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God Damned Young People Don’t Lift a Finger Around the House

The problem with young people today is that they don’t do chores.

When I was a lad, young people had a laundry list of daily chores we were expected to complete. We made our beds, swept the floors, rotated the tires on our old dad’s car and all we expected in return was 3 squares a day, a warm bed at night and the continuance of our parent’s largely conditional love.

Young people spent the first dozen years of life as little more than indentured servants for Christ’s sake. It’s why people had children in the first place and it hardened us for a long and productive life spent working in factories or toiling anonymously behind a desk.

Completing chores gave us the satisfaction of contributing to the household and taught us valuable life skills as well. I could mend a fence by 8, patch a roof by 9, and was able to castrate a bull with nothing more than a Pez dispenser, a length of twine and a 6 volt battery before my 10th birthday.

But young people today don’t do chores. They wouldn’t know a vacuum from a mop and would faint at the idea of being introduced to either. They view their houses as 5-star hotels with them as the guest and the parents as bellhop, maid and resident chef. To them, adolescence is nothing but a decade-long spa treatment.

And even if you are able to prod the little lollygaggers into taking out the trash they do so under protest and only with the promise that they’ll be paid for their efforts. They expect to be handed a roll of twenties for picking up their socks, hanging up their coats and even for mowing the god damned lawn.

If I’d ever had the audacity to ask my old dad to pay me for cutting the grass, he would have mowed me down with a slap to the head and mulched my ass with a stiff leather belt. And then he would have charged me for the beating.

When these young people get around to pulling their heads out of their asses and move out on their own they’re going to be in for a damned rude awakening. Who the Hell are they going to call to change their sheets, butter their toast or clean their damned eaves?

We’re raising a generation of indolent and functionally ignorant young pups who’ve never laced a shoe and who are incapable of the simplest of tasks. And mark my words, the first time they have a light bulb burn out on them, they will be well and truly lost in the dark.

They don’t do chores. That’s the problem with young people today.

121 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:43 am

    I want to know how you used the Pez dispenser. Donald Duck? Popeye?

    • 12:24 pm

      Greetings Sledpress,

      I had a Mickey Mouse Pez Dispenser that was used in the process. (Though “Popeye” might have been more appropriate. If you’ve ever seen a scrotum squeezed by a Pez Dispenser you’ll note that the subject’s “eyes” really do to tend to “pop.”)

      I have be careful of giving away trade secrets but suffice to say that when in the right hands a Pez Dispenser can act as a crude but effective pair of scissors. The snap-back neck could do more than just pinch your finger if you applied enough force.

      Additionally, if modified correctly, it can also be used as a makeshift stapler.

      Plus the animals liked the taste of the damned candy – so you could lull them into thinking they were about to have a nice sweet treat before you applied the twine and started running current through their testicles.

      Not the most effective method, I grant you, but it did the job and we had to make do with the materials we had at hand.

      Many thanks for visiting. If you have further questions, I’ll do my best to reply.

      Best regards,

      Don

      • Friar permalink
        9:10 pm

        Don

        Jesus.

        I hope you at least washed the Pez dispenser, in between castrations.

        Next time someone offers me a “Pez?”, I might think twice.

        • 11:00 pm

          Thanks Friar,

          We were careful to clean them well. And I suspect that the practice has long since fallen out of fashion so you should be fine to accept the occasional Pez (Unless it is a young person making the offer. Then you need to be careful that they may have switched the damned candy with some ecstasy pill or damned date rape drug!)

          All the best,

          Don

      • 3:17 pm

        Geez Don, Why didn’t you just band them the way we did. Cute little scissors like tool that opened a small strong rubber band were held in place while you threaded the little testicles through the open rubber band. Release the stretch and the blood supply was cut off neatly. A couple of days later the balls dropped off. Quick, easy — castrating the little bulls was a lot easier than putting in their ear tag.

  2. cuteasasa permalink
    1:01 am

    I agree with every word except the “consequence”. That’s the problem. I don’t think most ever intend to “move on”. Would you leave clubmed to pay your own rent and wash your own undies? I don’t think there will be individual consequence but boy are we paying for it as a country. So if you are a hovermom who reads this, listen to Mr. Mills. You’re not doing your kids any favors.

    • 12:31 pm

      Thank you for the comment cuteasasa,

      I agree with you fully but have to imagine that at some point they will be required to move on. Granted, it may not be until well after the expiration date on their official status as “young person” but I’d damned well hope that eventually every person ends up having to strike out on their own.

      I could be terribly wrong, however.

      Many thanks and best regards,

      Don

  3. yellowroses610 permalink
    1:18 am

    You only need a bunch of rubber bands to castrate a horse, you wrap the rubber bands around their testicals tightly and a week or so later you untie them and they eventaully just fall off. I don;t know if it’s the same with bulls. The pez despenser is superfluious.

    • Mystsong permalink
      1:19 am

      But really, what ISN’T more fun when you add a pez dispenser?

      • yellowroses610 permalink
        1:21 am

        My stomach,xD Sugar could put me in the hospital under the right circumstances.

        • Mystsong permalink
          1:22 am

          That’s the pez themselves. The dispensers have many uses.

    • 12:43 pm

      My thanks Rose,

      There is a joke in there somewhere Rose but it’s too damned early and I haven’t been at my best for the few days.

