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Life Cycle of a Damned Young Person

It’s no wonder that young people today are damned out of control – their lives make no sense and contain no structure. In my day, a man’s life was pretty much charted out for him the moment he popped out of the womb.

A simple path and one well trodden by your father and his father before him.

It seems to me, however, that these damned young people today are scattered in 9 directions at once and doing half of the things a man is meant to do in ass backwards order. If they bother to do them all.

I don’t think I need say more.

Charts don’t lie and neither do old people. You young people are in a Hell of a mess.

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153 Comments leave one →
  1. robinaltman permalink
    12:34 am

    Oh, man – it’s a vision of my future, isn’t it? If they procreate with some idiot they meet on Facebook, I refuse to raise the kid. I’ve already created two idiots, why wreck a third? And as for the ass-print on my couch – already too late. Yet, I can always buy a new couch and change the locks.

    • 3:05 pm

      Many thanks Robin,

      Sorry if you provided you with an unpleasant glimpse into your future but forewarned is forearmed. Besides, I’ve always fancied myself a modern and slight more chatty “Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.”

      My suggestion, Dr. Altman, would be to forget changing the locks – that won’t stop any damned young person today from entrenching themselves on your couch. The only sensible course of action would be to quietly sell the house and flee in the middle of the night. You’ll need to change your name (I’ve always thought Santa Battaglia had a pleasant ring to it), find a new profession and start a new life.

      Anything less and those boys will track you down. Of that you can be sure.

      Good luck and thanks for visiting.


  2. 12:35 am

    Mr Mills. Some of my thoughts on some of your thoughts.

    Children: Procreate with the first moron you meet on Facebook before graduating high school. I think they’ll find said moron on Facebook 20yrs and three divorces later to have another go.

    Work: Cycle through jobs. Quit often due to being “hassled by the man. Cycle through jobs. Sacked often due to only being able 2 fnctn thru txt spk.

    Retirement: Buy lottery tickets, draw a welfare cheque and hope for the best. This is in adulthood, period. They don’t have to wait until retirement.

    Death: Usually alcohol, firearm and/or junk food related. In binge-drink Britain, the first cause of death is a guarantee.

    • 3:06 pm

      Thank you Pie,

      All very excellent thoughts. I suspect your note on the Facebook issue is especially accurate.

      And as for retirement, you raise you a good point. I suppose I assumed that most damned young people give up on the notion of working for a living at about age 30, pack it all in and decide its time for them to kick back and enjoy their “golden years.”

      Thanks for stopping in,


  3. 12:52 am

    You always seem much more serious and upset when you use PowerPoint stylings for your illustrations. Not sure if it’s a cause or an effect!

    Sadly, I could laugh at none of this as it seems so spot-on as to be a kind of eulogy to decency.

    • 3:06 pm

      Nice to hear from you Joan,

      I do tend to take my charts seriously. I always have. And after last weeks “erection digression” I felt it was important to take a more sober tone. I can’t have these damned young people thinking I’m going soft on them.

      Always a pleasure to have you visit Joan.

      Best regards,


  4. 12:56 am

    Don, you might be an old codger, but you call ’em as you see ’em, and I admire you for it!

    • 3:06 pm

      Many thanks Yorksnbeans,

      I appreciate the kind words (and by kind word I mean the “old codger” remark of course.)

      Thanks for visiting,


  5. 1:06 am

    Mr. Mills, may I add this to my generational differences training? It may not be work appropriate, but it’ll make my point.


    • 3:08 pm

      Many thanks Ms. Villars,

      Generational differences training? That sounds intriguing. I’d be very interested in hearing more about that.

      Please, use whatever you like. And if you ever need a guest lecturer, I’d enjoy nothing more than yelling at a room full of young people.

      All the best.


  6. 1:24 am

    haha, nicely said.
    Man, I wish I was an old man..

    • 3:08 pm


      Nice to hear from you again, lad. I hope you are keeping well. You’ll get there in time, son, provided you keep your nose clean, work hard and avoid skateboards.

      All the best,


  7. 1:34 am

    Ha! Thank God I have a color printer Don; it’s going up on my wall, and into the principal’s hands next time they want me to sub. You are one funny guy with incredible humor that is sometimes just plain old truth. Now I know who Saint Peter’s replacement is going to be when he retires. You’ll be like the Soup Nazi from “Seinfeld” at the Golden Gates, saying “No wings for you!” Brilliant stuff – and I don’t mean it like the word “awsome”, these kids use to describe everything from cereal to crack cocaine. You are brilliant.

    • 3:23 pm

      Many thanks Dan,

      Color printer? What the Hell will they come up with next?

      Something tells me that old Saint Peter doesn’t need to be worrying about his job security. I’m told that my penchant for the words “god damn” might not serve me too well in the afterlife. I can see how that might be viewed unfavorably but am hoping the good folks upstairs might be willing to overlook it in my case.

      Thanks very kindly for visiting Dan.

      All the best,


  8. 2:02 am

    Here is the issue. Information. I blame the USA Today.

    Even when I was growing up, the paper came once a day, the mail came once a day. It was predictable…there was a routine and a system.

    It was a black and white world.

    Then the USA Today came out with their color photos and brightly labeled sections…now look at us. Instant news and information on your hip.

    Either that…or cordless phones.

    • 3:53 pm

      Thank you morethananelectrician,

      I think the issue may be related to more than just access to information but you make a good point. Newspapers aren’t meant to be in color, phones are meant to have rotary dials and information is supposed to be filtered, edited and sanitized before consumption.

      Just common sense, really.

      All the best,


  9. 2:05 am

    Mr Mills

    You make me wish I was snacking on metamucil and playing boce ball with Carl and Dexter. I can only hope my life does not end by firearm and my mother takes the plastic off the couch long before my ass print becomes a permannet fixture….you seem to have the pulse of the younger generation that should work out well when you are 100 and trying to argue with a 20 something about who doris day was and what a cool dude douglas fairbanks was..zman sends

    • 3:53 pm

      Thank you Zman,

      A word of caution. Watch out for Carl and Dexter. They seem like friendly old boys but they take their bocce balling damned seriously and will happily take you for everything you’ve got. I’ve seen it happen before.

      Hopefully by the time I hit 100 they’ll have found a cure for being a dumbass young person and the only pulse I’ll have my finger on is my own,

      All the best Zman. Always good to hear from you, son,

      Best regards.


  10. 2:18 am

    “Mother gives birth at prom while father paces outside looking for crack.”

    Mr. Mills, as usual, your finger is on the faint and thready pulse of today’s youth. My only fear is that you tend to give too much credit to the youth of today. It seems to me that, generally, the mother would give birth at the prom (and then party away the night) while the father (generally three years out of high school and still unemployed) would prowl the prom looking for more young women with whom to start the whole bloody cycle over again, thus ensuring that whole future graduating classes will all look suspiciously alike yet never share the same last name.

    • 3:53 pm

      Many thanks bmj2k,

      As usual, a damned fine comment. The faint and thready pulse of today’s youth is a phrase I won’t soon forget. And you are absolutely correct in your assessment that the young father would be more likely to prowl the prom looking for the next unfortunate vehicle for his unsavory seed.

      Should I ever have opportunity to update my charts, I will be sure to include your very astute observations.

      Many thanks for the comment, bmj2k.

      Best regards,


  11. 2:34 am

    There is a sociological term for a bunch of siblings with the same mother but each having a different father. It’s called, “onemamanydadica.”

