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The Problem with Young People – Trading Cards!

Just in time for Christmas. More fun for the whole damned family…

“Young People: The Trading Cards.” Over 30 different cards available! Buy them today, collect them tomorrow and trade them with your friends for years to come.

This month’s offering:


Card #13: The Assclown. An absolute must for any serious collector.


Card #17:  The Heavy Metal Moron. The backbone of any good collection.


Card #16: The Raver. Highly collectable and cute as a damned button.


And a rare, special edition collectable group card, Card #28: the Social Misfits.


Coming next: The Know-it-all, the Princess and the Skateboarder.

Previous trading cards available here and here.

Brought to you by the old man at Donco.

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111 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:31 am

    I can’t stop laughing; there’s so many quotable gems here . . .

    “90% of people misread tattoo as ‘Thug Lite'” still has me giggling like a heavy metal moron.

    Thanks, Don. Those cards would kill as Christmas gifts, and probably be hotter than those damn stuffed gophers from China or whatever the hell those things are, that has crushed the last remnants of sanity during this holiday season.

    Brilliant material, and a very big mirror for several youngsters!

    • 1:40 pm

      Many thanks Dan,

      Stuffed gophers? That brings back memories of Christmas dinner at my Aunt June’s house.

      We’d all go out to the barn Christmas Eve to sing carols, watch for Santa and slaughter gophers with a rubber mallet and paring knife. It was a Christmas tradition.

      The gophers were stringy, short of white meat and painfully hard to stuff but if they were prepared properly made a damned fine Christmas dinner. The only real drawback was the lack of wishbone. My brother York and I would have to make do with snapping the spine instead.

      All the best Dan and thanks again for visiting.


      • 3:15 pm

        You’re most welcome, Don, and thanks for sharing magical holiday moments . . . it’s no wonder the University of Minnesota chose such a festive little feast as their golden mascot!

  2. 12:39 am

    Ah for the good ol’ days when tatoos were for convicts and outlaw bikers…..
    In my day, the ultimate rebellion was skipping church, smoking pot and, oh my God, the ultimate, date a black girl!

    • 1:57 pm

      Nice to hear from you sekanblogger,

      I’ve said it before but when I was a boy the only people with tattoos were convicts, sailors and circus freaks. And that made sense – it was a warning to keep your distance if you knew what was good for you.

      Thanks for visiting.


    • ann permalink
      12:18 am

      Oh but Sekan get with the programme, they tattoo for a reason don’t you know that? They have one when they have a child, one in memory of this that and the other. Very few admit to having had a tattoo done and regretting it. Now would that made sense?
      Each to his own, if they want that trashy, biker, sailor or circus freak look let them get on with it. As Don said, it was a warning to keep your distance. I say it still is.

  3. 1:09 am

    Sadly, Lars has resurrected his career as “Rug Mag” short for rug magnet. Lars now specializes in testing hair pieces in extreme environments. His “Ozzy Osborne” special, w/de-hydrated beer and onion pizza, is now a required test for anyone wishing to wear a hairpiece to metal/punk/rap concert. There is heavy speculation Lars’s next venture may be testing dentures in urban area environments. He has four more teeth to lose before he can start, though, said his wife, Lynda, “Don’t call me Larry”, Cunningham.

    • 1:57 pm

      Many thanks for update, Jammer.

      I’ll have to update the card in time for the second printing. I’m all for celebrating success stories and while testing hair pieces and dentures may not be rocket science, it’s a job and for Lars that alone is a hell of an accomplishment.

      All the best,


  4. 1:41 am

    You know what scares me out of my socks? The 40 and 50 year olds I cross paths with today were these people 25-35 years ago, or the era-appropriate version thereof, and now they’re just… hiding it well. Most of the time.

    • 1:58 pm

      Nice of you to visit, sledpress.

      I trust you are keeping well. Damn right they are hiding it. Any sensible person would.

      The world would be a far better place if young people would take some time and repress their damned foolish urges, natural impulses and “individuality” and start behaving like decent, upstanding citizens.

      Many thanks for visiting.


