God Damned Yappy Young People Drive Me Nuts
The problem with young people today is that they talk too much.
When I was a lad, young people weren’t allowed to speak. We needed prior written approval just to nod our heads. We communicated by cringing, flinching or – if we were on fire – waving our arms about modestly. In my day children were seen and not heard…and the seen part was a luxury you didn’t want to abuse.
My parents didn’t know my brother Elgin was a deaf-mute until he was 18 and enlisted in the armed forces. Up until that point everyone just assumed he was slow but well-intentioned. I didn’t speak to my parents until my 9th birthday party and that was just to let them know that I was actually turning fourteen. I caught a beating for it – and rightly so.
But these young people today? They never shut the hell up. It’s not that they have anything to say, they just abhor a vacuum and need to fill any moment of silence with asinine jibber jabber and prepubescent bluster. It’s a wall of god damned noise. They’re a generation of self-important lap dogs yapping at anything and anyone that crosses their path.
Whatever happened to moody teens being morose and sulking quietly in their rooms? It may have been annoying but at least you could do the crossword puzzle in peace. Nowadays I can’t ride the bus without being subjected to gaggles of young people waxing idiotic on the use of archetypes in the latest vampire movie or blithering moronically into their god damned cell phones about the relative skinniness of Justin Bieber’s trousers. It’s incessant, inane and it chaps my ass.
Who the hell ever told these fubsy half-wits they had something worth communicating? In my day young people used their mouths for eating, kissing elderly relatives and – if gas was scarce – mowing the lawn. If I had ever flapped my yap like some teenaged Foghorn Leghorn my old mom would have yanked my tongue out with a pair of kitchen tongs and beaten me senseless with the stump. And I’d have thanked her for it – albeit in written form.
What the hell ever happened to quiet reflection? To contemplation? To shutting the hell up once in a while? If these young people ever expect to amount to anything they’d be wise to take a page from the god damned monks, adopt a vow of silence, stop talking and start listening for a change. They may just learn something. And even if they don’t, I think we’d all appreciate the peace and quiet.
They talk too much. That’s the problem with young people today.