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Welcome to your Golden Years – Please Review the Rules Before Entry

I was quite shocked recently to learn that the leading edge of the baby boomer generation is poised to cross the threshold into senior citizenship.

While we oldsters are generally quite welcoming toward our senior freshmen, I’m gravely concerned about the ability of this particular group to fit in comfortably with the existing elderly contingent. This concern is due in no small part to the fact that these new arrivals will be made up almost exclusively of former hippies, drug sniffing trippies and god damned yippies.

I don’t think it’s overstating the issue to say that this is potentially the greatest crisis to hit the senior citizen sector since the Johnson & Johnson artificial hip recall of 1997.

And so, in the interest of maintaining the sanctity of seniorhood, I’ve taken the liberty of writing a basic code of conduct for any Woodstock-era boomer on the cusp of turning sixty five.

1. Try to Remember That Old Folks Don’t Do “Groovy”

If you’re intent on becoming a senior the first thing you’re going to need to do is forget your unsavory hippie past. This isn’t the summer of love, it’s the winter of your discontent and the last thing we old folks need are a bunch of free-loving, hookah-puffing, protest-marching peaceniks giving the rest of us a bad name.

Remember, seniors define the good old days as those when there were values, morals and a strong national work ethic – not as a time when folks rode around in a hand-painted VW van while following the Grateful Dead on tour. Trust me, no one wants to hear a senior natter on about how he got freaky with his old lady while tripping on blotter during the Jefferson Airplane set at Woodstock.

If you’re going to live in the past, please make it pre-1961.

The time has come to put down the Rolling Stone pick up a Field and Stream and start focusing on sensible things like coupon clipping, tending to your lawn and complaining about the lack of adhesive on postage stamps.

2. You’re A Sexagenarian not a Damned Pirate

Check your damned earrings and ponytails at the door please, gentlemen. They sure as hell aren’t welcome in seniorville.

That gold hoop looked stupid on you at 20, foolish at 30, asinine at 40, cringe-worthy at 50 and has no place being anywhere near your mid-sixties. If you need to wear jewellery get yourself a medic alert bracelet like the rest of us and stop acting like a great flashy jackass.

And get a sensible haircut while you’re at it. I don’t care how long your pony-tail is – you still have gray hair, a bald spot and a neck wattle that would fan a small fire. You’re an old man now – get yourself a comb-over and a modicum of self respect.

3. Just Say No to Leather Headbands and Beaded Necklaces

While on the subject of appearance let’s jump to issue of age-appropriate attire. I don’t know what the hell you boomers are thinking but no senior with a lick of sense would be caught dead in a tie-dyed t-shirt, Nehru jackets or a pair of Birkenstocks. It’s time to burn your dashikis, ponchos and bell-bottomed trousers once and for all and get with the damned program.

Your basic old man wardrobe consists of the following: 30-year-old business shirts, cardigan sweaters, grey flannel slacks, orthopedic loafers, black nylon socks, and a drawer full of white singlets and roomy underpants. It’s stylish, sensible and if you shop wisely you can pick the whole kit up for under $100.00.

4. When We’re Tripping it Usually Results in a Broken Hip

The average senior consumes more drugs in a week than the graduating class of your local high school does all year but ours are LEGAL damn it! If you want to be a respectable oldster you’ll be expected to give up your psychotropical toadstools and LSD-laced kool-aid once and for all and get your pills from multi-national pharmaceutical companies instead of common criminals.

If you absolutely need to get a damned “buzz” on do what we do – take your diuretic on an empty stomach, load up on alka seltzer and stand up too quickly.

5. If You Do Nothing Else, Try to Act Like an Adult for God’s Sake

Once you hit 65 you’re an ambassador for seniors everywhere and your actions reflect on the rest of us. We’re supposed to be beacons of decency, the moral anchor of society and it gives us all a bad name if you’re out there riding skateboards, puffing cannabis and generally behaving like six shades of stupid. So smarten the hell up.

You boomers will be a challenge but all I can say is thank god I’ll be dead by the time Generation X hits sixty five. I think that would be more than I could manage.

