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It’s Time for Senior Drivers to Fight Back Damn it!

As an active senior, I get damn frustrated by people who tell me that I’m too old to drive my car.

I haven’t been in an accident worth remaining at for at least 6 months, consistently drive 10-20 miles per hour below the posted speed limit and regularly stop in the middle of the road to read street signs or to avoid injuring squirrels. I’m a very safe driver.

Despite this, I am tailgated with alarming regularity and subjected to volleys of obscene language and nasty hand gestures from my fellow motorists on a daily basis.

I’m damned fed up. And in response, I’ve whipped up a series of bumper stickers specifically designed to get my damned message out to young motorists.


bumper sticker indicator v3

 (I may be turning, I may not. I haven’t decided yet but that’s my damned business not yours)


bumper sticker top of head v3

(And stop telling me to sit on a phone book, smartass!)


bumper sticker hearing aid v3

(I’ll go whatever speed I see fit and having you slam on the horn isn’t about to change my mind!)


bumper sticker licence v3

(As long as I have partial hearing, some sight and enough energy to press the damned accelerator you’re not getting me out of my LeSabre)


bumper sticker generic_edited-1

(Just because I find it amusing)

I hope that these bumper stickers will send a clear message to all the hot-rodding young pups out there that Don Mills will not be pushed around. If anyone is going to run me off the road, it’s damned well going to be me.

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116 Comments leave one →
  1. YellowRoses610 permalink
    12:53 am

    Another nice one Mistermills. As long as you can drive safely drive all you like. You pay your car insurance and road taxes, so you ahve a right to use the road!

    Would you be willing to pick me up so we coudl go out for coffee?

  2. 1:21 am

    Thank you kindly Rose,

    Be assured that it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than the few minor fender benders and some foul mouthed motorists to get me off the road. And I like to think I’m a Hell of lot safer behind the wheel then the moron driving around with a latte in one hand and a cell phone in the other.

    With respect to the coffee, I appreciate the offer, Rose, but I don’t like to travel too far (I try to limit myself to a 6 block radius from my home). It’s getting to be a nasty world out there and I don’t want to end up in a Bonfire of the Vanities type situation. Plus, while there was a time when I was happy to spend hours behind the wheel – sadly, those days have passed.

    I trust you’re well, lass.

    All the best,


  3. 1:25 am

    good for you, don! i live right near a retirement condo. if you want, i can sell hundreds of those bumperstickers for you.

    • 12:23 pm

      Many thanks, Nonnie.

      I’d be delighted if you could pass some of these bumper stickers on to the older folks in the retirement condo. But I’d prefer if you didn’t charge for them. This isn’t a money making scheme – it’s an attempt to get the word out that we seniors are tired of being pushed off the road by speed freaking, half-witted pissants.

      Besides, we older folks are generally on a fixed income and I don’t want to be eating into anyone’s bingo budget.

      Thanks again Nonnie. Always nice to hear from you.


  4. bohemianrant permalink
    1:25 am

    Sir, it would be a honor to share the road with you. Better yet, we could pace ourselves side by side on the freeway, create a rolling road block, and back up young hot-rodders for miles.

    • 12:25 pm

      Thanks for visiting Bohemianrant,

      That’s a damned fine idea but I think we can do better than just the two of us. We need a rally the troops and get all us older drivers out there. I can promise you that if we get the word out it won’t take long before mercy sakes alive we got ourselves a convoy and are rockin’ through the night. Yes, a great big convoy and it’ll be a beautiful sight.

      So if there are any seniors out there interested, come on and join our convoy, ain’t nothing gonna get in our way, we’re gonna roll this old folks convoy across the USA (at 25 mph so bring sandwiches, it will be a long trip).


      I’ll start a sign up sheet and take it down to the seniors centre this afternoon.

      Many thanks for the fine suggestion. See you on the highway, lad.

      Best regards,


  5. 1:26 am

    You can drive me around the bend anytime. It’s a short trip. This was seriously funny, as in LOL funny with real LOL’ing.

    Perhaps you can sell these ideas to the folks who issue parking tickets for fun and profit!

    • 12:38 pm

      Thanks kindly Joan of Argghh,

      Seems we have a similar theme at work. As my old mom used to say, great minds think alike and fools seldom differ. Not sure which category we fall into but let’s hope it’s the former.

      Those parking tickets are perfect. I’m going to need a half dozen books at least.

      As always, a pleasure to have you visit.

      Best regards,


  6. 2:01 am

    Outstanding as always, Don. You are like an expensive cheddar, you just get better with age (or so I’ve heard, I don’t do dairy).

