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God Damned Yappy Young People Drive Me Nuts

The problem with young people today is that they talk too much.

When I was a lad, young people weren’t allowed to speak. We needed prior written approval just to nod our heads.  We communicated by cringing, flinching or – if we were on fire – waving our arms about modestly. In my day children were seen and not heard…and the seen part was a luxury you didn’t want to abuse.

My parents didn’t know my brother Elgin was a deaf-mute until he was 18 and enlisted in the armed forces. Up until that point everyone just assumed he was slow but well-intentioned. I didn’t speak to my parents until my 9th birthday party and that was just to let them know that I was actually turning fourteen. I caught a beating for it – and rightly so.

But these young people today? They never shut the hell up. It’s not that they have anything to say, they just abhor a vacuum and need to fill any moment of silence with asinine jibber jabber and prepubescent bluster. It’s a wall of god damned noise. They’re a generation of self-important lap dogs yapping at anything and anyone that crosses their path.

Whatever happened to moody teens being morose and sulking quietly in their rooms? It may have been annoying but at least you could do the crossword puzzle in peace. Nowadays I can’t ride the bus without being subjected to gaggles of young people waxing idiotic on the use of archetypes in the latest vampire movie or blithering moronically into their god damned cell phones about the relative skinniness of Justin Bieber’s trousers.  It’s incessant, inane and it chaps my ass.

Who the hell ever told these fubsy half-wits they had something worth communicating? In my day young people used their mouths for eating, kissing elderly relatives and – if gas was scarce – mowing the lawn. If I had ever flapped my yap like some teenaged Foghorn Leghorn my old mom would have yanked my tongue out with a pair of kitchen tongs and beaten me senseless with the stump. And I’d have thanked her for it – albeit in written form.

What the hell ever happened to quiet reflection? To contemplation? To shutting the hell up once in a while? If these young people ever expect to amount to anything they’d be wise to take a page from the god damned monks, adopt a vow of silence, stop talking and start listening for a change. They may just learn something. And even if they don’t, I think we’d all appreciate the peace and quiet.

They talk too much. That’s the problem with young people today.

71 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:10 am

    In YOUR day, written approval came carved in a rock.

    • 2:18 pm

      Many thanks morethananelectrician,

      I admire your prompt commenting, lad. Unlike you, the electrician I’ve employed to upgrade my old knob and tube wiring is lessthandependable. He’s also lessthanhygenic, lessthanreliable and lessthanfullylicensed but I suppose that’s what you get when you’re not prepared to pay morethanminimumwage.

      In most cases my written approval came carefully typed or handwritten – it was the disapproval that came in rock form. And it wasn’t what was carved into the stone that mattered, the message was really in the velocity of the throw and the part of your body it was aimed at.

      Good to hear from you lad.

      All the best,

      Don

  2. 12:35 am

    “What the hell ever happened to quiet reflection? To contemplation? To shutting the hell up once in a while?”

    It’s not textable.

    • 2:25 pm

      Many thanks Guzzo,

      A shame. It would be nice to get the message out and apparently those damned texts are the only thing young people read these days. I’d suggest a broadcast message of ” Yo, lol! 5HU7 7H3 H3LL Up” is entirely in order. Not sure if you can text those damned emoticons but one of those smirky faces might be in order to.

      Thanks for visiting Guzzo.

      All the best,

      Don

  3. 12:41 am

    they never shut up when talking to each other. however, ask them a question, and you’re lucky to get anything more than an unintelligible grunt in return.

    • 2:29 pm

      Thank you Nonnie,

      An excellent point. Whenever I confront one of them what the hell they think they’re doing traipsing across my Kentucky Bluegrass they just stand there with their mouth half open and their eyes half-closed like some extra from a low budget zombie movie. The most I ever get in response is a shrug, a grunt and the occasional “dude.”

      All the best and thanks for stopping in Nonnie. Always a pleasure to hear from you.

      Don

  4. 12:45 am

    But if they shut the hell up then we miss out on hearing exchanges like this on the bus:

    Girl 1: If I have a kid I’m gonna name it Jack

    Girl 2: Why would you call yr kid Jack? Every Tom, Dick and Harry calls their kid Jack….

    • 2:41 pm

      Many thanks Rubytwoshoes,

      An impressive piece of dialogue. Riding the bus has become a regular evening with Tennessee Williams.

      Recently I had the pleasure of listening to two louts spend 25 minutes attempting to decide how “epic” their summers had been. It was a spirited exchange and became heated at points but in the end they were able to agree that “totally fucking epic” was the most appropriate description.