      • ann permalink
        12:11 am

        I enjoyed the read but sadly I know some middle aged women who have tattoos and behave badly also. Their blogs would make your hair curl. I hope they also read your reply.
        Sexually inappropriate trash that makes me wonder what’s missing in their lives. Maybe they also need to repress their midlife individuality and start behaving like decent upstanding citizens also.

        I’ll drop by again.

  5. 2:56 am

    Oh, dear gawd…! I’m pretty sure Lars Cunningham was here working on my roof a few months ago. (I swear I’m going by his face and not the jeans description!)

    • 2:15 pm

      Thank you merrilymarylee,

      First off, I’m pleased to learn that your identification of Lars was based on his facial features and not careful scrutiny of his inappropriate and ill-fitting trousers. That would be quite indecent.

      And I can’t say I’m surprised he was on your roof. I’m assuming he was either auditioning to act as a weathervane (that hair tends to catch the wind very well) or laying new shingles.

      I can see the lad having a future in shingling. Simply put on a little of that heavy metal music and the boy would be happy to pound the roofing nails in with his head. No tools required.

      All the best and thanks for visiting with me.


  6. Lily Fossil permalink
    3:43 am

    Dear Donald,

    I have been eagerly awaiting the release of card #13 The Assclown. Please send me 3 of them and one each of the others. I suspect the Assclown will become a collectors’ item in the future. I particularly like the fact he has been arrested 3 times for sexually harrassing himself.


    • 2:24 pm

      Many thanks Lily,

      It would be my pleasure to send you as many cards as you might like. I’m not sure that the assclown card will become a collector’s item. While there are a limited number in print, there appear to be no shortage walking the streets.

      All the best,


  7. 4:24 am

    Truly an epic set, Don. These youths must truly be standouts in their respective fields to have made the card set.

    Why, I can only speculate as to the number of competitors for “Assclown of the Year” especially considering the 115 IQ and below requirement. I imagine the lower part of that curve was extremely well-represented.

    You continue to outdo yourself, Don. Can’t wait to see what’s up next.

    (BTW, is Lars growing a particularly long strand of nostril hair or do I just have a bad angle?)

    • 6:49 am

      yes, I want to know what it is too. please don’t say it’s snot……

    • 3:01 pm

      Many thanks CLT,

      Competition in the “Assclown of the Year” category is always tough. It takes a special breed of moron to make it to the finals.

      Geordie almost missed the cut. His “talent portion” was a rather flat recital of the first 7 letters of the alphabet accompanied by a flurry of hand gestures that appeared to be either indicative of an epileptic seizure or a poor attempt at semaphore.

      Fortunately for Mr. Zinn he performed well in the swimsuit competition.

      All the best,


      p.s. There really is no good angle when looking at Lars. I suspect Scott may be right when he speculates that it may be the beginning of an unconventional comb-over

  8. Clifton L. Tanager permalink
    4:37 am


    I must admit that I am shocked and indeed, somewhat saddened by the declining standards of the card industry.

    Back when I first started collecting, there was no trace of the overly colorful and busy designs that are now all the rage.

    The first set of baseball cards I got came packaged with a box of cigars, which we had to finish before our father would allow us to “play” with the cards. Several hours later, as the hallucinations waned and the cramping ceased, my brother and I were finally able to view the cards, through very bleary eyes.

    What we had in front of us was a random grouping of current baseball players, printed badly in black-and-white, with identifying logos and names routinely cut off by careless manufaturing. This particular set was issued by Raybestos and made of some unidentifiable wood/fiberglass hybrid that punished your fingers with a million tiny cuts and slivers if the cards were “played” with too often.

    Later issues began to show signs of color and some competence in the cutting department. Some basic “stats” began to appear, including birth dates, current team and eyeglass perscription.

    As we rolled into the ’40’s, more and more information began to crowd the back of the card, including “Wives Beaten” and “Confirmed Kills (Pacific Theater).” They also began to entice the younger set with pieces of candied gum, made from a combination of drywall and vulcanized rubber.

    We cherished these and traded them with our friends, looking for elusive cards like Joe Dimaggio’s 1956 card, which included his lifetime “batting” average with Marilyn Monroe. (It was .334, which meant Dimaggio was part of a three-man rotation.)