75 Comments leave one →
  1. 6:38 pm

    OMG thank you for this Sunday giggle!

    • 6:46 pm

      Thank you Margaret.

      Glad you were able to get a chuckle. Unfortunately, for those of us on the front lines this is no laughing matter. I don’t go to protest marches, am not about to purchase a nickel bag and don’t particularly want to see any freak-loving senior letting it “all hang out.”

      All the best and thanks for stopping in.

      Don

  2. 6:53 pm

    Watch out Don. Your idea of good music from your era is Benny Goodman, theirs is Jimi Hendrix. You may be expecting In the Mood but they’ll play Purple Haze and chase you out the door.

    • 7:07 pm

      Precisely my concern bmj2k,

      The last thing I need is my seniors centre being transformed into some sort of combination between a commune and a head shop. I’m not tuning in, turning on or dropping out of anything god damned it. They can either give up their love-ins and purple micro-dots or take it somewhere else! We established seniors want nothing to do with it.

      Best regards,

      Don

  3. 7:00 pm

    Thank you for those sage words of advice Don, as I’m looking forward to joining your friendly group of seniors in about five years (if I survive the stresses of teaching the moronic youth it is my lot to educate), and I can categorically state that I will have no ear-rings, beads of any description or any sort of illegal substances on my person.

    However, I feel that you may have missed one of the better rules (It’s the bloody prostate and cholesterol pills, they make you a little absent minded) concerning alcohol.

    Once you join the senior’s club, I had always understood that it is permissible, if not mandatory, to always appear with a glass of whisky (or other similar liquor) in your hand, at any time of the day, but after breakfast.

    Please let me know if you agree. It’s only this golden vision that’s keeping me going, so if you don’t, please let me down gently.

    • 7:16 pm

      Many thanks TwistedScottishBastard,

      It took me a while to find the reference in the Senior Citizens Charter but, yes, it clearly states under Article III, subsection (2), para. 7, that a modicum of alcohol consumption is acceptable (and medicinally recommended) provided it isn’t some moronic neon-colored fizzy “cooler” beverage designed solely to transition young people seamlessly from soda to souse. We don’t care for those. Your scotches, ryes, whiskeys, ports and other types of libation are, naturally, absolutely fine.

      All the best TwistedScottishBastard and good luck surviving the last 5 years. We’ll look forward to your arrival.

      All the best,

      Don

      • 12:48 am

        Thanks Don,
        It’s always pleasant to visit your blog. Kindred spirits et al.

        “We’ll look forward to your arrival”

        I think I may have arrived already, in spirit if not in body.

  4. Patty permalink
    7:19 pm

    You all made me choke on a cookie..

    • 7:24 pm

      Thank you Patty,

      Hopefully it wasn’t one of those cannabis-laden cookies you read about in the Reader’s Digest. I believe they’re some type of orgy-related appetizer or something. They sound quite insidious.

      All the best. Hope to hear from you again.

      Don

  5. holygypsy permalink
    7:50 pm

    Love you Don..😀

    • 8:27 pm

      Thank you holygypsy,

      That comment has a whiff of hippie about it but I trust you meant “love” in the same way I do when I say I love digestive biscuits, seniors discounts and Marmaduke.

      All the best,

      DOn

  6. 7:51 pm

    It’s scary to think The Rolling Stones are soon to be seniors…or do they just look old due to a life of living hard? Keith Richards looks like a re-animated corpse with or without make-up.

    • 8:23 pm

      Thank you yellowcat.

      Scary indeed. I just wish they’d start acting like ones. We seniors don’t care for tight trousers and ass gyration when it’s the young people who are doing it – we certainly don’t want it to be the norm at 3 card Bingo night.

      On a different note, about 25 years ago a young man told me that he knew his grandmother was sick because she was starting to look like Keith Richards.

      Best regards,

      Don

    • beautifulsadist permalink
      4:19 am

      Aren’t the members of The Rolling Stones well established as seniors?

      I have an unfortunate 30 years until I cross that golden line.