    Your driving record sounds impeccable, and the fact you’ve even bothered to remain at the scene of an accident in the past tells me that you’re a much better driver than I could ever hope to be.

    Anyway, I have to say that all of your decals are outstanding and you are most certainly a force to be reckoned with. But I was just thinking that since elderly persons tend to drive those 70’s Lincoln-type cars, it’s obvious that they must have a lot of “bumper sticker room” to work with.

    So I took the liberty of coming up with a few more that you and your Euchre buddies might be interested in:

    “Incontinence Happens”

    “My Other Car is a souped-up Shoprider Dual-Wheel Mobility Scooter”

    “Honk if you Love Jeopardy”

    “Spam, Jam or Candied Yams, Nobody Rides For Free”

    “I Brake for No Reason Whatsoever”

    “My Canada includes Quebec” (this one would be as a favour to me)

    “Who’s Your Grandaddy?”

    “Legalize Marijuana” (just in case, Don)

    Anyway, even though these slogans are nowhere near as impressive as yours (could be a week, could be longer indeed…), I thought I would put them out there, just in case.

    Your helper,

    • 3:35 am

      B, if your Canada includes Quebec, we can obviously assume you are not from Quebec.

    • 4:21 am

      and perhaps one that asks how’s my driving? with a phone number that connects to the metamucil hotline.

      • David permalink
        10:49 am

        I would definitely want that one. Hehe

    • 12:49 pm

      My dear Bschooled,

      Thank you so much for the wonderful suggestions. They really are outstanding.

      I particularly like “Spam, Jam or Candied Yams, Nobody Rides For Free.” In fact, I believe I may have finally found a suitable Christmas gift for brother, York. It will make him very happy and be a nice change from the usual ascot.

      He doesn’t own a car but I can picture him slapping it on the ass of his corduroys and strutting around his condo like a preening peacock.

      Many, many thanks.


      • 10:06 pm


        Knowing York, it’ll only be a matter of time before those ladies at the Greenview Lodge start plowing him with preservatives…

  7. 3:05 am


    I pictured you in a nice 1989 Skylark but I can work with a LeSabre. I would just ask that you please be sure to put those “bumper” stickers on your rear trunk lid or lower window. It would be a shame to have those lovely brick-a-brack demolished in what is sure to be a your fault, rear collision.

    Yours in preserving the arts,

    • 1:29 pm

      Many thanks Kelsey,

      Never owned a Skylark but from what I’ve heard, it’s a damned fine car. It’s just a little flashy for me.

      And I can assure that any rear collision will not be my fault. I wasn’t to blame for the last 10 and I can’t see my causing any in the future. If people would just respect the rules of the road and stay a decent 300 feet back of me there wouldn’t be any issue in the first place.

      Thanks for stopping in,


      • knifemouth permalink
        5:27 pm

        Oh YES! Thank you for saying that! What is with people and their inability to grasp the necessity for safe following distance! Sadly, kaff kaff, I am in California and every time you try to create safe distance, ten clowns hop in the area you’ve created in front of your car! (Uhm, not literal clowns, except once -and while I assume that person was earning a living/on their way to a kid’s birthday party- they still scared the bleep outta me!)

        Well, sure glad I happened upon your blog & it is going in my bookmarks under Blogs to Catch Up On! Thanks, Sir!

  8. 3:33 am

    Hey Don,

    I can totally sympathize with your concerns about the crazy drivers on the road today. I think if you really want to make a statement that sticks, you should consider some sort of “Thelma and Louise” style LeSabre catapult off of say, Niagara Falls, as a sort of protest against the lousy driving conditions out there for seniors these days.

    If you really want to double the impact, maybe you could get your brother Dork to come along for the ride as well. I think I got his name right, didn’t I?

    Take care, nice to see you’re as tolerant as ever.


    • 1:29 pm

      Many thanks RBG,

      Nice to see you back for a visit lad. It’s a damned interesting idea but I don’t like to take the LeSabre up past 25 mph so I doubt that “catapult” would amount to much. In fact, we’d likely just get tangled up in the safety fencing and end up feeding into the nasty stereotypes about old people being unsafe drivers.

      In addition, York gets carsick and Susan Sarandon gives me the willies.

      I’d be all for firing young people over Niagara Falls with a real catapult. Might make a halfway decent Extreme sport or reality show.

      Good to hear from you.


  9. sensico permalink
    4:31 am

    wait, so you mean you could see me that time I gave you the middle finger?! Soooo, sorry.