    All in all, I still like the idea of collectable cards, if for no other reason than the devastation you can wreak as a parent by earnestly searching for these and throwing them away or selling them for dirt-cheap at the local rummage sale.

    As always, splendid work Don, if a little hard on these eyes.

    C.L. Tanager

    • 3:43 pm

      Many thank Clifton for the wonderful comment,

      Quite honestly, few people are able to recapture with such eloquence the splendor of years past. From the giddy vomiting that came with your first cut-rate cigar to the ever present taste of vulcanized rubber in our chewing gum, you’ve painted a damned fine picture of life in a simpler time.

      I have nothing more to add, Clifton, other than my sincere thanks.

      I’m off to dig up cousins Raybestos cards right now. He had an excellent collection and left them to me in his will (Sadly, he passed due to an unexplained medical condition at an early age).

      All the best and thanks for visiting,


  9. 5:15 am

    hey, there’s nothing wrong with raving, except the drug part. Didn’t doing the “swing” used to be considered bad in your day too? lol

    • Lily Fossil permalink
      5:48 am

      I suppose that’s where the “raving lunatic” comes from.

    • 3:43 pm

      Many thanks Sensico,

      Hmmm….I’d suggest that anytime you have to add the disclaimer “except the drug part” you’re not on the firmest of ground for debate. And the word “raving” itself is likely problematic too. According to my dictionary it means “irrational, incoherent, wild, or extravagent utterance or declamation.”

      So, when you put those two together, you have wildly incoherent maniacs who would be fine if it weren’t for the drug part.

      Frankly, it still sounds suspicious to me. That boy needs to shed his rose colored goggles and take a damned good look at himself.

      Lovely to see you!


  10. 6:05 am

    I have nothing clever to say that can match your wit on these cards. Every Sunday night I rush home from work anticipating the laugh I’m going to get out of your weekly post. This week was another gem.

  11. 6:20 am

    yesterday i would have laughed my buttocks off looking at and reading those cards. however, last night, i watched jersey shore on mtv, and those kids depicted on your cards now look like rhodes scholars. just look at these geniuses.

    • 4:06 pm

      Jesus Nonnie,

      I assume you were watching that program as some form of research and not pleasure? And I hope whoever is funding that research project paid you well for the trouble. I suspect you’ll be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder after watching those morons parade around.

      That’s damned frightening stuff. What more can you say.

      All the best,


  12. 10:28 am

    I’ve just discovered this blog and I’m really enjoying reading your terrific posts. Great humour and so much truth here too. I hopefully look forward to a forthcoming “Hoodie” card. Keep up the good work Don.

  13. Friar permalink
    12:35 pm


    I was hoping the Assclown would be there, I was looking for him, …and there he was, like you promised.

    Well worth waiting for.

    Well done, Don. Well done!

    • 4:21 pm

      Many thanks!

      I’m glad you liked it, Friar. The assclown will always have a special place in my collection. Six months ago I’d never heard the phrase and yet now I can safely say that it’s my favorite young person expression of all time.

      All the best,


  14. 12:49 pm

    Caught this on Friar’s Twitter feed. Very accurate! I hate my generation.

    • 4:22 pm

      A sensible decision, in my estimation,

      Thanks very much Matthew. I appreciate your stopping in.

      Best regards,


  15. 1:53 pm

    Masterful works of art Don. These should certainly sell like hotcakes at a diner offering a two for one breakfast special in a small southern county known for its morbid obesity rates.

    The Assclown is a personal favorite of mine. However I may have presented him with another name. Do you really think that he’d last 10 minutes in urban centre? Maybe I could interest you in a gentlemen’s bet?

    I think that you should bump the price up on Lars. With his tragic career ending hair loss, he’s bound to hit the collectable’s market. Like CLT, I am also perplexed as to the nature of his nasal growth. Perhaps he could attempt the most challenging and heroic comb-over ever? It would put him right back in the game.

    Sadly, since this last print Doug Becktal has been traded to the European league, ironically, for around 1200 ecstasy pills. They make that stuff over here, and since it comes in a very pure crystalline form, the over-under on Doug’s life now stands at a mere 3 weeks due to the upcoming holidays. (I took the under for 5k.)

