agree that what society finds acceptable behavior is unacceptable. The way people talk and act is disgusting and disgraceful, that idea that your entitled to everything without earning it needs to be eradicated. Also if your pants are half way down your ass the police should throw in jail for a day(or a month).

    You were entitled to share your opinion now I am entitled share to mine.

    Also I love being a “God Damned Giant Teenager”

  56. Baron Cooper permalink
    2:01 am

    Dear Don,

    satire + class + wit = the grandfather i never had.
    Registered your blog into my rss feed immediately after reading the first post.

    a perplexing 23-year-old midget.

  57. Wilber Wright Jr. permalink
    12:40 am

    God damned slacked-ass godzillas!

  58. Wax permalink
    2:13 am

    I swear I get more LOL’s from the comment section than some of the posts, I love the under-the-bridge depth of thought throughout!

    Kudos Don, keep em comin’!

  59. 5:38 am

    I’m a 15 year old girl at a height of 5’1” I’m not tall at all. My mother is 4’8” and my father is 5’8” I out grew my mom at 10 it’s not like I chose to be taller then her that is the way god made me. And another factor in teens getting taller then our parents before they are old look at the age many of our parents had us 14,15,16,and 17 are popular ages that now day teens were concieved. Therefore if we had to wait to grow passed their height lots of us would have to wait till we were in our 30’s to grow at all.

  60. LYK permalink
    5:24 pm

    Is there are problem for being tall? You’re just jealous because you’re a midget.

    I’m 11 and 5’9. STFU.

    I was 7 when I was 4’2.

    You want more? According to growth charts I’ll be around 6’8 when I’m 15, and I’ll be sure to give you a few knocks on your face.

  61. chelzayyunicorn permalink
    2:09 am

    I think if there’s something wrong with anyone, it’s you guys! I’m 15 and I am 6’1! You should be proud that your kids can be big and strong instead of jealous that you aren’t! That’s like saying ‘I’m never gonna let my kid eat oranges because I never had any.’ That’s just dumb. Really dumb. And the whole none of us can spell or form a correct sentence? At least we have correct beliefs and realize you can’t control how much you grow…. Sincerely, Chelsea.

  62. Anonymous permalink
    8:30 pm

    hey bitch mills i am verry tall and i am proud of it!!you cant judge peoplr on height you idiot!!

  63. Shea permalink
    4:36 am

    *sniff* I am a 5’9, 24 year old female. I have always been the tallest girl in my grade. I was 5’3 in the 4th grade, and I hit 5’8 at 14. I believe I have finally stopped growing (I hope). I hated it and have felt like a freak most of my life. I was a very well behaved young lady since none of the boys wanted to ask the “giant girl” out.

  64. Anonymous permalink
    11:42 pm

    You are the weirdest person ever.

  65. doglady01 permalink
    6:15 am

    Mr. Mills, ” have you ever been to Don Mills? Anyway you are very amusing, yours is one of the funniest blogs I’ve ever read, though I suppose that isn’t saying much as I only follow a few. Keep it up. We need more laughter. Happy New Year, you funny old fart.

  66. Short Cake permalink
    3:53 am

    I’m 17 and 5’2 and a half to 5’3. I was short all through my childhood and still very short now. I’ve been mistaken for being a fifth grader before. I stopped growing at 12 to 13. And I’m a female. I see tons of kids in elementary and middle school that just tower over me. My little brother and sister will be like that one day also. I love being short though.

  67. thejunkiemonkey permalink
    3:34 am

    Ah, satire. The least-appreciated art form.

  68. Anonymous permalink
    4:34 pm

    I think people just need to learn how to take a joke….

  69. 7:33 pm

    Okay, so we’ve on this blog for a while.
    But we can’t understand, why are you telling the young people these sum of problems.

    We mean we read all them and many of them apply to all of us. Many. But then what. You keep posting these problems happily. What should we do then? Find solution ourselves?

    You’re a wise, in fact the only wise man we’ve ever seen who shares his wisdom. Can you please offer us solution to these problems. These are the problems that are killing our young lives. Please, can you do something to help us figuring out the solution to these problems.