  7. Dr Tim permalink
    9:03 pm

    Dear Don

    The Grateful who? I stopped listening to popular music around the time of Dion and The Belmonts, and even their hair was too darn long if you ask me. The only karma I’m interested in is a patent stomach remedy.

    Very best regards

    Dr T

    • 9:54 pm

      Thank you Dr. Tim,

      Very sensible of you. I have to admit I’m not familiar with the music of the Grateful Dead or Dion and the Belmonts. Really, if it’s post Paul Whiteman I have no interest whatsoever. I understand, though, that these Grateful Dead fellows were quite notorious among the hippie set.

      Very best regards to you as well.

      Don

  8. 9:08 pm

    Don –

    There is nothing that makes you feel old than the moment the people you thought would never grow up suddenly cross the retirement line and start dipping into the Social Security pool.

    It would seem that a generation so enamored with anything that revolved around them would have at least set up some sort of communal retirement fund, but apparently that kind of “sharing” only works when it comes to other people’s stuff.

    Now, when I finally was forced to retire for the second time (a mixup in Human Resource paperwork allowed me to return to work for nearly six years), there was nothing “groovy” about it. I’ve detailed this experience before in your fine comments section, but a quick recap wouldn’t hurt.

    Basically, once you’ve gone from a barely tolerated middle manager to “the crazy guy holed up in the supply closet,” it’s time to hang up the name badge and start pounding out long letters to the editor, filled with actionable statements and conspiracy theories.

    But those years of typewritten anger are literally weeks behind me at this point. I suppose it’s only a matter of time before the retirement community is overrun with past-their-prime folk guitarists and never-had-a-prime nudists. This won’t change much for me as I rarely venture outside for more than a few minutes a day, and that’s only if I can still spy my neighbor’s newspaper lying unattended.

    I’m sure we’ll all get used to new community activities, most of which will be centered around bonfires or solstices. The muted tones of scratchy big band 78s will be replaced by the blaring tones of scratchy Deep Purple albums and our beiges and browns will seem incredibly drab next to the tie-dyed XXXL t-shirts worn by our newest arrivals.

    One would hope that this becomes a peaceable time of transition, but I, for one, am well past the point of feigning interest in various petitions and outrages. I’m quite comfortable living in a constant state of mild paranoia and I’d much prefer that to their constant state of mild hysteria.

    We can always agree that the government is “bad news,” but I think the era of record voter turnout by the retiree crowd is about over. If they can’t be bothered to make their own bed or bathe more than three times a week, I doubt they’ll have the get-up-and-go to pile into the minibus and head to the nearest school cafeteria/bomb shelter for city and county elections. Rest assured, until the “old school” dies off, expect the political status to remain “quo.”

    My sincerest thanks for this warning, Don. I’m off to order a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and a few vintage “Dick Nixon for Prez” buttons. That should tone the interlopers down a notch. Rest assured, I will be starting a List as well.

    Sincerely,
    C.L. Tanager

    • 10:09 pm

      Many thanks Clifton,

      That’s a grim picture you paint, Clifton, of XXXL tie-dyed t-shirts and not ready for prime time nudists but I suspect it will soon be reality if we don’t finally take some time to beat the non-conformity of out of these damned boomers. (The only positive I can see is that at least they all non-conform in exactly the same way – and that should make matters much easier.)

      Keep that list, Clifton. We need to be vigilant. If we aren’t, you can be assured that it won’t be long before the word “senior” is no longer synonymous with decency, honesty and respect and has been reduced to nothing more than a drug culture slang word for “Nepalese Temple Balls.”

      All the best, Clifton, and thanks for stopping in.

      Don

      p.s. I hope this can be taken as a sign that you’re bringing your blog out of semi-retirement and continuing on in your important work of providing practical advice to idiot young people.

      • Dr Tim permalink
        7:23 am

        Dear Don

        Nepalese Temple Balls? Sounds like something you might get if you sit “In The Lotus Position” for a little too long.

        Apologies to the ladies, but best that we are made aware of this foolishness before it takes hold.

        Where are you getting this information from Don; back issues of National Geographic?