      Honestly, dental surgery would have been preferable.

      Thanks for visiting.

      Best regards,

      Don

  5. 1:19 am

    This brings to mind the saying “children should be seen and not heard.” Of course, who wants to see their pierced, pimple-pocked pusses anyway? Perhaps “children should not be seen nor heard nor anywhere within a mile of their elders” works better.

    • 2:50 pm

      Many thanks bmj2k,

      An excellent suggestion and, yes, it does work much better. (I might be inclined to increase that “no children” zone to closer to 10 miles but that’s personal preference.)

      All the best bmj2k. Always good to hear from you.

      Don

  6. 1:29 am

    I’ll consider it a mitzvah if they can just be prevented from making a sound until their voices drop below the pitch of a factory whistle. You’ll never convince me that they run around screaming EEEEEEEeeeeeeee at the top of their lungs, pretty much up through the age of puberty, for any reason other than to annoy the life out of adults.

    • 2:57 pm

      Many thanks sledpress,

      I agree about the screaming. It’s maddening as hell and I’m quite sure it’s done solely to drive us out of our minds. But I find the inane banter even worse. Not only is the constant noise exasperating but when you combine that with the stupidity of the dialogue being exchanged it’s enough to make you want to get off the bus and then throw yourself under it.

      Thanks for visiting sledpress.

      Warm regards,

      Don

  7. 4:49 am

    well, not all of ’em shout! many r quiet…

    • 3:06 pm

      Thank you mani,

      If there are quiet ones lurking about I haven’t seen them. Still, I’ll take you at your word and keep an eye open for quiet young people. In actuality, it’s the quiet ones you want to watch out for anyway.

      Best regards,

      Don

  8. 8:23 am

    I’ve got something for that chapping. See me in my clinic after 5:00

    • 3:16 pm

      Thank you Nursemyra.

      I appreciate that. While not clearly visible to me without the aid of a hand mirror and my reading specs, I’m growing quite concerned that my left damned check is beginning to resemble a cactus pear. I’ll be there promptly at 5:15.

      With sincere thanks,

      Don

  9. 9:07 am

    Couldn’t agree more! Is anyone LISTENING anymore?!? Funny.

    • 3:17 pm

      Thank you Nikki,

      I appreciate your stopping in to visit and taking the time to leave a comment.

      All the best,

      Don

    • Sedate Me permalink
      1:51 pm

      Listening? Not only are most kids incapable of spelling the word, few have any idea what it means. To them, listening is just the empty space in between the ejaculations of every little thought that enters into their little brains.

  10. 9:53 am

    Another facet of this problem, the speed of speech they spit out, male me giddy just that…

    gg

    • 9:53 am

      for male read make!

    • 3:23 pm

      Thank you gallowaygrave,

      I couldn’t agree more. It’s like they just turn on a damned tap and let it all come rushing out. (I think they’re afraid that if they stop to take a breath someone else might take the opportunity to speak instead.) They never pause to consider what they want to say or if they actually need to say anything – they just let rip with whatever pea-brained notion pops into their yaps. It’s not about quality – it’s all about volume (in both senses of the word).

      Good to hear from you lad. Best regards,

      Don

  11. 11:00 am

    Man, it isn’t just the young people who indulge in inane jibber jabber around here. Just go to the local Wallyworld and you will find people who apparently cannot shop without someone talking in their ear the whole time. It’s unnerving.

    • 3:30 pm

      Thank you healingmagichands,

      That’s very true. I’ve seen a number of folks talking into the air while at the checkout or walking down the aisles of the local grocery store. It’s extremely unnerving and pretentious too. It’s like they’re saying “I’m so damned busy and important that I need to conduct my business while shopping for lettuce and I don’t care who knows it. In fact, I want everyone to know it.” No one needs to be on the damned phone and talking 18 hours a day.

      All the best healingmagichands,

      Don

  12. run4it permalink
    4:43 pm

    I grew up with Dad’s adage, “If you don’t have something important to say, don’t say anything at all.” Couple that with my mother making me stand in corners “to think” about my actions or behavior for what seemed hours at a time, it’s no wonder I’m an introvert!

    • 8:19 pm

      Many thanks run4it,

      Sounds like good parenting to me. And I’m in favor of introversion – people aren’t nearly as interesting as they think they are. And those that are interesting don’t need to go around proving it all the damned time.

      Remember, just because someone isn’t prepared to tell you their most personal stories the first time you meet them or get a snake tattooed on their forehard as a result a dare – that doesn’t mean they are an introvert, it just means they have some damned common sense.