    • 5:23 pm

      Many thanks Ahmnodt,

      An interesting sociological phrase and it fits nicely with the other term I often use to describe the current state of young people “assclownification.”

      Appreciate your stopping in.



  12. 2:35 am

    Dear Don,

    Once again, you have hit the nail on the head. I just want to mention one minor missed detail about parents today: the home tattoo parlor for the children.

    Parenting means wanting your kids to be “cool.” I don’t believe that your parents ever gave a darned hoot about whether wee Don was “cool” or not.

    Excellent post as usual Don.


    • 5:24 pm

      Good Christ mcnorman, now I’ve seen everything.

      Just when you think you’ve been subjected to every possible variation of stupidity someone comes along and has to push the damned envelope. Unbelievable.

      And you’re right, my parents couldn’t have cared less about whether or not I was “cool.” They’re interest was in making sure I did my chores, went to school and kept a civil tongue in my head.

      I say it again. Unbelievable.

      Many thanks. Always good to hear from you.


  13. 2:35 am

    What the heck happened to your photo??

    • 5:25 pm

      Hello again, Yorksbeans.

      I’ve decided to take the photo down for a wee while. I’ve been getting some very suspicious glances from the young tuffs that congregate outside of the piggly wiggly and noticing them whispering to one another when I pass. While I’d like to think they’re just remarking on my fine choice in sweaters and galoshes, I suspect that is not the case.

      Given that on occasion I’ve made some remarks that those damned useless malingering circus clown asshats might find upsetting, I’ve decided to exercise some caution around drawing further attention to myself.

      Hopefully it will blow over soon. Besides, it was an old picture and a little too lighthearted. I may update it with something more current and severe. Until then, I’ll use Bearman’s fine illustration.

      Many thanks.


  14. 3:06 am

    Old folk can’t be sitting on no porch sipping lemonade these days unless they want to be a victim of a drive-by. I suggest old folk take Mr Mills advice , make a goddam will, so these young folk’s snowflakes (of mixed parentage) can’t be replacing their parents ass printed sofa .

    • 5:34 pm

      Many thanks Frigginloon,

      It’s true, I don’t tend to spend much time sitting on my front porch any longer. In addition to being very dangerous, I also can’t tolerate the constant parade of swearing, spitting and screaming young people that pass in front of my house.

      It’s a damned shame when a man can’t even enjoy the sanctity of his front yard.

      All the best,


  15. momromp permalink
    3:47 am

    My favorite post of yours, sir. Bravo. You gave me a great laugh this evening. (Although I probably shouldn’t be laughing since most of your observations about today’s youth are spot on.)

    • 5:34 pm

      Many thanks momromp,

      I appreciate the kind words and am glad you were able to find a chuckle in among the observations.

      All the best and thanks for visiting with me.

      Best regards,


  16. 3:58 am

    Another home run post Don.

    • 5:35 pm

      Awfully kind of you to say, lookingforsomethingtofind,

      I hope you’re keeping well. Thanks for stopping in.

      All the best,


  17. 4:14 am

    “Retarded people”, metaphorically speaking, have been around since the dawn of man.
    It just so happens that the world is less judgmental in general, and everyone has access to things they shouldn’t.

    Sadly enough, with how things naturally work, those whom happen to have more unprotected/unsafe sex are more likely to procreate.
    Yet again, genetics have still provided enough diversity to prevent future generations from actually becoming brain-dead sex fiends. lol

    In many ways I also don’t like elders, some (not all, you can always tell the difference right away) are just regular people who grew old but never fully matured mentally. I’m not talking about those who laugh and enjoy themselves often, but rather the stubborn people who automatically think they are superior for having lived longer; thus want everything their way regardless of how inhumane or inefficient it may be.

    • 5:57 pm

      Many thanks Shawn K and welcome,

      I agree that stupid people have been around for a good long time but I’m not sure that the problems we’re encountering today are due to the world being less judgmental. Certainly I’m getting more judgmental by the day.

      I think it has more to do with people being apathetic, lazy and losing their moral compass. I find damned young people nowadays very judgmental – just sorely misguided and significantly lacking in judgment itself.

      I respect your opinion about older folks but respectfully disagree. Personally, I think we are superior in pretty much every way. However, I may be slightly biased.

      Many thanks for stopping in.

      All the best,


      • The Celtic Queen permalink
        1:01 am

        Don this is an excellent post but you can talk about moral compass till the cows come home, most people just don’t get it.
        I too am very judgmental when it comes to this topic but I did mention once before about just how bad does it have to become before it gets better? Even reading certain blogs makes me feel physically ill. Reading the comments they receive are equally as nauseating. We aren’t talking children here either.
        Quoting Susi Spice
        will the next generation turn 180 degrees and be totally different to their parents? Will they see the total and utter dysfunction these hippies and feminists sowed into fruition from the 60’s and 70’s??? i blame them!

        their kids have turned into wild, sex addicted, godless war mongers… and their grandchildren and great grandchildren are socially imploding…

        How true Susi and my kids feel like you. They don’t want to have children either for fear of the turmoil it could bring to their lives. We’re talking about a lawyer, a dentist, an English teacher and a architectural draftsman so they are all successful tertiary educated adults now who do not want to be parents. All four of the above mentioned never gave so much as a moments worry. Bad parenting also has a lot today with today’s problems. Anything goes ! I also don’t relish grandchildren with these attributes either so I’m fully supportive of their choice.
        So Susi quit while your ahead.

        • Ninsen Lo permalink
          1:01 am

          I have just read your post and I couldn’t have said it myself. Right now, I’m in university and a one and only child of two baby boomers. I firmly believe that the complacency of my parents’ generation has led them astray of what’s right in the world. As a child, disgracefully-behaved people scared me. I thought that my parents weren’t nearly close to knowing what strong character and integrity meant. Based on what you’ve said, i think that those of my grandparents (if not them, my great-grandparents) generation were raised right. I’m very fond of classic Hollywood and film noir and as a result, I see this grace within the talent of the performers. These were people who knew what it was to have a solid sense of principle and refinement. It is often difficult for me NOT to express frustration towards the disgraceful and pretentious conduct of youth. I too would rather NOT have children today because they wouldn’t even be able to play in their front yards without the fear of being abducted (the idiocies of the media have sunk to a definitive low). Once I establish myself, I’d rather live life than settle down just because society expects me to. Once again, your comments are very well said.

      • 10:29 pm

        The people that tend to be moronic often calm down and come to reality as they age, which helps balance it out.

        You either catch up to reality or become senile…

        These are normal aged people:

        This is an example of when people fall behind:

  18. 4:15 am

    I’d like to read what the generation of your parents would say about your (ok, our generation). Smart, well groomed, sensible, hardworking, frugal, loyal, …. does that sound about right?

    • 5:57 pm

      Thank you wrjones,

      An interesting question.

      I suspect my old dad would have also included the words “daft, unkempt and bloody useless” but if push came to shove he probably would have grudgingly admitted that we were also loyal, reasonably well-trained, did as we were told and understood responsibility, family and the value of hard work.” He sure spent enough time drilling those notions into us.

      Many thanks.


  19. 4:48 am

    what happened to the picture of your snarli…i mean, smiling face in the banner? by the way, is the new banner the fabric on your recliner?

    you left out one step, by the way–before you drop by jerry springer’s show, make a stop at maury povich’s place to have the dna test to prove that you’re actually the father.