    • 2:13 pm

      Apology accepted Sensico,

      In retrospect, it was likely unwise of me to stop on the highway off-ramp in order to read the exit signs but it was unfamiliar territory and I was concerned about getting lost.

      Still, I hope you’ll exercise more restraint in future.

      Best regards,


  10. 4:55 am

    Back before my Grammy passed away, she was pulled over for speeding and driving erratically. She told the officer, “It’s this goddamned car. It goes too fast and its all over the place.” That’s about the time I had to start driving Grammy around.

    I hope wherever she is she has a souped up muscle car and she’s giving ’em hell.

    • 2:14 pm

      I hope so too, yellowcat, I really do. Your Grammy sounds like a fine woman.

      All the best,


  11. 5:20 am

    “I hope that damn bird you’re flippin’ me tastes like chicken, because the next damn time you stick it out the damn window, I’m bitin’ the damn thing off . . . if I can find my teeth.”

    Which reminds me: when I moved out to the midwest from the west coast, it took me six months to figure out people were waving to me instead of flippin’ me off. Nobody wave to you on the west coast, unless it’s a gun barrel. Now that they know what I look like, they just flip me off anyway. I’m wondering if they make one of them back window flip off bobble head dolls. Could save a bunch of energy.

    • 2:14 pm

      Nice to see you Jammer.

      I like that bumper sticker slogan a great deal. You have a winner there.

      It used to be that everyone in my neighborhood waved to passing motorists (and said hello to their neighbors too) but those days are long since over. People here seem to have forgotten some of the more archaic uses for your hands like shaking hands and waving. A damned shame if you ask me.

      Nice of you to visit. Keep up the good fight Jammer and bite off a damned finger or two for me.

      Best regards,


  12. 5:26 am

    I’ll strip down to a corset for generic pharmaceuticals 😉

    • 2:41 pm

      A provocative approach, Nursemyra, and one that I’m sure would garner you considerable attention. I can’t imagine it working for me however. I hate to think what pharmaceuticals I’d be prescribed if I discovered driving my LeSabre wearing nothing but a corset.



  13. 5:50 am

    “Senior Drivers Fighting Back” is a redundancy. Every time I see a senior at the wheel I consider it an act of aggression. 😉

    • 2:41 pm

      My goodness, Gryphon, I would have expected better of you. An act of aggression? When did nipping out to purchase a pair of new socks, a box of All-Bran and a small bottle of rye become some kind of hostile maneuver?

      It’s these damned young people that are the aggressors. With their thumping music, tinted windows and reckless lane changing. We seniors are the innocent victims here!

      All the best,


  14. 6:17 am

    You drive all you want to Don. Just stay on your side of the continent please.

    I said “continent”, not “Incontinence”. Where did you put your glasses now?

    • 2:42 pm

      Many thanks Claire.

      As I mentioned earlier, I tend to stay within a six block radius of home. (I don’t like to be on the road for more than a couple of hours at a time.)

      And I’m not sure where the Hell I’ve put my specs this time. I found them in the freezer last week and the week before that they turned up in the mail box. It’s possible that Hattie, my personal support worker, is trying to play some kind of insidious practical joke on me.

      Best regards,


  15. Catherine permalink
    6:19 am

    As I see it, Don, you are doing the youngsters a favour by slowing down their crazy driving and giving them a bit more time to enjoy the scenery. I mean you could go shopping at any time of the day or night but you chose to go out and bimble along at rush hour. You could get out of junctions when there is a reasonable gap in the traffic but you make a point of sitting at every junction for a few minutes adjusting your cap or the radio. And as for braking, whenever you see a green traffic light as you know that sooner or later it will turn to red, you should be given a medal for thinking a head. For those reasons alone I would forgive you for blocking the road for 20 minutes trying to shuffle into a parking space that is clearly to small and narrowly missing a pedestrian or two. Keep death off the roads, drive on the pavement.

    • 3:21 pm

      Many thanks for that very sensible comment and your kind words of support, Catherine.

      I must say that your description of my driving habits is eerily accurate (especially the part about me adjusting my cap). You obviously know a thing or two about seniors. And I’m delighted that you are prepared to slow down and wait while we tend to our parking. More young people would do well to take a page from your book.

      Best regards and thanks again,


  16. 8:14 am

    This was very well done Don, as usual. Thank you very much. Driving competence will become an issue as more Boomers age. I posted about this thread at my blog, hope you don’t mind. We’d like to link to your blog on our blog roll, if you are okay with that?