        Very Best

        Dr T

        • 1:32 pm

          Thank you Dr. Tim,

          It does sound rather uncomfortable doesn’t it?

          My information comes from a number of sources but I do credit National Geographic as well as Reader’s Digest, Senior’s Weekly and old episodes of Mannix.

          Regards,

          Don

          • Dr Tim permalink
            9:21 pm

            Dear Don

            Prostate permitting, I’ll drop by the Dentist’s surgery on the way back from my chiropodist appointment tomorrow. The waiting room has a pretty comprehensive back catalogue of National Geographic and Reader’s Digest.

            Meantime, I’m avoiding the water cooler at the Day Centre in case one of those hippie seniors has spiked it with a marijuana blotter. I suggest you do the same.

            Best Regards 

            Dr T

  9. 9:43 pm

    Dear Don,

    with all due respect, but you seem to stray a bit from the topic of the blog…or you just call them “young people” too.

    I hope it will help to ease your worries.I know a person, who used to be a total hippie. Now, she is a respected, church going, drugs free, beads free matron.

    You are as always – the best.

    Faithfully,
    Fan

    • 10:34 pm

      Thank you fornormalstepfathers,

      I agree that the subject is a bit off topic but there are also most certainly a number of boomers I would still consider under the broad heading of “young person.” I also do tend to wander off topic now and again if a particular subject catches my fancy. (Sometimes it’s nice to give the real damned young people a week off).

      I’m glad to hear there are examples of reformed hippies out there. With a little luck, there still may be some hope for the future of senior citizendom.

      You are as always – very gracious and kind.

      With warm regards,

      Don

      • Anonymous permalink
        1:09 pm

        Sir, you have no need to worry about this topic choice.

        Baby Boomers are perpetual children. They have been spoiled rotten, self-involved, little brats since the day they popped out and will die as such. They’ll probably be buried in designer coffins with 60’s tribute bands playing. The bill for this, and all their other bills, will be passed on to their children.

      • Sedate Me permalink
        2:17 pm

        That was from me, sir. I forgot to reattach my name before posting.

  10. 10:36 pm

    That’s hilarious–and quite accurate! I know at least one person like that–60-something, and still living in a hippie dreamworld, almost totally out of touch with the present!

    And while I don’t feel that any generation, including the World War II generation, is beyond reproach–I do feel that the Baby Boomers, overall, have done more damage to this country, on the domestic front, than members of any generation preceding them. There’s a very revealing book I highly recommend: “Slouching Towards Gomorrah”, by Robert H. Bork. In this book, he explains how the leftwing extremists of the sixties infiltrated our society, particularly the colleges and universities. It’s shocking how accurate and informed he is. Now I don’t like extremists of any kind–leftwing, rightwing, or anything in between. But the mass media of the United States was also infiltrated by these extremists. And those who control the mass media of a nation control the nation. The Baby Boomers are well meaning, they have good intentions. But “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. And damned if they haven’t paved the road to hell for the United States! I’m not blaming all of them, of course–my sisters are Baby Boomers, and their actually too rightwing for me. But so many of the Baby Boomers are responsible for the injustice and misinformation that are destroying this country today.

    As for Generation X–I was born in 1966, so I’m at the early end of it. And though we Generation X-ers have done our share of damage–we’re generally more sensible, because we have the hindsight of the dark side of the Vietnam-era protests and riots, drug overdoses, and failure to maintain balance in one’s life. So I think you needn’t worry as much about us.

    • 12:00 am

      Thank you very much Scott,

      I’ll try to calm my nerves about Generation X. I have time anyway, I figure I’ll be about 105 before any of them even start creeping up on 75. I’ll see if the library has a large print version of that book you mention. Sounds like it could be a very fine read.

      All the best Scott. Thanks for visiting.

      Don

      • 6:13 pm

        Great post, Mr. Mills!

        I’m with Scott here on Gen. X. Something very interesting and positive is stirring out here in the American family. The Boomer’s media empire refuses shine a light on it but there is hope! We’ll make you proud, even if it’s in the hereafter.

  11. Woman permalink
    10:40 pm

    “Beckons of decency”????? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA SNORT!!!!

