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Repost – God Damned Giant Teenagers Get My Goat

I’ll be on a fishing vacation for the next two weeks and recycling some old material while I’m gone. As this week is my 100th post, I thought I would repeat the very first article I wrote for this site. I’ve scheduled another oldie for next week. See you later this month. Stay off my damned lawn while I’m away.

The problem with young people today is that they are too tall.

When I was a boy I was short. Damned short. Stunted, you might say. And so were my friends.

I was 4’2” until my last year of high school for Christ’s sake and I was captain of the basketball team.

My dad was the tall one and if I tried to get bigger than my size-three britches before my time he’d have thumped me senseless and been right to do it. It’s disrespectful. He called me “short stack” or “shorty” or “hey you” and I was grateful for the attention.

You’re not supposed to be taller than your old man until he starts to stoop over from age and is ready for a rocker and long afternoons sipping iced tea spiked with gin.

But these kids today…six feet tall before they’re out of grade school and lumbering around the playground in size 22 Keds like a pack of slack-assed Godzillas.

It’s disrespectful and a crime against nature.

People say it’s steroids in meat and milk that are making these kids so damned tall but I don’t buy that load of crap for a minute. It’s arrogance, video games and the MTV – pure and simple.

I didn’t grow unless my parents told me to. I asked permission before I grew and if my dad was pissed from a bad day at work and told me not to – I didn’t dare.

But not these kids today. They don’t understand fear, or respect.

They just grow willy-nilly without any concern for public decency or proper morals. And believe me, when we are living in a world populated by teenage giants running around with their oversized pants and enormous fountain drinks you are all going to be sorry you didn’t heed my warning.

And that is the problem with young people today.

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25 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:08 am

    Grrrrrr!

    In protest…

    la·zy [ley-zee] adjective, -zi·er, -zi·est, verb, -zied, -zy·ing.
    –adjective
    1. averse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion; indolent.
    2. causing idleness or indolence: a hot, lazy afternoon.
    3. slow-moving; sluggish: a lazy stream.

  2. 12:15 am

    I’m an old school shorty. While I wasn’t the captain of my high school basketball team, I was a forward (at 5’8″) and I lead the league in rebounding. Young tall people have the irritating knack of sitting in front of me at ball games.

  3. 12:21 am

    Teenagers- a bunch of willy nilly growing slackers!
    The draft wtake care of all that arrogant growth.

  4. 1:07 am

    There is one comfort here… the poisons that make kids big will also kill them. All we have to do is get enough money for our own retirement funds, move into a seniors only community with a golf course in Arizona, and watch them all die off.

  5. 1:22 am

    Congratulations on your 100th post! May there be hundreds more.

    Enjoy your fishing trip. I suspect there might be some fish tales posted here after your trip.

    As far as this post. I’m a shorty too. And all I have to say is the bigger they are the harder they fall.

    Enjoy your trip.

  6. 2:06 am

    Just like you Don. Don’t make number 100 something special. Just rehash some old shit you posted before. Classy.

  7. 2:06 am

    I was an early tall kid at just over six feet in junior high school, but I used to stoop a lot, until others caught-up. There are many pictures of me stooping next to my older, smaller brother. Then our little brother shot up to six four and sacked quarterbacks in high school and UMass. The brutal bastard never stooped once. Seriously, Don — have a great time fishing. I took my daughter today and we had just a few nibbles, but LOTS of quality time. Get the big one known as “Old Nick”, and tell him hello for me — there’s more metal hanging off his lips than a pierced Goth. Good luck!

  8. 6:02 am

    have fun on vacation, don. keep in practice by yelling at the teenage fish. congrats on #100. 😀

  9. 11:26 am

    A .22 cal works great on panfish, whereas anything over three pounds requires a .38. Ocean going pelagic fish are best boated using a 12 gauge Browning semi-auto. Use steel shot, as it can be removed from the fish using a magnet. Happy fishing, Don.

  10. 1:07 pm

    My Nana had the cure for that and passed it on to my Mom who in turn passed it on to me. When the child starts getting taller than the parent the response is thus-
    “I will cut your legs off at the knees and beat you with the bloody stumps.”

  11. Dr Tim permalink
    6:19 pm

    Hello again Don

    I wasn’t tall as a youngster and I’m less tall now that the stoop has set in. Tall isn’t good, in my view, and it isn’t clever – its just not natural.

    Many congratulations on making it to 100 posts Don. Again, the early onset Alzheimer’s enabled me to enjoy this one just as much as the last time around.

    Have a good trip, as we used to say in the 1960s.

    Best

    Dr Tim

  12. 10:51 pm

    Hi Mr. Mills—I notice some grumbling from the peanut gallery regarding your use of re-posting an oldie but goodie. I don’t understand what all the hoo-ha is about. At this stage in your life, if the occasional re-post is all you’re regurgitating, more power to you, I say.

    Hope the fish are all that’s biting and have a good time!

    • 12:27 am

      I’d expect Wilfred Brimley to be “regurgitating” old information since he’s old and can’t remember where he left is Depends…but not someone I put on a pedestal equal to Andy Griffith.

  13. 12:38 am

    Gosh, I can relate to this post! I’m a wee woman, and I have no idea how I made two hulking teenage brutes. It’s certainly not my delicate genes. My husband is sort of large and ungainly. I blame him. My mom calls the boys “The Galoots”. Teenagers should not be way taller than their parents. It’s unnatural, and it makes beating them really awkward. I just can’t get the right angle with my whip.

    Have a great fishing trip, Don!

  14. elizabeth3hersh permalink
    2:21 am

    I look forward to reading all your old posts, Don. You rascal.

  15. 8:35 am

    Just how stunted are we talking? As stunted as that gnome I just stole from your lawn while you’re not around to stop me?

  16. Lynn permalink
    7:12 pm

    happy 100th post! have fun.

  17. Suicide is the solution permalink
    11:16 pm

    sorry You can not feel my problems I’m in hell, difficult to leave him Suicide is the solution

  18. 5:59 pm

    Enjoy your lying seminar, I mean, fishing trip. We want pictures when you return.

  19. 12:51 pm

    I wonder if you can sue yourself for plagiarism.

  20. Tom permalink
    4:11 pm

    Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

  21. 4:38 am

    Well as a young man myself i can say that the being tall phenomenon skipped right over me. I’ve just come to the realization that i’ll be 5’7 forever.

    http://minilaptop410.wordpress.com/

  22. lianamerlo permalink
    12:18 am

    They only grow to make their parents buy them more clothes.

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