    Jammer is one of ours – and we proudly claim him…

    • 3:22 pm

      Many thanks igglydonnelly,

      I appreciate the link very much – thanks for that. Any club which has Jammer as a member is one I’d be proud to join.

      Always nice to hear from you.

      All the best,


  17. 8:41 am

    Great thinking, Don.

    I’m behind you all the way.

    At least; I’m behind you until there’s a suitable opportunity to put my foot down a bit and get past you.

    • 3:23 pm

      Many thanks Nobbly,

      I tend to get along well with drivers from “across the pond” if only because of my habit of occasionally driving on the left side of the road.

      I’ll keep an eye out for you lad. I’d suggest you do the same.

      All the best,


      • 12:31 pm

        It’s good to hear that you drive on the left from time to time, Don.

        In a reciprocal show of solidarity with our ex-colonial brethren, I shall attempt to drive home from work this evening, exclusively on the right side of the road.

        That’s right as in not left, as opposed ro right as in correct, which is of course left, as anybody in their right (or is that left?) mind knows.

        Anybody wishing to visit me in hospital or send Get Well Soon cards, please ring in advance so that I can schedule (pronounced shed…, not sked…) you into what is sure to be a packed programme (not program) of fun-packed hoapiotal type visitational banter and badinage.

        • 12:34 pm

          Oh, WTF…

          ‘hoapiotal’? FFS!

          Should be ‘hospital’ – I really need to stop drinking so much beer at lunchtime. Problem is, I need it to steady my nerves for the drive home.

  18. Lily Fossil permalink
    9:07 am

    Dear Donald,

    I have some handy driving tips for Seniors that I would like to share with you.

    Firstly, I always drive with my headlights on regardless of the time of day.

    There are several good reasons for this: a) It saves you ever having to turn them on or off, b) When other cars see you they think you may be an unmarked police car and speeding drivers will slow down and c) it is actually safer to drive with your lights on during the day as you are more likely to be noticed.

    The other tip I have is for when those hoons come raging up behind you, I deliberately slow down and turn my wipers on with the washer water going full blast and the car behind gets all the water on their windscreen and then you look at them in your rear-vision mirror and you can see the look of sheer disbelief on their faces. This tactic is particularly fun when there’s not a sign of a cloud in the sky and no sign of rain.

    Driving Miss Lily.

    • 3:54 pm

      Many thanks Lily,

      Very sensible advice indeed. I too always drive with my lights on (and occasionally my hazards as well) just to be sure that other motorists are put on notice that I’m on the road and in no mood for interference.

      I’ve never tried the idea of spraying the wiper fluid at people. I’ll give it a shot but I’m not sure there is much oomph left in the old Lesabre’s pump. Still, if that fails I can always just ladle it out of the driver’s side window. I imagine that would result in some baffled looks as well.

      Keep driving Lily.

      Warm regards,


  19. David permalink
    10:55 am

    I want a bumper sticker that reads “If you don’t like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.”

    I’ll look forward to being able to purchase a medley of your stickers for myself and my friends – fortunately just in time for holiday gift-giving.

    Cheers Don

    • 3:55 pm

      Thanks for stopping in David.

      That’s a damned fine bumper sticker. I like that one very much indeed. And no need to purchase, just place your order and I’ll ship them along. I’m not looking for money – just anxious to spread the word.

      Best regards,


  20. Friar permalink
    12:00 pm


    These stickers are a great idea. Not just for seniors, but for the rest of us younger drivers. So that we know to keep a very healthy distance, and give the vehicle the fearful respect it deserves.

    I like the one about the turn indicator the best.

    If you’re looking for more ideas, I’d suggest something along the lines of :

    “I pay my taxes. I’m entitled to use this road and I’ll drive any God-damned speed I want.”

    • 4:33 pm

      Thanks very much Friar,

      I’m glad to hear you think that the younger drivers might benefit. “Give me the fearful respect I deserve” is exactly the message I was trying to convey.

      And thanks as well for the suggestion. If I get to a “round two” you can be assured that it will included in that batch.

      Good to see you lad. You have any snow yet?


      • 5:04 pm


        We had “wet flurries” forecast last week. We came close, but didn’t quite get the nasty white stuff yet.

        Give it another week or two…though.

  21. 12:04 pm

    For once I have to disagree with you Don. I think licenses should be restricted to those between 25 and 70 years of age. I’ve almost been run over by young and old alike. Remember, I used to live in Florida, which is God’s waiting room. On the 10 by 1 mile island of St. Pete Beach the bingo brigade caused at least one accident every two days. One 85 year old wiped out a storefront when he couldn’t remember where the breaks were. I’ve seen old men getting out of their cars before putting it in park, and almost running themselves over before crashing into another car, twice. I’ve seen an old woman miss the turn into her gated community by a good 30 feet and instead drive into a decorative fountain. Scenic Isles indeed.

