Skip to content

Caution: Seniors Crossing

I’ve been forced to renew my letter-writing campaign against the idiots at City Hall.

They haven’t been troubling me much since we went head-to-head over the municipal cat by-law back in ’05 but their latest affront could not go unchallenged.

letter v8

I trust I’ve made my damned point.

80 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:05 am

    Well said, Don!

    • 1:06 pm

      Many thanks V@le.

      My tone may have been a bit harsh but I’ve had more than a few scrapes with these damned local government bureaucrats and experience has taught me that they don’t listen to reason.

      Sadly, it seems the only way to get action at city hall is to round up a busload of seniors and camp outside of their damned offices. They seem to dislike confrontation even more than they dislike common sense.

      Perhaps I’ll take a sign down there with me that reads “Quiet: Pin-headed bureaucrats asleep at the wheel.”

      Nice to see you again, V@le, thanks for stopping in.


  2. 1:18 am

    To reprise an Ogden Nash quote I mentioned a while ago on my own blog,

    One day when the senior citizens are sitting around projecting the image of an age-adjusted social group,
    The old men will rise up and knock them for a loop.


    • 1:07 pm

      Thank you Sledpress,

      That’s a wonderful quote and not one I was familiar with – so thank you for sharing.

      I’m not much of a poetry reader (beyond the occasional verse of Robbie Burns) but this Nash fellow seems to have his damned head screwed on right. I’ll have to take a run down the library tomorrow and see about picking up a book or two.

      And thanks for the reminder…It’s Bingo night at the seniors centre and my turn to call the numbers. It had completely slipped my mind.

      Again, many thanks


  3. 1:56 am

    Congratulations on very appropriate letter. I hope things work out well for you.

    If the sign isn’t removed, please send video of you standing by the sign and doing the old fake-jump-in-front-of-the-car deal.


    ahahahaha, I love it. Geezer’s rule!

    • 1:07 pm

      Thank you goinglikesixty and welcome.

      I don’t suspect my letter will get any results. My last few dozen letters to City Hall seem to have fallen on deaf ears. Half the time you feel like you’re tilting at windbags.

      Regardless, this particular incident has really gotten me riled up. So if I have to go downtown and make a damned stink I certainly will.

      If, at the end of the day, the sign remains I may just take your suggestion, goinglikesixty. Could be damned fun.

      All the best and, yes, geezer’s rule!


  4. 2:15 am

    Kick ass Mr. Mills – kick ass.


    • 1:08 pm

      Many thanks wordsweneversaid,

      I’ll do my damn best. Hopefully it won’t escalate beyond some frenetic cane waving and colorful language but you never know.

      Best regards,


  5. David permalink
    2:19 am

    That reminds me of the stupid warning sign that breeders put in the back window of their suv’s and station wagons…”Beware of the Baby on Board”. Damn breeders.

    • 1:08 pm

      Nice to see you David,

      I’ve seen those signs, David, and never been entirely sure what I was supposed to do in response. The first time I saw one I thought it was a warning that there might be an 8-year old behind the wheel but then I learned that it was some sort of request that you exercise additional caution around that vehicle.

      It still doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I don’t normally pre-select the cars I crash into – it just sort of happens by accident.

      Regardless, I do appreciate the “heads up.” I don’t particularly care to be around babies anymore and any advance notice I can get to stay damned clear is always welcome.

      All the best,


      • 6:00 pm

        I’d never thought of those signs in that light. Now I’ll be able to smile when I see one, instead of puking deftly into the slipstream.

  6. 2:21 am

    Hot damn, I want tickets to that ass kicking. Last good ass kicking I seen was back in ’61. I was bowling at the local alley and there were these young four punks hassling these three older gentlemen sipping on an adult beverage. The gentlemen finally got tired of it and asked the four punks if they would like to settle it outside. Now the punks were senior high school football playing size, and the gentlemen were in their sixties, so the punks thought they could walk through this.

    They all went outside, with some of us looking on, and the gentlemen proceeded to show the punks how it was done back in WWII. About three minutes later we all went back in. All, that is, except the punks, who were picking themselves off the ground. I don’t recall ever seeing them back. Now THAT was an ass kicking!