    And your last offering is definitely the most priceless. How you were able to find such a rare, valuable commodity in one place at one time is beyond all reason. Frankly, I’m surprised that the place didn’t spontaneously combust with pure awkwardness. Amazing. Priceless. Great job Don!

    • 1:23 pm

      Thanks very much Scott,

      Just curious, lad? Do you think there is a southern county nowadays that isn’t known for its morbid obesity rates? Or northern county for that manner? If there is, I haven’t been able to find it.

      As for the assclown, I’d be happy to take your bet. Obviously, the fun isn’t in the winning or losing – it’s in the simple joy of watching the damned idiot having his ass kicked. Someone should use it as an idea for one of those reality shows. I’d sit back with a rye and plate of crackers to watch that any day of the week.

      And my thanks for putting the mystery of Lars’ nose hair/comb over to rest. I wasn’t sure what the Hell he was up to but I suspect your interpretation is bang on correct.

      All the best Scott and thanks for visiting. Always good to hear from you.


  16. 2:11 pm

    Dear god are these the people I will have to eventually share a retirement village with? I bags the misfits, because by then they should all be cat owners with a dependency on sleeping pills!

    Psst I fear Lar’s nose hair!

    • 1:24 pm

      Many thanks Frigginloon.

      You’re wise to fear the nose hair – I suspect it is up to no good and can’t be trusted.

      Thankfully I won’t be any part of a retirement village that includes this motley collection. In fact, I’m damned determined to keep myself out of those places all together.

      Still, if you do end up in one, I suspect the misfits would be the preferred roommates. Certainly better than ending up with Lars or Mr. Zinn. There is enough indignity associated with aging without having to add that to the mix.

      All the best,


  17. Ravikant Rai permalink
    4:26 pm

    Hello Sir,
    This is another very good, funny Trading Cards article lol. Keep this up. You’re on a roll. I really enjoy reading every article on your blog. The moment I had stumbled upon your blog, I had it marked as favourite. Hope to see little more of Trading Cards series sometime in future ! 🙂

    • 1:24 pm

      Nice to hear from you Ravikant,

      I appreciate the kind words, lad. I’m grateful for your regular visits and always look forward to hearing from you.

      All the best


  18. 6:08 pm

    I don’t understand why Geordie decided to use a tampon to represent the “I” in “Thuglife”. I am not criticizing, just kind of perplexed.

    • 1:25 pm

      Thank you Tannerleah,

      It’s a good question. There might be an underlying psychological issue here related to his own sexuality or it could be that it has to do with the nurturing he received as a child. My best guess, however, is that it’s because the boy is a complete and utter assclown.

      Best regards,


  19. 9:47 pm

    All you collectors have been waiting for the Assclown card but take it from me it isn’t the most valuable. I the three releases there has only been 1 woman. Girl cards are where the money is.

    On that note, I was a volunteer at this years AssHat Games. It was very touching seeing the douches making their way for 20 seconds away from the mirror in order to complete the 50 yard dash.

    • 1:26 pm

      Thanks kindly Bearman,

      I can always trust your keen eye! I think you are absolutely right. And while I have one or two more female cards in the mix, they are indeed a rare commodity.

      Glad to hear you’re volunteering Bearman. More people need to give back a little something to their community and if anyone needs helps, it’s those damned asshats.

      All the best,


  20. 10:15 pm

    I wish I could think of something amusing to say, but I can’t. Just that I enjoyed this post, as usual. Great work, Don.

    • 1:26 pm

      Many thanks healingmagichands,

      Always nice to have you visit. Thanks for the kind words and for stopping in.



  21. catch22 permalink
    11:02 pm

    If your generation is better then why do I need a degree to barely support my family? So you making these trading cards to attack the social minority is just entertainment to you while we (young people) go out and fix the problems you created. You should also look up social Darwinism. These kids will eventually fail in life so pointing this stuff out is useless. Did shuffleboard just lose all its excitement?

    The true sign of a weak person is to attack the weak. One who is afraid to attack the strong lacks the ability to ever become a strong person.

    • Evil Editor permalink
      6:35 am

      Satire. Find its definition in the dictionary. Comprehend its meaning.
      After all, Shakespeare did.
      So did Socrates.
      So, too, can you discover the effects of satire as a literary tool to emphasize a point.