    I do enjoy your post as always Mister Donald. I say seniors have worked hard all their lives and should join nudist colonies in tropical climates. Just kidding. But I do think seniors should look ridiculous if they choose to look so, act loony toons if that is what they want as well. After all. If government people can act like school children (and they are older/middle age) then seniors would then technically be teenagers.

    • 12:08 am

      Thank you Woman,

      Nudist colonies in tropical climates? Egads! Not only is it indecent but I don’t need to be tripping over breasts while spooning up cantaloupe at the brunch buffet thank you very much!

      And while I appreciate your suggestion that seniors should be free to look silly and act loony, I must point out that that kind of behavior comes with all kinds of risk when you get to be a certain age. Make one or two inappropriate comments or neglect to wear pants while grocery shopping and you’ll soon find yourself diagnosed as suffering from dementia and locked away in some senior’s rooming house.

      I take your point about government officials, politicians and the generally buffoonery of others but still maintain it’s important for us old folks to maintain some level of decorum in a world gone mad.

      Always a pleasure to hear from you woman.

      Best regards,

      Don

  12. 11:19 pm

    Like totally wow, dude, gag me with a spoon. I know once I reached the age of 65 I was no longer a pervert, but a respectable dirty old man, and that’s important. Flashing octogenarians at the weekly bingo game? Check. The only reason I don’t wear bling is because I couldn’t stand up. I’ve earned the right to do anything semi-legal, and claim I forgot. It can make those boring days fun again.

    • 12:15 am

      Jesus Jammer,

      If I didn’t know better I’d swear you were high on the drugs at the moment (or that Jammer Juice you were proposing a while back). I damned well nearly got a “contact high” just reading your comment.

      Still, regardless of everything, it’s comforting to know that you’re avoiding the bling and still attending bingo regularly.

      All the best Jammer.

      Don

      p.s.

  13. Polish Spring permalink
    11:37 pm

    I would love to see a fine adult such as yousrelf, Mr. Mills running for the President of USA.
    Please reconsider.
    Country needs a firmly kind guiding hand more than ever.
    Those boomers? Terrifying thought indeed.
    Better head to a nearest bomb shelter and begin a mass production of XXXL tie-dye shirt remake into something respectable.
    The very thought of a baby boomer in anything other than a fully covering gray flannel long pants sensible shirt makes me shiver in fear. And/or disgust.
    Keep the watch, Mr. Mills.
    With warm regards,
    Polish Spring

    • 12:19 am

      Many thanks Polish Springs,

      I agree that the country needs a firm hand now more than ever but mine isn’t the one for the job. It looks like that within a few years I’ll even be out of touch with “my own kind.” It’s a scary thought. I think the best we can hope for is that the boomers will start to get more concerned with their hips than their hippieness and that nature, gravity and time will do their magic and calm them all the hell down fast.

      All the best Polish Springs. Always a pleasure to hear from you.

      Don

  14. 12:51 am

    I hope I am ready to act like a senior when I become one. I’m not quite ready yet as I like to blast Megadeth once in a while. As far as mushrooms are concerned, I don’t understand why anybody would eat a fungus.

    • 12:44 pm

      Thank you Ahmnodt,

      Glad to hear you’re working out the kinks prior to signing up. Besides, when you get to be my age “Megadeth” is going to three funerals in one week.

      All the best, Ahmnodt.

      Don

  15. Russell permalink
    1:05 am

    Great article Mr. Mills, and wonderful tips! As for being dead before Generation X turns 65, don’t worry, I think the majority of Earth will be dead before then.

    Like I always say, the children are not our future, they are our undoing.

    • 12:44 pm

      Thank you Russell,

      I appreciate the kind words and heads up about Generation X. I suspect you’re probably right.

      A fine saying there, Russell. I’ll have to share that with the lads down at the seniors centre. We’re always looking for pithy new quotes about damned young people.

      Best regards,

      Don

  16. 2:47 am

    Thank you! This list also applied to the baby boomers when they became parents and grandparents. It’s no wonder young people have so many problems considering the state of their parents. Thank God my parents didn’t participate in (or at least gave up) this crap when they became parents. My condolences on the new underclassmen.