    • 1:08 pm

      Thanks for the comment Jammer,

      Now that’s one ass-kicking I would have loved to have seen. A great story Jammer – many thanks. I only wish those old boys were around to help me out with the morons downtown. Sounds like they know how to get things done.

      Thanks again Jammer,


      • jammer5 permalink
        10:11 pm

        Next, these city idiots will be putting up signs saying, “Caution: Slow Senior Citizens.” Then we’ll know it’s time to break into the ass kicking mode, and show em just how ‘slow’ we are.

    • 3:15 pm

      Yeah, it’s been long enough that the Special Forces guys are starting to look like senior citizens.

  7. 2:27 am

    the next time you write to then, could you ask them about the ‘hidden driveway’ signs, too? if the people who put the driveway there had wanted everyone to know about it, they wouldn’t have hidden it in the first place. yeesh, remind me never to invite any of those sign people to a surprise party. they’ll blab all about it and ruin it for the guest of honor.

    • David permalink
      4:36 am

      Ding Ding Ding…excellent point

    • 1:09 pm

      Thanks Nonnie,

      My next letter should go out later today (my damned garbage gets picked up later and later each week) so I’ll be happy to include your note about the “hidden driveway” sign.

      And I don’t think you’d want any of those idiots at a surprise party anyway. If my experience with city workers is any indication, they’d show up 3 days late with 8 more people than needed, make a god damned mess and then leave after 20 minutes.

      Thanks for visiting, Nonnie.

      All the best


  8. Debbi permalink
    3:20 am

    Awesome letter, Don! I want a ringside seat at that ass-kicking, too. In fact, I’ll be happy to join in. With my size 10s, we’re sure to make a great team. I can wear a pair of stilettos. That should make a point. (Ouch–bad pun.) Pointy-heeled shoes can be an advantage in these situations, but somehow I can’t picture you in them.

    • 1:09 pm

      Many thanks Debbi,

      I may just take you up on your offer. If we can’t beat him senseless with a combination of my Dr. Scholls and your stilettos, we can wear him down with bad puns until he’s begging for mercy.

      All the best,


      • Debbi permalink
        2:26 am

        Excellent! We can pelt ’em with puns!

    • downcastmysoul permalink
      8:42 pm

      In this book I just read, a stiletto is used as a murder weapon!

  9. 8:38 am

    haha…. we’ve got one of those signs outside the gimcrack

    • 1:10 pm

      Thank you Nursemyra,

      It sounds like quite the sinister asylum you’re running there, young lady. First pre-chewed post roast and now nasty, ageist signage. It might be just the place to send my brother, York…

      All the best,


  10. 11:47 am

    Donald…I just got word that city hall is listening to your request and the sign will come down tomorrow.

    In its place Boy Scout Troop #284 has agreed to faithfully stand vigil outside your door to help you walk across the street.

    • 1:04 pm

      You’re asking for it, Bear.

    • 5:27 pm

      Many thanks Bearman,

      I have no problem with the damned boy scouts. I’m a firm supporter of introducing young people to uniforms as early as possible. It makes the transition to server at Wendy’s that much easier for them once they take up the crack and drop out of high school.

      But I sure as Hell don’t need a gaggle of them standing on my Kentucky Blue grass or offering up their greasy little paws to help me across the damned street.

      So, thanks for the offer but tell City Hall to send the damned Scouts elsewhere.

      All the best,


  11. 1:04 pm

    If they think you’re bluffing and don’t remove the sign, I’d like to be a fly on the wall when you show up!

    • 6:23 pm

      Many thanks Yorksnbeans.

      If it comes to a showdown I’ll be sure to extend you an invitation. Something tells me you’d be helpful to have on board.

      All the best,


  12. 1:34 pm

    Listen here, you old goat. If you old people didn’t take 20 minutes to shuffle across the street, the sign wouldn’t be needed. I go through a 1/4 tank of gas waiting for you “seniors” to move your collective asses.

    If you can’t walk at a normal pace, get a damned wheel chair so you don’t inconvenience the rest of the non-shuffling world.

    As for the ass kicking…you know where to find me.

    • 6:27 pm

      Many thanks Tannerleah,

      An interesting comment and one which, I believe, speaks volumes about how damned impatient we’ve become as a society. What does it say about us that people roaring down a 25mph street doing 60mph become so incensed when they have to stop for 2 minutes to let a kindly old geezer cross the street to pick up his daily newspaper?

