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The Problem with Young People – Trading Cards

“Young People: The Trading Cards.” Fun for the whole damned family.

Over 30 different cards available! Buy them today, collect them tomorrow and trade them with your friends for years to come.

This month’s offering:

 

Card #26: The Pierced Freak. Always a fan Favorite.

 

Card #47: The Gamer. A young person classic and must have for any serious collector.

 

Card #23: The Pregant Teen. Both Tragic and Highly Tradeable.

 

And an extremely rare, special edition “Foolish Old Person” card!

Card #72: The Age Inappropriate Senior. (Because some old folks act like damned stupid young people.)

 

Previous trading cards available here and here and here.

Brought to you by the old man at Donco.

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89 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:10 am

    Card #72: The Age Inappropriate Senior is very valuable…especially this rarely distributed version with the misspelling of the word “disturbing.”

    But we are all thankful this isn’t the other recalled card…with a dis-TUBING.

    • 12:19 am

      Many thanks morethananelectrician,

      I appreciate your pointing out the error. I’ll tend to it right away and repost the corrected version. I note that it contained an extra period too and, in all fairness, that kind of irony is better suited to the gamer card.

      Many thanks lad. You have a keen eye (but you might lose it if you continue lingering over that particular photo).

      All the best,

      Don

  2. 12:14 am

    OMG! That is SO creepy it scares the hell out of me.

    T.O.M.

    • 12:26 am

      Many thanks tom1950.

      Sorry to give you a fright, lad, but these damned young people are not for the faint of heart.

      All the best and thanks for visiting.

      Don

  3. 12:27 am

    Mr. Mills, that last one is hysterical, yet very very disturbing. Love your trading card posts.

  4. 12:27 am

    The Piercer better hope the new health care bill passes because he’s going to need some medical attention. Oh what am I thinking? He’s not gainfully employed so the state already pays for his stupidity.

    Ditto The Pregnant Teen.

    Possibly the best trading cards yet!

    • 1:25 am

      Many thanks Yellowcat,

      He’s definitely going to require some medical attention? In fact, I think he’s needed his head examined for a long time.

      And, yes, I’m sure we’ll all end up paying for it when his head collapses in a few years or when he finally sobers up and realized that he looks like a god damned moron.

      All the best, Yellowcat, and thanks for stopping in.

      Don

  5. marymcmary permalink
    12:44 am

    Definitely the best set so far! I especially like the “Gamer” card, and the “Age Inappropriate Senior Citizen” gave me the urge to rip my own eyes out. (I resisted, fear not.) Another excellent posting, sir!

    • 1:59 am

      Lovely to hear from you marymcmary,

      Those video gamers scare me the most. I realize that modern parenting consists of little more than plugging your child into an x-box for 14 hours a day but I’m still not sure exactly what the repercussions are going to be. Call me old-fashioned but something in my gut tells me that having a young man spend the better part of his youth sitting in front of a television bombarding his brain with images of shooting people and blowing things up might not end as nicely as we had hoped.

      Perhaps I’m wrong.

      All the best. And sorry about that last card. It’s damned unnerving isn’t it?

      Best regards,

      Don

    • The Celtic Queen permalink
      12:11 pm

      The ‘Age Inappropriate Card’ reminds me of someone Lol too funny.

  6. elizabeth3hersh permalink
    12:52 am

    How in the world did we get from Patty Duke and Dennis the Menace to the real life version of the Munsters? Seems to me, Don, that nowadays it is perpetually Halloween. By the way, I have put your card collection on my eBay ‘watch list’ in the event you ever get around to publishing them. They may not be a 1937 O-Pee-Chee Joe DiMaggio, but they sure as hell make me laugh (and lament).

    • 11:57 am

      Thank you Elizabeth,

      A good question. I’m sure exactly when it happened but I suspect it was sometime between the launch of Apollo 11 and the cancellation of the Ed Sullivan show. That’s my best guess anyway.

      Always nice to have you visit, Elizabeth.

      All the best,

      Don

  7. 12:58 am

    I wonder if Kathy Pembleton knows who the father of her child is. Or are we going to have to watch Maury to find out?