  70. 11:15 pm

    What an awesome blog! This is a genius topic, I am surprised you are taken so literally but the comments only make the initial blog funnier!

  71. 6:49 am

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you wish you were a kid again. Spare your solutions because I rather smoke my bong till death than take advice on someone who thinks this poorly of my generation.

  72. 10:15 am

    Don, I’m 20 years old, 6’1″ and with size 13 shoes (size 12 in the UK), does that mean I’m a freak of nature or does that just me unique to everyone else, speaking of which, everyone is different, get over it, if someone happens to be tall, so what, that means they can do things short people can’t do but it works both ways, short people can do things tall people can’t. I think it’s time you go and have an afternoon nap as someone has clearly spilled all of your warm milk, hence why you managed to put this rant together.

  73. 5:32 am

    On the other hand, several of herr Montreal Concordia University peers loved to wait to the last minute and
    loved the challenge. Panic attacks called specific are brought
    on, as also suggested by it’s name byy specific reoeated situations,
    and situational panic attacks may come while doing a certain type of activity, such as riding a
    cycle, even though there is no panic or fright involved with thee activity.
    Hyperventilation: This happens when you breathe shallowly.

  74. 4:33 pm

    I was 4’11 when I was 12. And now that I’m 16, I’m still the same.

  75. Anonymous permalink
    6:16 pm

    I will have you know its a tradition in my family to grow tall and fast till we reach the height of our fathers and brothers and than stop after that our height does not change till our eighty’s.

  76. James Troxel permalink
    10:01 am

    I would just love to add that I am 14 years drafted into the service of life , and I was recently in a very large depression because I am 5’6 and have to deal with complete ungrateful retarded disgraces for human beings but everyone was being a complete smart “you know what” and they were also freaking Titans!!! 5th graders who were 6’1! Jesus Christ! So then I went to Persue my engineering goals, that’s right, not Pop-star, video game designer, or pro athlete, but a new needed job for this awful, oblivious, stupid, and colossal generation and build myself to be a massive 7’5 hulking mass of glittering metal, striding amongst the titanic morons. Hopefully being close to average size.

  77. James Troxel permalink
    10:21 am

    I would just love to add that I am 14 years drafted into the service of life , and I was recently in a very large depression because I am 5’6 and have to deal with complete ungrateful retarded disgraces for human beings while as for me, they see me as a technological innovative genius! (Although my writing and spelling skills are off.) everyone was being a complete smart “you know what” and they were also freaking Titans!!! 5th graders who were 6’1! Jesus Christ! So then I went to Persue my engineering
    goals, that’s right, not Pop-star, video game designer, or pro athlete, but a new needed job for this awful, oblivious, stupid, and colossal generation, and build myself to be a massive 7’5 hulking mass of glittering metal, striding atop the titanic morons as if they were kindergarteners to a 6’8 man. Hopefully being close to average size. Of people now a days.

  78. 2:11 pm

    Ok I just have one question, how does one stop one’s growth? I can completely understand if you feel threatened by a person with a superior stature and it seems to me to be a perfectly reasonable response to be frightened of anyone particularly taller than you although I must admit that the fact that you wish for people to ‘stop growing’ perplexes me greatly. I don’t mean to bother you but I’m just very puzzled as to why a taller person would be considered a ‘freak of nature’ when studies on the rate of human growth suggest that being taller is a beneficial factor to one’s survival. there is clear rise in the average human height over time and yes people have grown to be a great deal taller in this day and age but several studies indicate that taller people in fact live longer, have more children, contract far less life threatening diseases and are generally happier. I am not in any way suggesting that people who are perhaps shorter or just do not grow as quickly are not as good as tall people but rather questioning if such stature should be avoided. I would also like to reiterate my first point due to my confusion as if you know how a young person like myself could in fact ‘shrink’ so to speak as apparently it is unfortunate that I am 5’11 (and a half).

    I hope to hear back from you as this is a rather pressing matter.

    Many Thanks

    • allthingsdeadspace permalink
      4:51 am

      Rosie, I’ve been following this post for about 6 years, I believe Mr. Mills has passed on.

  79. 12:47 am

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