    • 1:20 pm

      Many thanks Momfog,

      An excellent point and one that has fueled my concern about their ability to behave respectably as seniors. I had hoped that by the time they became parents they would have come to their damned senses. And while I’m glad yours did, I’m not sure the same can be said for most.

      All the best Momfog. Thanks for stopping in – always nice to hear from you.

      Don

  17. 3:05 am

    Lucky for you, I’ll probably still be around when the tweens become seniors. I hope to god by that time they’d grow out of their fan dumb when thet see their idols sporting liver spots and ear hair.

    • 1:24 pm

      Thank you Blue Dela Kanluran,

      A very scary notion. All I can say is thank God I won’t be around to see it. I’m not sure how I’d respond to senior sexting and the 60th Anniversary Justine Beiber Steel Wheelchair tour.

      All the best,

      Don

  18. 3:38 am

    I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Don , but . . .

    http://tinyurl.com/4ymvmoa

    Seems ‘old habits die hard’ is true indeed – at least amongst those ageing ‘free love’ hippies you warn against

    • 1:26 pm

      Thank you Duncan,

      It’s enough to put an old man off his Bran Flakes. Apparently some people are taking the Sexagenarian title a little too literally.

      All the best,

      Don

      • Sedate Me permalink
        2:25 pm

        What did I tell you in the nursing home story, sir? There’s already lots of sex going on there. Just imagine when the Baby Boomers get in there. Plenty of time on your hands and plenty of potential partners just hanging around.

      • 6:21 pm

        I had to know what could possibly put you off your Bran Flakes so I checked out that link.

        You would think that after a lifetime of sex, seniors would be wise enough to know how to prevent STDs. But then again… we are talking about the Boomers…wisdom is never much of a priority.

  19. misswhiplash permalink
    6:52 am

    Oh Don, my darling, how truthful you are! I could not have put it better myself.
    I do so love to read your blogs, so open, so down right down to earth.

    From 72 year old P with love

  20. 12:28 pm

    Mr Mills
    Your posts make my day.
    Thank you

    • 5:01 pm

      Thank you slowvelder,

      Kind of you to say so. I appreciate hearing from you. Have a fine week.

      All the best,

      Don

  21. MyRobbie permalink
    1:08 pm

    Good morning, Mr. Mills! Once again I concur completely! Especially about the gold loop earring. Down to the decade, I agree. The age-inappropriate senior – a scourge to us all.

    Very nice work.

    Sincerely, MyRobbie

    • 5:10 pm

      Good morning to you as well MyRobbie,

      The age inappropriate senior is indeed a scourge and one that I’m determined to see become extinct. It’s hard enough for seniors to get credibility without seventy-something fools undermining our every word and action by donning leather chaps and damned sleeveless t-shirts. Sadly, however, the baby boomers are not the only ones guilty of this particular crime and there are already a good number of our existing brethren that seem to have thrown common sense out the window. Some sort of social marketing/public service campaign is clearly in order. It’s on my to-do list.

      All the best MyRobbie and thanks for visiting. I always enjoy hearing from you.

      Best regards,

      Don

  22. 2:12 pm

    I am amazed that some commenters can say absolutely nothing but you still have a long diatribe response. I can only dream to be as good as you one day Don.

    • 5:43 pm

      Thank you Bearman,

      I’m not sure I’d share your assessment that some of the folks leaving comments have absolutely nothing to say (with the possible exception of the semi-regular commentor named Wayne who generally has nothing to say but still requires 350 words in order to get that lack of point across).

      I’m as grateful for a “Good Day Mr. Mills’ as I am one of Clifton Tanager’s lengthy, rambling and often terrifying stories of life at Templeton Box and Glove. Very appreciative.