      I have to disagree with your suggestion the the Pez Dispenser was superflous, however. As I outined to Sledpress, it was an integral part of the procedure. While I am sure the rubber band method is effective, we generally weren’t able to spend a full week slowly castrating an animal. We had other chores to complete and preferred to get it job done with as quickly as possible. (It might just have been a “guy thing”).

      Nice to hear from you Rose. I trust all is well.

      Don

      • yellowroses610 permalink
        7:28 pm

        I’m doing well, I got discharged from a mental hospital two weeks ago, which was the cause of my uncharaterstic silence. But that all got taken care of and my parents and I are spending the week on the River in north Carolina with my Aunt and her deranged rich husband. Good times,but if that sixty year old former General stares at my chest one more time wile I’m on the beach I’m going to slap the shit out of his Southern ass.

        • 11:05 pm

          My goodness Rose.

          You try to relax, lass, and get some rest.

          And whatever you do, don’t go beating up on any deranged husbands. I can’t tell you how many women ended up in asylums in the 1950s for demonstrating that kind of behaviour.

          Just keep your cool and keep your distance.

          Take care of yourself.

          Don

          • yellowroses610 permalink
            6:29 pm

            I kept my cool, and I’m back home in good old Delaware. Crazy son of a bitch pushed me over the edge a little which resulted in my screaming things like how I was going to kill him for being so cruel to my elderly auntie and Grandma. My pops had me stay with my other Aunt and uncle who where happy to have we there playing with their adorible seven year old son. (He’s a good boy who brings his Grandma flowers and helps her around the house) The evil uncle was too drunk to understand I was cursing him to death and revealed his homosexual worship of Shaun Connery.

            But it’s all good now and Auntie is getting support from the family. Aside from being sick.

            The sixty year old former general is a neighbor. My Uncle is also sixty but was a lazy shrink.

  4. yellowroses610 permalink
    2:01 am

    Where is Don? I miss talking to him.

  5. 2:17 am

    Mr Mills

    Castrating animals with a Pez Dispenser..wow they didnt have prods and castrating tools….i agree with everything else but hey if parents dont put their foot in their kids ass to do chores then parents are a bunch of slackasses themselves. I can imagine changing a tire on a 57 Desoto…that alone should merit a day off …..zman sends

    • 2:01 pm

      Many thanks Zman,

      We had to do the best with the tools we had at hand. Plus, you generally weren’t privy to the castration tools until you were 16 or got married, whichever came first.

      And you should try changing the tired on a 1935 Hudson Coupe. There’s a damned challenge.

      Good to hear from you Zman. Hope you are well, lad.

      All the best,

      Don

  6. David permalink
    2:29 am

    >>>>was able to castrate a bull with nothing more than a Pez dispenser,

    This claim demands a detailed explanation my good sir.

    • 2:02 pm

      Many thanks David,

      I never would have guessed that my Pez dispenser would generate so much interest. My response to Sledpress should shed some light.

      Someday I’ll have to tell you what I was able to do with a Slinky, a piece of felt and a small amount of baking soda. Good times, damn it.

      All the best, David.

      Thanks for visiting.

      Don

  7. 3:32 am

    kids used to have parents, now they have staff.

    a pez dispenser? really? your mother wouldn’t let you use the melonballer?

    • Hydrangea permalink
      5:41 am

      Melonballer? Have you spent much time around cattle, Nonnie? My guess would be no.

      Now, a soup ladle–that might be closer to scale…

    • 8:32 am

      No child of mine will ever be allowed to borrow the melon baller

    • 2:02 pm

      Thanks Nonnie.

      Well put. They sure as Hell treat them like staff.

      And no, my mother guarded that melonballer closely. It was used solely for disciplining the children, not managing the livestock.

      Always wonderful to have you stop in.

      Don

  8. 6:33 am

    How could I not agree with you again Donald? I worked my little ass off as a child. Up at 5:00 am sharp for a paper route. Then school, football practice, and then still had to clean my mother’s house. She was a working women and I knew I had to help out. I cooked all my own dinners too. Gordon’s microwave fish sticks are the best ever after a hard day of life.

    I admit that you’ve got me befuddled on the Pez dispenser/bull castration. That damn little plastic thing just doesn’t seem sharp enough. And I would think that the battery would just make the damn thing madder than hell. Over here in Spain they’d rather see the animal killed in a complex but savage blood sport. They are some tough old guys that I live with over here. Almost make the American elderly weak and soft by comparison. They still get up and work the fields all day, while drinking and smoking, with a broken leg, and no teeth, at age 92, and still have the energy to come home and beat the wife if she gets out of hand. I think that you would enjoy it; you should come for a visit!

    • 3:32 pm

      Many thanks Scott,

      Despite your late wake up time (I was only allowed to sleep in til 5 a.m. on my birthday and arbor day) I admire your damned work ethic, moral fortitude and common sense.

      I’ve tried to clear up the Pez dispenser issue above but in the old days they were almost as handy as a good bowie knife.

      And as for those older gents in Spain, they may make the seniors in America look a little soft but they damned well make the youngsters here look like the gelatinous blobs they are. They’d be happy to spend their days drinking and smoking but you’d be hard pressed to get them working in a field (or anywhere else for that matter).

      I’ve never been to Spain and I suspect it’s too late for me to make the trip. Too bad, it sounds like the seniors there have real grit (though I don’t approve of domestic violence. If I had ever raised a hand to my Aggie she’d have cracked my skull with a cast iron skillet and been right to do so).

