God Damned Germ-Free Adolescents Get Under My Skin
The problem with young people today is that they’ve never been exposed to germs.
When I was a lad, young people weren’t concerned about microbes, germs, bacteria and other invisible, spaced-aged hokum. We ran about with scraped knees, open cuts and played happily in the mud puddles that formed where the run-off from the abattoir met the drainage pipe from the munitions factory.
I had a trail of snot running down my face from the age of three until I graduated high school and so did all of my friends. We didn’t use Kleenex or sneeze into our damned elbows. We coughed with our mouths wide open, wiped our slippery beaks on each other’s shirt sleeves and were stronger for it.
But these young people today? They’re a bunch of pandemic-fearing, pasty-faced hothouse flowers. Everything they touch needs to be scrubbed clean, germ-free and bathed in antiseptic lotions. From their damned hypoallergenic cats to their HEPA-filtered air and germ resistant fabrics, the average home is more sterile than an episode of Full House.
How the Hell do we expect young people to fight off the communism if they’ve never even had to fight off the common cold? It’s ludicrous.
In my day, young people were encouraged to get sick. If a lad had the grippe he was sent outside to take some air – not submerged in Purell, dosed with antibiotics and rushed to the hospital for a complete blood transfusion. We let our immune systems do what God intended them to do – kill our germs or kill us and thin the damned herd.
By the time I was a young man my immune system was so strong I could cure my brother’s rubella just by standing next to him. I haven’t been sick in 50 years and it’s not because I soak my vegetables in bleach, it’s because I pick a damned tomato out of my garden, rub it on my trousers and then eat it cutworms and all.
Take it from me – if these young people really want to beat disease the best thing they can do is get out of their hermetically sealed homes, shed their latex gloves and N95 surgical masks and go muck out a stable or two. And if they don’t, it won’t be long before we’re nothing but a nation of asthmatic bubble boys who’ll drop over dead the first time they eat a piece of cheese 3 days past its expiry date.
They’ve never been exposed to germs. That’s the problem with young people today.