My apologies but I’ve been too busy to write anything new this week. It’s Spring and an old man’s fancy turns to waving his niblick at damned young people riding on skateboards.
Fun for the whole damned family!
The instructions:
Let the games begin.
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| Anonymous on God Damned Unambitious Young P… |
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| Adrian M. on God Damned Mumbling Teenagers… |
The Problem with Young People Today Is... 
I tried to get the young people I work with to play the game, but they were too busy throwing up and collecting bail money.
Many thanks yellowcat,
An interesting attempt at multi-tasking.
I appreciate your efforts, though, and your stopping in to visit.
All the best,
Don
Great game! Now all it needs for today’s youth is explosions, bad loud music, and a version you can play on the cell phone.
Thank you bmj2k,
Good points. Some random nudity, foul language and excessive violence would also likely be in order. I’ll have to see if there is some enterprising young person out there who can “cook” this into an app for me.
All the best,
Don
Don, I’m a picky SOB, so if you want to smack me upside the head, feel free to do so if we ever should meet, or feel free to do so virtually. Isn’t “one dice” called a “die?”
Thank you Anne,
No need to smack anyone upside the head. I appreciate your pointing that out.
I suspect that like most seniors I just have a natural aversion to the word “die.”
Best regards and thanks again,
Don
Wait, how do we figure out which player is the most immature?
Thank you bigsheepcommunications,
I don’t like to be too prescriptive but if damned young people can’t sort it out among themselves they could always consider using my test to help them along.
All the best and thanks for stopping in.
Don
I’m glad you reposted this as I didn’t see it the first time. I hate to be a downer, but I’m afraid the youngsters won’t be able to play it. Too many rules, too much reading, and it takes longer than 2 minutes to complete. It’s a darn good idea, though. Maybe you need to design an on-line version and add some violence?
Thank you Momfog,
I appreciate the input and suspect you’re right. A shame – family board game night was always the highlight of the week in the Mills household. Perhaps I can just reinforce the board itself and encourage young people to roll the dice and then beat each other over the head with it.
It’s a weak compromise but I don’t want to end up stuck with 200 of these damned things.
All the best,
Don
Thanks for the game Don. You gave me another reason why young people like me need grandfathers… to play board games.
Since I am a dam young person and flat broke, thanks for the game. Looking forward to playing it. You left out “stay up all night reading funny blogs.”
All the best.
Thank you kindly LT,
It’s true. There is nothing better than a quick game of scrabble with your old grandfather.
Enjoy the game, LT, and thanks for visiting.
Best regards,
Don
I made a copy of the game, took it to the mall 5to give it to some young folk. They saw the words meth lab and ate the paper. I think I’ll lace the next one with ex-lax.
Thank you Jammer,
On the upside, it’s probably the most nutritious thing they’ve eaten in weeks. Let me know how that ex-lax recipe works out – you may have hit upon an interesting spin off product for my friends down at the seniors center. I’ve got over $3 tied up in this product and I sure as hell intend to recoup my investment.
All the best, Jammer.
Don
any extra points for giving birth at the prom?
Thank you Nonnie,
Absolutely. 50 if you know who the father is and double that if it’s still an open question.
Warm regards,
Don
I hear they are trying to make “innit” a Scrabble word. Lord help us. Nice one, Don.
Thank you Single Malt Monkey,
Give the recent additions to the Oxford English Dictionary (muffin top and LOL among questionable others) I’m surprised that “innit” hasn’t already been accepted.
All the best
Don
This? Genius. Crabby Old Fart for President!!
Thanks very much Dawn.
I appreciate the kind words and your taking the time to visit.
All the best,
Don
Sir, another really good idea for a Donald Mills Enterprises product. The picture of you in the centre a definite keeper. However, I think you need to tweak this one before releasing it to the public. I’m not so sure the message it sends is one you want sent.
First, it makes you look like a villain to be avoided and disobeyed to achieve victory. You should be the good guy punishing the bad behaviour, which should hurt their chances of victory. Kind of like a “Go to Jail” card.
Second, the collection of Assclown Points is a really good idea. It reminds me of the Cool Points in the old Happy Days board game. However, awarding victory to the player with the most Assclown Points is a bad idea. Winning the game by being the biggest Assclown only encourages youth to grow up to be assclowns. The player with the most Assclown Points should lose. The game should encourage youngsters to grow into responsible citizens, not just survive their own stupidity.
Otherwise, great concept, sir.
@ Sedate me….That roaring sound was the concept you missed screaming over your head.
No, that was your mother.
Sedate Me wins the game for accumulating the most assclown points on this forum!