    Your bumper stickers are hilarious though, and I too break for (any) pharmaceuticals! Besides where do you have to go that the meals on wheels van can’t give you a lift to anyway?

    • 4:34 pm

      Thanks for the comment Scott,

      I’ve no issue with disagreement though I can’t help but feel it’s the people who design roads, store fronts and cars that are really to blame here. Anybody who puts the front of a store within a hundred feet of a parking spot is just asking for trouble and just gets what they deserve if you ask me.

      As for meals on wheels, thankfully I’m not there yet. As long as I have a toaster oven, coffee makers and can still open a tin of tuna I’ll be looking after my own needs in that department.

      Good to hear from you lad.

      All the best,


  22. alternative permalink
    1:05 pm

    what? im very sorry to tell you this but if you arent safe then dont drive i mean no effence but this is just ridiculouse! what are you trying to prove here with
    ‘honk all you want, i left my hearing aid at home with my glasses’
    although it is humorous it is just condradicting o what you believe.
    i simply believe that elderly poeple are just as much of a nascence on the road as youger people are. and that driving lisences should be restricted to only people between 20-75
    sorry Don
    but all the best

    • 4:36 pm

      Many thanks lad,

      I appreciate your pointing out the inconsistencies in my logic. I suppose that “left my hearing aid at home” sticker may have slightly undermined my argument but I tend to get riled up and sometimes act without thinking things all the way through.

      I can’t agree with you though. If you are going to have a 55 year window of driving time, I’d suggest it start at 40.

      Thanks for sharing your views. Always interesting to hear from the young people.


  23. 1:56 pm

    I’ve thought it through and I’ve decided that I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming and crying out to God like the passengers in his Buick did.

  24. 2:48 pm

    As Founder & CEO of Keeping Us Safe, we offer 2 programs designed to help keep senior drivers safe drivers. One program is titled “Senior Drivers Vs. the Aging Process” (which we do in group presentation form), and the other is our nationally-recognized “Enhanced Self-Assessment Program” which was designed specifically for senior drivers.

    We help senior drivers remain safe drivers, so they can lengthen their already safe driving career. Please visit our website to learn more!

    • 4:37 pm

      Many thanks Matt,

      I appreciate the information and while I commend your interest in protecting the interests of seniors, I would suggest that you consider slightly altering your curriculum.

      If I may be so bold, I’d suggest you think about offering a course designed something along the lines of “seniors vs. god damned young people and their greedy insistence that they own the road.” (You might need to shorten the title though). I’d be happy to act as guest lecturer – I have strong views in this area.

      Keep up the fine work and thanks for visiting.


  25. 4:40 pm

    Don, you and Beschooled could make a killing. I could see your ads right now in the back of an AARP magazine. When you’re rich, remember the little people who believed in you.

    • 7:28 pm

      Many thanks Tricia,

      Bschooled is a clever young lady, there is no doubt about that. Personally, though, I’m not interested in trying to make money. I spent too many years going down that road and I’m happy with my small pension and meager savings. Plus, I don’t need any relatives sniffing around looking for a free lunch.

      Thanks for the kind words though. I appreciate it.



  26. 5:00 pm

    Very well written as always and very pertinent to the situation in my city too. Our roads are crawling over with smartass young pups on flashy two-wheelers who weave through the traffic as if describing Jennifer Lopez’s curves. If you permit I would like to borrow some of your bumper-sticker ideas to try and drive some sense into their woolly heads.

    • 7:29 pm

      Nice to see you Doctoratlarge,

      I really enjoyed that description of how the young ones weave through traffic. It paints a damned clear picture (and an accurate one too). Many thanks.

      Borrow away, Doctor. I’m not optimistic you’ll succeed in driving any sense into them but I commend the effort.

      All the best,


  27. 5:56 pm

    I started driving around my husband’s grandmother when we moved near her until she started complaining about my car. I drive a Grand Marquis for heaven’s sake. You get what I mean right Mr. Mills, that’s an old person car if there ever existed one.
    I’d like to see, “A four-way stop is a life effecting decision.”
    At least then I’d understand the three hour wait.

    • 7:29 pm

      Many thanks Suzette,

      I’ve never driven a Grand Marquis but it’s a sensible looking car and I see more than a few parked at the seniors centre. Was it too small for your husband’s gran? Some of the older girls prefer a roomier interior.

