God Damned Teenagers and Their Pierced Noses Make Me Crazy!
The problem with young people today is that they all have piercings.
When I was a lad, we didn’t pierce our ears, tongues, nipples or anything else.
If we wanted to mutilate ourselves we took a job in the sawmill and let nature take its course. We punched a hole in a time card not in our face damn it.
But these young people today, they perforate any orifice they can stick a safety pin through. Their faces are covered in zippers, bolts, studs, hoops and all manner of reclaimed scrap metal. They look like rejected prototypes from the lab of Doctor Frankenstein. It’s horrifying and scares the bejeepers out of us old people.
They say piercing is about “freedom of expression” and “being unique” but if that’s the case why is it that they all have them? If 600 million young people have a pierced eyebrow it’s not freedom of expression, it’s part of a standard-issue uniform. If you really want to be unique I’d suggest pulling your pants up, getting a job and tossing your nipple rings into the nearest recycling bin.
It galls me, it really does. I don’t think Jesus had nails driven through the palms of his hands in order that you could drive a spike through your tongue and dingle a chain from your belly button. It’s disrespectful and goes against nature.
If I had ever come home with a ring though my nose my old dad would have pierced my skull with a three hole punch and then used my head as a bowling ball.
And what will happen when all of these young people realize that getting an extra 23 holes in their noggins wasn’t such a brilliant idea? They’ll all be left walking around with gaping sinkholes in their ears, noses and tongues. Eventually the rot will set in and their heads will collapse entirely…leaving us a generation of headless former hipsters collecting disability cheques and contributing nothing to society other than being a cautionary tale on the dangers of being a no-account dumbass.
They all have piercings. That’s the problem with young people today.