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Repost – God Damned Young People and their Disorders Drive me Batty

I’m currently on vacation but will be back with a new post next week.

The problem with young people today is that they all have “disorders.”

Back in my day, young people didn’t have “disorders.” When we got sick our illnesses were tangible damn it. Something you could see on an x-ray or confirm with a rectal thermometer. We got the grippe, scarlet fever or polio, not some airy-fairy pseudo-illness like “reactive attachment disorder” or “body dysmorphia.”

They pretty much have all the bases covered. Learning disorders, mood disorders, eating, anxiety and personality disorders – anything the young people can think up as an excuse for their snotty attitudes, lazy behavior and to keep them from having to go out and look for work.

It’s all a bunch of god damned malarkey as far as I’m concerned and gives me “pissed off old man syndrome.” They haven’t got anything wrong with them that couldn’t be fixed with a couple of electroshocks, a kick in the butt and few 12-hour shifts sorting entrails in an abattoir.

Seriously, what the Hell is “intermittent explosive disorder” anyway? To me it just sounds like a bad case of diarrhoea, a hot temper or both.

I don’t understand it. If one of the kids in my school behaved strangely we didn’t send them him off to a headshrinker and a pharmacologist for a label and a half dozen vials of pills – we just called him “Spaz”, lowered our expectations and moved on with life.

If I had ever come home and told my old mom that I couldn’t do my chores because I had “oppositional defiant disorder” and “Munchausen by proxy”, she would have beaten me bloody with a melon baller and been right to do so.

But, nowadays it seems that young people have to have some kind of personality disorder if they’re going to be “cool” and “hep.” It’s ridiculous. Last time I checked young people didn’t have personalities. They had bad attitudes and nerve and very little else.

If I had to diagnose, though, I’d have to say that young people today have a serious case of Associative Ignorant Assclown Disorder (AIAD). It’s an epidemic in fact so lock your doors, pull the shades and hide in the basement. Because based on what I’ve seen, there is no cure in sight.

They all have “disorders.” That’s the problem with young people today.

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21 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:07 am

    The world needs plumbers.

  2. 1:03 am

    It’s that damn medical profession and the damn way too young doctors exacerbating the whole thing. They figure they can’t make any money off the common cold, so they call it “swine flu” and charge you major bucks so they can justify it. Thank God diseases like Polio are wiped out. Imagine what they’d call it today, and what they’d charge for that. Damn young doctors taking care of damn ignorant young people. Hell, I oughta be selling my jammer juice; it’ll kill any disease known to man. Plus it’ll restore bad eyesight, and shrink those pesky ulcers.

  3. 2:30 am

    The next time that I hear a parent say, “My son/daughter did that because they are dealing with issues from depression/AHAD/AAD/DAD/BBF/LLU/childhood trauma/anxiety disorder/Gulf syndrome/depersonalization/OCD/etc.”, I’m gonna punch them in the throat!

    • Susan permalink
      2:31 am

      I really have OCD, and it is hell. Imagine having this irrational fear that something bad is going to happen if you don’t do a certain thing. It’s like a thought that you can’t get out of your head and it tortures you.
      So unless you have dealt with it, don’t you dare judge them.

  4. 2:43 am

    There is basically nothing wrong with the average kid that a swift kick in the ass wouldn’t cure.

    given that I am currently leg pressing 630 pounds (well I suppose that is only 315 pounds with each leg), I volunteer.

  5. elizabeth3hersh permalink
    7:24 am

    As an over-read and overwrought teenager, I used to frequently crack open the Merck Manual and read all the psychiatric disorders, believing (surely) I had a touch of this and a touch of that (or more likely a lot of this in conjunction with a lot of that). A DSM (version two back in my angsty days) would have surely confirmed my worst fears. I have since come to embrace all my quirkiness and disorderliness and feel blessed to have been born with a ‘happy gene.’ In spite of my congenital blissfulliness, once again, my oldest was successful in generating my ‘psycho mom mode’ today. Is it too much to ask a teenager to contribute more than an hour of mandated tasks/chores and get off the damned Internet after an hours long marathon session? Apparently, it is. All I know is, today, I was right back at square one (or was that chapter 13?) in the Merck Manual all those years ago. The bucks stops here, right here, and it seems to have come full circle. Parents: that’s the problem with young people today.

  6. 8:09 am

    Melon ballers must have been a lot larger in your day Don

  7. 11:21 am

    This is just all too true. Nowadays you have a “disorder” when you used to be “eccentric”.

    And anyone who has trouble getting their child off the internet needs to learn where the OFF button is on the computer. I think they all have one.

  8. Friar permalink
    11:34 am

    Unfortunately, there’s no cure for Associative Ignorant Assclown Disorder (AIAD),

    Except maybe time.

    The disease needs to run its course. It usually goes away by the time someone reaches their mid 30’s.