  22. Lily Fossil permalink
    2:37 am

    Dear Donald,

    Who is this “person” with the blank avatar I keep seeing on the comments list? Seems to be a spammer or something?


    • Friar permalink
      4:03 am

      Ms. Fossil;

      We should be thankful, though. At least there’s no profanity coming from this one.

      Not like or dear old friend Frosty from a few weeks back.

      • Lily Fossil permalink
        6:12 am

        You’re not wrong there, mate.

        Maybe s/he is caught in a snow storm?

    • 1:29 pm

      Hello Lily,

      I’m not entirely sure. I don’t recall seeing one myself. I’ll have to keep watch. Could be that it is some damned young interloper with nasty intentions.


  23. 9:53 am

    Great series of cards Don. You should know that I have Lars’ Rookie Card, we should talk about some serious trading. Nice work Don.

    • 2:33 pm

      Many thanks Fundamentaljelly,

      Trading sounds like an excellent idea. I’d certainly like to add the Lars Rookie Card to my collection. I’d be prepared to offer a very collectable Wayne Foster “Skatepunk” card or might even open up the vault (aka shoe box) and part with my rare 2003 Alyssa “Mall Rat” Miles card.

      Let the trading commence.

      All the best,


  24. Kate permalink
    10:50 am

    Very droll, Don. Card #28 – that photo was taken outside the pub on the main street of my town on a Friday night. That’s what happens when they don’t eat their spinach.
    Like Longy in an above comment, I look forward to a ‘hoodie’ card as well. The hoodie would be carrying a large bag from one of the local junk food outlets, and be generously distributing the wrappers and cans through the park, along the street, and in my garden.

    • 2:34 pm

      Thanks very much Kate,

      I think the “hoodie” may well have a future in the collection – you’ve hit on a sore spot for me. I can’t tell you how much time I spend picking candy wrappers, beer bottles, french fry containers etc., out of my garden.

      I’ve actually had some damned young people drop their old couch on my front lawn. Apparently they were done with it and thought they’d like to pass it on to me. I guess that’s there idea of recycling.

      And they blame my generation for “ruining the damned planet.”

      All the best,


  25. 11:20 am


    If it’s not a problem, I’d like to order 31 of the Social misfit cards to be delivered asap. It’s my annual work Christmas party next weekend, and since this is my last year with the Company, I thought I’d get my co-workers a little something special to remember their former/current selves by.

    Your trading cards would make the perfect gift, because not only can they all personally relate (especially Carlos, who’s been the Department’s reigning “Isn’t he Awkward” title holder for the past 16 years now), our anti-social committee has secretly booked a Wiggles cover band (“The Fo’ Shiggles”) to come and play at the party as well!

    Let me tell you Don, when those guys start singing the smash hit “Cocky Want A Cracker”, the entire department is going to be busting a gut. (The word “cocky” gets them every time…)

    Marvelous work, Don. You do more with an awkward photo and Commodore PET than any grandfatherly-type man I’ve ever known.

    Your friend,


    Ps. If you have any left over, I’d also like a laminated Geordie Zinn (for personal reasons.)

    • 2:35 pm


      It would be my pleasure to send you all the cards I’m able to produce. Thirty-one may be a tall order, though, as my production team (me, Hattie and a bottle of rye) is small and often needs a nap. Still, I will see what I can do and get those cards into the Canadian Postal System as soon as possible.

      Not to pry but “last year with the company”? I’m hoping there is no trouble at Zellers HQ (I have stock) and that this is just you moving on to bigger and better things. If you are leaving, please remember to sort that damned Zeddy out before you go. We’d all appreciate that.

      Enjoy your party and the “Fo’ Shiggles.” It sounds like a real hoot. But remember, even though this will be your last Christmas party, avoid alcohol consumption and foolish shenanigans. A Wiggles cover band and drunken excess is a dangerous combination.

      All the best,


      • 3:41 pm

        No need to worry about trouble with the Company, Don, I’ve just decided to hang up my “Is this on your Zellers account? Do you have a Zellers account? Would you like to apply for a Zellers account?” hats and move on to bigger and better things.

        Like sculpting.

