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What the Hell is Running Through Young People’s Minds?

Old people and young people think about very different things.

I’ve already examined the differences between the gray matter of old and young men here but now it’s time to take a look at the ladies.

Here’s what the inside of a typical granny’s noggin might look like:

Sensible stuff, damn it.

Compare that to the disturbing brainwaves of a damned female young person:

Startling differences I’m sure you’ll agree. And further proof that damned young people are nothing but trouble.

74 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:07 am

    Looking at the charts, active Old Woman sounds like a lot more fun that shallow bimbo.

    • 9:42 pm

      Many thanks Tricia,

      I fully agree, of course. In fact, I’d suggest that even inactive older women are a hell of a lot more fun. But then again, I’d also suggest that mole removal, denture bleaching and jury duty are more fun too.

      All the best,


  2. 12:08 am

    And tattoos. Where they might find another inch of space to put another one.

    • 9:43 pm

      Thank you notquiteold,

      An excellent addition. I would assume that particular subject chews up another 4-6% of available gray matter.

      All the best and thanks for visiting. Hope to hear from you again.


  3. 12:30 am

    But what about the woman in the middle? You need a chart for us. The ones who think. Feel. Don’t have time to be a twit.

    • 9:47 pm

      Thank you Ami,

      I tend to ignore the “middle” and focus on the pitched battle between us seniors and damned young people. I like clear lines of distinction and things don’t get much more black and white than that.

      Besides, you middle folks can be a cagey lot and somewhat difficult to read.

      Best regards,


  4. Lynn permalink
    12:31 am

    Thank you for making me laugh. As always, what you’ve written seems absolutely correct. Well done!

  5. 12:32 am

    I’m kinda thinking that 5% “absolutely nothing whatsoever” is kinda on the low side. After stomach-pumping my way through an episode of “Keeping up with the Kardasians”, I came to the conclusion it’s more like 50%. I know after I watched it, I couldn’t think of one sane thing for two weeks.

    • 9:53 pm

      Thank you Jammer,

      5% may be a tad on the low side but I thought I’d give them the benefit of the doubt. If nothing else, I like to think I’m a kind-hearted and generous old man.

      You go easy on those social experiments Jammer (at least I hope that’s what it was). Watching assorted Kardasians bounding across the small screen can’t be good for your health – mental or physical.

      All the best.


  6. 12:59 am

    I have to say, the old lady doesn’t seem very appealing either. But she does seem less likely to mace me for saying the wrong thing about her lip piercing.

    • 9:57 pm

      Thank you bmj2k,

      I suspect we can’t be looking at the same charts, lad. I’m hard pressed to think of anything more appealing than a sensible, church-going woman with a mitt full of coupons, well-defined manners and comfortable girdle.

      All the best and thanks for dropping in,


  7. elizabeth3hersh permalink
    1:22 am

    …and never the twain shall meet.

    Brilliant Don! Always brilliant and always spot on! I used to love picking my grandmother’s brain…the usual questions: “was it love at first sight…how long before you kissed grandpa?” That was the ‘boring’ grandmother. My other grandmother would regale me with stories of getting in bar brawls with her husband’s girlfriend, and getting shot up (true story). Suffice it to say, she was the ‘interesting’ grandmother. I loved them both dearly.

    • 9:59 pm

      Thank you Elizabeth,

      I’ve long maintained that the best stories you’re ever going to hear are those that come from your grandparents. Not only do they have a wealth of experience and wonderful perspective, but most grandparents are beyond dressing things up and are fully inclined to tell it like it is.

      Always a pleasure to hear from you Elizabeth.

      Best regards,


  8. brian permalink
    1:23 am

    All those things that old and young people think about,I don’t think about. That’s the problem with everybody today.

    • Friar permalink
      2:42 am

      I shudder to think of what the young male’s pie-chart looks like.

    • 10:04 pm

      Thank you Brian.

      Don’t give up hope. The fact that you don’t think like a young person is a definite plus. Now all you need to do is nudge yourself over to the “old” side. Fortunately, time is on your side. If you need help, though, you can always start by buying some sensible trousers, a few cardigan sweaters and a homburg. I find it’s always helpful when you dress the part.

      All the best,


  9. 2:21 am

    Those are some damn fine graphs, Don. You have some amazing insights into the minds of women, both young and… more mature. You’re somewhat of a lady whisperer it would seem. I shall keep you in mind for those times when my wife leaves me baffled and confused. Mankind has a fighting chance with you in our corner.

    • 10:10 pm

      Thank you Peter,

      I’d have to suggest you use some caution when it comes to adopting my insights into women. I may have whispered in the presence of my wife, Aggie, but it’s only because if she heard what I was thinking she would have smacked me senseless.

      Best regards and thanks for the kind words,


  10. 2:55 am

    is there a pie chart for middle-aged women who throw dumbbells around? I don’t go to church OR tattoo parlors, and feel kind of left out.

    • 10:12 pm

      Thank you sledpress,

      I suspect there must be a special chart out there somewhere just for you. Don’t see it as a pie chart, though. Perhaps some form of no-nonsense bar graph would be a better fit.

