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Urban Donctionary


It seems to me that every young person with a dirty mind and access to a keyboard is making up words and phrases and posting them all over the interwebs.

Well I’ve had enough – and in order to maintain some semblance of balance, I intend to make up my own list of moronic words and phrases and create an on-line dictionary just for us seniors.

I think it will make a nice companion to my proposed Fogeyopedia site.

These will be some my first entries:

Mallingerers

Groups of damned young people who seem to have no purpose other than to congregate in shopping malls to loiter, shop-lift and generally interfere with seniors out shopping for sensible trousers. (See also LOLigaggers and Mallcontent)

1. I was afraid to go into J.C. Penney because the entrance was blocked by a large group of mallingerers.
2. Hold onto your purse, Mildred. That damned mallingerer is giving us the stink eye.

Throwing in the Vowel (alt. throw in the vowel)

The inane and damned confusing practice of taking traditional names for boys and girls and giving them asinine new spellings.

I have no idea what the hell they were thinking when they spelled their daughters names “Krystaal” ‘Malissa” and “Jenipher” but I can only assume they knew they were unfit to be parents and decided to throw in the vowel.

Waist of Space

The technical term for the space between the bottom of a young man’s t-shirt and the top of the baggy pants hanging from his hips. The space is usually characterized by 6 to 7 inches of visible, distasteful and bunched up underpants.

Good Christ! What a waist of space. If I’d ever walked around like that my old dad would have beaten me senseless with his belt and then forced me to wear it.

Blundercuss

The act of storming into a public situation and blithely firing off a sordid volley of profanities with the sole intent of shocking everyone within a 50-foot radius and drawing attention to your damned foolish self.

That moron came into the store with blundercuss blaring. Next time he opens his yap someone should stuff a bar of lye soap in it and then brain him with a desk stapler.

Fauxspock

A term to describe pompous young people who think they know everything about everything and spout off their views at the drop of a hat regardless of how uneducated, inexperienced or generally dumb-assed they may be (See also, illiterati ).

Jesus H. Christ, Edna, listen to that damned feckless fauxspock prattle on about qualitative economics. Someone ought to kick him in the seat of the pants and tell him to get a job before he starts moaning on about the global economy.

Abbrevination

This generation’s army of young people who are reliant on short-form, text based communication and who close all sentences with an emphatic LOL.

Man: What the hell does OMG, ROFL U LMAO :) mean?
Woman: You’d have to be part of the abbrevination to understand, dear.
Man: Maybe, but it still chaps my ass.

Girthquake

The shifting of tectonic plates which occurs as a result of overweight young people stomping around like great, lumbering dinosaurs.

Man: Jesus Christ, the house is shaking! Get in the basement now!
Woman: Don’t be a damned fool, Walter, that’s just Jimmy walking to the fridge. It’s a minor girthquake – nothing to worry about.

Froogle

To be cheap, cut corners or stingy in your research by forgoing actual reference books, study or public libraries and using search engines to answer any and all questions.

Tim is so Froogle. He didn’t write his history essay. He just cut and pasted a 200-page diatribe that some dodgy shut-in with obvious mental health issues posted on his blog. (See also Thickopedia, Quickopedia and Dickopedia.)

Carkinson’s

The noticeable shaking, twitching and vibrating of a vehicle pulled to a stop at a red light which results from 125 decibels of high-bass rap music being played on the car’s stereo. (See also Raprehensible and Rapugnant)

Man: That Ford Neon with the idiotic spoiler and tinted windows is shaking like a leaf. Worst case of Carkinson’s I’ve seen in ages.

Teenile Dementia

The absolute and stunning lack of logic, memory, direction or damned common sense displayed by most young people between the ages of 13 and 19.

Man: That lad wants a $600 pair of sneakers in exchange for cleaning his room!
Woman: It’s teenile dementia. He also thinks that wearing pants at the dinner table is “unfair” and plans on a career as either a sniper or President of the World.

Coming next time in Urban Donctionary: Shuffleboard, Déjà New, Interspittent and much, much more.

65 Comments leave one →
  1. 8:06 pm

    “The shifting of tectonic plates which occurs as a result of overweight young people stomping around like great, lumbering dinosaurs.”

    Nothing truer ever said.

    • 8:14 pm

      Nice to hear from you Tricia,

      Sad but true. I swear to god the last time my idiot neighbor’s son ran across my front yard half of the Red Skelton prints in my living room came crashing to the floor. My wee dog hid under the sofa for a week. I don’t know how many Snausages I needed to finally coax him out.

