God Damned Mumbling Teenagers Make Me Furious
The problem with young people today is that they mumble.
When I was a boy, speaking was a privilege not a right. And when I was allowed to form words I was expected to make sure they were clearly articulated, audible and tinged with a certain amount of fear.
If I ever mumbled to my old Dad he’d have beaten me with his niblick and I’d have thanked him for the thrashing. And when I thanked him – he’d have heard me clearly. Because I wouldn’t have mumbled!
But these young people today – they’re all mumblers or worse.
You ask a young person a simple question like “what the hell are you doing standing on my lawn?” and they just shrug their shoulders, shuffle their feet and mutter incoherently into their goddamned hoodies.
They won’t look at you when they talk and they sound like they have a mouth full of pine straw, bees wax and chew. It’s infuriating and disrespectful.
I sure as Hell can’t understand what they are saying. It’s like they only use consonants when they speak. It’s all just grunts and moans and vacant stares.
I’m telling you, if something isn’t done we are going to be in big trouble. These damned young folks are setting evolution back a million years.
At this rate it won’t be long before we’re nothing but a planet of heavily pierced Neanderthals incapable of forming sentences and communicating with a series of snorts, heavy sighs and rude hand gestures.
And when that day comes, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
They mumble. That’s what’s wrong with young people today.