      All the best, Scott, and thanks for visiting with me again.

      Don

  9. 8:23 am

    I find a taser works magic to get the little scallywags off the couch. Funny you mention Pez dispensers I use them instead of waterboarding (works a treat, especially on their little fingers). My house is always spick and span!

    • 11:29 pm

      Thanks Frigginloon,

      They’d do well to hand those tasers out at parenting classes instead of focussing their energy on “empathic listening” and “reframing.” And thanks for the interesting twist on the pez dispenser. They really can be used quite creatively if you put your mind to your mind to it.

      All the best,

      Don

  10. 12:30 pm

    You know, eagles will de-feather the nest in order to make it less comfy for the fledglings. The problem with young people today is that they are likely being raised by turkeys.

    I work with a young woman of 24 years, who acts like she’s 12, and she proudly talks about the pet squirrel she’s had terrorizing her parents’ home (where she still lives) for three years, destroying furniture, woodwork, clothing. The more she talks, the more I am convinced she’s (still being) raised by wolves.

    • 11:32 pm

      Many thanks Joan of Argghh,

      As always, you have a perfect summary comment. Turkeys indeed. Well said.

      And I’m not sure what aspect of your coworker is more disturbing – the fact that she is 24 and lives at home or the fact that she has a damned squirrel for a pet. Good God.

      All the best, Joan. Always a treat to have you stop in.

      Don

  11. jammer5 permalink
    3:40 pm

    “Hey there, Jimmy, wanna boil some water?”

    Jimmy: “Huh? Howdja do that?”

    Jimmy: Plump, 240#, sixteen year old tenth grader, with aspirations of becoming a tester for the local couch manufacture. Tried to ‘run’ with the local neighborhood gang, but found out running was out of the question, so he had to quit. When asked to take out the trash, remarked his sister was closer to it, so it was her job.

    • 11:35 pm

      Nicely played Jammer.

      I think that Jimmy lives across the street from me. And if he’s not the same lad you’re referring to, he’s a carbon copy and that’s for damned sure.

      All the best,

      Don

  12. 5:40 pm

    “Who the Hell are they going to call to change their sheets, butter their toast or clean their damned eaves?

    I believe the correct answer is Mexicans. (Although Hispanics would also be an acceptable response). Glad I could help.

    • 1:18 am

      Many thanks Mr. Tannerleah,

      It’s a damned shame. These young people think they’re too good for a honest job. It interferes with their sloth, ignorance and sense of entitlement.

      Thanks for the help.

      Don

  13. downcastmysoul permalink
    6:22 pm

    I was lazy as a young un and now I’m sorry. The life skills I needed to have when I moved out weren’t all there and being on my own was hard especially at first. Sometimes I wish my parents had made me do chores. It would have lent order and structure to my life that I desperately needed.

    • 1:19 am

      Thanks Downcastmysoul,

      That’s my point exactly. The young people will pay for it later and parents are doing them no favors by letting the responsibility slide.

      Always a pleasure. Hope you’re well.

      Don

  14. xenylamine permalink
    7:22 pm

    Hear, hear. I’m relatively young, but my parents were pretty old-school when it came to chores. The chores also help a young kid figure out How Thing Work (physically and socially) and some elusive thing called Common Sense which is lacking in kids these days. Thanks to my parents’ rigorous chore schedule, my brother and I are both capable and functional.

    Kids these days figure that they can just find some solution to things on the Internet instead of figuring it out for themselves, or throw money at it like their yuppie parents probably do.

    • 1:23 am

      Thank you xenylamine,

      It sounds like your parents did a damned fine job raising you and your brother. They are to be congratulated.

      Many thanks for the comment. I always enjoy hearing from the “relatively young.” Especially bright ones like you.

      All the best,

      Don

  15. 7:28 pm

    This has to be the funniest blog I’ve found. You never fail to amuse me. Keep up the good work!

  16. 7:53 pm

    So funny yet true, as always!

  17. 8:26 pm

    Chores…..chores…..

    hmmm…

    I’m sure I’ve heard of them, but never actually met one.

    • 1:33 am

      Good to see you Nobbly.

      I find it hard to believe that a decent young cobbler like yourself would be a stranger to household chores. Why I could have sworn it wasn’t too damned long ago that you were out digging tunnels in your backyard.

      Best regards,

      Don

      • 10:34 am

        Normally, Don, I would get a few of the below-stairs staff to take time off from their usual duties in order to perform such menial tasks as tunneling; but in the instance to which you refer, I felt it my duty to get dirt under my own fingernails.

        To be honest, it felt good.

        Not only was I engaged in the heroic pursuit of a noble deed, but I was also well out of the wife’s way for a day or two. It was indeed the best place to be while ‘the heat’ died down over the unfortunate incident with the vicar, the two dead herrings and the pair of wellington boots.

  18. 8:39 pm

    Don,

    As per usual, your wisdom is beyond my years.

    When I was young, I too, learned how to “earn my own keep” so to speak. You see, my Mother was an actress, and even though she wasn’t around much (she had to get up bright and early every morning for her long days at MGM), she always stressed the importance of having a clean house.