      And your suggestion is a good one. A 4-way stop can be damned dangerous and it’s always wise to wait until traffic has cleared and there are no other vehicles in sight before proceeding. If you have to proceed, I suggest you slowly creep out into the intersection – stopping regularly to make sure that no one is about to sideswipe you. Remember – safety first.

      Thanks for visiting.


  28. 7:11 pm

    I also get strange reactions from my fellow drivers when I show them the top of my head. (Like they’ve never seen one before).

    • 5:53 pm

      Many thanks young Tannerleah,

      I believe I’ve seen some posters up in my neighborhood regarding your unorthodox driving habits. I’d be cautious son – you’ve outraged some parents and titillated some senior ladies.

      Best regards,


  29. 12:06 am

    Outdone yourself with this one Don. Each one was hilarious and informative. Kind of how I like my education spoon fed to me.

    The other answer is to move to those big communities in Florida that only allow golf carts. Sure you can still get in an accident but it’s only at 5 miles per hour which is only 3MPH slower than you go now.

    • 5:54 pm

      Thank you kindly Bearman,

      A small correction. The golf cart would actually be traveling closer to 13mph slower than my current, preferred cruising speed.

      Many thanks for the comment. Hope you’re well.


  30. Debbi permalink
    2:33 am

    I’m all for seniors being able to drive, as long as they don’t wait for stop signs to say “go” before they move.

    Oh, while you’re looking for your glasses, you might want to grab your wallet and keys. I’m assuming you remember where those are?

    • 5:55 pm

      Thank you Debbi,

      There’s little point in waiting. They seem to take forever to change and the motorists behind you get quite impatient.

      And, yes, I’ve found my keys and wallet. They were with my glasses – on top of my head the whole time.

      Best regards,


  31. 5:04 am

    Keep writing…. Delete just when I start reading!

    I just found and started reading Ram Venkatararam’s blog and you had to go and delete it just when I started reading it and shared it with about 50-60 other people to read.

    In protest I am going to find you and drive so slowly, right in front of you that you will have a heart attack in frustration. So the week or longer may actually turn out to be shorter!

    Yours in agony…..

    • 5:56 pm

      Many thanks Sarika,

      My apologies for the unfortunate timing on the deletion. And please feel free to drive in front of me anytime you like. I’m not frustrated easily and enjoy a slow and sensible pace of traffic.

      All the best and, again, apologies.


      • Debbi permalink
        3:46 am

        You didn’t keep the archives up???! Tragic, really . . .

  32. 10:24 am

    Ah Don, I think you should campaign for geriatric stickers, just like the handicapped did. Imagine the havoc you could wreak weaving through the car park right to the door.

    • 5:56 pm

      A damned fine idea, Frigginloon. I’m all in favor of perks for seniors.

      Appreciate your stopping in.

      Best regards,


  33. 12:22 pm

    May I cheekily divert some of the regulars here to my take on this subject at;

    I can’t; tough!

    • 5:57 pm

      Thank you Dave,

      Feel free to divert anytime you like. It’s always welcome. I’ll be over myself to take a look shortly.

      Best regards,


  34. 5:14 pm

    Some very cool bumper stickers! Where can I buy them?

    • 5:57 pm

      Scribers Web!

      Delightful to see you again. Many thanks for stopping in. I’ll be happy to send you as many as you might like – with no charge at all. Just let me know what you’d like.

      All the best,


      • 3:19 pm

        Yeah! I loved the Honk all you want bumper sticker. They are all fabulous and hilarious!

        I am heartbroken that Ram’s blog is no more. Why? So sad! Sigh. I think I may have had a cyber-crush on Ram.

  35. 5:46 pm

    I will pay attention for those bumper stickers. I will eve show them where the nearest Bingo or Shuffleboard areas are.

    • 12:12 am

      Many thanks Ahmnodt,

      Always nice to hear from a lad who is sympathic to the needs of seniors.

      All the best,


  36. 2:26 am

    I see bschooled and a few others have tossed a few more suggestions for bumper stickers into the hat, and far be it from me to suggest that you need to improve on your already immaculate selection, but I had some prepared remarks… (licks finger and carefully and noisily unfolds 8-1/2 x 11 college ruled paper…)

    My Other Car is Also an Enormous Domestic Sedan

    I Brake for Stop Signs, Yield Signs, RR Crossings, Other Vehicles (Real and Imagined), Slight Changes in Temperature or Windspeed, Nostalgia, Moral Panics and the Occasional Mistaken Pedal Press

    The always popular Crabby Old Fart Cartoon urinating on Young People

    For the Alzheimer’s suffers:
    I Just Reported This Car Stolen

    And for everyone involved, especially you, Don:
    Don’t Fuck With Me… I Blog!