        Thanks to your continued encouragement and support of my gift, pursuing my dream of becoming a full-time abstract sculptor. I’ve also decided to pack up and leave this one-horse, non-sculpture friendly town, and go where my talents will truly be appreciated. (Either Amsterdam or the New Siberian Islands , not sure which yet.)

        But don’t worry. Regardless of where I end up, I’ll be sure to leave you my forwarding address. After all that you’ve done for me, Don, there’s no way I’d ever leave you “Executor-less”.

  26. 7:34 pm

    Lily, ma’am.
    My avatar is blank simply because I don’t have a wordpress account. If you’re desperate for a photo of moi, go to where there is one of the very few snaps of me yet in the public domain. (Glad I spellchecked, the public was lacking an ‘l’)

    Mr Donald, Sir.
    You are a world leader in humourous satire on the youngsters. Just a pity that some of them are so fecking dense that they can’t understand that. BTW- Congrats on the 300K hits, that is a sign of your wisdom.

    • Lily Fossil permalink
      9:50 pm

      Dear Dave,

      Thanks for the link to the lovely photo of your good self; you look like a cheery sort of chap.

      No, the blank avatar I spoke of (and I think Friar noticed it too) is a completely blank white space and silly me clicked on it a couple of times and it seemed to be an advertisement for cards of some description, probably spam. It’s a mystery then, that Donald can’t see it. I have noticed it a couple of times. So, my friend, it isn’t you.


    • 12:14 am

      Many thanks Dave.

      You’re a kind and generous man. And (as Lily points out) quite a cheery looking chap as well.

      Lily, the phantom avator are associated with something called “pingbacks” and “trackbacks.” One just arrived.

      They are notifications that another site has linked to you or mentioned you or is thinking about you…something of that nature.

      Mystery solved. Thanks goodness too. For a moment there I thought perhaps it was the ghost of Miranda!

      All the best,


      p.s. Dave, your mention of spell check reminded me of my days in government and the time we inadvertently sent a letter to stakeholders on the subject of pubic education. It wasn’t well received.

  27. 11:15 pm

    On Lars: ‘3 years: Approximate length of time until “tight nut-sack” constricting jeans will leave him sterile’

    We are blessed.

    • 12:20 am

      Many thanks mcnorman,

      Blessed indeed. Let’s just hope he doesn’t get up to much over the next 36 months.

      Best regards,


  28. 2:17 am

    That’s a nice headdress! And congratulations on another outstanding post.

  29. YellowRoses610 permalink
    8:38 pm

    Dear Don,
    Please forgive my absence, I have been working on College applications and had to read the Eulogy for my Grandmother’s funeral, wile keeping various bickering members of my family form behaving disrespectfully in a memorial Cemetery for Veterans. But I have come out unscathed and am now convinced I am the most Sane member of my family.

    Also I am finalizing my Holiday plans. Mysong and I are going to spend a romantic Christmas and New years in Pittsburg where we will see Ballet and other appropriate Holiday activists, including but not limited to : Baking cookies for my favorite brother, Dancing to jazz music visiting my pregnant sister in law and her family, and if I have my way giving baked goods to the homeless.

    I hope that this and donating to charity will counter balance any young people style Shenanigans we may get into, such as getting my belly button pierced, possibly getting a tattoo and painting naked woman. The last one how ever is a time honored tradition and Michael Angelo would approve even you do not.

    I wish you a merry Christmas with lots of Eggnog and family.

    A happy Yule and winter equinox,

    P.S I lost twenty pounds in an attempt to not be a grossely fat young person.

    • mystsong permalink
      8:45 pm

      I heartily approve the plan of giving baked goods to those in need. Especially if I get to make them. I should get my mom’s amazing Christmas recipes to take with me.

      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        9:18 pm

        We just have make sure my big brother doesn’t eat them all/ -_____-

        He’s a fattie.

    • 2:07 am

      Many thanks Rose,

      Sounds like an interesting trip and I hope you both have an enjoyable time. I’d encourage you to try and keep the shenanigans to a minimum.

      And please accept my condolences on the passing of your grandmother.

      All the best,


      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        3:57 am

        I accept your condolinces. She was 91, and had jsut refused to die, I think she did it to spite the people who wanted to put 19- on her tombstone isnread of 20,.

