Myth Busting: Setting the Record Straight on Senior Citizens
In support of the upcoming “International Day of the Older Person” I would like to address some of the common misconceptions, complaints and cruel stereotypes about senior citizens that are so commonly perpetuated by damned young people.
Myth #1: “Old People are Senile”
Young people seem to fancy the notion that all old folks are doddering morons who have checked their gray matter at the front counter of a retirement home and spend their days wandering around in nightgowns applying lipstick to their cheeks and calling out for family pets that died forty years ago.
True, young people have driven a good number of us out of our damned minds but this senility thing is largely overstated. Part of me suspects that young people may in fact just be jealous that our mental degeneration has a clinical name while as theirs just falls under the broader category of “blatant stupidity.”
And honestly, which is a better indication of an unhealthy mind: occasionally misplacing your car keys and forgetting the mailman’s first name or spending $400 on a pair of sneakers and adorning your ass cheek with a tattoo of the cast of Futurama?
I’m not saying that seniors don’t have their challenges but for the most part the old folks I know are sound as a bell, bright as new pin and true as the day is long.
Myth #2: “Old People Smell Funny”
I have to say that my initial reaction whenever hearing this comment is to wonder why the hell young people are so interested in smelling old folks to begin with. When I was a lad my nose was pushed too close to the grindstone to start sniffing around the pant legs of senior citizens. Besides, I was under the impression that young people nowadays only used their noses when turning them up in the face of work, stabbing them with jewellery or snorting cannabis.
Regardless, I’m pleased to learn they still have olfactory senses – I had assumed that stumbling around inside their small but noxious clouds of Axe body wash and Pee Diddly cologne would have stripped their nasal passages raw and destroyed their ability to detect the aroma of anything less pungent than burning human flesh or Katy Perry’s latest single.
The old men I know smell like a decent combination of hard work, wool sweaters, respectability and brylcreem. It’s no wonder to me that young people find it damned offensive.
Myth #3: “Old People are Slow”
Granted, years of fighting communism, holding jobs and shouldering responsibility may have left us a little bit sluggish now and again but every time a young person starts impatiently tapping his foot while I’m counting my change at the Piggly Wiggly checkout I’m left asking myself “why the hell are they in such a hurry?” It’s not like any of them have jobs or responsibilities beyond updating their facebook status every time a pimple erupts or something LoL happens to them.
Are their skateboards double parked? Heroin congealing on the spoon at home? An urgent need to go loiter elsewhere? It seems to me that young people have two speeds – pronounced inertia and manic pointlessness. And neither seem at all productive.
If you ask me, old people move at a respectable, purposeful pace. It may take me 10 minutes to cross the road but at least I have a reason to get to the other side.
I trust this clears matters up.