      Always a pleasure to have you stop in, Sledpress.


  11. 3:16 am

    Okay there, for an old man you have pretty charts! 😉

    “Make up pregnancy test” is brilliant!

    You are a genius, I mean it.

    • 9:23 pm

      that’s my favourite too

      • 10:15 pm

        Nurse Myra!

        What a pleasure. I trust all is well at the Gimcrack and that you continue to treat those old folks nicely.

        Lovely to hear from you,


    • 10:13 pm

      Thank you fornormalstepfathers,

      You’re very kind. Glad you enjoyed the charts.

      Warm regards,


  12. 11:47 am

    as a mere man I can’t comment on the accuracy of your pie charts, Don – but they certainly made me laugh 😆

    Absolutely Brilliant !!!

    • 10:18 pm

      Many thanks Duncan,

      I like to think they’re very accurate Duncan – my research activities included participation in two tea socials, three rides on the local 54A Downtown bus and 45 minutes at the local food court.

      All the best. Hope you’re well.


  13. 2:14 pm

    Amen Sir, You have such keen insight into the mind of women. Thank you for taking the time to share. 🙂

    • 10:20 pm

      Many thanks happygirl,

      And thank you for taking the time to stop in and leave a comment. I appreciate it very much.

      All the best,


  14. 2:32 pm

    May I point out that the old ladies’ pie chart doesn’t add up to 100%? Perhaps someone stole a piece while it was cooling on the window sill.

    (Does it indicate that I don’t have a life because I took the time to count?)

    • 10:24 pm

      Thank you pegoleg,

      Thanks for pointing out the error, pegoleg. Normally I’d fix my mistake but I enjoyed your explanation so much that I think we’ll just leave it and go with the “cooling” theory.

      Best regards,


      p.s. the frightening thing is that I could have sworn I checked that about 15 damned times before I finally posted it.

  15. 9:30 pm

    I give up, Don. I’ve scoured my ‘I-spy book of East European Communist dictatorships’ from cover to cover and have had to give up.

    Where exactly is Kardashia?

    • Anonymous permalink
      10:16 pm

      What are you doing here Nobbly?

      Get back immediately to the “Mad Hatters,” and if I catch you here again I’ll sting the backs of your legs!

      Sorry about that, Don.

      Kids, eh?

    • 10:46 pm

      Thank you Nobbly,

      It’s been a while since I perused the old Atlas, Nobbly, but I believe Kardashia is nestled somewhere in among the Balkan Mountains. You may want to start there.

      All the best,


  16. 1:22 am

    Mr. Mills, there is a little overlap here. I know quite a few young girls who also spend about 12% of their time deciding whether to dye their hair pink, blue, or lavender.

    • 11:00 pm

      Thank you momfog,

      An excellent point and one I hadn’t really considered. I suppose part of the reason for that oversight might be that in addition to the color, I was also thinking of the accompanying style these ladies sport.

      Sadly, you don’t see hair like that on damned young people.

      All the best,


      • 12:53 am

        Oh my gosh, I love “Are You Being Served?”! I know exactly what you’re saying. I see these lovely older women every Sunday in church. They are very classy.

        BTW, your combat boots analogy to Jonah was brilliant. Have a good day, sir.

      • Sedate Me permalink
        9:00 pm

        Sir, I was a big fan of that show back in the day.

        But I actually DID see a young gal with that same hairstyle in my neck of the woods earlier this year and…well…it was quite arousing actually.

        • 3:03 pm

          Thank you Sedate Me.

          It’s quite fetching isn’t it? I’ve always been partial to the lavender myself.

          All the best,


  17. Alaina Mabaso permalink
    3:00 pm

    Mr. Mills,

    I enjoyed your pie charts and even went so far as to share them with my own grandmother. Actually, I’m so intrigued by the possibilities of this way of diagramming the differences between the thoughts of young and old that I believe I may try some charts of my own, over at my own blog, in response to yours. With all due respect, you may have left out a thing or two on both sides.

    Alaina Mabaso

  18. 4:13 pm

    I only have the anecdotal evidence provided by my granddaughter, but it seems to me that she also spends a portion of her thinking time on whether to dye her hair pink, blue, or lavender. This suggests a certain amount of overlap and commonality with older women. What I can’t figure out is if this is comforting or alarming.

    • 11:06 pm

      Thank you Jonah,

      As I pointed out to momfog (above) this was a definite oversight on my part. Unfortunately, I take no comfort from it as it doesn’t seem to be in anyway an indicator of real style on the part of these young ladies. Nor does it seem to be an effort to emulate the decency and common sense of their senior sisters.

      It’s like teenaged boys wearing combat boots or work boots. They may like the look of the things but they have no sense what it really means to wear them.

      All the best and thanks for stopping in.


  19. fireandair permalink
    9:52 pm

    You forgot something on the young woman’s chart: “How much they hate that other b*tch over there.” Especially if she’s thinner, cuter, or has a better looking boyfriend.