      Hope you’re well Tricia. Always nice to have you stop in.

      Best regards,

      Don

      • 5:45 pm

        Ha! I live an L.A. and can attest to this. What I thought was a minor trembler was actually a girthquake — more than once. They feel oddly similar.

        This one is going into my regular rotation.

  2. 8:45 pm

    Well said Mr Don. You never said a truer word!

  3. MyRobbie permalink
    9:04 pm

    I have always had a special place of hate in my heart for the fauxspocks of the world but I didn’t have the word before so it was just a generalized kind of a hate. A kind of pre-words hate. Now I have the skills to specify what exactly gets my goat when these men and women fauxspocks and fauxspockettes start the diatribe. Yay!

    • 10:07 pm

      Many thanks MyRobbie,

      Very nice to hear from you again. I have to say that the fauxspocks of the world drive me around the damned bend. There is something about listening to some spotty teen railing on about the class system when they are still drawing an allowance and living in their parents basement that puts my teeth on edge.

      And thank you for “fauxspockette.” I’ll be sure to use that as well.

      All the best, lass.

      Don

  4. 9:14 pm

    May I throw my hat into the ring and suggest “illiterink”? That would be any badly spelled or illegible tattoos kids seem to be covered with today.

    A great post with many terms that will become a permanent part of my lexicon.

    • 10:10 pm

      That’s wonderful, bmj2k.

      I love that. Perfect. My hope is that the site will be a collaborative effort and that others will be able to add words and definitions (provided they can pass some version of the young person test I posted a few weeks back). If you come up with others, please let me know.

      A great addition. My sincere thanks.

      Don

  5. 9:33 pm

    I think there is more to add to your “encyclopedia” entry on Fogeyopedia.

    Like the purchase of said encyclopedia happened as single volumes as your parents could afford them at the grocery store. If you were lucky enough after 26 weeks you had an entire set. If not all your reports were on Alaska and aardvarks

    • 10:13 pm

      Many thanks Bearman,

      A very fine addition to the encyclopedia entry. I’ve always said that the only ones who benefit from an economic downturn are the rich and aardvarks.

      All the best,

      Don

  6. 10:27 pm

    Throwing in the vowel and being Froogle are two of my biggest pet peeves!

    I think the trend of finding unique names is great, but there’s no point in taking a perfectly sensible name like Jennifer and ruining its etymology by making it Jennypher. You can have a unique name that’s also spelled correctly. These two things are not mutually exclusive.

    And being Froogle? Well, my husband and I are both English teachers, so you can imagine how much that pisses us off.

    Thanks for the laughs, as always, Don.

    • 10:37 pm

      Thank you threelittletrees,

      English teachers? I plan to post something on the state of our school system in the next week or two and would be interested in your opinion. It seems to me that young people don’t read Lord of the Flies anymore – they act it out in on a daily basis.

      Regardless, thanks very much for the comment. Frooglity is a pet peeve of mine as well (although I do like the fact that libraries are quieter than ever nowadays).

      All the best,

      Don

  7. Woman permalink
    10:33 pm

    Off with the Frooglers heads!!!!

    All the rest I can tolerate but this one makes me want to have my nails pulled rather than deal with the ones that Froogle. I tell you. What is it with people not using their noggins these days!!!!

    Would this term also be used to refer to those that do not always use their heads and voice their own opinions rather tell you everyone elses?

    • 10:44 pm

      Thank you woman,

      I’m impressed by your tolerance. I’m annoyed by Frooglers but I don’t find them as offensive as some of the others.

      Personally, as of late, I’ve been most troubled by the Blundercuss. It may be because one seems to have taken up residence just outside my front gate. Every damned day I have to listen to this Foghorn Filthhorn spewing out his “F-this” and “F-that” while parading around like he’s the bees knees instead of the worst type of ignorant asshat. I swear to god, he’ll be the end of me.

      As for those that parrot the opinions of others – I think they’re worthy of their own term. I’m just not sure exactly what that might be.

      All the best and thanks for stopping in.

      Don

      • Sedate Me permalink
        8:15 pm

        Mr Mills, I think “blundercuss” does work better as a noun than a verb.

  8. 10:41 pm

    I just know that most younger people scare me and shall wait patiently for read the rest. As for Froogle, it depends. I use Google quite a bit to search for articles and research papers for work and even Youtube to get some pretty good training / teaching videos. Coming from a country where libraries are stocked with book over a quarter century old and books that are becoming more and more expensive, Google actually helps me save a bit.