    In fact, even before learned to read, I already knew which type of toothbrush was best for cleaning the grout between the tiles on the bathroom floor (medium bristles in case you were wondering). Every night, I remember lying in the fetal position on my bed, waiting for her to come home and ask, “Did you scrub the bathroom floor today? WELL DID YOU?”

    Trust me, I always did.

    She also had a thing about wire hangers… to this day I can’t go into H&M without cringing just a little.

    Ah families…can’t live with them, can’t become legally emancipated without having to go through all of that legal rigamarole. Ha!

    Anyway, Don, you’re as lucid as ever, and I’m just proud to be a part of the “Don Fan Club”. (speaking of which, maybe we should look into changing the name of it to something a little more “syllable-ly”….just a thought).

    Your fan always,

    Bschooled

    • yellowroses610 permalink
      9:30 pm

      Good job refrencing “Mommy dearest.”

      • 10:13 pm

        ?

        I don’t get it…

        • yellowroses610 permalink
          12:04 am

          The quote “No more iron hangers”, is from a movie called “Mommy dearest”, about an actress who had children who she forced to clean her home left alone a lot and screamed about wire hangers. I think it;s from the sixties. You should see it, it;s interesting. I think it;s about the Crawford family,but I could be wrong.

          • 12:35 am

            Oh, I see.

            Our last name is Shenkelman, and since I wasn’t even born until the mid-70’s, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t us. But maybe that’s where she got the idea from?

            Sounds interesting, though…I’ll have to check it out.

            • yellowroses610 permalink
              1:06 am

              My oldest brother showed me it. It;s a pretty cool movie for making a person feel normal. I may have to watch it again after the past three weeks.

        • 2:11 am

          Tina! Bring me the axe!

          • 2:21 am

            My mom would always yell “BSCHOOLED!!! Bring me the hatchet!!”

            Yeah, totally not the same.

          • 2:33 am

            I have a Thrill Kill Kult song somewhere that samples that very line, Alan. I’ll have to track it down.

            My parents yelled, “CLT! Bring me the credenza.”

            Eerily prescient, as I did not claim the CLT name until my mid-30’s.

    • 1:15 am

      I hate to get in the middle of conversation between ladies but I did want to thank you for the comment, Bschooled (or, perhaps more appropriately, Miss Shenkelman).

      And while I’m sure it was tough at the time, I’d be willing to wager that both you and that Crawford lass are better off for having done your share of chores around the house. Parent’s need to be firm or else children are likely to run into trouble.

      Just consider yourself lucky your mother didn’t have a pez dispenser or a melon baller.

      Now, please, continue your conversation.

      All the best,

      Don

      • yellowroses610 permalink
        11:28 pm

        I still got into a hell of a lot of trouble as a kid. But I was too slick for my parents to catch me. That’s what happens when you have a kid in your forties.

  19. yellowroses610 permalink
    1:04 am

    *No more metal hangers

  20. yellowroses610 permalink
    1:04 am

    Wait no…I think it;s no more wire hangers.

  21. 1:28 am

    Thanks don,

    I’m sure you’re right.

    And to be fair, my last name is no longer Shenkelman, I dropped it after I turned 18, kind of like Madonna did in order to boost her career. Only I guess I didn’t really have a career at the time. (Unless you count being head-cashier at KFC).

    And thanks for the info, Rose. I admit was a little worried after reading your comments, so just to make sure our lives weren’t taped “Truman Show” style, I did a Google search.

    I can say without doubt this was most definitely not us…I had brown hair as a child and my Mother’s eyebrows weren’t that nicely arched.

  22. 12:35 pm

    I agree, we never do chores. This post is one I can agree with. I worry for the time I’ll finally move out, ’cause I don’t know how to cook. I’m hoping that I end up marrying a chef of some sort.

    • 12:49 am

      Many thanks Danica. I trust the studies are progressing well.

      Take the time and learn to cook now, Danica. You don’t want to pin your hopes on landing a chef for a husband. (They’re temperamental, work nights and tend to drink). Besides, you’ll want to be able to take care of yourself without help from anyone.

      All the best and thanks for visiting.

      Don

  23. Ravikant permalink
    4:26 pm

    Hello Mr. Mills.
    I think this is one of the major problems why this generation is becoming lazier day by day. But Sir, one sure thing is times have changed for the worse now. I’m sure during your young days, obesity was not a big concern since people during your times, including you yourself, engaged in a lot of physical activity which is excellent for fitness.
    I think that if parents stop being so light on their children, things will improve. Thing is that, since parents do most of the chores or all the chores, most young people don’t even feel responsible to do any of it. And what they again don’t realize is that doing chores keeps us active and therefore healthy and in good shape. Again, one of the reasons why obesity in youth is becoming a problem.
    I therefore try to engage in physical activity like walking and doing household chores. Helps me feel good and fine.🙂

    • 12:53 am

      You’re a good lad Ravikant.

      And you’re damned right that this lack of chores is connected to the damned extra-large state of the nation. Parent’s absolutely need to buckle down on these shiftless layabouts and get cutting the grass, shovelling the snow, pruning the hedges and more.

      Glad to hear you keep active, Ravikant, and that you help around the house too. As I said, you’re a good lad. And trust me, that kind of ethic will keep you feeling good about yourself and physical fine for a long time to come.