      Thanks for visiting run4it. Hope to hear from you again.

      Best regards,

      Don

      • Fairy Face permalink
        11:12 am

        Oh Don you’d just hate where I live right now. It’s called Daylesford. A place where the whole town is pierced, tattooed or gay. The town is idealic but it’s not only the ‘ young’ who are annoying. Most shops are owned by gays and one is actually called “Get It Straight” lol. When you enter the shops the RAINBOW flag hangs proudly over the door and the poofery is abundantly clear. I told the guy behind the counter I was straight and could I still buy something. He looked at me as if I had horns. I told him that if he has to broadcast he’s gay them I can broadcast that I”m straight. How stupid has it all become? These are grown men and women waffling on like silly kids.
        I guess you need to see it from both sides. Who IS actually worse, kids who think they know everything or adults who behave like kids?

        • The King permalink
          12:04 pm

          Ironic you call yourself “Fairy Face” then?

          Fair of face but black of heart…

  13. 10:41 pm

    Ahh… reminds me of the Milford Academy from Arrested Development. I’d like to send most of the youth today to Milford, where they are trained “to be neither seen nor heard.” As the show sometimes said, “You can always tell a Milford man.”

    Get em Don!!

    • 12:12 pm

      Many thanks Dr. C.

      I’m not familiar with the Milford Academy but it sounds like a fine institution and one that we’d be wise to replicate across the entire country.

      Many thanks for visiting.

      Best regards,

      Don

  14. 2:38 am

    A message to the young people: Quit your yapping! The last thing you want to do is deal with Mr. Mills when his ass is chapped!

    • 12:15 pm

      Thank you kindly Ahmnodt,

      I appreciate your spreading the word. It’s true – I can be particularly unpleasant when my ass is chapping and the damned young people would be wise to take heed. While a few days of applied ointment will treat the symptoms, some sustained quiet is the only real damned cure.

      Best regards,

      Don

  15. 7:35 am

    I blame the parents of the younger generation for using the idiot box as a babysitter. They were raised listening to noise and the nonsense that passes for entertainment, so naturally, they can’t stand a moment of silence. They are trying to be witty when in the end they sound like a loud, poorly written sitcom.

    • 12:52 pm

      A very accurate point IMHO.

    • 12:19 pm

      Very true Yellowcat.

      And you can add the writers/producers of those shows for contributing to the din by encouraging those damned children to think they’re “special” and “important.” The last thing any 6-year old needs is Mr. Rogers telling them that they have something important to say. He should be telling them to shut up, mind their business and respect their parents.

      That’s the kind of “children’s programming” this country needs.

      All the best, yellowcat, and thanks for stopping in.

      Don

  16. 12:07 pm

    Don’t I know it. When I was a wet-behind-the-ears lad, it was my job to keep the pilot lit on the floor furnace. One time I lit it, it blew back in my face. I made the mistake of yelling. “Geeezzeee”, and got my butt kicked, and deservedly so.

    • 12:23 pm

      Many thanks Jammer,

      You can’t say you didn’t have it coming. There’s at least 3 or 4 syllables in that damned outburst. My parents would have relieved my of my duties, torn off my limbs and fed them to the furnace.

      Good to hear from you lad.

      Best regards,

      Don

  17. Bubuy Balangue permalink
    2:52 pm

    Dear Mr. Mills,

    I friend of mine gave me your url and stumbled upon this entry of yours. I must say this is so true globally speaking. I am from the Philippines and the younger generation is equally irritating. But one thing that got my attention is this:

    “5HU7 7H3 H3LL Up

    What do they call this new typographical phenomenon or stupidity in your part of the world? In our country, it is known as “jejemon” language since they type laughter “haha or hehe” as “jeje”. The “J” is pronounced as “H”. And ‘mon’ is short for monster.

    What do you think of this uncanny similarity?

    Yours,

    Bubuy

    • 1:27 pm

      Thank you Bubuy,

      To be honest, I have no idea what this new form of spelling is called. I call it laziness and stupidity (lazidity) but I suspect there is a more formal term out there somewhere.

      I can’t say I’m surprised that there is a comparable abomination in the Phillipenes – all of the emailing, texting, and youtubing that goes on nowadays pretty much ensures that idiot fads become worldwide trends in no time at all.

      Best regards and thanks for visiting,

      Don

  18. Sedate Me permalink
    5:05 pm

    If only these young people were capable of generating anything worth listening to, but they got nothing.