Many thanks Sedate Me,
I appreciate the input. While I admit that part of me enjoys the notion of being perceived as a villain (and I certainly like the idea of being avoided) I do take your point.
Perhaps the game could split off into two paths at the halfway point. Young people would be forced to choose between following the trail of decency, morality and hard work or slinking down the path to ultimate damnation? The path to damnation would be littered with job choices like barista, actor or D.J. and fraught with pitfalls like tongue piercing infections while the path to decency would be one of cardigan sweaters, sensible trousers and love of country.
Or perhaps each square could ask a simple question that tests the character of young people? Assclown points would be awarded based on whether your answer was a) reprehensible b) moronic c) not in any way related to the question at hand or d) entirely sensible.
I’ll have to give this some additional thought but need to be careful. As I indicated to Jammer, I’m already heavily invested and Donco is rapidly running out of cash and rye.
All the best, Sedate Me, and thanks again for the input.
Don
Might I suggest adding a $250,000 Sealy rider to your homeowners policy? Just in case you’re smoking your pipe in bed some night…
Apologies, but I am too busy today to come up with a new comment so I am reposting an old one. Extra points if you can guess which of your prior posts generated the above comment.
Thank you pegoleg.
I have prior posts? My god, time to have my medication adjusted again.
Thanks for the repeat, pegoleg. As I mentioned last time, I’m not a smoker but I’ve had some toaster oven incidents in the past that are cause for some concern.
Best regards,
Don
Dear Don
Understand entirely. This time of year my attention is pretty much entirely on my lawn. ICI does darn well out of me as a consequence.
Best
Dr Tim
Many thanks Dr. Tim,
A very sensible area of preoccupation. As far as I’m concerned, a man can’t pay too much attention to his lawn.
All the best,
Don
That is absolutely hilarious–I’m so glad you reposted it! I laughed all the way around the board, but my favorite is “Family Vacation; Lose 400 points!”
Thank you kindly Scott,
Glad you enjoyed the game. Many thanks for stopping in to visit.
Don
Mr. Mills,
Never in my life, have I come across the word “niblick”. Since looking up the definition, I am rather sheepish in my relief that it does not mean what was initially thought. Given the context as written in your post, I hope you won’t lump me into the “sex crazed fiends” category for misinterpreting what you’d be “waving”, at first blush. Admitting this is second blush, deeply.
Thank you for the vocabulary lesson, all the same, Sir.
MaryPoppinSertraline
Thank you MaryPoppinSertaraline,
No need to blush. I realize that the niblick has fallen out of favor in the golf world and should likely have identified it as my “wooden shafted short club” or simply called it a “9 iron.” I’ve received a couple of rather nasty emails from young people accusing me of all manner of perversion. Lesson learned.
All the best, MaryPoppinSertaraline. Very nice to hear from you.
Best regards,
Don
Absolutely stunning and gave me a nice smile! Thank you, as I need all the smiles I can get right now.
Thank you kindly Team Oyeniyi,
Glad to hear it gave you pause to smile. All the best.
Don
This is genius!
Seriously, you totally need to come to my school and hand out this game. Some people these days…. *shakes head*
I would totally play, thought I’m happy to say that a majority of these things don’t and probably never will apply to me. Yeah, that’s right, I’m not like most teens. Be glad, haha.
Anyways, as hilarious as ever, I love your blog, even though I am a teen myself. Yes, I like laughing at teenagers who actually are idiots, and yes, you are a genius, Sir.
That is incredibly awesome.
Where does it plug in? 😀
Careful waving your niblick around Mr Mills! Great post as usual sexy. (smile)
Where can I purchase this game?
This is a good game, but it is not for young people for the following reasons: 1) it requires rolling dice and counting, 2) it requires reading, and 3) it requires paying attention for more than 30 seconds. I suggest you have it digitized, add narration and funky sound effects, and turn it into an app for iSmug devices so that the young people can play it when they are supposed to be doing something else like driving their cars or waiting on senior citizens in crummy eateries. I will play it just like it is though. It will serve as a reminder of how I could have spent my youth back in the 60’s instead of you know, working and studying, only to now be blamed for the world’s ills with nothing to show for the effort.
Haha has to be an app version! Find yourself some young un’s willing to work for pringles and moutain dew.
Better yet a two pizza team might produce faster.
“ill-fitting trousers” hahahahaha! What about forgetting to wear underwear when you have a dress on?
Mr Mills you are amazing. I wish I had grandparents so I could introduce you to them. Then you could have complained about young people together. Ah, the things that might have been.
I tried getting old people to play but they ignored me until I painted my skin white like Michael Jackson.