        Gods She was a great old lady. Never took shit from any one.

  30. YellowRoses610 permalink
    8:59 pm

    Oh,Don since We are making Christmass cookies would you like us to mail you some? I like to back them but my body can not process sugar, so there are always extra cookies.

    • 2:08 am

      Thanks for the offer, Rose, but I have my one box of Scottish shortbread which sees me well through the Christmas season.


  31. Mary permalink
    10:06 pm

    Oh, trading cards, how I love thee! Lars is my personal favorite, as he reminds me of my brother, who I love dearly, but is indeed, well…. like the card says, a Heavy Metal Moron. This set is wonderful, just as all the others have been, and just as all your posts are.

    Do you do birthday shout-outs, by any chance? It’s just that my birthday is this coming Sunday and I thought I’d check. Whether you do or not, I’ll still have the great pleasure of reading your newest post!

    Loving the hat!


    • 2:14 am

      Many thanks Mary,

      I appreciate the kind words and the visit. Always a pleasure to hear from you.

      I’d be happy to give you a birthday “shout out” but I must confess I’m not exactly sure what that might entail. I’ll look into it and hopefully have that sorted out before Sunday. If not, I’ll make something up and hope for the best.

      Warm regards,


  32. YellowRoses610 permalink
    11:56 pm

    Oh joyous occasion. I proposed to Mystsong tonight and she had agreed.

    We are going to get Married, Illegally in Pittsburg. It will be a small celebration with My brother and his friend Even, any one who finds us in t he park may join in our celebration.

    I hope Don and Lilly and Bschouled attempt to find us.

    There will be free drinks and wine and egg nog if you mannage to find us. The ceremony will began at sunset.

    • mystsong permalink
      12:08 am

      It will hopefully be a lovely little ceremony. I do hope it snows. That would be just perfect.

    • 12:46 pm

      Congratulations, Rose and Mystsong.

      I would love to be there, but unfortunately I live in Canada and my passport is not up to date.

      I wish you all the best, though.

      Please have an egg nog for me.


      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        7:26 pm

        We will certianly drink Egg nog for you. ^_^

  33. YellowRoses610 permalink
    12:32 am

    Can we find Doves at like a Magic store and realese them?

  34. Debbi permalink
    3:21 am

    Another great post, Don! (And the Santa Claus hat is a nice touch.)

  35. 4:56 am

    I swear.. I dated Lars. Now I’m just grateful it wasn’t Geordie.

  36. Lily Fossil permalink
    4:59 am

    Dear Donald,

    I’m sorry, but I don’t like your hat or whatever it is. It looks like something the cat dragged in or painted on yer head.

    I suppose “Congratulations” are in order for Yellowroses and Mystong! Our first lesbian blogging wedding. Whoopdebloodydoo. I hope it snows too.


    • YellowRoses610 permalink
      5:13 am

      Thank you. I understand you live In New Zeland, or some such place, but if you showed up,we’d totally dance with you and give you food. Warning:I’m hypoglecimic so it’s all sugar free.

      Do you have any bits of Wisdom to impart to us?

    • Friar permalink
      12:40 pm

      Dear Lily;

      I’m scratching my head over how the topic suddenly went from Ass-clown trading cards to lesbian weddings.

      Though I suppose open free-for-all discussions are to be expected on popular blogs like Don’s.

      Ladies: I’d just stay away from using doves at your wedding. Nobody does that, except arrogant nouveau-riche yuppies. Just keep it simple.

      • Lily Fossil permalink
        7:55 pm

        Dear Friar,

        I’m not sure how that happened either, but it is not everyday I get invited (from Australia) to attend a lesbian wedding in Pittsburg.


        • 8:48 pm

          Dear Lily;

          I say GO FOR IT.

          If anything, it would make for an interesting story to tell your grandkids about, when they’re older.

        • YellowRoses610 permalink
          3:35 am

          I invited you because you remind me of my dear Grandmother, aside from being a good deal younger than her. And I think your presence would add an air of respectibility I may be too giddy to provide.

      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        2:21 am

        Thanks for the tips. I just thought doves were pretty.