      All the best,

      Don

  24. 7:42 pm

    I’ve known two families where favoritism was showered upon one child and not the other. In both situations one was made to do chores whereas the other was doted upon. And in both instances the doted child grew up to be complete losers; one in fact, is a bag lady living on the streets. The slave children are successful with families. Parents need to remember that when over-scheduling and overindulging.

    • 12:56 am

      Many thanks Tricia,

      I know of many similar cases myself, although not quite as dramatic as the bag lady( an issue I associate more with mental health than parental overindulgence). It’s just damned common sense. Your supposed to teach your children how to do things on their own so that they CAN do things on their own.

      It just makes no damned sense to me.

      Nice to have you visit Tricia,

      Don

  25. 9:58 pm

    Liar LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!

    Pez was not introduced to North America until 1952. Editions with characters heads was not introduced until 1955. That would mean at best you were born in 1945 or later.

    If 1945, you would now be only a mere 64 years old and sorry Don but that aint the case.

    Maybe you aren’t a liar…maybe you are starting signs of dementia.

    • 12:29 am

      Jesus Bearman,

      Try to contain your damned excitement. It’s like you’ve been lying in wait, hoping I’d slip up.

      And I hope to Hell you at least had to Wikipedia that information because if you’re carrying the damned history of the Pez dispenser in your head you have bigger problems then just your obvious ageism and love of tormenting the old.

      I’m damned sure it was Pez dispenser I was using but I might be damned wrong.

      It could have been a yoyo *(circa 1928 when a Filipino American named Pedro Flores opened the Yo-yo Manufacturing Company in Santa Barbara, California The business started with a dozen handmade toys; by November 1929, Flores was operating two additional factories in Los Angeles and Hollywood, which altogether employed 600 workers and produced 300,000 units daily.)

      Or it could have been a damned crayola crayon *(Crayola brand crayons were the first kids crayons ever made, invented by cousins, Edwin Binney and C. Harold Smith. The brand’s first box of eight Crayola crayons made its debut in 1903. The crayons were sold for a nickel and the colors were black, brown, blue, red, purple, orange, yellow, and green. The word Crayola was created by Alice Stead Binney (wife of Edwin Binney) who took the French words for chalk (craie) and oily (oleaginous) and combined them.)

      Or it could even have been a ball point pen *(A Hungarian journalist named Laszlo Biro invented the first ballpoint pen in 1938. Biro had noticed that the type of ink used in newspaper printing dried quickly, leaving the paper dry and smudge-free. He decided to create a pen using the same type of ink. The thicker ink would not flow from a regular pen nib and Biro had to devise a new type of point. He did so by fitting his pen with a tiny ball bearing in its tip. As the pen moved along the paper, the ball rotated picking up ink from the ink cartridge and leaving it on the paper. This principle of the ballpoint pen actually dates back to an 1888 patent owned by John J. Loud for a product to mark leather. However, this patent was commercially unexploited.)

      But regardless of which it was, it doesn’t change my damned point that doing chores teach young people valuable life lessons.

      Many thanks Bearman.

      Always good to hear from you lad but try to show more respect to your elders.

      Don

      • 12:57 am

        It’s OK…I am sure you bought a Mickey Mouse Pez dispenser sometime in your 30’s.

        My jumping on you is mainly to keep you on your toes. I respect you too much to let your mind wither away in your rocker.

        • 1:04 am

          Thanks Bearman,

          Jump all you like lad. I can take it and – you’re right – it’s good for me.

          Don

  26. andra marie permalink
    11:26 pm

    I recently found your blog and it’s a great find. Enjoying it🙂

    • 12:38 am

      Many thanks andra marie,

      I appreciate your visiting and leaving the comment.

      All the best,

      Don

  27. 2:20 am

    Mr. Mills, I am fascinated by your claim of the use of a Pez dispenser or Pen or Yo-Yo or Crayon and other items to castrate a bull… Would this technique work on a cat? I happen to have three male cats running around my house and I am wondering if this technique could be used on them to try to save some money, instead of taking them to the Veterinarian to get the job completed… could you post a diagram or at least some detailed notes describing this technique?

    • 2:32 am

      Nice to hear from you Ornery Frank,

      I’m quite sure the technique would work on a cat. I was spaying house pets before I was out of short pants. Dogs, cats, you name it. We didn’t waste money on vets as long as there were paperclips, white glue and letter openers lying around.

      I’ll be happy to provide some more detailed notes (and a sketch if I’m able) but I will need to call my brother York and confirm a few things. Some of the details are hazy and if you get don’t apply the tools in the proper order things can get a little…unfortunate.

      So, I’ll have to ask for your patience Frank. I’ll get you a more fulsome response just as soon as I’m able.

      Nice to have you visit.

      Don

      • 9:52 am

        Dear Mr. Mills, thanks so much for the items list. I purchased some paperclips, white glue and a letter opener… while I’m waiting on further instruction, I’ve managed to tie a few rubber bands around the kitties gonads as I can’t stand to wait to much longer… They’re not too happy about it, but at least they’ve stopped sniffing each others rear ends, pissing all around the house, and humping everything in sight…quite an improvement!

        best regards,

        Ornery Frank

  28. 2:32 am

    Ah, Don.

    That first paragraph was amazing. I would like to go all long-winded and such, but I won’t because it was damned good. Rotating the tires and largely conditional love were what did it for me.

    I have a youngster at home who won’t do the damn chores. And she wants an allowance. I will print this out, highlight the pertinent parts and have my youngster read it to herself while I read it out loud in a very annoying and boisterous voice.