    • 5:57 pm

      Nice to hear from you Nonnie,

      I outlined the reason for the change above in a response to Yorksnbeans. That damned Piggly Wiggly will be the death of me yet. And, yes, that is my recliner in the banner. I thought the pattern turned out rather nicely.

      Thank you for catching the DNA testing. It’s an important consideration and I’m sorry I missed it. Back in my day we didn’t need that kind of fancy testing. You either looked like your old dad or the milkman. And if it was the latter, the milkman got a black eye and no one spoke of it ever again.

      All the best.


  20. 5:00 am

    Don, you made their lives way too complicated. They eat, defecate, do drugs, fornicate, repeat, die. It really is as simple as that.

    But I’m starting to see a problem here. Just what the hell is with all this stuff? Add to Facebook Add to Digg Add to Add to Stumbleupon Add to Reddit Add to Blinklist Add to Twitter Add to Technorati Add to Yahoo Buzz Add to Newsvine.

    Has your brother been doing weird computer stuff behind your back? Don’t tell me you’ve dumped Flash Gordon in favor of Caprica? If I tried to add all that up, I’d probably lose what’s left of my brain.

    • 6:36 pm

      Well said Jammer. And they likely try to do it all at the same time.

      As for the problem, you’re more right than you know. York was responsible for both the Facebook account (apparently his was shut down due to some questionable antics on his part) and for the little buttons. He’s bound and determined to get me socially networked. I can’t pass all the blame his way, however. I could have said no.

      Still, I’m glad to say I have no idea who or what Caprica is (tapioca, sure) and that I’ve refused York’s suggestion that I join Twitter, get an X-box or sign up for his Single Seniors Seeking Soulmates chat room.

      All the best,


  21. Susi Spice permalink
    5:08 am

    hi grandpa! 😀 hehe

    you made some very insightful points. As someone that has worked with, intensely, with my generation and the generation after me I can be a source of confirmation for all your allegations.THEY ARE CORRECT!

    it makes me rethink about having children.

    Will the next generation turn 180 degrees and be totally different to their parents? Will they see the total and utter dysfunction these hippies and feminists sowed into fruition from the 60’s and 70’s??? i blame them!

    their kids have turned into wild, sex addicted, godless war mongers… and their grandchildren and great grandchildren are socially imploding…

    Can it ever, or will it ever repair itself?

    If not, I guess the only thing we can look forward to is Armaggedon…

    • 6:37 am

      Grandpa???…hmmm Don is there something you want to tell us about your time overseas in the service??

      • Susi Spice permalink
        7:42 am


        its where i get my good looks hehe

    • 7:32 pm

      Thank you Susi,

      I appreciate your confirming my suspicions. I try to avoid direct contact with young people and draw most of my conclusions by observing their behavior at the mall, on the bus, or loitering in front of the local convenience store. It’s nice to know I am on the right track.

      While it would be nice to think that the next generation will turn things around I’m not optimistic. It seems like shoddy attitudes and bad habits are the one thing young people are unlikely to rebel against. And while there may be hope, I sure as hell won’t be around to see it.

      So, I suspect your right. Beyond Armageddon, reruns of Matlock and a decent tuna sandwich now and again, there isn’t an awful lot to look forward to.

      All the best and thanks for visiting,


      p.s. Your good looks and your brains as well.

      p.s.s. Bearman, get your mind out of the gutter lad!

    • Lily Fossil permalink
      5:06 am

      I vehemently disagree with Susie Spice and her outrageous suggestion that “hippies and feminists” of the 60’s and 70’s are to blame for the assclownism of today. If anything, the hippies and feminists were RIGHT about a lot of things (and still are) and if anything it is the people that WEREN’T hippies or feminists are the ones responsible.

      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        12:53 am

        I agree with Lillian on this one. She obviously did her research. The Hippies and Feminists were pro-controception, and often had less children. It’s those damned people who either let their children run amuck, or heniously beat them. Trust me, they end up with the same result.

  22. 5:56 am

    I honestly couldn’t find anything to laugh about on this post. It is all too true. Which makes me sad.

    • 7:33 pm

      Many thanks healingmagichands,

      Sorry if there wasn’t much to laugh at in this one. I’ll try to lighten the mood next time around.

      All the best,


  23. Kate permalink
    6:04 am

    The corruption of modern youth, the destruction of civilisation as we used to know it. Don, you’re getting way too serious.
    Armageddon off for some coffee…

    • 7:33 pm

      Thank you kindly Kate,

      I’m a serious man. Thanks for visiting and enjoy your coffee.

      Personally Armageddon a rye and water.

      Best regards,


      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        12:54 am

        I’m ashamed of you Don, Diluding rye with water? You’ll kill the flavor. If you intend to mix it, mix it with whisky.

  24. 6:11 am


    I studied both charts you have provided , and to be honest, I’m not sure where I I will provide my own ( with out the graphics )

    Birth – Damned lucky to be here , considering my father slipped through the knot…. (the doctor may have been drinking )

    School- My memories are a bit fuzzy due to one too many rulers slapped against my head , however I do recall writing on a chalk board , ” I will not launch spit balls at the teacher ‘ a couple hundred times.

    Work – at 6 I was sweeping chimneys after school , followed by working in the coal mines until I was fired for smoking in the explosives shack at age 10 ( hey, I did bring my own ash tray ! )

    Marriage- I’m not sure when it happened or how it happened..but I’m sure someone is to blame

    Children – ( see above )

    More dammed work -this is simple , I plan on drinking Gin while walking the Corgis and Gin while shooting pheasants.

    Retirement- this shall be spent equally by thrashing my servants and diving out the window of my mistresses boudoir when the Lord of the house comes home early.

    Death -this shall be from a unfortunate head dive from leaping from said window ( aren’t the servants supposed to break one’s fall? )…………~David

    • Kate permalink
      7:55 am


      “I’m not a pheasant plucker
      Just a pheasant plucker’s son
      I’m only shooting pheasants
      Till the pheasant plucker comes.”

      (Say this very quickly)

    • 10:16 pm

      Many thanks David,

      Well, it’s an interesting life I’ll say that much for it. You seem to have carved out a unique niche for yourself. I’m not sure if it’s old school, new school or somewhere inbetween but any man who started out life getting whacked with rulers and breathing coal dust is likely okay in my books.

      I’ll give you same advice my old dad gave me when I was starting out: Exercise caution if you are drinking gin while carrying a loaded firearm and never make a cuckold of the Lord of the Manor.

      Never thought I’d actually have a chance to use that.

      All the best, David.


      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        1:00 am

        Some one should have told me the last one. >_< Would have saved me from being chased down a street in my undergarments wile having things thrown at me.

  25. 7:27 am

    your blog always makes me think of these guys……

    • Susi Spice permalink
      7:48 am

      LOL that was a great one nursemayra!! ahha

      • Lynn permalink
        1:42 am

        i second that!! great old flick, they sound exactly like don.

    • 10:16 pm

      Class, Nursie…sheer class.

    • 10:17 pm

      Many thanks Nursemyra.

      I’ve always been fond of that sketch myself.

      All the best,


    • 8:42 pm

      Thank you thank you thank you! I’m laughing now, the kicker has got to be “We got up at 10:30 half an hour before we went to bed. . .”

  26. Lily Fossil permalink
    8:49 am

    Dear Donald,

    I’m a bit concerned about the change in the decor around here. Your photo has gone and there’s those splashes of colour!