    • 12:04 pm

      Many thanks Ahmnodt,

      I’ve never understood that. If you’re that unsure of who the father of your child is why would you put yourself on national television and promote the fact?

      Why not rent out a billboard while you’re at it.

      Damn odd.

      All the best,

      Don

    • Sedate Me permalink
      4:14 pm

      It ain’t me. I was double-bagging it that night. Test the football team.

  8. 12:59 am

    I’ll trade you 2 “Kathy Pembleton’s” and a “Liam Stover” for a “The Age Inappropriate Senior Citizen” card. Come on Mr Mills, we all know how rare that one is and it is sure to go up in value.

    • 5:07 pm

      Many thanks frigginloon,

      A cagey trade if you are able to find a taker. The Gamer and Teen Pregnancy are entirely more common than the inappropriate senior card. And I agree – its value is sure to increase over time.

      All the best,

      Don

  9. 1:28 am

    Mr. Mills, you always make me laugh and give me something to think about, but with card 72 you also managed to scare me.

    • 5:08 pm

      Thank you bmj2k,

      Sorry for the fright. I have to admit it scared the bejeepers out of me as well.

      Best regards,

      Don

  10. 1:37 am

    OooWeee, these are wonderful! So many pockets of pearlers lying about on this page; can be easily lead anywhere by nose ring, approx distance between breast and knees etc…
    The Gamer reminded me of an all time viewing favourite of mine, a doco called ‘The King of Kong’, ask a neighbour to come and pop a copy in the DVD player for you and check it out, it will be worth it for the nostalgia value the haircuts alone will provide an old timer like yourself…

    • 5:08 pm

      Many thanks RubyTwoShoes.

      I’ll have to look into this King of Kong film. I enjoy documentaries, nostalgia and arcane hairstyles equally.

      All the best,

      Don

  11. 1:53 am

    is that last one york’s new squeeze? did he meet her on his birthday? she’d look mighty find standing next to him when he wears his leather shorts and his belly shirt.

    • York Mills permalink
      1:54 am

      Hee hee…

    • 5:09 pm

      Many thanks Nonnie,

      It’s true; they’d make a startling couple.

      Sadly, though, York falls into the same trap as a lot of old men and feels that mature women hold no appeal (Granted, this card does little to dispel that myth). I keep telling him that the only 20-something female he’s likely to develop a relationship with will be a nurse but he’s not one to be easily deterred. I believe he’s out at a martini bar at this very moment.

      Thanks for visiting, Nonnie. Always a pleasure to have you stop in.

      Don

  12. 2:54 am

    I feel sorry for Marvin. I think he had a new piercer doing the big ball by his eye going through to the top of his head. I believe brain matter was hit and he is now a drooling slob.

    • 5:28 pm

      Thank you bearman,

      I agree with your assessment. Must have been a hell of a bolt as I’m assuming the lad is fairly thick-skulled. I wouldn’t feel too sorry for him though. Chances are he was a drooling idiot to begin with.

      All the best,

      Don

  13. 2:59 am

    Whoa! That “Age Inappropriate Senior Citizen” was just creepy.

    I think I need to take a shower. Scour myself with Comet.

    • 5:28 pm

      Many thanks Debbi,

      Creepy indeed. And that type of behavior just feeds into stereotypes and undermines the efforts of us more modest and serious minded seniors. Really, no one benefits from that type of behavior.

      Sorry if I drove you to the shower. Personally, it drove me to the liquor cabinet.

      Best regards,

      Don

  14. 3:03 am

    This is too easy. The star of card 23 (the pregnant teen) had sex with the star of card 47 (the gamer) and gave birth to card 26 (the pierced freak), and card 72 is what she is going to look like when she’s 45.

  15. 4:29 am

    Don;

    Regarding the age-inappropriate senior….

    Good Lord.

    Is THIS what I have to look forward to in my later years?

    If that’s the case, then I want to pull the plug…right NOW.

    Though I’d be interested to know who are the 5% of seniors who DON’T find her embarrassing?