    • 11:04 pm

      …and it seems I can’t type a sentence without committing some sort of typo! Apologies for my comment above being filled with all sorts of grammatical errors – I’d like to blame that on the “I just woke up and it was too early in the morning” syndrome.

    • 1:50 am

      Thank you shreejacob,

      I don’t object to Google entirely. I myself have used it on occasion as a means of trying to interpret young people’s comments or in search of a decent tuna salad recipe. But there are times when it’s nice to know that the source you’re quoting is accurate and reliable and – to me – I feel more comfortable getting that kind of information from a quarter century old book than I do from some hastily thrown together blog or dodgy website of “collective knowledge.”

      All the best,

      Don

  9. 11:27 pm

    The ones that get me are gestimate and funtivity🙂 I do like chillax though.
    Gestimate just does not make sense because “estimate” and “guess” are different concepts!
    Funtivity just sounds ….stupid…

    Very creative! Thanks!

    • 1:56 am

      Thank you fornormalstepfathers,

      Funtivity? My god. Why are people so hell bent on taking perfectly decent words and cramming them together into shorter, nonsensical pieces of foolishness? It drives me to distraction. Is saying “fun activity” really that taxing?

      I say we put a moratorium on creating new words until people demonstrate some proficiency with the ones we already have.

      Nice to hear from you lad.

      All the best,

      Don

    • 7:36 am

      Oh, I love chillax! That mutant word just sounds right to me.

  10. 3:44 am

    Hi Don,

    I loved reading this! But I hope I can restore your faith in teenagers a little bit. I’m 19 and I’ve got to admit, there’s not a single word of yours that I disagree with here! Particularly the Waists of Space, Froogling and Teenile Dementia – all worryingly common sights on the campus of my university!

    (For my own part, can I suggest the Mobile Drones; a self-explanatory term.)

    Thank you, this made my evening!

    Ellie

    • 9:33 pm

      Thank you Ellie,

      I think Mobile Drones is an excellent addition. I will add it to the ever increasing list. By my calculations, we only need another 5.6 million words in order to surpass that damned Urban Dictionary site.

      All the best and thanks for visiting,

      Don

  11. 4:56 am

    As a teenager who has seen too many of my classmates underpants, I have to say that this is hilarious!

    • 9:34 pm

      Many thanks staples,

      Damned disgraceful. In my day you only saw a lad’s underpants when the older kids were yanking them out of the back of his trousers. Painful to watch and even worse to experience.

      All the best.

      Don

  12. 7:38 am

    I had a little teenile dementia when i was younger! I think we might all go through that one a little bit. Except you of course Don, you’re a saint!🙂

    • 9:37 pm

      Many thanks littlecurio,

      Saint may be pushing it just a tad. I’m sure I had my fair share of TD when I was a sprog but my parents sure didn’t let it get out of control. They had a whole host of home remedies that kept our delusions in check. And most of them involved either a clap to the ear, an increase in chores or an indefinite stay in our rooms.

      Thanks for visiting littlecurio and best regards,

      Don

  13. 9:33 am

    Can I add “Wikipaddicts”. This that thing Wikipedia is even remotely to be relied upon. How the hell can we rely on anything that EVERYONE can edit and change.

    I left the ‘p’ in there to distinguish from Wikileaks, which might actually do some good!

    • 9:35 am

      “Those that think…” – I can’t type either, but unlike shreejacob I’m blaming it on the Imovane I took some 15 minutes ago.

    • 9:45 pm

      Another fine addition. Many thanks Team Oyeniyi.

      It’s an amazing thing this Wikipedia. Given that so many people seem to accept whatever it has to say as fact – any one of us can literally rewrite history whenever the mood strikes us. Perhaps I’ll pop off now to change the ending on the War of 1812. I was thinking perhaps the Australians could win this time.

      All the best and thanks for visiting with me once again.

      Don

  14. 10:45 am

    Hilarious, of course! I’m especially interested in “Fauxspock”–is that referring to “Mr. Spock”, of “Star Trek”, or Dr. Spock? I was raised on both!

    • 9:45 pm

      Thank you Scott.

      To be honest, I was thinking Mr. Spock but Dr. would work just as well.

      Thanks for stopping in.

      All the best,

      Don

  15. 12:36 pm

    Teenile Dementia – love it!