    • Sedate Me permalink
      7:09 pm

      Maybe in the past, but no longer. Like drug resistant bacteria, Assclownism has become immune to the ageing process.

  9. 12:27 pm

    There is a cure for AIAD. I was cured of it as a child. You will need the following to cure it:

    1 paddle
    1 men’s belt
    1 dictionary that includes the word “No”

    Administer one dose when child misbehaves.

    • elizabeth3hersh permalink
      1:04 am

      Hope you are being facetious, Ahmnodt. Can you picture any president ‘whooping’ their child? Your family physician? A college professor? A bank president? The attorney general? A therapist? Your Whole Foods manager? A social worker? A surgeon? It took decades to re-claim ‘my’ soul after barbaric (belt) beatings. And it’s not any old soul, but a borrowed soul. My soul was murdered and snuffed out. But, I like this new soul (it fits nicely) and at some point I will have to pass it on to someone new.

      • Sedate Me permalink
        1:10 pm

        The good news is that you can buy souls. Souls are REALLY cheap these days. Some people are willing to sell them for as little as a smart phone.

        The bad news is that these souls are all used. Some are in good shape, but few are as good as the one you were born with. (Tip: Buy from a virgin!)

        • elizabeth3hersh permalink
          11:42 am

          I got mine off eBay from a PowerSeller with 100% feedback!! It’s a little tattered, but it fits like an old Bally shoe. It just goes to prove, you can get anything on eBay!🙂

      • 11:59 am

        Elizabeth, I have studies to back my claim. A study conducted by Americans for Corporal Punishment showed that crime increased when corporal punishment became banned in schools.

        • Sedate Me permalink
          1:23 pm

          Forget corporal punishment! That theory is largely unprovable because it was a one-shot deal, not a repeatable experiment. Any number of factors could have influenced the numbers.

          What is provable is that crime rates are a direct function of the percentage of young people in a population. For example, when the massive Baby Boomer generation hit their peak crime age, crime Boomered. As they aged out of crime-primetime, crime rates have been slowly dropping ever since. They have gone from a crime committing phase of life to the crime obsessed paranoia stage of life, and have dragged society along with them (down) at both stages.

          Bank bailouts and stock frauds aside, crime is caused by the existence of too many young people. Therefore, we must take all necessary steps to reduce the population of young people. Hitting them over the ass with a belt may be a lot of fun, (and a bit of a turn on) but it isn’t going to achieve anything.

  10. 12:48 pm

    Kids are certainly making the pharmaceutical companies rich.

    Whenever I suggested I was depressed or whatever other medical cocktail of issues I thought I had my parents would plainly say “SNAP OUT OF IT!” That was all the medicine you needed. There was no such thing as a shrink and pills to suddenly make you happy or be ‘adjusted’ in society.

  11. Sedate Me permalink
    7:16 pm

    Big Pharma has gotten us all to operate under the premise that:

    1) Everyone must be the same.
    2) Everyone must be happy at all times.
    3) Anyone different must get heavily medicated.

    In other words, having a personality is a personality disorder and it must be exorcised via vast sums of over-priced, under-regulated, pills.

  12. 1:51 am

    i read the other day about a teenager who was found to have no disorders whatsoever. as it turns out, having no disorders is a disorder in itself.

  13. 8:07 pm

    Mr Mills

    Gotta tell ya as much as it pains me ..i have to agree..these little bastards today complain way to much about being sick….they should get the hell of the computer and get a god dam job…i have been sick and my farm grass needs to be cut…….great point good on ya old man….zman sends

  14. Rage of Those Interrupted permalink
    10:02 pm

    Ok. As much as I actually love your other posts, this one offends me a bit. I mean, I understand that’s the point. But the problem is that you’re not the only one holding such view points. A lot of people honestly seem to think that a mental illness is something you can just get over.

    I wish. I wish I could just magically stop having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It would be lovely if I could just get on with my life, incestual rape victim or not. I’d love it if hearing rape jokes at school didn’t make me freeze up and dissociate so bad I can’t read. I’d love it if I didn’t now have other personalities who identify with my grandfather and want us dead. I’d love it if touch of any kind didn’t hurt me, if having someone hug me didn’t make me want to throw up. I’d love it if my sleep and eating patterns weren’t screwed up because some part of me still thinks I deserve to be punished, that the rape was my fault.

    I’d love it if my brain could just goddamn realize that it’s over. Done with. I’m not in danger any longer. But the goddamn PTSD still thinks I am. Still thinks I need to be hyper alert 20/7. That if I trust, I will be let down. That I have to be ready to fight back at all times. That I can’t truly live, I have to just survive.

    I hate that this bothers me so much. It’s a joke. I know it’s a joke. But it’s horribly offensive, and I really wish you hadn’t posted this,

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