    I do hope Hattie hasn’t been knocking off your rye again and re-decorating while you were down at the Seniors Centre?

    I must agree with Jammer5; all this “adding” this and “adding” that, sounds like a bleedin’ recipe and a recipe for disaster at that!

    Warm regards,


    • 10:26 pm

      Many thanks Lily,

      I can assure you that Hattie has been on her best behavior lately. Plus, I don’t trust her with my computer passwords – not after the fiasco that came about when I loaned her my credit cards and pin numbers.

      I apologize for the garish splashes of color as well. While I always prefer to keep things as black and white as possible, I do have a weakness for fancy graphs. (I admit that I’ve never been particularly good with color choice or redecorating – those were Aggie’s strengths).

      All I can ask is that you please bear with me. There may be a few more changes to follow. I will do my best to keep them as sensible as possible.

      Warm regards,


      • Lily Fossil permalink
        11:18 pm

        I do like a man with a penchant for graphs.

        I look forward to the changes. You know what they say …… a new broom sweeps clean!

    • 5:25 pm

      Great minds think alike 🙂

  27. 9:30 am

    As a longtime fan I’ve begun to appreciate the talent that you have for charts and graphs. If you ever decide to come out of retirement you’d have one hell of a career in corporate middle management.

    As bad as it is in the states, I got to tell ya, it’s 20 times worse in Europe, especially the UK. These girls are getting pregnant at 12 now. And instead of the 9 month hiding and forced adoption that used to keep such families respectable, they give the girls a house. Not an apartment in the projects….a proper house. And each additional bastard they spit out gives them an additional room. The women that come on Springer would be living in McMansions in London. They get a free house, free food, and a weekly stipend for beer and cigarettes. It’s almost enough to make a hard working, honest, respectable boy say ‘to hell with it all.’ If you can live a higher quality of life just by having unprotected sex….

    I love the capitalization of Hell; you really know how to drive home a point with subtlety. The dope smoking, hopped up hooligans will surely miss the meaning though. Maybe if you twitter it?

    • 1:56 pm

      I don’t know the teenage pregnancy rate in the USA compared to Europe so I can’t argue on that point, but it’s true to say that the UK has the highest teen pregnancy rate in Europe (to our shame).

      Although 12 year olds have hit the headlines for having children, most pregnancies come from mid to late teenagers, which is nothing to boast about, but better than the notion of a country filled with rampaging 12 year old mothers. I can’t deny that some are given homes and live their lives on benefits once they’ve dropped the first sprog and potentially they live that way forever more, but a house?! From what I know as a Londoner, they usually end up in flats on estates, or what you call projects. They do not live in swanky Chelsea pads, otherwise I would’ve jumped on that bus a long time ago. But there again, I have a moral standing, so I don’t suppose that would’ve applied to me even at that age. My parents would not have countered it.

      Where I do agree with you is this: why work hard when you can drop your pants, sire a child and live a higher quality of life? If you believe living a ‘higher quality of life’ is waiting for a handout so you get your cigarettes and beer in the short term, but at retirement age carrying an oxygen tank for your Emphysema or hurtling towards the pine box thanks to Cirrhosis of the liver.

    • 1:47 am

      Many thanks Scott,

      Thank God my middle management days are well behind me. I seem to recall preparing a chart which provided details on the number of graphs we had completed in the prior fiscal year. Not my finest moment in the workforce, I assure you.

      I don’t know who wins the bragging rights for the worlds worst teen pregancy rates but it’s all a damned shame as far as I’m concerned. And depressing as Hell.

      I’m going to get myself another drink and then go read some Zane Grey.

      All the best,


  28. 1:14 pm

    Your creativity is boundless. This makes me wonder how all this came about – nothing new with this idea of course. Maybe the parents of this generation spoiled them simple. I would be ashamed to have an adult child living at my home, unless extreme circumstances were involved.
    The satire is great as usual, but I detect a note of seriousness this time. And serious it is.
    Children don’t just happen to turn out like this. The socioeconomic conditions, parents, schools, peers all had a hand in the situation we have today.
    Make me worry about my grandchildren.

    • 1:53 am

      Many thanks Hal.

      I think you’re right. Children don’t just turn out this. It taken a collective and sustained effort to get us where we are today. No question in my mind.

      All the best ,


  29. 1:38 pm

    awesome …. 😉

    strikes a chord … lol .. 😛

  30. 2:46 pm

    The point on divorce in Life in the Damned Modern Days is too true. Couples divorce over the simplest and most stupid things. They even have something called “irreconcilable differences”(??). And people even consider divorce after the first marital argument. Why? You can’t expect to not fight with someone you live with; amiright? (I’m sorry, that was a very young-person thing to do.)

    • 2:00 am

      Thanks Danica,

      Darn tootin’ you’re right (I apologize, a very old-person thing to say).

      You’re a smart young lady.

      All the best,


  31. 3:47 pm


    This is the kind of in-your-face propaganda that kids these days need to see. I think it’s safe to say that if we all stopped “pussy-footing” (I’ve always wanted to say that!) around and started creating blunt and easy-to-read comparative graphs, the world would be a much less youth-opinionated place.

    (Whatever that means.)

    Thank-you Don. Not only are you educating the youth, you are educating ill-informed future silverbacks such as myself.

    (Again, whatever that means.)

    Your friend,

    ps. Thanks for the heads up about Facebook. Had I known that it causes procreation, I’d have never signed up in the first place.

    pps. Do you happen to have the recipe for that sandwich meat and fear delicacy? I’m going to a pot-luck at my grandparents house next weekend, and I think it would be nice if I brought a dish reminding them of the good old days.

    • 1:09 pm

      Many thanks Bschooled,

      I’m a firm believer that pussy-footing, tip-toeing and other forms of light-footed avoidance are the cause of a great deal of today’s problems. And it’s unfortunate that propaganda has gotten a bum rap. Those fine short films of the 1950s about venereal disease, drugs and nuclear war were excellent lessons in proper moral behavior and common sense and we’d be wise to start churning out some new ones.

      Your friend,


      p.s. Exercise caution on Facebook, Bschooled. Beyond the simple pleasure of Farmville, it can be a dangerous place.

      p.p.s. The recipe is fairly simple. Bologna, wonder bread and a cuff to the back of the head.

  32. Lynn permalink
    8:39 pm

    just checking in for my fart-fix don! you never disappoint.

  33. 12:43 am

    Truly troubling stuff, Don. From makeshift Snuggie-and-folding chair cradle to Facebook to the welfare line. (Although I seriously doubt there’s a line. If it involved patience and standing, none of these young people [who are now older young people] would want any part of it.)

    What they seem to need is some sort of panacea or antidote or lobotomy or some other borrowed big word to set them back on the right path, preferably with a solid education and an assload of motivation.

    Of course, we may as well ask Santa to come and adopt us and take us to his North Pole hideaway, where candy is never fattening and grows on evergreen trees with self-sweeping needles.

    It does make one all misty-eyed for the “good old days,” that collective hallucination of when things were better and polio was still usable as a catch-all threat to hasten tooth brushings and woodcutting.

    Don, continue to lead the way boldly into the future while keeping both hands wrapped firmly around the throat of our past. As soon as our underachievers hit the workplace, we can be guaranteed that the nation will soon slip into irreversible insolvency (United States only), what with the ballooning deficit on a collision course with a nation full of minimum wage earners.

    • 1:39 pm

      Well said, CLT, well said.