    And then, out to the garage for some rotating.

    Wonderful post, Don. Keep up the great work.

    • 11:14 pm

      Many thanks CLT,

      Coming from you that is high praise indeed.

      You keep at those young ones. As my old dad used to say:

      “Pay a garage to rotate your tires and you fix your car today, teach your children to rotate your tires and you’re pretty much set for life.”

      Don

  29. Daniel Johnson permalink
    8:18 am

    You know Mr. Don Mills, I can relate to this. My mother and father own a resturant, so as you can tell they wake up REAL early and come home late. And I don’t want them to be working also when they get home. They deserve a rest. My moronic 21 year old brother who acts like an obese 12 year old girl can’t do anything, so I have to take charge of the house. Quite a job it is, now I know how I mom feels.

    • 11:19 pm

      Thanks for the comment Daniel,

      I can relate to the problem brother. I just got off the phone with my brother, York, ten minutes ago and I swear he’ll drive me to drink. He’s in his damned 80s and thinks he wants to take up “internet dating.” Jesus…

      It’s nice to see a young person who appreciates their parent’s hard work, Daniel. Keep at the chores. It may seem like a burden now but believe me it will pay off for you in the long run.

      All the best,

      Don

  30. Catherine permalink
    12:19 pm

    Just discovered your blog today, what a find! Can’t wait to read more.

    • 11:19 pm

      Many thanks Catherine and welcome.

      I do hope I’ll hear from you again.

      All the best,

      Don

  31. 12:24 am

    Hey Don!

    What’s wrong with York? He emailed me asking if I know any English speaking hot Brazilian old lady who is in the mood for cyberlove!!! He also asked me if my mom is widowed!! Tell him that Admiral Santos will go after him if he tries to get in touch with his wife.

    I’ve asked the kids to read your post, but I think I overheard someone saying “hell no” or “in your dreams”… I’ll print it out, though.

    Um abraço meu irmãozinho!

    Ivan

    • 2:18 am

      Ivan!

      Good to see you lad.

      Sorry if Old York has been hounding you. When I asked him to mind the site while I was on my fishing trip he must have scooped up all the email addresses of the folks who commented. You’ve likely been receiving all of his LOL cat emails and damned forwarded jokes as well. My sincere apologies. I meant to unlpug his computer last time I was there. That can slow him down for a few days anyway.

      I have no idea what’s gotten into him lately but he’s hot to trot and looking for love in all of the most embarrasing places (I mean geographically, not anatomically). He’s been lurking around the library, leching around the supermarket and leering around the park for the better part of the past month.

      And now he’s decided he’s going to try “cyberdating.” Who knows where the Hell this might lead.

      I’ll have a word with him and let him know that Admiral Santos is not impressed and that he’d better watch his step. I can’t promise it will work but I’ll give it a try. Please let me know if he continues to harrass you and I’ll see what I can do.

      You’re a good man, Ivan. It is always a damned pleasure to have you by. Tell those kids I send my best.

      Estada feliz e saudável meu amigo

      Don

  32. 1:49 am

    Interesting site sir. This problem with young people seems to be a worldwide pandemic.

    • 2:21 am

      Many thanks for visiting doctoratlarge.

      I couldn’t agree more. It is most definitely a worldwide pandemic. No other words for it.

      All the best,

      Don

  33. 6:11 am

    Yeah, well it is up to the parents. If they let their kids do bugger all, their kids will do bugger all.

    a bit o’ discipline never went astry

    • 3:49 pm

      Many thanks for the comment, Michael.

      I agree that the damned young parents need to shoulder a good portion of the blame and should be whipping those damned pups into shape. And I’d take it one step further and suggest while a bit o’ discipline never went a stray, a constant barrage of discipline is damned well good for what ails you.

      All the best,

      Don

  34. Green Concrete permalink
    9:26 am

    Don,

    I very much agree with your main point. It should be noted, however, that doing chores alone is not the magic wand that would turn a kid into a good person.

    IMHO the magic wand is the proper RATIO between conribution and recognition (to put it generally). If a kid does heaps of work around the house but doesn’t get adequate recognition for that, they might eventually turn into good persons, provided they are lucky to get recognition for their work somewhere else; but they might as well turn into sociopaths.

    Same would happen with kids who are used to get recognition even for their slightest efforts at home – or even without effort. Outside, they might realize that recognition must be deserved, and learn to work/contribiute and be responsible; but they might also get bitter against “the System” that gives recognition only proportionate to effort, and turn into sociopaths as well.

    Given that, I think the main problem with kids – and the main responsibility of parents too – is to get them used to the understanding that what you get depends on what you give. Always, and everywhere (of course, if you are not a millionaire by birth – but even then).

    • 3:57 pm

      A damned good comment, Green Concrete, and I agree with you in principle. I’m all about balance and enjoy ratios too.

      Nothing wrong with letting a young person know that they’ve split of cord of wood reasonably well and without too much lollygagging. It’s the damned praise for getting out of bed in the morning and remembering to put on their pants before going outside that gets me shaking my head.

      Many thanks for visiting.

      Best regards,

      Don

  35. 3:01 pm

    Sir, you outdid yourself on this one and with the comments this make a fascinating angle on the human condition.