  16. 3:45 pm

    Don, thank you for adding to my GOM (grumpy old man) lexicon. My favorite was Carkinson’s. It’s bad enough to blast your stereo, but do so to the point of rattling your car to pieces and forcing that horrendous noise upon others is criminal. That really chaps my hide. Keep up the great work.

    • 10:13 pm

      Many thanks Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (I’ll avoid the abbreviation).

      I have to say that after the Blundercuss, the Carkinson’s cases are next on my list of top ass chappers. You don’t hear my blasting Aba Dabba Honeymoon at top volume! It’s noise pollution.

      Best regards. It was nice to hear from you.

      Don

      • 9:44 pm

        There used to be an older gentleman in our town, with an apparent hearing problem, who would drive around in his pickup-truck BLASTING polka music. Sets my teeth on edge when a gangsta wanna-be blares his rap-crap, but when the Polka King would pull up behind him, and out-decibel the punk, it was almost worth the ruptured eardrums.

  17. 7:46 pm

    Ha! My husband and I talk a lot about “prostitots”, referring to the disturbing way that parents are dressing their small girls in high heels and pleather miniskirts.

    • 8:01 pm

      Yes, I’m with you on that one too!

    • 10:16 pm

      Thanks very much IfByYes,

      A very disturbing word (and image) and one that another commenter brought to my attention about a year ago. You really have to wonder what the hell is running through the minds of parents these days.

      All the best,

      Don

      • Sedate Me permalink
        8:32 pm

        Yeah, I remember when I first saw “eleventeens” dressing sexier than the local streetwalkers were. Very disturbing. What was even more disturbing is that it was convincing enough that I looked at them like they were adult women, if you get my drift, and not just stupid little girls playing dressup in their mom’s closet (which is how it should be). Nothing good can come from such mistaken identity. It’s like waving baby bunnies in front of crocodiles.

        But even younger than that now? Those parents need to be shot, killed, and have their corpses stood up, shot again, and then burned.

        • elizabeth3hersh permalink
          9:33 pm

          Sounds like ‘overkill’ to me SM.

  18. 1:37 am

    I have a word you might want to add:
    Joystuck – The inability to watch television because a damned young person has been playing video games for the last twelve hours.
    “I couldn’t watch ‘Matlock’ because the TV was joystuck on Mario Bros. Go-Kart.”

    “Teenile Dementia” is a symptom of a much more serious condition called “Teenile Dysfunction.” It’s the total inability of a young person to act like a human being.

    • 12:28 pm

      Fine work Ahmnodt,

      Not only is Joystuck a fine word but that example you provided about Matlock would make an excellent (and chilling) public service announcement about the dangers of video game addiction.

      All the best,

      Don

  19. 3:30 am

    how about rimatoid autothritis? that’s the condition of thinking that you need tires that are 4 times the size of your vehicle.

    and then there’s trampstampede. that’s when you’re approached by hordes of overly tattooed girls.

    • 12:30 pm

      Many thanks Nonnie,

      Both words are excellent but of the two my favorite is trampstampede. It’s perfect!

      Best regards,

      Don

  20. 3:21 am

    Always happy to come here and see that you still have it, sir!

  21. Spook permalink
    8:52 pm

    Haha, oh I love them! You are a true wordsmith Don!

    • 12:12 pm

      Many thanks young Spook,

      I appreciate the kind words. And I read your note in the comment policy section. I think given the circumstances, “Don” will be fine.

      All the best,

      Don

  22. 12:41 pm

    I don’t know how I got to this page, but it made me laugh! Fantastic post!

    • 3:15 pm

      Thanks for popping in Submeg. Hope to hear from you again.

      Don

      • 11:19 pm

        Definitely will do, will give me things to think about that’s for sure! I just saw a comment below, surely “wassup” is not in the dictionary? Egads!

  23. 3:52 am

    Hello, Mr. Mills. I lost your home phone number so I figured I could catch you here.

    I couldn’t read my district manager’s handwriting, so please tell me… did you want your paper in between the screen and door, under the mat or where I’ve been placing it lately (near the apron of your driveway).

    Please advise (and thanks again for the holiday tip…Chik-fil-A is delicious).

    • 3:21 pm

      Many thanks young Denny,

      I appreciate your asking, lad. My last paper boy (who was 40 something and dressed only in navy blue sweatpants and an ill-fitting “Loverboy -Keep it Up 1984 Tour T-shirt) was prone to lobbing the paper into my Japanese Quince or into the birdbath next to my front stoop.