    • 5:55 pm

      Thank you kindly Friar,

      Sorry, lad. I didn’t mean to dash your hopes for the future. On the upside however, your eyesight tends to go to Hell after 50 anyway so it’s not quite as startling as it appears right now.

      To answer your other question, I believe the 5% that don’t find her embarrassing are the same 5% that tend to dress in a similar manner. They’re a small but easily identifiable senior sub-culture.

      All the best,

      Don

  16. 11:03 am

    Good God! I’m so out of the loop on this. Number 72 is, well a birth control poster child. I very much agree with Claire Collins position.
    Thanks again Don, for a good laugh.

    • 5:56 pm

      Nice to hear from you Hal.

      I think Claire did an excellent job connecting the dots. And yes, #72 does to “unmotivate” doesn’t it.

      All the best,

      Don

  17. 11:52 am

    I have to say that the trading cards have never really been my favorite posts here, since I never really understood the whole trading card thing in the first place. But this set is priceless, but I think your stats for the pregnant teen are off. Or she is an underachiever. Around here, her projected age to become a grandparent would be more like 28. But they mature early around here (Lots of hormone laden meat and milk in these parts) and start young, assisted by the fundamentalists’ belief around here that the only sex education appropriate is Abstinence Education. Like that has a tinker’s chance to work.

    • 7:06 pm

      Many thanks healingmagichands,

      I gave up my fascination with trading cards many years ago but did collect them when I was a lad and enjoyed it tremendously. It’s hard to explain the attraction but there was a certain thrilling anticipation when you peeled open the package, wondering which players you might add to your collection. Trading them with friends was also a great deal of fun.

      I tend to share your view about Abstinence Education. While I’d prefer that damned young people forgo any and all sexual tomfoolery, I can’t imagine they they’d be terribly receptive to that particular notion. Give them all ice baths and 12 hour work days – that’s more likely to do the trick.

      All the best,

      Don

      • 8:10 pm

        Don, I am not sure that all the ice baths in the world can put a halt to a horny teenager, and from what I recall of my youthful years with my first husband, 12 hour days weren’t much of an obstacle either. . .

  18. 1:21 pm

    You’ve done it again, Don. Instant classics. This is hysterical stuff, and threatened to send morning coffee through my unpierced nether regions. The piercings were especially funny to me, and recalled the time I was sub teaching at a high school, calling role, and this young girl mumbled something in answer to her name. It turns out a fellow piercing freak had put a stud in her tongue, and hepatitis was setting in. She kept the tongue, but very little else in the way of . . . intelligence. Good times, good times . . . great post as always. She was already an exotic dancer by the time she graduated, and left for the LA clubs. Career goals can take you away . . .

    • 7:07 pm

      Many thanks Dan,

      I think you’ve identified a few cautionary tales in that comment (not the least of which is the dangers of substitute teaching).

      Those pierced tongues give me the damned willies. I’m not sure what it’s intended to signify but it sounds damned painful and entirely impractical. What’s next? Exotic spleen piercings? Lower intestine rings? Pancreas hoops?

      It’s a head scratcher as far as I’m concerned.

      All the best, Dan, and thanks for visiting,

      Don

  19. Sedate Me permalink
    4:22 pm

    Sorry, Mr Mills, but I think you goofed with the Age Inappropriate Senior card.

    Her Card should read “Hall Of Fame” and illustrate her storied career while as a young person, not declare her as an “All Star” as she is most certainly no longer a young person and can’t qualify for insertion into the card series without such a distinction.

    • 7:07 pm

      Thank you kindly Sedate Me.

      You make a damned excellent point. A Hall of Fame/Lifetime Achievement card would have been much more appropriate. I wish I’d thought of that kind of approach.

      I’ll be sure to keep this in mind if my current stock runs out and I’m forced to re-issue.

      Many thanks for the suggestion.

      All the best,

      Don

      • Sedate Me permalink
        7:46 pm

        Even the best of us make the occasional oversight, sir. This is a very minor one.

        I also must admit I may have an unfair advantage and can also be a bit of a stickler on this. I grew up not far from the O-Pee-Chee plant and I think a couple of classmate’s dads worked there, so every bubble-gum card under the sun passed through my hands at some point. It was an obsession for most of my youth.