      I’m not exactly what you said, of course, but that’s beside the point. Any comment that contains references to Old Saint Nick, woodcutting and lobotomies is obviously chock full of common sense.

      All the best, CLT, and nice to see you back, lad.


  34. Clifton L. Tanager permalink
    12:59 am

    Don –

    Truer words have never been charted. It’s truly disheartening to see the incredible decline in education, work ethic and social mores that has taken place over the last 50 years or so.

    I remember a retirement party or two which today’s youth will never experience. First of all, it’s hard to imagine any of them holding a job for the minimum 15-20 years needed to secure a gold watch or other such token of appreciation for two decade’s worth of keeping your head down, your nose clean and your family life to yourself.

    There’s scarcely a prouder moment in a man’s life than the mandatory retirement party. Nothing says “Thanks for giving up your hopes and dreams” like a hastily assembled party with a cake purchased two hours earlier (featuring “Retirement” written over a crossed out “Birthday” and an extra “L” or two in your name).

    The manager-on-duty makes his appearance and reads his hastily written “Thank you” note, mispronouncing your last name and crediting your 25 years of service to an entirely different department.

    You are presented with a “gold” watch (nothing higher then 10K, please, we have a budget to follow) with yet another misspelled inscription and a gift certificate for $25 at your local chain restaurant.

    Your coworkers show up and sing “Happy Retirement” with all the enthusiasm of narcoleptic chain-gang. No one attempts to say anything about your hard work and perfect attendance record as most of these employees have no idea who you are. You’ve managed to survive the cuts during several corporate takeovers which has left you a stranger in your own land.

    But that’s all over now. You collect your watch and leftover cake and head home. There you can finally reap the rewards of a life of wage slavery. Apparently, the rewards are not having to stop hitting the Scotch and discovering just how much you hate your living room carpet pattern.

    I forget my point, but you can be sure that it had something to do with today’s reprobates taking too much for granted and having their life handed to them by uninterested parents, do-nothing teachers and the continual abuse of the term “rights” by each and every politician in office.

    Take care of yourself, Don. In a world without a rudder, it’s heartening to know that at least one person is still classically trained in the cartography of life.

    • 1:40 pm


      An excellent comment and a bang on description of the office retirement party. That takes me back.

      The only thing missing was the sudden appearance of coworkers you’ve never met, seen or heard of but who somehow manage to appear at any corporate event that includes the promise of cake. They’re generally standing at the back, nervously tapping their fingers and impatiently eyeing the baked goods.

      (The non-cake lovers, of course, are already at your desk stripping it clean of unused staples, rulers, calculators, extra pencils and any other office supplies that can lay their hands on.)

      Many thanks Clifton. Always a pleasure to hear from you.

      Best regards,


    • 10:57 pm

      If I may be so bold… (and, of course, I shall…)

      I think the point that Clifton was trying to make before suffering a lifetime-junior-executive “senior moment” was something like, “Kindergarten graduation ceremonies? Seriously. No wonder kids expect life to be nothing but rainbows and handouts.”

      • Clifton L. Tanager permalink
        11:09 pm

        Thanks for the clarification, Mr. Lion Tamer. I think you were somewhere in the neighborhood of my original point.

        And if I may be so bold, I believe the point that Mr. Tamer was trying to make was: “A lifetime of hallucinogen abuse had left me unable to form cohesive comments.”

        Is that pretty close?

        • 11:20 pm

          Yeah, that’s pretty close.

          My apologies for not staying more on point in regards to the post. Unfortunately, not all of us can come across as a Don Mills understudy armed with some old videotapes of M*A*S*H*.

          If I wanted Don Mills Lite, I’d go get York for some good old fashioned giggling and public urination.

          Besides, what is the point to all your long-winded and error-ridden anecdotes? That nobody talks about the mid-50’s Korean “service industry” anymore since this whole “Vietnam thing” took off?

          • Clifton L. Tanager permalink
            11:39 pm

            Sneer all you want. Korea’s a pretty frosty place to undergo an emergency genitalectomy, like so many of our brothers in arms did, returning home like so many unwanted Ken dolls.

            And what is it exactly that you’re doing with your life, Mr. Tamer? Daytrading? Running a Facebook farm? Blogging?

            After seeing what damage you can do to the English language and coherentness in general within the confines of a comment box, I cannot bring myself to click your link and see what atrocities you can commit with several hundred words and a “Publish” button.

            You’re as much fun as a VH1 host with a malfunctioning teleprompter.

            • 12:02 am

              What’s the matter, Cliff?

              Still wincing from being a half-decade too late to join the “Greatest Generation?”

              Or is that you decided to go out for the team, just in time to help them kick off on their two-war losing streak?

              Or maybe it’s the conscription you tout so highly that’s ruining your mood. Getting passed over for promotion after promotion all through Korea and then watching it carry over into the private sector without a hitch.

              Oh, well. At least you still got to push around the interns in the mailroom and abuse your office-supply purchasing authority.

          • York Mills permalink
            11:51 pm

            Hee hee!

            You tell him, young man!

            Hey, wait a minute… Don Mills lite?? Now hold your dang horses one second. To begin with, the public urination issue was an unfortunate one-time episode. Secondly, I’m not some giggling idiot but a venerable senior citize – Hey! Look! A squirrel! Whoopee!!!! I’m going to chase it!

            Hee hee…

            • Clifton L. Tanager permalink
              12:06 am

              I love the way York shows up whenever his name is spoken (typed, whatever). It’s like having some sort of nearly-evil power, like summoning Satan for various soul-harvestings or affronts to God or to take advantage of the carpool lane.

              Great to see you, York! You’re truly a breath of mostly-fresh air. Careful. That squirrel’s actually a rabid raccoon, and he’s nearly as full of urine as you are.

            • 12:14 am

              York! What a mostly pleasant surprise!

              Listen, I’ve got a line on some cheap-as-hell term life insurance but I need one more buyer to help front the deposit. Apparently some heir to the throne in Ghana is running a little side business in an effort to help the elderly spend the money they can’t take with them anyway.

              And I quote:

              “To take advantage of this low terms, please submit the information as required on the lines which follow this announcement. We are waiting for this it is a limited time offer!

              Major appliances………..
              Surviving litigious relatives………..
              Major credit card……….
              Major debit card………..
              Major bank account (with a Minor in savings account)……
              Telephone/Wireless #……….
              This space left blank intentionally…………
              Boxers or briefs?………………….”

              I can’t hardly not wait to begin passing this up! Together we can choke their rivers with our dead!

              • Elgin Mills permalink
                12:20 am

                York! You’re a damn disgrace to this family.

                And Don, Sweet Christ and Jesus Wept! What the Hell are you doing blogging like some godddamned idiotic teenager?!

                Smarten up, both of ya!

                • York Mills permalink
                  12:23 am

                  Hee hee!

                  Hi Clifton! Hi Mr. Lion! (I’ll send you all that information right away!)

                  Hello Elgin! Are we still on for cards this Thursday?

                  Hee hee…

                • Clifton L. Tanager permalink
                  12:31 am

                  Elgin –

                  I don’t believe we’ve properly met. I’m Clifton L. Tanager and believe it or not, but I’m actually on the side of good here.