      As for my responses, perhaps I do go on a little bit but you have to understand that we seniors tend to be somewhat socially isolated. Family rarely visit or pick up the phone and almost never write. In fact, if it weren’t for Nigerian bank executives I’d likely never receive any personal correspondence or telephone calls at all. (It’s amazing how attentive to vulnerable seniors those foreign bankers are – not at all like the gals down at my local branch who seem somehow offended because I like to come in daily for a quick chat and to withdraw a $5 bill). We tend to take any opportunity to chat that presents itself.

      In any case, I’ll be more mindful in future.

      All the best and thanks for visiting.

      Don

  23. Sedate Me permalink
    3:16 pm

    This is the only generation that I actually liked better when they were younger.

    Sure, they were spoiled rotten little brats who were never told “no” and had life handed to them on a silver platter. They caused all kind of trouble when they were young, but I suppose that’s to be expected, especially given their numbers. It’s what happened next, or didn’t happen next, that was the problem.

    The generation that said “Never trust anybody over 30” went on to prove themselves right.

    These spoiled rotten, self-centred, demanding little brats, never grew up. Along the way, they dropped whatever good qualities they had, held onto all their bad qualities and added some more. They just shed their idealistic young skin and slithered off for a lifetime of cynicism, greed and self celebration. Somehow, they managed to become even more self-centred as they got older.

    To top it off, their sprogs are even worse than they were and lack the few redeeming qualities their Boomer parents once had.

    • 12:19 pm

      My thanks Sedate Me,

      A very interesting and accurate summary. You can see why we seniors would be concerned about having them join our ranks. The only potential positives I can see is that they bring considerable wealth and influence to the table but that won’t do any of us any good if they limit their clout to pressing for broader interpretation of medicinal marijuana laws and the creation of arthritis-soothing body paints.

      I’m afraid the whole institution of the respected elder is on its way out. By the time the current generation reaches 65 your average old man will have a nose ring, sagging neck tattoo and zero credibility whatsoever.

      A dark time for seniors indeed.

      All the best Sedate Me. Good to hear from you lad.

      Don

      • Sedate Me permalink
        8:26 pm

        Sorry to disappoint you sir, but most Baby Boomers don’t even bring wealth to the table. Most don’t have any money. Sure, they had amazing economic opportunities and earned a lot of money as a group. But their spending outpaced their income. They did, after all, think they were going to be young forever. Why be responsible when you can have it all now and pay for it later?

        My Baby Boomer uncle is a newly minted senior. He had, not one, but had two really good paying jobs (at the same time) for 35+ years. His wife had a pretty decent gig too for most of that time. Yet I probably have more money in my pocket right now than their combined net worth.

        The only thing Boomers bring to the senior table is the only thing they really ever brought to any table, their numbers. It’s sad that your generation and their generation are about to be lumped together and seen as one.

  24. 6:11 pm

    It might be a real service to hold a “Welcome To the Golden Years” seminar down at the senior center. Speakers could cover such important topics as:
    – “When Bedtime’s at 8, Dinner at 4 Just Makes Sense”
    – “How To Shame Businesses Into Giving Your Rightful 10% Discount On Everything”
    – “Metamucil: It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore”

    This could help the newbies avoid violating the “senior code” out of sheer ignorance.

    • 12:31 pm

      Thank you pegoleg,

      I think this seminar notion of yours is an absolutely wonderful idea. The first topic in particular is one that’s both near and dear to my heart.

      With your permission, I’d like to run this by the board of my local seniors centre and see if we can’t come up with a core curriculum. I’d like to suggest that the seminar be the “kicking off” point (we may need to work on that wording so as not to alarm anyone but you get my meaning) and that graduation into seniordom be contingent on successful completion of the course and the administration of a few simple tests of decency.

      This kind of rigor (again, we need to be careful with our words) might be just the thing needed to maintain our current high standard of senior citizenship.

      My sincere thanks.

      Best regards,

      Don

      • 10:05 pm

        Please feel free to use any and all of these suggestions.

        You may want to clarify one point with attendees; whether flunking the final exam means they won’t be welcome at the senior center, or that they will not be allowed to become senior citizens. That may involve the unsuccessful candidates “being bumped off” (you know what I mean, but I am sure you will be careful to use the proper words there.)

        Regards,
        Peg

        • 10:24 pm

          Many thanks Peg.