        You should be proud of these. With a few minor tweaks, you may even want to actually put the set in production and offer it for sale at some point. You know, augment that pension a bit.

  20. Athene permalink
    5:39 pm

    I highly appreciate the “age innapproiate senior citizen” card. I also agree that your trading card series is one of my favorite posts on the bloggosphere, or whatever the new-fangled word for internet is these days.
    While you may be thinking of branching out on the age range of your card manufacturing I would like to include my vote for a cougar card, since they are continually trying to employ my husband ( who is 30 but looks 22, very attractive and kind, teaches riding lessons to older, wealthy, unhappy former trophy wife’s children) as thier personal “poolboy”. Though I am almost 30, and still recieve a cat-call from time to time, I find the new influx of cougars espically annoying, as I am usually in the barn, caring for the horses, watching them chat him up, offer drinks, and cry on his shoulder about how thier husbands work so much to afford their 8000sq ft homes, new Mercedes Banz, perpetually orange winter tan, blonde highlights over blonder hair, and 100k annual plastic surgery budget that they are never home to “take care” of them.
    The annoiance factor is right up there with “drunken frat boy”, who may actually be a better target for “the cougar” then my poor husband who is just trying to do his job, while not angering or insulting the women that provide our paycheck.
    Thank you for your consideration and I hope you have a fairly pleasent day,
    Athene

    • Sedate Me permalink
      6:53 pm

      I really dig cougars…if only because they aren’t God damned young people.

      However, if there are to be Cougar Cards, they deserve their own card series. They should not be included with the Young People Card series (no matter how much the Cougars want to be). The only possible exception would be a Cougar & Her Prey Series, which would be a set of Cougars that would include a subset of each Cougar’s collection of young prey, ie their personal stats/notches on their bedposts.

    • 3:01 pm

      Many thanks Athene,

      An interesting suggestion and one that I’d be happy to consider. I do tend to focus more directly on young people but, on the other hand, I have a fairly liberal interpretation of that term.

      Many thanks for visiting, Athene. It was very nice to hear from you.

      All the best,

      Don

  21. 7:19 pm

    What the hell is embedded in number 1’s eye?! And on top of his head?! What is he doing? Marvin needs an intervention.

    • 3:01 pm

      Thank you Jean Has Been Shopping.

      I have no idea what young Marvin has embedded in his eyes or head but they certainly appear ill-advised. I’d be more inclined to give him a kick in the ass than an intervention but that’s more of a personal bias I suppose.

      All the best,

      Don

  22. Anonymous permalink
    9:51 pm

    Pregant teen card reminds me of my ex-girlfriend. (…Yes,,Lilly I’m sure I’m female). Needless to say it occured to me she was cheating.

    And the last one makes me feel ill in the stomach.

    Also Myst-song is a couger

    • 3:02 pm

      Rose?

      My apologies to you and everyone else who has had a strong physical reaction to the final card. The truth can be damned ugly.

      All the best. I hope you’re keeping well.

      Don

      • Anonymous permalink
        12:19 am

        I am aside from the evil finals

        And before I have to sleep on the couch Myst-son is like two months older then me. I just liek making fun of it.

        But nervery mind I have a physicaly) weak stomach.

        Something about being born prematurely and nopt having everything devolp compleately. I think.

  23. Clifton L. Tanager permalink
    11:44 pm

    Don –

    I see you’ve travelled down the collectible card route again, and I am thrilled to see it. Although this was a particularly noxious set of individuals, I was touched to see you include Agnes Hofer in your newest set.

    I’ve known Agnes for what many people would term “way too long.” She’s always been a bit of free spirit, which again leads to something that many people would term otherwise. She often refers to herself in this fashion, but over the years I’ve heard her referred to as “a half-assed exhibitionist,” “Most Likely to Embarrass Herself and Others” and “Some Settling May Occur During Aging.”

    She was quite the catch back in the day. She used to have boys lining up around the block to make time with her. She was the first person on our block to sport a tube top, a fact made even more surprising due to the fact that she was 57 when they came into vogue.