                  If I may squeeze past your agitated face for a moment and direct some words back to Mr. Tamer (whose avatar reeks of Communist propoganda)…

                  This is my point exactly. You seem to have little to no respect for the proprieties of a comment thread. Within the space of a few hundred words, you have steered this complete comment thread into dark and disturbing waters, like nightswimming in New Jersey. Not to mention your outright theft of a Simpsons joke, and in broad daylight no less! Truly it is a wonder you are allowed to have a “blog” at all!

                  I am doing my level best to rise above this but I refuse to have my proud years as a supply clerk during the Korean Conflict besmirched, not to mention my proud 72-hours as a conscientous objector during the Grenadan Unpleasantness.

                  I’ll have to leave it up to someone more level-headed than I to rescue this. Perhaps Lily Fossil can bring some much needed sanity and tomato-planting advice to this thread. I would wager Dave Hambridge and his air of unpreturbed authority would also help us all to stay the course.

                  If you choose to continue this, I will attempt to take the high road, at least as far as the nearest vantage point from which I can snipe more effectively.

                • YellowRoses610 permalink
                  1:10 am

                  O_O Another mills

                • YellowRoses610 permalink
                  5:02 am

                  Nice hat.

              • 12:42 am

                “Proprieties of a comment thread?”

                Who are you, Miss Manners for WordPress?

                Trust me. I’ve paid my dues. I put in several long hours slogging through (and often contributing to) the complete comment thread anarchy over at Sick Days (currently awaiting syndication rights to be snapped up or something).

                There’s nothing sacred about a comment thread. The only way you can keep this sort of ruckus from breaking out is to slap the governor on the nested threads, which Mr. Mills has apparently failed to do.

                As long as the word “Reply” still shows up in red, various members of the internet community, including those hated “bloggers,” (and that includes you bschooled and Dan McGinley) will continue ad infinitum until someone is squished up against the virtual wall with their latest outraged reply being delivered in an eye-chart-esque strand of single letters.

                Don’t let it happen to you.

                Go ahead and take the high road. I’ve found nothing there but dusty good intentions and some of the most boring people ever to hoover up oxygen. You can have ’em.

                Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to read the obituaries and see if your name is in there.

                • Elgin Mills permalink
                  12:51 am

                  Communist!? Take that back! Whoever the Hell you are. Theft from Simpson? What the Hell are you talking about? I never knew anyone named Simpson. The name sounds suspicious. If I’d ever hung around with a suspicious Simpson my old man would have had me drawn and quartered, painted my ass yellow, put a leper bell around my neck and then sold me as the village idiot – and he’d have been right to. I have no idea who these other people are – and I damn well don’t want to! So listen up, bub, mind your Ps and Qs. You’ve made me furious. And that’s saying something. You’re on my list.

                  Don. Smarten up. If our dad had ever seen you writing in public, he’d have stabbed you in the head with a quill and used your brain goop for an inkwell.

                  York! Damn it, pull your socks up, man. You’re a disgrace to the good name Mills. Old dad always said we should have pushed you out on the ice float. And he was right, damn it!!!

                • 12:56 am

                  You tell him, Elgin!

                  I’m not entirely sure who he is either, but he seems to have taken offense to something I said in reference to his pointless anecdote. Something about him being absent-minded, or feeble or inept. I don’t know. He’s just touchy.

                • 1:05 am

                  What do you mean? Who would hate me and/or my brilliant and interminable comments?

                  I’ll have you know that I use a plethora of upbeat, buoyant words in every single one of my posts and/or commentaries. Words like “brilliant” and “interminable,” and…um…“plethora.”

                  …Oh, and I also throw out the term “vagima” every so often. (What can I say, it’s a real virtual crowd pleaser.)

                  Ps. Nice to make your acquaintance, Elgin.

                • Clifton L. Tanager permalink
                  1:08 am

                  Elgin –

                  My apologies for getting your derby in a bunch. I was trying to berate that irascible Lion Tamer fellow who keeps nattering on about god knows what. I can’t really understand much of his ramblings but I do know he took several broad swipes at our boys (and girls, if what I’m hearing is true) in uniform.

                  It’s his complete lack of respect for anything that bothers me the most. He is apparently willing to disparage all of our great institutions, including the military, public schools, May Day parades, asbestos installation, pipe tobacco, long division, our beloved public figures and possibly even Ares, the God of War.

                  I humbly suggest you lavish some of your bountiful anger and confusion on Mr. Tamer, whose depiction of a young 30-something makes me fear for our great country and my Social Security checks.

                  C.L. Tanager

                • 1:14 am

                  @ bschooled –

                  Clifton hates bloggers, which I find odd, since he clearly loves Don Mills, the blogger.

                  It’s a fascinating dichotomy. (It’s like a “vagima,” only more confusing.) Perhaps he’s of the “Hate the Sin, Not the Sinner” school of ingrained religious thought.

                  Anyhow, I only included your name in there as a defense of our fine blogging brothers and sisters worldwide, who together are working to sarcastically belittle everyone and everything we can get our filthy little Image Searches on.

                  Plus, I like name dropping. Makes me feel about ten feet tall. And pale white. And line drawing-ish.

                  By the way, you should really introduce yourself to Mr. Tanager. Try not mention your blogging that you do over at your blog. It makes his dashboard Jesus cry or something.

                • 1:33 am



                  CLT is right. I apologize for my unbrilliant-like plethora of seemingly interminable rudeness. (vagima) It’s just that I’ve been reading your “brilliant” commentary for a while now, and I almost feel as though we’ve already met.

                  Whether it’s because your outlook reminds me of the old days I never actually experienced-yet was lectured on day in and day out from my memory-challenged (is there a word for that?) Grandfather Arthur, or the fact that your trilby and pipe reminds me of my first May-December romance (I was 17, he was the opposite), it’s tough to say.

                  But regardless, I feel as though we have a connection.

                  Or, it could just be all in my head. (Tough to say.)

                  Either way, it’s very nice to virtually meet you.

                  Bschooled (not the one with the blog)

                • 1:34 am

                  (Er, please disregard the second “Clifton”…)

                • Lily Fossil permalink
                  1:42 am

                  I’m butting in here because there were no reply buttons left…….. I don’t know what this little ruckus is about, not a blog war I hope! Mssrs Tamer and Tanager seem to be getting their knickers in a knot over something, so either take it outside boys, or I will be forced to get the tomato stake (the sharpened one).

                  How do you do Elgin? Very pleased to meet you after all this time. I have heard quite a lot about you, but seeing your photo makes me think that you might very well be crabbier (if that’s possible) than Donald, but you seem to have your head screwed on tighter than York’s, which can only be a good thing.

                  kind regards


                • Clifton L. Tanager permalink
                  1:46 am

                  Bschooled –

                  No apology is necessary. I place the blame for any and all rudeness from anyone else in this comment thread squarely on Mr. Tamer’s rounded shoulders. I have decided to take the much-maligned high road and will not be drawn in by his crass stupidity and mouthy antics.

                  It’s odd that you should mention the trilby and pipe as they were instrumental in wooing my first wife. Her parents were fascinated by my numerous affectations and took the tribly and pipe (along with my cane and monocle) for a dowry. This was back in the old country, which I believe may have been located somewhere in the Tropics.

                  My memory is a little challenged these days, but whose isn’t after a lifetime of dodging bullets and filling out cover sheets.