    All they want to do is talk about new tech-toys, trendy clothes, new “apps”, so & so’s last message on his “wall”, their next piercing or tattoo, the fight on last night’s Reality TV show, the latest YouTube video of a farting dog and plenty of assorted relationship blather along the lines of “duz he luv Me?”.

    It seems the entire generation is as incapable of discussing anything remotely meaningful as they are incapable of shutting up for more than 30 seconds at a time.

    • 1:38 pm

      Very true, Sedate me.

      Not only do the blather on inanely and without pause but they are so self-absorbed that every damned comment has to somehow relate back them directly. They don’t see the value in any conversation unless it is about them or about how something else affects them. And them alone.

      As always, good to hear from you.

      Don

  19. 7:31 pm

    Amen Donald. I think the worst part about the incessant blathering is that none of them can seemingly manage to construct a sentence without using the word, “like” at least fifteen times… infuriating. If we started a movement to remove the unnecessary usage of “like” from the English language and we succeeded, we could probably shut the little buggers up for good…

    • 2:29 pm

      Many thanks Molly,

      That’s a very good point. If you also removed profanity and use of the word “me” you’re likely going to reduce their active vocabulary by 96-98 per cent.

      All the best and thanks for stopping in. I hope you’re well.

      Don

  20. 9:49 pm

    Give it a couple more years Don and you will soon live in a world where all teenagers are quiet again as soon as they all give up talking on the phone and just text.

    • 2:34 pm

      Thank you Bearman,

      The day can’t come soon enough. The two year time frame may not work for me but I’ll keep eating bran and hope for the best.

      Appreciate your stopping in, lad.

      Best regards,

      Don

    • Sedate Me permalink
      8:16 pm

      Unfortunately Bearman, I suspect that probably won’t happen. I think we’ll go to video-phone conversations first. It’s writing that will disappear because even an illiterate text message requires a little bit of thought.

      That means we will be subjected to both ends of every one of these idiotic “conversations” instead of just one end.

  21. 1:50 am

    Yeah you are right, young people love to listen to their own voices more so than anything else,and you know, some adults do that too. Because they think they’re much wiser than others and feel the need to pass on their wisdom to younger people.Even if the thing they’re saying is already known & understood, but not all adults for sure, they’ve had enough time to learn from their mistakes.

    • 5:53 pm

      Thank you for the comment Yasmine.

      I appreciate hearing from you and agree that some old folks tend to flap their yaps a fair bit as well. For me, though, it’s the combination of inanity, pitch, speed and sheer amount of verbal nonsense that spills out of the damned young people that truly sets them apart.

      All the best,

      Don

  22. 8:38 am

    Dear Mr. Mills,

    This reminds me of the story of the small boy who never talked. His mother was terribly worried, and took him to many doctors, who each concluded there was no physical reason the boy did not talk, and advised her not to worry. Not an easy task, given that the child hadn’t uttered a syllable.

    Finally, one day, when she was serving the boy his breakfast, he took a bite and calmly told his mother “These eggs are cold.”

    Astounded, she asked him “Son, why have you never spoken before this?”

    “Everything was fine until now.” 😀

    • 5:54 pm

      Many thanks Fantastic Forrest,

      A damned good story and one that more than a few young people would be wise to commit to memory.

      All the best and nice to hear from you again. I trust you’re keeping well.

      Warm regards,

      Don

  23. lookingforsomethingtofind permalink
    9:58 am

    I am a firm believer, if you have nothing to say, say nothing. Most people it seems who are speaking have in reality nothing to say. Although over heard conversation can be unintentionally funny.

    • 5:55 pm

      Thanks very much lookingforsomethingtofind.

      Good advice. Nowadays the rule of thumb seems to be if you have nothing to say just yell it louder so that it appears to be important.

      All the best,

      Don

  24. Lynn permalink
    12:38 pm

    I remember in 2nd grade having to bring home a report card with my teacher’s comment: “Lynn, talks too much!” I got in so much trouble that day. Personally, I feel kids should be taught to question authority but where’s the balance? There needs to be a balance.

    • 6:33 pm

      Many thanks Lynn,

      Personally, I think the balance is at 35 (I’m being generous here). Up until then, young people would be wise to just do as they’re told and toe the damned line.

      Always a pleasure to have you visit, Lynn. I hope all is well.

      Don

  25. 7:59 pm

    I keep trying to put a voice to these rantings. Again, hilarious. I’m hooked.

    • 6:33 pm

      Thank you very much Rico,

      I appreciate the kind words. You’re a good lad.