          I may very well design up and entrance exam and post it here. If I do, I’ll be mindful or my words and what we do with those that fail to cut the mustard.

          All the best!

          Don

  25. 10:48 am

    I am one of the troublesome Baby Boomers. I’ll never fit in, I’m afraid. And I wasn’t even a hippy or a yuppy.

    I certainly don’t do groovy – that is so last generation. I do “kewl”.

    2, 3 and 4 don’t apply to me, but 5? Not a hope! Never! Inside I am still 22 (maybe 25) and I intend to stay that way (personal trainer permitting) until I am 75. There was a lady who went skydiving at 78 – it will probably take me that long to get up the courage, but I might just follow in her footsteps!

    Actually, my daughter is Gen X – and she is way more conservative than I am.

    Watch out, we are coming to getcha!

    • 3:36 pm

      Thank you Team Oyeniyi,

      Kewl? Sounds like a form of seaweed to me. This is all very distressing, Team Oyeniyi. I’ve always maintained that the only people jumping out of airplanes should be paratroopers and male stewardesses.

      I shall be on guard in anticipation of the arrival of you and your boomer ilk.

      Best regards,

      Don

  26. Wayne permalink
    3:56 am

    What the hell dipwade???? now you say old pepole our the reasan four all of are problms is because of them insted of yuong pepole who you always firstt said was the resons for are all problems and so now you change yur mind and say old pepole are the reson for are problems instead of yung pepole who you said was the problim in the first place???? do you even understand what your saying right now to the old people who think yong people are the problim you are sayin they arn”t the problim you said they were in the first place when you said it. I bet your arm pits stink like old mountainn dew. Your pathitic because first you say one thng than you say another thing that isn”t the first thing you said my buddy Dwayne jr teches in china and if it wan”T for him there”d still be camunionism ever think of that dipwade you shuld get on your hands and kneees and thank him and stop writn this nonesence

  27. 2:30 am

    I don’t know Don… maybe the senior citizen community is on the brink of something wonderful here, called pot.

  28. 1:28 am

    Alas, I passed the test. While hippiedom was abounding I was trying to understand what all the hoopla was about while in the Navy. I’m 66 — so I snuck in.

  29. Shoprat permalink
    11:31 am

    Don,

    When I turn 65 I’m going to roll up a fatty, seek you out in whatever old folks home you’re confined in and if I can get close enough (you probably have not had a bath in over a week) blow a hit into your wrinkled face. Maybe then, you’ll stop and think about what a mess your generation made of this country.

    • 10:25 pm

      Many thanks Shoprat,

      My generation? I think you’ve been huffing a few too many of those damned fatties, lad. But I’d be interested in knowing exactly what you think my generation may have done to spoil matters for you and your slack-assed ilk? I’d also be interested in what you might be doing to put things right? Surely you’re not just complaining about it and using it as a crutch to do nothing but moan, smoke cannibas and make up amusing internet usernames – you sound like a bright lad so I’m assuming you’re taking some form of action.

      Let me know where we messed up, son, and what you’re doing to improve things. I’m curious.

      All the best and thanks for visiting.

      Don

      • 6:14 pm

        He’s thinking of the Baby Boomers that made the mess and I will back him up on that. Gen X & Y are growing bitter with the short-sighted and self-serving activities of the BBs. We can see what they are kicking down the road to us — including their drug habits.

        Maybe he’s hitting too many fatties to know you are of the previous generation and it is called “the greatest” for reason.

        • Shoprat permalink
          11:58 am

          To Heather and Don,

          Geewilikers, where do I start? How about building an educational system that turns out mindless morons who can’t find the backside with a map and flashlight. Condoning the use of television to to occupy your children while you pursue the “American Dream” of wanton consumerism. Sitting idly by while corporations have destryed the very lifestyle that built this country. I bet both of you voted for Ronald Reagon and no doubt the “dim son” as well.

          What am I doing? I have raised two fine children and run a small manufacturing business. Occaisionally, I search out old farts to annoy. I hope I’m doing that now.

          Have great day and please change your clothes!

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