    • 10:47 pm

      Thanks Lily,

      I never did suit a hat. Still, it preempts the “Scrooge” accusations.


      • Lily Fossil permalink
        10:56 pm

        Dear Donald,

        I must have been feeling more crabby than usual to say that. We have been sweltering in 43C ( that’s nearly 105F) heat for days here and everything, including my brain is just about to spontaneously combust. I like your hat really.


        • 11:54 pm

          My goodness Lily,

          Be sure to drink plenty of water and do your best to stay out of the heat.

          It’s hard to imagine 105 degrees – we’ve just had our first blast of real arctic weather. With the windchill today it must have easily been -10F (about -20 celcius). Too damned cold to be outside for more than 5 minutes. Still, it keeps the young people off the streets.

          Do try to stay cool.


  37. 2:24 pm

    Illegal lesbian weddings? Pittsburg sounds like quite the town.

    If I were straight, I would ask Don to marry me. But I’m probably too young for him anyway…

    • 10:45 pm

      Many thanks Sharon and welcome.

      Apparently Pittsburgh has changed considerably since my last visit in 1979. Perhaps it’s time for another visit.

      Thanks for the visit and your comment. Hope to hear from you again.


      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        3:38 am

        Pittsburg had changed, many parts of it are L.GB.T. friendly, it has a wealth of night clubs and bars, and luckily for me many historical things and a wonderfull art Museum.

        It also had a fair amoutn of Bohemian artists, another thing that attracts me to it. I might be able to finally sell my paintings.

  38. Frankelstache permalink
    8:14 pm

    Senior Mills,

    I’m disturbed by the Young Person with the tattoo over his bellybutton.
    Come to think of it, they’re all pretty disturbing. I’m considering starting a petition and writing some angry letters to the company that sells, manufactures and distributes these cards. They can potentially perpetuate exactly what you’re trying to avoid.

    I am by no means trying to doubt you or your judgment Donfather, but are you sure giving a stage to these corrupt, cannibalistic creatures is a good idea?

    Mushrooms on the roof with my utmost respect,

  39. 9:09 pm

    Mr Mills

    Are you Santa’s younger brother Grumpy Claus…surprise no rant about how santa and his god damn pooping reindeer have made a god damn mess on your roof these past couple of years….i just realized you COLLECT TRADING CARDS…whats next POKEMAN…..Maybe some cards about the god damn postal service they are always poking their noses in our business….happy holiday Don…..zman sends

    • 6:32 pm

      Many thanks Zman,

      I’ll get around to Christmas in due time but I’m a damned festive fellow and don’t begrudge a youngster the odd wooden duck or tin car provided they’ve toed the line all year and haven’t been rude to old people.

      I share your suspicion of the postal service and was even thinking of preparing some new stamps I’d like to see in 2010. I’ll have to look into that some.

      Happy holidays to you as well, Zman. I’d like to wish both you and Penelope all of the best for 2010.

      Best regards,


      p.s. I’ve never heard of Pokeyman but it sounds like typical young person pornography to me so I’m sure I wouldn’t be interested.

  40. downcastmysoul permalink
    1:56 am

    Finally you posted a metal head and assclown card! I have been having hooorible technical problems and have been unable to follow you lately! You made the front page! The million hit mark will be yours! Then your blog will “go platinum”. You can write books like the “crabby old fart’s guide to life” and “chicken soup for the crabby old fart’s soul”.

    • 7:11 pm


      Nice to see you back. I admit I was worried when I hadn’t heard from you on the heavy metal card. I was concerned that perhaps you had taken offence (I know you’re partial to that “style” of music.) Anyway, lovely to see you and I do hope your technical problems are fully resolved.

      All the best for a happy holiday season, downcastmysoul, and my thanks for all of your visits and comments over the past few months. I really do appreciate it.


      • downcastmysoul permalink
        8:29 pm

        You have a Merry Christmas as well! I’m not sure about my machine, but all I can do is hope.

  41. Cierra Logan permalink
    2:36 pm

    whoa! this is super rad!!

  42. Cecilia permalink
    6:47 pm

    “The Social Misfits”… wow. What a great social observer you are, Don.

  43. 7:47 pm

    Dude, you rock!!!!



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