    Hate to say it as I am one, but women are their own worst enemy sometimes.

    BTW, I added in that asterisk for politeness’s sake.

    • 7:44 pm

      Many thanks fireandair,

      I’ll keep that in mind for the next go round on these charts.

      All the best,


      p.s. I appreciate the asterisk. Butch is a nasty word.

  20. 11:09 pm


    Your quote “like teenaged boys wearing combat boots or work boots. They may like the look of the things but they have no sense what it really means to wear them.” will be remembered for generations yet to come.

    I’ve added it to my list of all-time favorite quotes I’ve been collecting for 35 years and currently near 90 pages. It will be passed on to my kids and hopefully their children someday. You’re words will reside right along with the likes of Winston Churchill, Justice Byron White, Theodore Roosevelt, Harry Truman and Mark Twain. Good company I’d say and no doubt one or two your contemporaries.

    Maintain that health and fiesty spirit, I hope you’ll be around for long time to come!

    • 7:47 pm

      Thank you kindly Rick,

      That’s very flattering, Rick, and I do appreciate the kind words. You’ve got some fine individuals in your list and I’m proud to be in their company.

      All the best to the family,


  21. 9:41 am

    I think I am somewhere inbetween………

    I’ve missed my visits – you are great, as always!!!!

    • 7:50 pm

      Thank you Team Oyeniyi,

      I suspect you’re right about falling somewhere in between. I really have no idea in hell what the inside of that particular demographic looks like.

      All the best and thanks for visiting.


  22. Anonymous permalink
    9:04 am

    poiubp,. irc5c, o njwds ;aiwid

  23. Anonymous permalink
    9:06 am

    Here’s my comment and it’s a good one, really. You’ll chuckle for days. Are you ready?

  24. 6:31 pm

    This young at heart ‘older’ woman spends a lot of time wondering how best to sell herself on Internet dating sites that then don’t return a whole lot of ‘older’ men looking for a housekeeper

    • 9:24 pm

      Thank you Caroline,

      Hard to imagine anything going wrong finding a mate over the internet. Color me surprised as hell.

      I don’t know much about sales but I’m told price point and location are key factors so you may want to keep those in mind.

      Good luck and happy hunting. I appreciate your stopping in to visit,

      All the best,


    • Sedate Me permalink
      6:04 pm

      If you want to avoid older men who are only interested in getting a housekeeper, I recommend looking for much younger men. They are all slobs who don’t remotely care what the house looks like. All they’re interested in is having sex with you…and maybe bragging to their friends about it.

      Don’t worry, unless you look like the Elephant Man’s twin sister, even at your age (I checked), it probably won’t be too hard to find some takers. Just don’t prattle on about things like the ex, commitment, or use too many multi-syllabic words.

  25. mysterycoach permalink
    8:30 am

    ROFL! 🙂

    • 9:27 pm

      Thank you mysterycoach.

      I hate those damned smiley faces.


    • mysterycoach permalink
      9:53 pm

      You’re welcome. Very funny stuff!

      Oh, no smiley faces? Descriptions would be better.

      First I read it with some amusement, then an eyebrow went up, then the other one, then I was nodding and laughing and then this thing happened to my face and suddenly this huge grin grew wider and wider until I was smiling.


  26. 2:57 pm

    Urrgghhhh such stereotypinggg

    • 8:21 pm

      Thank you brettelizabethmurphy.

      Try not to get too worked up, lass. I know you gals are prone to emotion but I can assure you that I have no interest in stereotypes. My charts are balanced, accurate and based on the most current scientific data available.

      Many thanks and all the best,


  27. Tony Naden permalink
    8:10 am

    I’m 72 and your old women sound more like my grandmother rather than my mother, let alone my wife

  28. robpixaday permalink
    2:58 pm

    I’m in-between.

    Love this post!

  29. 8:20 pm

    I wonder what area of life, what group of people were fortunate enough to have your presence and intelligent collaboration during your working years. You are an asset of the highest caliber.

    Best wishes and keep them coming

    PS. your computer skills are way beyond what one might expect of your admitted age. You display the technological super skill of a teen; not what you would expect of someone who probably once cranked the telephone asking the lady for number 1267

  30. 10:34 pm

    Young girls think?! Wow! Who says you can’t learn something new everyday?

  31. Spice permalink
    9:46 pm

    What in the world is textual intercourse. Is that where M and L get going before K or N find out? A comfortable thong, is there such a thing? This must be why I get along with older women than I do people my age or younger. I just don’t get it. And what happen to common decency or leaving something to the imagation? No woohoo has any right of making an appearence in public or what a woman has up front? We need some older women in these classrooms teaching these younger ones about manners and respect!

  32. Anonymous permalink
    11:59 pm

    Glad to know such sexism is still alive in the world. Delightful.

    • 1:21 am

      Thank you Anonymous,

      True. But at least we don’t see much evidence of it anymore. You’re likely too young to remember, but there was a time when television, moving pictures, advertising and all manner of media was crammed full of the stuff.

      Best regards,



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