                  Your photo reminds me of a few youngsters I met at Kent State during my years as consultant to the local National Guard. Needless to say, after the events of that afternoon, the National Guard was sentenced to 30 years of sandbagging operations at several major flood sites. The drill sergeant’s cadence is still drilled into my head:

                  “This is my shovel
                  There are many like it but this one is mine…”

                  A pleasure meeting you, bschooled. I’m glad to find at least one level-headed person amonst the wreckage of this thread. It almost makes me want to forgive your blogger-like tendencies.

                  C.L. Tanager

                • Clifton L. Tanager permalink
                  1:55 am

                  Ms. Fossil-

                  I was hoping you’d drop by. My apologies for the ruckus being raised here. I feel somewhat responsible as I have only made the situation worse by continually pointing out the egregious errors of Mr. Tamer’s ways.

                  I have, as I have mentioned, decided to take the high road. Not only will this hopefully bring an end to this debacle, but it also provides a safe escape route in the event of a flood.

                  I have, perhaps, overreacted to Mr. Tamer’s opening salvo. And to each successive attack, each one more riddled with errors and false assumptions than the previous one.

                  All I know is that if Mr. Tamer is what passes for “humorous” these days, then life has truly passed me by. What I wouldn’t give for some classic pratfalls or perhaps some wry observation by the late Andy Rooney. Or the late Art Buchwald.

                  Come to think of it, most anybody I could list would be preceded by “late.” Time for a good slug of scotch and some reflection.

                  Wonderful to see you, Lily. Keep an eye on the place for me (and for Don).

                  C.L. Tanager

  35. Gnash N. Teeth permalink
    1:32 am

    Mr. Mills:

    ‘And you’re right, my parents couldn’t have cared less about whether or not I was “cool.” They’re interest was in making sure I did my chores, went to school and kept a civil tongue in my head,’ you wrote. Well, apparently the teachers you had didn’t deliver enough corporal punishment during English class, as you wrote “THEY’RE interest” instead of the correct “THEIR interest.”

    Thank you in advance for acknowledging this lesson. I have enough trouble trying to keep my food down when I see the appalling spelling/grammar of the younger generation–don’t let your generation disappoint me in this department!

    • 1:38 am

      Many thanks Gnash N. Teeth,

      Appreciate your pointing out my mistake. I make that damned boner all the time. I’m really not sure why. Believe it or not I do understand the difference between there, their and they’re – for some reason though, my fingers and brain don’t seem to communicate on this particular subject.

      All the best,


    • YellowRoses610 permalink
      1:13 am


  36. 2:35 am

    I usually post in the same humour as this site, but what you said is so true it’s sad.

    My kids were raised on a “diet of whole milk, lunch meat and fear”. I was a strict parent. My intention was to raise my kids right the first time so I didn’t have to raise another set. We did tons of fun stuff while they were growing up, but we did those things together. There was no running around town til all hours of the night with people I didn’t know. Friends met my guidelines or they weren’t friends anymore. My kids were rewarded for their good behaviour and fine manners with love and material items…items that were designed to keep them entertained at home.

    My children are 22 and 18 now. Some of their peers are in prison already. Many are quite familiar with the inside of the county jail. Almost all have illegitimate kids or at least one divorce to be proud of. One young lady has 3 kids with 3 different men and she’s not old enough to legally order a beer.

    The happiest day of my life was when my oldest told me, “Mom, you were so right to be strict with us. You protected us from all the bad decisions we wanted to make.”

    Parents who let their kids run wild are failing their children, setting them up for hard lives and ruining the future of several generations.

    Now that I’m off my soapbox I can see that your handsome mug has vanished from the header. What gives?

    • 1:51 pm

      Many thanks Yellowcat.

      Very well said. Thank you. It sounds like you did an excellent job raising those children and I commend you for it.

      As for my handsome mug, I provided a brief explanation earlier in the comment thread. The short version would be that I’m concerned about “pay back” from a handful of youths at the Piggly Wiggly. An old man can’t be too careful nowadays.

      All the best, yellowcat and thank you again for your comment. You’re free to get on a soapbox anytime you like.



  37. YellowRoses610 permalink
    4:02 am

    O_o I must be old as almost none of this applies to me.

    And it was my home that had the gun Issues, nopt school. School had mockery for me being semi intellgent and mostily sober.

    • 1:29 pm

      Nice to hear from you Rose,

      I am delighted (but not surprised) to find out that the modern young person chart does not apply to you. You’re entirely too sensible to follow that sort of unfortunate path.

      And I agree with your earlier comment about adding water to Rye. I normally avoid it, but sometimes in the afternoon I do add a splash just so that I don’t get carried away (and remain mostly sober).

      All the best,


      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        4:17 am

        I kind of escape the whole pregancy thing by being gay,xD. And I think sex should be special, I think you should love the person, cause it’s supposed to be an expression of love. I hate most of my generation,they sicken me.

  38. 6:46 am

    Dear Don,

    How do I deal with my old coworkers? I work in politics for a local city government and am constantly finding myself getting bossed around by these 70 year-old Korean War vets.

    Any advice will do.


    • 1:29 pm

      Many thanks for the question Matt,

      It’s a fairly straight forwarded response. I suggest you that you consider yourself damned lucky to be in the company of men who’ve served their country and that you listen attentively, pay proper respect and do their bidding without question.

      It wouldn’t kill you to by them some Danish either.

      All the best Matt and good luck in city politics.


  39. 9:55 am

    Classic Don and spot-on commentary. I fear for the future.

    • 1:29 pm

      Many thanks fundamentaljelly,

      Always a pleasure to see you (though your avatar does tend to scare poor York).

      Best regards,


  40. 1:07 pm

    As you know Don, I leave reading each of your new posts until a few comments have been added; the combination make for a stimulating and entertaining read. Damn me, nearly 80 comments and replies in less than 2 days on this one!

    You have, again, humorously highlighted a serious issue. I have considered it here;

    I now wonder if todays “damned young people” will be remembered any differently because of the social networking stuff?

    • 12:49 am

      Many thanks Dave.

      I enjoy the comments immensely, too. They never fail to amuse.

      Thanks for the link, Dave, I’ll be sure to pop over shortly and give that a read.

      All the best,


  41. 2:34 pm

    Hello Don!

    I’m affraid that the lifesycle of the youth in UK and US are just starting here in Norway too. I’m in my early twenties and cannot describe the same in my genereation. But the teens, and the children!

    When I was 13 years old I started to use lipgloss when I was at the youth-center and that was enough. Some used more make-up, but nothing as shocking as the children now. Girls around 9 years old starting to use the whole package! And worse, they use it when they are at school! It’s too early to use make-up at a regular base when you are not old enought to have your period.

    So I wonder when these children are starting to be teens: will they get pregnant before finishing high school? Will they ever finish university or get a job?

    Some what afraid for the future…

    Ps. just started a blog myself, I hope you will comment Don!
    It’s mostly in English.. 😉

    • 12:54 am

      Hello Izzy,

      Thank you for letting me know that you’ve started a blog. I’ll be delighted to pop over and have a look!

      And as for the youngsters, it’s true; they seem to be “maturing” more quickly than ever. Unfortunately that maturity only seems to relate to their overt sexuality and not their common sense or common decency. I remember a comment from a long while back where a woman described seeing a young girl wearing a t-shirt that said “Future MILF.” While I initially thought it was just damned stupid, once I was told what a MILF was, I was quite horrified.

