God Damned Giant Teenagers Get my Goat
The problem with young people today is that they are too tall.
When I was a boy I was short. Damned short. Stunted, you might say. And so were my friends.
I was 4’2” until my last year of high school, for Christ’s sake, and I was captain of the basketball team.
My dad was the tall one and if I tried to get bigger than my size-three britches before my time he’d have thumped me senseless and been right to do it. It’s disrespectful. He called me “short stack” or “shorty” or “hey you” and I was grateful for the attention.
You’re not supposed to be taller than your old man until he starts to stoop over from age and is ready for a rocker and long afternoons sipping iced tea spiked with gin.
But these kids today…six feet tall before they’re out of grade school and lumbering around the playground in size 22 Keds like a pack of slack-assed Godzillas.
It’s disrespectful and a crime against nature.
People say it’s steroids in meat and milk that are making these kids so damned tall but I don’t buy that load of crap for a minute. It’s arrogance, video games and the MTV – pure and simple.
I didn’t grow unless my parents told me to. I asked permission before I grew and if my dad was pissed from a bad day at work and told me not to – I didn’t dare.
But not these kids today. They don’t understand fear, or respect.
They just grow willy-nilly without any concern for public decency or proper morals. And believe me, when we are living in a world populated by teenage giants running around with their oversized pants and enormous fountain drinks you are all going to be sorry you didn’t heed my warning.
And that is the problem with young people today.