Well I’ve had enough – and in order to maintain some semblance of balance, I intend to make up my own list of moronic words and phrases and create an on-line dictionary just for us seniors.
I think it will make a nice companion to my proposed Fogeyopedia site.
These will be some my first entries:
Groups of damned young people who seem to have no purpose other than to congregate in shopping malls to loiter, shop-lift and generally interfere with seniors out shopping for sensible trousers. (See also LOLigaggers and Mallcontent)
1. I was afraid to go into J.C. Penney because the entrance was blocked by a large group of mallingerers.
2. Hold onto your purse, Mildred. That damned mallingerer is giving us the stink eye.
Throwing in the Vowel (alt. throw in the vowel)
The inane and damned confusing practice of taking traditional names for boys and girls and giving them asinine new spellings.
I have no idea what the hell they were thinking when they spelled their daughters names “Krystaal” ‘Malissa” and “Jenipher” but I can only assume they knew they were unfit to be parents and decided to throw in the vowel.
Waist of Space
The technical term for the space between the bottom of a young man’s t-shirt and the top of the baggy pants hanging from his hips. The space is usually characterized by 6 to 7 inches of visible, distasteful and bunched up underpants.
Good Christ! What a waist of space. If I’d ever walked around like that my old dad would have beaten me senseless with his belt and then forced me to wear it.
The act of storming into a public situation and blithely firing off a sordid volley of profanities with the sole intent of shocking everyone within a 50-foot radius and drawing attention to your damned foolish self.
That moron came into the store with blundercuss blaring. Next time he opens his yap someone should stuff a bar of lye soap in it and then brain him with a desk stapler.
A term to describe pompous young people who think they know everything about everything and spout off their views at the drop of a hat regardless of how uneducated, inexperienced or generally dumb-assed they may be (See also, illiterati ).
Jesus H. Christ, Edna, listen to that damned feckless fauxspock prattle on about qualitative economics. Someone ought to kick him in the seat of the pants and tell him to get a job before he starts moaning on about the global economy.
This generation’s army of young people who are reliant on short-form, text based communication and who close all sentences with an emphatic LOL.
Man: What the hell does OMG, ROFL U LMAO :) mean?
Woman: You’d have to be part of the abbrevination to understand, dear.
Man: Maybe, but it still chaps my ass.
The shifting of tectonic plates which occurs as a result of overweight young people stomping around like great, lumbering dinosaurs.
Man: Jesus Christ, the house is shaking! Get in the basement now!
Woman: Don’t be a damned fool, Walter, that’s just Jimmy walking to the fridge. It’s a minor girthquake – nothing to worry about.
To be cheap, cut corners or stingy in your research by forgoing actual reference books, study or public libraries and using search engines to answer any and all questions.
Tim is so Froogle. He didn’t write his history essay. He just cut and pasted a 200-page diatribe that some dodgy shut-in with obvious mental health issues posted on his blog. (See also Thickopedia, Quickopedia and Dickopedia.)
The noticeable shaking, twitching and vibrating of a vehicle pulled to a stop at a red light which results from 125 decibels of high-bass rap music being played on the car’s stereo. (See also Raprehensible and Rapugnant)
Man: That Ford Neon with the idiotic spoiler and tinted windows is shaking like a leaf. Worst case of Carkinson’s I’ve seen in ages.
The absolute and stunning lack of logic, memory, direction or damned common sense displayed by most young people between the ages of 13 and 19.
Man: That lad wants a $600 pair of sneakers in exchange for cleaning his room!
Woman: It’s teenile dementia. He also thinks that wearing pants at the dinner table is “unfair” and plans on a career as either a sniper or President of the World.
Coming next time in Urban Donctionary: Shuffleboard, Déjà New, Interspittent and much, much more.