    Years later, she surprised our community with her Brazilian wax, which she flaunted at every chance. She would often “forget” to bring a towel with her when she showered, or would “misplace” her clothing shortly before taking a bus ride to the local library.

    Along with yards of leathery skin, she also had a rap sheet as long as her breasts. She had been booked by policemen with averted eyes for everything from “public nudity” to “disturbing the natural order.”

    Young security guards assigned to our retirement community were warned never to look her directly in the eye, belly button, thigh, arm or mouth. “That way lies madness,” they were warned. Some were unable to avert their eyes, especially when she was in motion.

    One described her walk thusly (after hours of therapy): “…like a set of leathery drapes caught in a slight breeze.” Another noted: “I look up ‘pendulous’ in the dictionary and saw this [indicating Agnes.] It was at that point that I woke up screaming. And there was Agnes, trying to give me mouth-to-mouth. I tried to wake up again, but [breaks into sobs]…”

    Well, she’ll certainly outlive us all, if the rash of recent obituaries is any indication. Somehow, all that extra Vitamin D must be giving her the longevity of Methuselah and the good looks of Orville Redebacher.

    Thanks again for the cards, Don. I’m hoping to have the whole set in time to embarrass my grandchildren this holiday season.

    Sincerely,
    C.L. Tanager

    • 5:25 pm

      Thank you Clifton,

      I had no idea you were acquainted with Agnes but I can’t say I’m terribly surprised – she is well known among the senior set and cuts quite a figure (it’s those damned bony hips; they’re like razors).

      I feel badly for those security lads. The lifeguards used to refer to her as a siren but I’ve never been sure if it was an allusion to the mythical seductress or a reference to her shrill screeching and flashing headlights. A mystery for the ages I suspect.

      Always a pleasure to hear from you Clifton.

      All the best,

      Don

  24. 7:04 am

    This is as an amazing, valuable collection as you’ve ever put on display Don, I love them all. And I want them all. You can never throw enough money into printed low-quality cardboard. That’s what Rockefeller (or at least Sy Berger) always said anyway. And your use of ‘creative stats’ only make the potential value skyrocket.

    Poor Marvin can’t even see anymore can he? I think that sort of thing must be a type of illness. No normal brain would think of such a thing.

    And lastly if you’re looking for a few more age inappropriate seniors I’d like to invite you down to Florida to visit when I mover back. You’ll get yourself an eyeful…and a printing press-ful too!

    • 4:11 pm

      Thank you Scott,

      I’ll be happy to ship you off a full set but should warn you that I haven’t invested in low-quality cardboard. At present, I’m printing them on the back of old shopping lists and correspondence from the IRS.

      I agree that Marvin must be suffering from some sort of ailment. I checked my medical dictionary but there doesn’t seem to be any formal recognition of “gigantic jackass syndrome.” Odd – I thought it was a spot on diagnosis. I suspect a letter to the Department of Health may be in order.

      If I decide to branch off into more senior cards I’ll be sure to consider your offer. I’m just not sure my heart could take it.

      All the best,

      Don

  25. Cecilia permalink
    6:41 pm

    The Age Inappropriate Senior Citizen is my favorite one. Nobody ever talks about these teens that can be worse than the original ones.

    An adult’s reason can be diagnosed in fine conditions if he/she has the usual habit of criticizing and saying out loud in a brave manner how ridiculous the young people are nowadays. How can an elder citizen want to be one of those morons? They should be proud of being noble and smart in their 60’s, 70’s, and so on. They should be proud of being on the top on the hill watching the savages behave like amoebas, not willing to go back and do worse than the weirdos down below…

    Adorei a piada e os textos. Até a próxima e grande abraço!

    Cecilia

    • 4:16 pm

      Many thanks Cecilia,

      I couldn’t agree more. I’ll never understand why some older folks refuse to damned well grow up and enjoy the perks of age. Why anyone would want to try to emulate some silly young person is well beyond me.

      Como sempre, I’ m tão contente você parou dentro para visitar.

      Best regards,

      Don

  26. 8:54 pm

    I think the Senior Citizen one is an uncanny preview of Paris Hilton in a few more years.