      All the best,

      Don

  26. Anonymous permalink
    10:30 pm

    I’m sorry, Don, but I find this post heartbreaking.

    I realize that things were different back in your day (even more so when you use terms like Foghorn Leghorn), but I just can’t imagine a parent being so cruel as to actually make their child kiss the elderly. Related or otherwise.

    I may not be a mother (fingers crossed!), but I’m pretty sure that today this would be considered a form of child abuse.

    Regardless, I agree with everything you said. Kids these days talk way too much.

    Godspeed Don,
    Bschooled

  27. 2:20 am

    Well, in my neck of the woods, Don, they stay pretty quiet but their thumbs must be mighty sore.

  28. poddys permalink
    9:25 am

    Makes a lot of sense to me, people just say too much these days.

    I remember growing up (just about – it was a long while ago for me too) and I was too shy to open my mouth, or if I did out of place I would get a dirty look.

    My Grandma always sayd that “Little boys should be seen and not heard”, and that was the era I grew up in, but it’s long gone, good in some ways but bad in others.

    Today there is no respect, especially for elders, and ok the same was true years ago in 10% of the population, now it’s like 90% or worse, and the lack of respect is far worse.

    I blame the media in many ways, that and the parents who allowed their kids to do whatever they wanted and didn’t teach them morals, and now those kids have kids and grandkids of their own.

  29. 1:10 pm

    When I grew up it was children were to be seen and not heard and seen as little as possible. It helped me grow my imagination into my own multi surround sound mental theater. They could shut me up but not inside.

  30. 2:06 pm

    over from Jillsy’s .. have you met Margaret and Helen? You might like the way they think… http://margaretandhelen.wordpress.com/

  31. 4:29 am

    I’m not always keen on foreign stuff, but the chinese have a good proverb:

    “A good way to save face is to keep the lower half of it shut.”

    If that isn’t wisdom, I don’t know what is.

  32. Elmako permalink
    1:23 am

    Don,
    I’ll paraphrase the bard (well, he was to many…) “’tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your pouth and remove all doubt” Samuel Clemons

  33. Elmako permalink
    1:24 am

    I guess that these damned young people are too busy talking to read the classics.

  34. Kyle permalink
    7:23 pm

    I don’t disagree with you, sir, that there are a great number of young individuals that do not have much going on upstairs; but, do you think it’s possible that there are a minority of “Young People” that do, in fact, have something intelligible to say? Or that this minority actually attains “Wisdom” by questioning things? I surely hope you don’t engage in the same fallic reasoning many others of your generation have by assuming that EVERYONE under the age of 60 is an idiot. I never got smacked for asking questions, but I did get two fingers to the pressure points in the back of the neck if I said something stupid, ignorant, or otherwise childish. However discouraging your childhood may have been, I would like to remind you that some of the greatest accomplishments in History have been attained by those willing to speak out against voices telling them to “shut the hell up,” as you have so eloquently put it. I’m sure this comment will never reach the public’s eyes, as the majority of your generation, in addition to thinking you are the only source of wisdom available, also cherishes the virtue of not being able to accept criticism. However, I surely hope you reconsider, in part, some of the rediculous observations you have made here.

  35. Rage of Those Interrupted permalink
    8:31 pm

    “Whatever happened to moody teens being morose and sulking quietly in their rooms? It may have been annoying but at least you could do the crossword puzzle in peace.”

    Thanks for the official permission to spend all day in my room, reading and ignoring the enitre world.

  36. Judy permalink
    2:55 am

    I’ve had little children come up to me, a complete stranger, to yammer on about some nonsense no one cares to hear, only to see Mom and Dad smiling proudly in the background. Right there’s the root of the problem. My mom would have grabbed me and stuffed a handkerchief, used or not, in my mouth while apologizing profusely to the people I had the nerve to bother. People don’t feel well, people are tired, they don’t need you blabbing nonsense at them too, that was her take on things. I enjoyed reading your blog and all the comments as well. I needed a good laugh, thanks.

  37. 6:22 am

    Well back in your day there wasnt much to talk about. Instead of spending your last bitter days in front of a computer screen bitching and going on rants about how much you hate young people, maybe you should try to help some of us half- wits become perfect like you!

    You encouraged me to be even louder.
    …. gosh i hate old people.

  38. David permalink
    2:43 pm

    I am only 27 yet when I go on the bus I get rather annoyed with people not shutting the hell up and talking about who they had sex with or there lovelives which I don’t want to know ^^;

    Worst yet is when someone is still talking in the cinema when the film is on ^^;

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