      My preference would be between the screen and door, thank you very much. Keep up the good work and next year there might be hard candy and a crisp dollar bill waiting for you.

      Best regards,

      Don

  24. elizabeth3hersh permalink
    7:18 am

    One of your finest pieces of work Don. Absolutely brilliant. I would like to add assteoporosis to the list. Assteoporosis – thinning of the butt cheeks to such a degree that the seat of the pants rest comfortably mid-hamstrings.

    • 5:28 pm

      Many thanks Elizabeth,

      I think assteoporisis is my new favorite word. I’ll be shipping that one off to the lads at the Oxford English Dictionary. If they are going to accept “wassup” as a word, they’d be damned fools to pass up on this gem.

      All the best and thanks again,

      Don

  25. Sedate Me permalink
    8:49 pm

    Sorry I’m so late commenting on this one, sir. Our mutual frenemy (Mr Lion Tamer) had my attentions diverted with some useless tomfoolery I needed to correct.

    Anyway sir, it’s great to see you working on the Fogeyopedia. I honestly think it’s more than just a good laugh. I honestly see it as a great educational opportunity for the few youth of today who aren’t completely worthless and actually want to learn something important.

    That’s why, while I love them and they’re important to have, the recently developed senior slang to describe young people should take a backseat to praising seniors and the people, the technology, the ideas, the social customs, culture, etc that only they have heard of and deserve to live on in our collective memory. (See: Hammy Hamster) Recently, I actually had to physically show a worthless young person how to DIAL MY ROTARY PHONE! Incomprehensible! Has this guy never even see a pre-1990’s movie? He was scared of the damn thing.

    I wish I had the computer skills to help, but I hear the Wikipedia format is downloadable. It would work as a format.

    • 1:34 pm

      Thank you Sedate Me.

      No need to apologize. I’ve been following the Fancy Pants Tomfoolery with some interest.

      In truth, I’ve been giving the notion of the Fogeyopedia site more and more consideration lately. Unfortunately, I absolutely don’t have the computer skills needed nor do I feel inclined to go asking for assistance from my idiot neighbor’s moron son. Perhaps I’ll have some time over the summer to do some reading on the subject and then push forward.

      If I do manage to sort out the technical details, I’d very much appreciate any assistance you might be prepared to offer. Perhaps our mutual frenemy, Mr. Lion Tamer, might even be convinced to provide some submissions.

      All the best, Sedate Me.

      Don

      • Sedate Me permalink
        2:22 pm

        Sir, I doubt Mr Lion Tamer will be of much help. He’s a good writer, but I suspect the only thing from the past that he has an appreciation for is the economic system of Feudal Europe. He loves this bleepy & beepy modern “music” and has a naive belief in The Future. Perhaps it’s the foolishness of youth, but I bet he probably couldn’t use a rotary phone without help from one of these billionaire “innovators” he worships.

        Fogeyopedia is a fantastic idea and sure as hell is needed. Newsweek recently ran a real US citizenship test of natural born Americans and 38% failed. I answered all 10 questions I saw correctly, and I’m Canadian. A couple “highlights” included:

        65% didn’t know what the Constitutional Convention was for. Duh!
        80% didn’t know Woodrow Wilson was President during WW1.
        40% couldn’t name a WW2 enemy.
        61% didn’t know how long a US senator’s term is.
        73% didn’t know America’s official goal in the Cold War was to resist communism. It was the basic premise of US foreign policy for about 50 years, something constantly in the background of daily life, and 73% didn’t know, even though almost all test takers were alive during it. Staggering ignorance.

        Anyway, sir, the great thing about a Fogeyopedia is that you could build it entirely at your own pace. All you have to do is start with a dozen entries and slowly expand from there. Entries can even start as “stubs” that you can expand on later. Hell, you can probably steal (& add opinions into) useful entries directly from Wikipedia. If I had any idea how to do all this, I’d tell you, but I think all you have to do is download the Wiki software and it flows from there.

        But whatever you do, do the entries yourself. You don’t want the damn young people to have access. Next thing you know, FDR will have been a gangsta rapper in a wheelchair as the result of an “East Coast-West Coast thang”.

  26. imaginecreation permalink
    3:54 am

    OMG! LMAO!

    This is some of the funniest stuff I’ve read in a long time! Us young people need more of this kind of advice, for certain!

    ~Stacy

  27. 4:13 pm

    I’ve emailed this ‘dictionary’ to my father, and he wants to start puting ‘carkinson’ to use. Too many of those in our neighbourhood.

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