      All the best and good luck with your blog,


  42. DJ Mills permalink
    2:44 pm

    Damn it Mr. Mills, this post sort of has me feeling bad about myself. You inspired me to write my own life cycle up to this point. I meant for it to be a bit lighthearted and humorous. About half way into it, I noticed how similar it actually was to your post. It was pretty damn sad, and not a touch of humor. It looks like the script to a Lifetime movie or After School special. But, regardless of my past, I’m rather proud of where I am right now at the age of 27. I’m also proud of some of the things I didn’t accomplish when I was younger (i.e., I don’t have a hoard of illegitimate children or ex-wives). As of right now, I have one wife and no children, although the current wife won’t shut the hell up about it recently.

    Great post though. I understand it’s supposed to be humorous and satire (I hope), but it honestly opened me to up to a lot of reflection and personal insight. It’s unusual for me when something like this can make me analyze my past, assess my current situation, consider my future and generally evoke as much emotion as it did.

    • 1:07 am

      Mr. Mills,

      You’re an intriguing young man, D.J.

      I’m starting to see ample evidence that you do indeed have the patented Mills values and character.

      In my view it’s important for a man to constantly be taking stock of his past, his actions and asking himself if he is becoming the person he wants to be. Too many people are looking for excuses or someone to blame for their lot, not looking inside to see what they can and should do to make things better for themselves.

      I’m glad you’re proud of where you are. Now hurry up and get that wife of yours with child. Your 27, lad, and she can’t be expected to wait forever. Plus, Don Mills IV has a Hell of a ring to it.

      All the best,


  43. 8:16 am

    My name is invoked about 5 feet up this comment chain as the two virtual dinos, CLT and, well, CLT go at it. I can only understand less than 33.33% of what they are saying. BUT, if I held the role of elpresgod at Truly Sickies, then LilyF exerts any moral guidance amongst the COFF’s (Crabby Old Fart Followers)…

  44. 12:11 pm

    Donald, this is it! The truth! Succinct, timely or perhaps long overdue, fearless, and too flippin funny as you always are. Brilliant, really.
    If I ever thought I couldn’t do without my NY Times subscription, it’s now been surpassed.
    Write on.

    A big fan in the US Virgin Islands, where everything you write about is uber evident.


    • 1:12 am

      Many thanks Bonnie Luria and welcome,

      I appreciate the kind words and do hope to hear from you again.

      Given the weather we’re facing at the moment, the US Virgin Islands sounds like damned paradise – uber evident young people problems or not.

      All the best,


  45. 11:11 pm

    Ah…. Good old ‘asbestos exposure’. Now that’s the way I want to go.

    It’s not a particularly pleasant way to curl up yer toes, but just think of the fun at the crematorium as they try to get you to burn.

    I’m sure that makes up for the coughing, the breathlessness and the blood-flecked lips.

    • 1:22 am

      Nice to hear from you Nobbly,

      I hadn’t contemplated the complications at the crematorium…could make for a very long goodbye.

      Thanks for visiting. Hope all is well with the Hatters.

      Best regards,


  46. YellowRoses610 permalink
    4:40 am

    Personaly I want a combination Wiccan and viking funeral.

    Hopefully a priestess talks about life and death and reincarnation, people get up and lie about me not having been a jerk,some people cry looking at my casket.

    Then they all put my body ina long boat, row it out to see or a lake, and shoot flaming arrows at it.

    This is the only way I can figure out to break the law post-mortuem.

    And you have to admit, people would remember it.

    Also some of my money would go to funding alchoil at the flaming logn boat bit

    • 2:02 am

      Well, Rose, you’re damned right. People would certainly remember it.

      All the best,


      p.s. the flaming arrows are a nice touch.

  47. ferxist permalink
    8:10 am

    Thank God I wasn’t raised the way some of my friends are. Aside from the fact that I haven’t earned a single peso through labor (because I’m a scholar), I think I’ll be fine. I’d raise my kids the same way (sans child labor, they need more education, and if they don’t want it, sure, why not).

    The only reason me and my brother aren’t working our asses off is that we make up for it by being scholars. I really do think that to be educated is an obligation, not a right, and that our scholarships are just incentives for studying harder.

    Anyway, I’ve said too much about myself. Keep writing, sir.

    Jonathan Ferxist

    • 2:04 am

      Many thanks young Mr. Ferxist,

      Keep at your studies lad. They’re will be ample time for work once your schooling is done. And as long as you approach study with the same serious ethic you would a job – you’ll be just fine.

      Nice to hear from you.


  48. Tasneem R permalink
    12:33 pm

    Hi…I have stumbled upon your blog through one of my friend’s blog…Well what you’re chart says is somewhat correct and somewhat incorrect . Young people are after all not ‘that’ bad …. !! I mean it’s the growing technology and modern lifestyle along with freedom which contribute into the causes of going in the wrong path at young age..

    How Well Do You Know Yourself?
    This test aims at discovering how well you know yourself.

    • 2:08 am

      Many thanks Tasneem,

      As it turns out I know myself damned well – but that only makes sense, I’ve had over 80 years to get acquainted with myself. And technology and modern lifestyles may have something to do with the rotten state of young people today but I don’t see how that excuses anything. If we know what the damned problem is, why don’t we set about fixing it?

      Anyway, nice of you to visit.

      Many thanks and best regards,


  49. 3:32 pm

    Ah I agree very much with this, in fact, I have used this many times as a starting topic for lectures I have conducted, the generational gap is widening at an alarming rate, more has to be done to encourage youth/adult interaction. It is non-existent.

    • 2:09 am

      Many thanks Sabian,

      Personally, I could do with a little less youth/adult interaction but I see your point and thank you for it.

      All the best,


  50. 12:19 am

    🙂 Just when I think I can’t love you anymore…you go an post this! Ahahahahahaha you crack me the hell up 🙂

    • 2:12 am

      Always a pleasure to hear from you Sherri.

      I hope you’re keeping well.

      All the best,


  51. 9:31 pm

    I think you just described the majority of the people in my neighborhood with chart number two. Except instead of looking for crack, most are selling it. They do consider that work you know.

    This was not only delightful, but brutally honest. I adore the way you call it like you see it!

    • 2:01 am

      Many thanks darksculptures and welcome.

      I’m sorry to hear about the state of your neighborhood. Unfortunately it’s all too damned common. To this day I still can’t believe that I found a syringe in my bridle wreath spiraea. I blame the young people only because I’m fairly sure my bushes aren’t shooting up.

      All the best,


  52. Shafali permalink
    1:31 am

    Dear Mr. Mills,

    Thanks for visiting (and also for your inspiration words:-)

    Your comparison charts are fantastic! (I guess you are the most funnily vitriolic guy I’ve ever come across.) I think I’ve finally found a place where I am cognitively at peace (attitudinally, a caricaturist may never be.)

    Warm Regards,

    PS: Here’s a caricature that seems to belong in the second chart –

  53. 1:59 am

    Thanks for visiting MY blog. I might never have found yours! But I’m so glad I did. You’re an “old fart” I could enjoy reading every day.

  54. 7:50 am

    It’s interesting that, good day

  55. 10:00 am

    I find the chart on the life cycle of my generation very depressing. I do however find comfort in the fact that I already have deviated from it. I am a welder, I have a loving wife and daughter and I plan to die at an old age (probably due to asbestos exposure). As always reading your posts makes me happy that my father raised me to be a man of an older generation.



  1. Life Cycle Of A Damned Young Person | The Daily Nigger
  2. Our Modern Lifecycle Certainly Involves Transit « MARTA Rocks!
  3. Is Don Mills Dead? – Featured E – Magazine

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