Don Mills Saves America: Part Five – Sex Education
I don’t usually weigh in on political issues but this damned country of ours is driving me to distraction and it’s time someone got it sorted out.
So, for the benefit of any politician who happens across this blog (I use the terms “graft” “pandering”, and “Reaganomics” as tags quite regularly) I am outlining simple steps that can be taken to help create a better America.
Today, I tackle the unpleasant issue of sex education.
For the life of me I can’t understand why the hell anyone in their right mind would want to teach sex education in our damned public schools. If you ask me, this generation is already too sexually precocious and sure as hell don’t need access to additional tips, pointers or cliffs notes on the fundamentals of adolescent humping.
Here’s a thought…why don’t we defer providing sex education until these damned young people have learned the basics of long division, grammar and are able to read an analog clock. Before we teach them how to locate a clitoris on a woman’s body why don’t we try teaching them how to locate the United States of America on a god damned world map.
Is this really where we want out tax dollars directed? At paying a clowder of frisky, ascot-clad degenerate educators $40,000 a year to demonstrate how to put a condom on a banana or navigate the elaborate fasteners of a woman’s girdle? You can get more bang for your buck by giving kids $50 and sending them down to the docks for a field trip and some hands-on tutoring. It’s cheaper, faster and likely more informative too.
When I was a lad the 3Rs stood for Reading, Writing and Arithmetic – not Rubbing, Writhing and Arousal. I learned about sex the proper way; via guesswork, poorly-illustrated adult playing cards and regular reading of animal husbandry magazines. I thought a vulva was a Swedish automobile until I was 45 and I turned out just fine.
I’ve always believed that when it comes to young people, it’s best to keep information about sex vague, cloaked in shame and tinged with fear of biblical repercussions. Young people should be dissecting rabbits, not learning how to fornicate like them for Christ’s sake.
This sex education nonsense has to end now! Not only is it immoral and indecent but just what kind of workforce are we trying to create here? While other countries are churning out a new generation of biochemists, phrenologists and mechanical engineers, here in America we’re training experts in the fields of heavy petting, hickey trading and advanced hand-jobbery.
And, trust me, if that’s the kind of the skilled workforce we’re trying to create – our economy and our minds are destined to remain firmly and forever in the toilet.