    • 4:17 pm

      Thank you Marissa,

      I would suspect you’re right. Many thanks for visiting.

      All the best,

      Don

  27. 11:46 pm

    Don,

    I would like to place an order for one number 47 and a box of number 72s.

    The #47 is for my boyfriend, he’s been feeling a little down lately. I think he’s starting to think his obsession with spending hour after hour on Wii is getting him nowhere in life. Hopefully once he sees the card, he’ll realize how lucky he is to be ten years older and still carpal tunnel-free, and it’ll give him the motivation he needs to keep on persevering.

    Oh, and speaking of perseverance, that’s why I need the box of #72s. I’m planning to stick them all over my fridge and cupboards as a way of motivating myself not to eat after eight o’clock (am).

    Whenever I get hungry, I’ll just look at one of the cards and say, “If Tori Spelling can do it, so can I!”

    Thank-you Don. As always, I can hardly wait to get my stash.

    Your friend,
    Bschooled

    • 7:07 pm

      Many thanks Bschooled,

      I’d be delighted to send you however many cards you might require. As soon as I’m able to work up a decent amount of saliva I’ll seal the envelope and get them on their way.

      Now, not to pry but is this boyfriend of yours the same lad that was working down at the Tim Hortons? I hate to meddle but I’m sure that you can do a sight better than a video-game playing, depressive donut-jockey. There must be a decent young man or two working at the Zellers you could strike up a conversation with. Or if you’re near a military base, those lads are generally of good moral stock.

      Of course, the ideal place to meet a young man would be at Church but sadly young people don’t tend to frequent that particular venue anymore.

      Anyway, I’ll get those cards out to you just as quickly as I can.

      Many thanks.

      Your friend,

      Don

      • 1:28 am

        Oh Don! That boyfriend was like, so “thirty-six boyfriends ago”.

        You’ll be glad to know that one just came into a bunch of money from a large inheritance, so it’s obvious that he has goals. In fact, between you and I (oh, and him, seeing as he monitors all of my communication), I think this one may be a keeper! (fingers crossed!)

  28. 5:55 am

    That man is so scary mr mills! He must have a lot of trouble going through the magnet shop! LOSTL! Better not be a frypan and magnetshop LOLSTL!!L!!

    I hope you’re doing well, Sir! ive been very ill but im back to say hello to you!

    HELLO MR MILLS! HOORAY!

    Bob

    • 7:11 pm

      Young Bob,

      Nice to see you back, son. I understand you had the Asian Monkey Pox or some such nonsense. I trust you didn’t spend too much time lollygagging and making your old mom fuss over you. A strong young lad like you shouldn’t let a few sniffles stop him from taking care of his chores.

      Regardless, it’s nice to see you back. Decent young people are hard to find, Bob, and we can’t afford to lose you.

      All the best,

      Don

      • 6:12 am

        Chinese Monkey Flu, sir!

        As mum says, anything more than 24 hours in bed and im a drain to society, thus she refused to help me anymore after. So no lollygagging from this young buck!

        The chores MUST be done!

        And thank you for the compliment, Sir. I can only hope to be just like you or your jovial brother York when i become age appropriate!

        Bob

  29. 8:15 pm

    Possibly the funniest set yet Don. They should be bought just for the stats alone.

    I could be wrong, but I believe Kathy Pembleton ( The Pregant Teen) was also voted “Most Likely to Conceive.” You know how us sports fans can be about stats.

    Wicked funny Don, as always.

    • 12:19 pm

      Many thanks Fundamental Jelly,

      I appreciate your pointing out the “most likely to conceive” statistic. I can’t believe I missed it. With your permission, I’d like to add that to the card if it makes it to a 2nd print.

      All the best and thanks again.

      Don

  30. 12:32 am

    By The Powers That Be!

    F************* Awesome!!!

  31. Lynn permalink
    3:36 pm

    these are great don…and an enjoyable way to spend a few minutes. thanks again.

    • 12:20 pm

      Many thanks Lynn,

      Very nice of you to say. Thanks for stopping in. It’s always a pleasure to hear from a nice young woman like yourself.