    Another inspired set, Don. You are the true Lord of the Photoshop. Looking forward to next week’s installment already.

    • 4:06 pm

      Many thanks CLT,

      Excellent offerings one and all. I especially like the “I brake” selections. And, yes, it’s true, I do brake for Slight Changes in Temperature or Windspeed. Any safe driver would.

      Best regards,


  37. Stateofdisbelief permalink
    11:32 am

    Good Morning Don.

    I just stopped by to say “I love you!”

    By the way, I’m only 40-something, but I drive just like you and I’m a safe driver too!

    Be good, be safe, and keep writing.

    • 4:08 pm

      Thank you very kindly, Stateofdisbelief.

      I appreciate the kind words. I’m also glad to hear that while you may be a youngster, you drive cautiously and with due regard for public safety.

      Hope to hear from you again.

      All the best,


  38. 6:25 pm

    You go, old dude. Thankfully, I don’t drive at all and won’t ever have to worry about ending up on the same road as you. And when I’m walking? The crosswalk is all yours. I know you need to actually be in the intersection to see what’s going on out there.

    • 12:07 pm

      Thank you XUP,

      Very gracious of you to give up the crosswalk – I appreciate that. I like to have a clear view of all vehicular traffic. There are a lot of damned crazy drivers out there and an old man can’t be too careful.

      Best regards,


  39. 7:02 pm

    That’s what I overheard my dad talking to my sister over the phone concerning his new car option:

    “Yeah. This new Ford? I can speak to it and it obeys me!”

    You reach your conclusions from that, Don. Tell me if this man is supposed to be out there driving a machine that kills people…

    • 12:08 pm


      Good to hear from you lad. I don’t see any reason for concern. In my view it only becomes a problem when your FORD gets a mind of its own and stops obeying you.

      And remember, Ivan, cars don’t kill people, guns kills people (or something along those lines, I’m not sure).

      dê meu melhor a seu paizinho idoso. Condução feliz!


  40. 7:57 pm


    Absolutely NO LICENSE AFTER 65….all transportation should be free after that…planes trains cabs buses….rickshaw…pony express you name it….sorry guy….way to many accidents caused by older folk that dropped their dentures in the seat and they begin to look for them while in 8 lane traffic…if the blue hair cant see over the dashboard grab a seat on the bus granny…….So cmon down to DMV and trade in your licencse for a bus pass…zman sends

    • 12:32 pm

      Nice to hear from you Zman,

      Sixty five? Jesus, Zman, that seems a little harsh. Retire from work and you get a gold watch, a small party and then the police come in and strip you of your licence, your dignity and your freedom.

      On the positive side, however, I like the idea of you pulling me around in a rickshaw for an afternoon. That could be damned enjoyable. (Just don’t run too fast)

      I suspect you may change your tune Zman when you get a little longer in the tooth. I have a hard time imagining anyone taking away your driver’s licence without you putting up a bit of a scrap.

      All the best,


      • Lily Fossil permalink
        11:18 pm

        I am liking this idea of the rickshaw!

        Not only would it save fossil fuels and reduce our carbon footprint, it would solve the unemployment crisis too and get all the young unemployed people off their computers, out in the fresh air exercising.

        Zman is really onto something here.


        • 12:00 am

          I couldn’t agree more Lily.

          Sounds like a fine idea to me. And I’m ready to go do my shopping whenever Zman decides to stop by and pick me up.

          All the best,


  41. Sherri permalink
    2:58 am

    My personal favorite…”when you pry it from my cold dead hands!”

    Love this post 🙂

  42. 1:11 am

    Mr. Mills, you made another product I want: I Brake for Generic Pharmaceuticals.

    A lot of us Baby Boomers could go that route…if you forgive the pun.

    • 1:37 am

      Many thanks Pamela,

      No need to worry about the pun. I have a weakness for them myself. Glad you liked the pharmaceuticals bumper sticker – it was my personal favorite.

      Always so nice to have you stop in, Pamela.

      Best regards,


  43. downcastmysoul permalink
    7:31 pm

    Just because you can only see the top of my head does not mean I cannot see you!!! LOL that and the one about the signal being always on…So old people know their signal is still on?!?!*& You drive us nuts.

