God Damned Tubby Young People Get Stuck in My Craw!
The problem with young people today is that they are fat.
Back when I was a lad, there were no chubby kids. The only fat people you ever saw were wealthy industrialists, bankers and state senators – and that was because they had earned the right to overeat.
If any of my friends had dared to put on a little flab, their parents would have dragged them out to the garage, tied them to chair and beaten the lard off ‘em with a spare tire.
But today? Christ! The average twelve year old is two hundred pounds and has already had triple bypass surgery and an angioplasty. In my day you got one heart attack at the age of 55 and it damn well killed you. Just like nature intended.
I see these young folks waddling around at the food court and it scares the Hell out of me. They eat like hound dogs with tapeworms – all doughy flesh, dead eyes and furious fingers tucking away into trays full of 5-patty cheese burgers, pork fried pizza subs and chimichangas the size of a god damned human head.
And the way they look at you? I swear to God if they weren’t too tubby to run they’d chase an old man down and eat him raw. It gives me the willies and keeps me indoors at night.
It’s a sad state of affairs. We’re raising a generation of pudgy flub-a-dubs hell bent on decimating the world’s food supply before they’re done senior year. It’s a joke to them, a party, a never ending Lardapalooza and it has got to stop now!
If this keeps up how long will it be before our young people are too heavy to work, to go to church, to raise a flag?
I can tell you right now that the communists aren’t stuffing themselves full of cheese fries and deep fried birthday cake. They’re biding their time, waiting in the shadows until we’re too chunky to defend our borders. And when they come a calling they won’t be bringing coconut cream pie – they’ll be bringing a truck load of fat-free whoop ass.
And a sad, sad day that will be.
They’re fat. That’s the problem with young people today.