      All the best,

      Don

  32. 5:38 pm

    I always knew my ex would make it in the world, but who knew it would be as a spokesperson for wearing bikinis at the grand old age of really old and wrinkled. I shall not be copying/pasting that one, mind you.

    • 12:28 pm

      Thank you Jammer,

      First of all – I’m sorry. I don’t know what your ex may have been like during your married years but based on this recent photo, she seems to have gone dangerously off the rails. And I apologize too if I’ve dredged up painful memories.

      To be honest, I’m not sure if she is a spokesperson or more of a warning. I see her as a sort of “Ghost of Young People Future.” A stern caution about what will come if young people don’t take immediate steps to correct their damned stupid ways.

      Always good to hear from you Jammer.

      All the best,

      Don

  33. 4:28 am

    Dear Mr. Mills,

    I got stuck on card # 26 and couldn’t continue. What is UP with those piercings? Why, why, why do young people think these things look good? Someone (not me) needs to drag him by that stupid ring in his nose and knock some sense into his head.

    • 10:35 pm

      Many thanks Mrs. King,

      I don’t have a clue as to why young people think that ramming a spike through their tongues, noses, ears or eyebrow is fashionable. I would, however, be delighted to volunteer to knock some sense into young Marvin. I’ve got just the cane in mind – firm but fair.

      All the best Mrs. King and my apologies for the delay in responding. I’ve been terribly busy trying to tend to the garden.

      All the best,

      Don

  34. 2:05 am

    Hi Mr. Mills,

    Thanks for the trading cards. I didn’t know that you were in the trading card publishing business too:)

    Loved the first and last:) Others were cool too – but I’ve got this affection for the pierced ones (and you are one to be blamed for it) and the last one made me wonder whether the old woman wasn’t really living it the way she wanted to? Why is it that only the young have the right to make us puke?!

    I need to check out the other cards too!

    Warm Regards,
    Shafali

    • 10:37 pm

      Many thanks Shafali,

      I try to keep my irons in a number of fires. A man can always use a little extra pin money.

      I hope you enjoy the other cards. I certainly thought of you, and your caricature, when preparing the pierced freak.

      All the best,

      Don

  35. ferxist permalink
    2:58 pm

    Hello, sir.

    Somehow, I think you could also use the first one for a couch potato card, since he’s drooling at the mouth. A sort of “fusion card” in YGO terms. But it’s funnier that way.

    Also, curious question, sir: Did you get to express yourself a lot when you were a kid?

    Jonathan Ferxist

    • 10:41 pm

      Many thanks young Mr. Ferxist.

      It’s always nice to have you stop in lad. I agree that Marvin might also have made a passable couch potato but the bolt over his eye really made me think that he could stand on his piercings alone. I hadn’t considered any kind of “fusion card” but I’m all for expanding my horizons so I’ll be happy to keep that in mind for future.

      As to your question, I believe I did get to express myself a fair amount when I was a lad. I was just expected to know when it was appropriate to do so – and when it wasn’t.

      All the best.

      Don

  36. 12:44 pm

    The photo on the first trading card was just disgusting.

  37. 3:00 am

    Good thing I already had dinner because some of those photos were nasty. On second thought, I’m not feeling so good….

  38. lianamerlo permalink
    11:57 pm

    The senior citizen card was most disturbing (sad given the competition). Particularly because of the fact that when I quickly scrolled down (before reading it), I thought that was the bulimic/anorexic girl. Yikes.

  39. Old Tom permalink
    5:59 am

    Mr. Mills,
    The age-inappropriate Trading Card re-affirms my commitment to “age gracefully”. No hair dye, no rogaine, no plastic surgery, no metal sticking out of my body (the De-Fib is internal), and NO tats!
    Although it never occured to me as a teenager that I would still be wearing jeans and sneakers at age 63, they are “Age Appropriate” and not what the teenagers currently wear.
    Dignity and decorum are the way to go, not clinging to a lost youth that had best stay “lost”.
    Your site is both humorous and inspriational to this codger. Many thanks,

    Old Tom

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