    I no longer drive but remember being behind someone in traffic that was soooo slooowww and got up there to see a tiny head barely looking over the wheel. 🙂 My anger evaporated but I must admit I then laughed. My grandfather went 20 miles under the limit the few times I drove in his car.

    I won’t be doing the finger dance to any old drivers unless they are “dirty old men” then all bets are off.

    • 10:37 pm

      Many thanks Downcastmysoul,

      Nothing wrong with a tiny senior driving slowly – I’d take that any day over some 7 foot teenager with a crack pipe and a heavy foot.

      And I completely agree that all bets are off when it comes to dirty old men. Feel free to give them the finger and let them know that they are giving decent old boys a damned bad name.

      All the best, lass.


      • downcastmysoul permalink
        6:01 am

        No, he’d be cruisin with his “gin and juice” listening to rap.

        I will feel free to do the “dances with fingers” with dirty old men and tell them you told me to!

  44. lauraw permalink
    6:07 pm

    Excellent post and funny, though I could not disagree more with the content.

    Your car speedometer has three-digit numbers on it for good reason. You should consider that an invitation and a challenge.

    Even as I approach middle age, I still like to drive home from work at 85 mph with two tires in constant contact with the rumble strip while lighting a cigarette with one hand and tapping my radio preset buttons like piano keys with the other.

    I am a very safe driver and pose no danger to others as long as there’s not a spider in the cab of my truck.

    Not all of us were meant to grow old gracefully. Or at all, come to think on it…

    • 10:41 pm

      Many thanks Laura,

      An excellent comment and very, very funny but I couldn’t disagree more with the content.

      You sound like Hell on wheels, young lady.

      Thanks for visiting. Tell your damned husband I say hello.

      All the best,


  45. Lynn permalink
    1:27 am

    superb post as always don! seems all your friends are now in florida for the season….my usual 30 min commute is now taking me an hour and a half. aargh!

  46. 12:24 am

    Mr Mills… I just learned of your site today and, while I’m just starting to checking it out, I have to say, what a wonderful post. You had me chuckling all the way through. And, I’ll be sure to share these bumper stickers.

    I would have liked to share them with my Granny, who also used to tell us young “whippersnappers” that she was fine behind the wheel and that there was no way she was giving up her license.

    That is of course, was before the day that she drove her car up the stairs at the front of her church. Perhaps that was God’s way of telling her it was time to hang up those racing gloves?! I suppose however that her ultimate justice was served, as we had to drive her around for the next 10 or so years of her life. I suppose it could be said that she did indeed get the last laugh!

    🙂 (keep up the great work!)

    I bet you have some great wisdom to share with my hubby .. feel free to stop by my hubby diaries blog, I’d love to hear about relationships from your perspective!

    • 2:42 am

      Many thanks Michelle.

      I appreciate your stopping by and sharing the story of your Granny. She sounds like my kind of senior.

      I’ll be sure to visit just as soon as I’m able.

      All the best,


  47. 4:53 am

    the third one was my favourite 😀

  48. 4:56 am

    also, I just noticed the “IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE REGULAR…” section in your blog sidebar. I think I’ll take that advice on board, since I haven’t blogged on my site in over a month. There’s no particular reason as to why, I just haven’t.

  49. 12:32 am

    You have so many comments I wasn’t going to say anything, but thought it might tickle you a bit to know that when my grandmother was in her 60’s (a young thing!) she decided she was going to get a car and driver’s license. She bought a 50-something Studebaker. Within weeks she had gotten a ticket for passing an old lady at an intersection because the woman was, according to my grandmother, going too slow. The officer said that the old lady was going 2 mph and my grandmother was speeding along at 5.

    • 12:44 am

      Many thanks merrilymarylee,

      I’m very glad you did leave the comment. I enjoyed it a great deal.

      Nice of you to stop in again,


  50. 1:26 pm

    ….one of the fun things about reaching Senior Citizen status, beside the discount at the donut shop, is the ability to laugh out loud at oneself and everyone else without worrying about the impact on one’s career track………

    Nice blog, Don, ………fun stuff…..enjoyed it!


  51. Brionna Burton permalink
    9:10 am

    Good post. The car insurance has to be the first priority for drivers and they should carry along with them which are very important. The senior driving is concerned they are a good drivers compared to young drivers and they really drive safely. The car insurance should provides such schemes where the senior drivers and young drives can get the benefits and have the safe

  52. Miki Davis permalink
    9:35 pm

    Love the bumper stickers !!


  1. A Growing Public Safety Issue «
  2. It’s Time for Senior Drivers to Fight Back Damn it! | Baring my heart.

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