    My conclusion is that us Oldies are stuffed, we will be left to rot in our urine soaked diapers as no-one will care to change us, when the time comes…

    • 3:58 pm

      Many thanks Dave. I always find the comments to be an interesting read.

      Of course you’re right about us older folks being “stuffed.” (coincidentally my will states that my body is to be sent to a taxidermist with strict instructions that I be stuffed and posed in a menacing position before being placed permanently on my front lawn).

      And based on the fact that I haven’t seen a relative under 60 in the past three years, I’d suggest you’re bang on about the no one will be lining up to tend to our more personal of needs.

      All the best,

      Don

  36. 3:14 pm

    Hear, hear! You have hit the nail squarely on the head with this hammer — another tool today’s young people have no acquaintance with. You could have extended this rant quite nicely by starting in listing the outside chores that today’s young people don’t do. Splitting wood is a character building activity, by the way.

    What is going to happen when these lazy young trollops and their gentlemen friends are the ones who are supposed to be checking the monitors at our nuclear power plants??? I shudder at the thought.

    The situation is so bad that when today’s kids get into the work place they just can’t function without someone going around telling them how special they are and what a great contribution to the company they make. There are companies that are instituting an actual job with a job description and job title that involves an employee going around celebrating the other workers so their self esteem will stay high. Balloons, cakes, plaques. . .cheerleading. Where will it all end?

    • 3:58 pm

      Many, many thanks healingmagichands,

      All I can say is thank God I will have long since checked out before these damned young people are at the switch at our nuclear power plants. Hopefully there will be an instructional youtube video posted that they can look to for guidance.

      I hadn’t heard of this notion of professional damned cheerleaders but I’m not surprised. In my day the prime motivator for doing your job was pride, a paycheque and the fear of getting tossed out on your ass for not pulling your weight.

      I honestly have no idea where it will all end. I ask myself the same thing regularly.

      Wonderful to see you. As always, a wonderful comment.

      Best

      Don

  37. Meli permalink
    6:27 pm

    Mr. Mills I just discovered this blog and I think it’s great.
    As a young woman (20) I have to say there is much truth in it, especially in this article.
    Most of my former classmates wouldn’t find the vacuum cleaner in their parent’s houses. It is good having to do chores, as the girl in the family with a working mum I was responsible for almost all chores and I hated every minute of it especially since no one in my environment had to do any chores. However when I moved out two years ago I was very glad that i didn’t have any problems with my household.
    But I do think parents in these days should thank their kids or at least explain to them why they have to do certain things I would have hated my responsibilities much less if I had understood them.
    Looking forward to read more of your views about my generation.
    PS: Please excuse potential grammar mistakes as English isn’t my native tongue

    • 3:59 pm

      Thank you kindly for visiting, Meli, and welcome.

      It’s always nice to hear of a young person who has proven to be the exception to the rule. And while I agree that it is helpful to understand why you are doing a chore (e.g., splitting wood results in fire wood which equals heat) there is something to said for simply performing a task because it is required of you.

      Broadly speaking, understanding that you are a part of the household and that as such you need to contribute to that household should be sufficient context for any young person.

      No need to apologize for your grammar. As I’ve said on numerous occasions, I have a lot of respect for anyone who can speak more than one language.

      Kind regards,

      Don

  38. 1:21 am

    Dear Mr. Mills,
    I have recently discovered your site and I have to say that I am really happy I found it. Most of your articles are very true and always make me laugh.
    Unfortunately, (or fortunately- depending on your point of view) I have to disagree with this post. I, myself am a “young person” at only fifteen years old, and I do not find this problem in myself or in any of my peers. I do quite a few chores, including walking the dogs, picking up after them in the yard, washing the dishes, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the washrooms, etc.
    So, in conclusion, I suppose I would have to say that the problem with elderly people today is that they generalize too much. Or, as not to be a hypocrite, the problem with Donald Mills today is that he generalizes too much.
    Thank-you for taking my comment into consideration,
    Sincerely,
    Me.

    • 4:00 pm

      Nice of you to visit, Me.

      I’m glad you’ve chosen to share your thoughts and express your disagreement. It’s nice to hear from a young person who at the age of 15 can clearly articulate their views. (Excuse the generalization but it’s a damned rare trait in my opinion.)

      Keep standing up for your beliefs, me. More young people should do the same.

      Best regards,

      Don

  39. Lily Fossil permalink
    2:59 am

    Dear Donald,

    Please excuse my ignorance, but what is a “Pez dispenser”?

    Lily

    • 3:01 am

      It dispenses Pez.

    • 4:25 pm

      Hello Lily,

      I see that young CLT has very kindly stepped in and provided you with some information on Pez dispensers. I apologize for not replying directly in a more timely manner (and thank CLT for his assistance).

      I trust you are well Lily. As always, lovely to see you.

      All the best

      Don

      • Lily Fossil permalink
        8:45 pm

        Thank you Donald.

        I have been on a brief vacation to the beach and decided not to take my computer.

        Unfortunately I got caught in a Dust storm ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2009_Australian_dust_storm ) and being allergic to dust has made me unwell.

        Luckily I took a good book to read because I was stuck in a cabin for 2 days and nights with all the windows and doors shut tight.

        I am back home now, thankfully.

