God Damned Graffiti-Spraying Young People Make Me See Red
Few things chap my ass more than damned young people and their insistence on defacing our country with their moronic and subversive graffiti.
In my day, we didn’t have graffiti. We decorated our towns with American flags, billboards, bomb shelters and garden gnomes – tasteful and tidy symbols of everything our country stood for. We took pride in our cities, damn it, and would never have stood idly by while some gormless peckerhead with a sack full of spray cans defaced our streets with a combination of asinine illustrations, rude doodlings and half-baked political slogans.
If I had ever sprayed my initials on a public building my old dad would taken me out back and torn me a new aerosol – and he’d have been right to do so. The only tags we had were the ones sewn into our underpants and we made damned sure to keep them shielded from the public eye.
These days though it seems that every moron with a can of paint is free to “express” himself on the walls of the local bus shelter or spray his damned gang signature in 6-foot letters across the side of a train trestle. It’s a sad commentary that the walls of our once proud Main Streets now look like a cross a kindergartener’s finger painting and the inside of a men’s washroom stall. If these damned fools put half as much effort into getting their names on job applications or military enlistment forms as they do getting them on the sides of buildings the world would be a far better place.
But what galls me the most is that instead of rounding these hooligans up and hanging them in a public square we’re rounding them up and hanging them in art galleries. It’s disgraceful. Graffiti isn’t art! And even if it were, art isn’t meant to be splashed all over the streets getting in people’s way and distracting them from hard work and the pursuit of common decency – it’s supposed to be tucked away in museums where nobody but old ladies and school children has to see the damned stuff.
Mark my words, if we don’t stop this moronic plague soon it won’t be long before young people are entirely out of control and running around in packs spray-painting our Desotos, our family pets and senior citizens themselves. They’ll be adding fu Manchu moustaches to the Rushmore Presidents and “street art” to the frock of Lady Liberty.
The time has come to take away their spray cans, hand them some brushes and set them to work whitewashing a picket fence or two. As a nation, we’d be better off for it.