        Best Wishes,

        Lily

        • 10:18 pm

          Thank goodness you are alright Lily,

          I saw some photos of the dust storm on the news was quite startled. I’m glad to hear you weathered the storm and had a good book to see you through the worst of it. A shame, though, that you weren’t able to enjoy a beach holiday.

          Regardless, I’m glad that you are now back safely at home.

          Regards,

          Don

      • 2:03 am

        My apologies for stepping on your blog-toes, Don. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time when Lily sprung the question. It provided me the opportunity to be a smart-ass and informative, in that order.

        It won’t happen again. That often. Hopefully.

        I do have to sleep sometimes.

  40. Debbi permalink
    3:28 am

    You are so right about young people never cleaning. It’s a damn disgrace.

    Of course, I’m a slob who doesn’t lift a finger to clean anything, but I’ve earned the right to be after all these years.

    • 4:26 pm

      Many thanks Debbi,

      Of course you’ve earned the right. One of the few benefits of aging is that you can do whatever the Hell you want and don’t need to answer to anyone.

      Thanks for visiting,

      Don

  41. paper doll permalink
    4:28 am

    …..They view their houses as 5-star hotels with them as the guest and the parents as bellhop, maid and resident chef. To them, adolescence is nothing but a decade-long spa treatment.

    True Don, but this time I have to say that’s the damn teen’s parents fault… for rasing the damn teens that way. But since the teen’s parents are still way younger than yourself, you can still rant at them as damn young people too!

    Certainly I can see future posts on the damn teen’s parents.. known as ” the enablers” in these parts.

    • 4:27 pm

      You’re exactly right, paper doll.

      There is plenty of blame to go around and I certainly do consider a good number of these young parents in the category of “young people.”

      “The enablers” may just have to end up as one of my young person trading cards.

      Many thanks for visiting,

      Don

  42. 2:27 pm

    Don,

    Since my children are still too young to do any chores around the house – unless you count ripping up toilet paper and dumping baby powder all over the living room floor “chores” – I can only relate to this topic when inserting my husband in the subject line. Being that he is younger than me and doesn’t do much around the house (without my having to threaten him with Pez Dispenser castration) I chose to believe you feel my pain and wrote this entry just for me. It’s so nice to know that someone else feels my pain.

    Yours in “young-husbands-suck”,
    Kelsey

    • 4:28 pm

      Many thanks Kelsey,

      I’d like to tell you that I was a good husband and did my share of household chores when Aggie and I were just starting out but that might be a little less than entirely accurate. I did my level best but am the first to admit that when it came to keeping the homestead in order, Aggie bore the brunt of the work.

      Something about us men, I suppose.

      Like Aggie, however, I’m sure you’ll be able to find a number of ways to keep your damned husband motivated. The Pez dispenser is a good start. Aggie favored the cast iron skillet and the occasional verbal dressing down. Both worked extremely well.

      Thanks so much for stopping in. Good luck with the wee ones. They can be a damned handful (or so Aggie told me).

      Don

  43. Sherri permalink
    12:47 am

    Donald Mills…I think I’m in love…with your blogs. You crack my shit up! I’m adding you to my blogroll. I love a crabby old man who tells it like it is…you’re like Andy Rooney but better!

    • 3:23 pm

      Many thanks Sherri,

      Nice of you to visit and thank you for adding me to your blogroll.

      Hope to hear from you again.

      Best regards,

      Don

  44. 3:09 am

    “I could mend a fence by 8, patch a roof by 9, and was able to castrate a bull with nothing more than a Pez dispenser, a length of twine and a 6 volt battery before my 10th birthday”

    You know. I wonder. It seems like a lot could be got done in a short period of time in days long past at the time of my grandfather. But nowadays, with all the conveniences of vehicles and traveling and computers, the days fly really fast and time is very insubstantial. It seems like only yesterday that it was January, and now its October!

    I wonder if time is truly moving faster..its scary!

  45. bohemianrant permalink
    1:58 pm

    Sir, you certainly know your stuff. Each generation is progressively worse than the last. My wife and I are trying to do better by our son. He takes out the trash, vacuums, dusts, takes care of his dog, and mows the lawn. (I do pay him $5 for mowing, mainly to try to teach him about financial responsibility. ) He is also expected to help his mother with whatever she asks him to do. Just wanted to let you that some of us are still trying.

    Love your stuff and will continue to read the archives of your shared wisdom!
    Thank you!

  46. 12:47 am

    My Dear Mr. Mills,

    I arrived at your blog earlier today via Deep Friar’s blogroll. It’s been difficult for me to choose which post to write my very first comment to you. So many topics resonate. Ultimately, I chose this because of my daughter’s steadfast refusal to clean her room. I have incentivized, I have attempted bribery, I have withheld privileges, I have threatened….

    God damned young person.

    I shall be acquiring a Pez dispenser posthaste. Many thanks for sharing your wisdom. I look forward to learning much more from your blog, and shall be adding you to my blogroll to spread the word.

    • 12:47 am

      Thanks kindly Fantastic Forrest,

      Any friend of Friar’s is always welcome here. He’s a good lad and funny as hell too.

      Mant thanks for your kind words and for adding me to your blogroll. I’ll pop over for a visit just as soon as I finish up here.

      Best regards,

      Don

  47. 1:04 pm

    Being charged with raising the next generation, I will be taking more time to read your blogs so I can avoid allowing my children to become independantly dependant adults.

    You write with great humour, but also with brutal honesty.

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