      What the hell is everyone in such a rush for???

      They aren’t dashing off to volunteer at the local senior centre I can tell you that much.

      Seems to me that everyone wants to speed through everything. People won’t stand in line – too busy. Won’t prepare a meal unless it’s a 3 minute zap in the microwave – has to be quick. I just hope to Hell you aren’t extending the same rough brusqueness to your relations with the Missus. It’s been a while but if I remember correctly that’s largely frowned upon.

      Do yourself a favour lad and slow down, take it easy. You’ll find you’ll feel better in the long run.

      All the best,


      p.s. I’m still a bit winded from breakfast so perhaps we could defer that ass-kicking to another day.

  13. 2:00 pm

    I marvel at your doggedness, Don. In fact, I marvel it so much that I wanted a shirt made with your picture and the words “Tenacious D” written underneath.(unfortunately I was told it would be a violation of copyright laws)

    Anyway, I completely understand why this would chap your ass. It’s ridiculous to think that seniors would pose any threat to society…or even contribute to it for that matter.

    But I couldn’t help thinking that maybe the head moron wasn’t referring to the average everyday senior taking a leisurely, two-hour stroll across the road. Maybe he was warning people about these types:

    Because let’s be honest here…the ones going around burning rubber (or at least heating it into a more pliable substance) and popping wheelies in those contraptions can be troublesome, especially when they’re hopped up on meds and out pimping for Grannies.

    Regardless, great work Don. And just so you know, if I was stopped at a red light and you came hobbling up to me with a squeegee in your hand, I’d give you everything in my console. (except for my cassette tapes, it’s hard to find a good Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam mix these days)

    Always reading your mail,


    • 2:58 pm

      B…doesn’t that pic of Don seem to get cuter and cuter by day?? 😉

      • 11:06 pm

        Jesus. First all sorts of football hooliganism and now this! If the Queen Mother were alive I suspect she’d soon put an end to this nonsense.

        Many thanks Dave. Damned disturbing stuff.


      • 2:29 am

        Dave, Do you know if he was drinking and scooting?

        Y&B-at the rate he’s going, Don’s going to have that frown turned upside down in 20 years, tops!

        • 6:11 am

          There has been no further news that I can track, so presumably the ganga smoking oldie has escaped…

    • 7:59 pm

      Many thanks Bschooled,

      A lovely comment and, as always, one that leaves me both delighted and somewhat baffled.

      I’m fairly certain that my face isn’t subject to any kind of copyright so I am assuming that you ran into some trouble with the “Tenacious D” part.

      It sounds suspiciously like the name of an experimental lab drug so I’m not surprised you ran into problems. Those pharmaceutical companies are pretty damned territorial about their contributions to the betterment of mankind. You’re wise to step down. I had an old friend named Larry Zoloft and their lawyers made his life a living hell for years.

      And although I suspect you speak in jest, you’re damned right that I shouldn’t have to contribute anything more to society. After the dues I’ve paid over the past 80 plus years I’ve earned the right to sit back and relax (and should likely be awarded a staff person whose only sole responsibility is to peel my grapes, wax my Buick and open my jars for me.)

      As for those hot-rod seniors and their souped up scooters…well that’s just damned unfortunate. It’s seniors like them that give us all a bad name. Nothing but overgrown young people if you ask me.

      I’m not sure who Lisa Lisa is or what a damned cult jam might be but I wouldn’t expect you to share your preservatives with me anyway, Bschooled. Your kindness is more than enough.

      All the best,


  14. 3:19 pm

    Well, Don, you’ve hit the moron square between the eyes as usual. I’m in line for one of the tickets. Tell me what city am I supposed to get my airline tickets to in order to attend the Ass Kicking Extravaganza?

    At least you have a crosswalk. All our elder members of society in this area are forced to drive because in their infinite moronitude our City Fathers have decided that no one should be walking anywhere, so we not only have no crosswalks we also have no sidewalks. That burns my ass. I’m thinking of commissioning you to write the appropriately scathing letter to the Good Ol’ Boys in City Hall for me. You have a way with a scathe that is not to be disrespected.

    Go get’ em tiger!

    • 11:15 pm

      Many thanks healingmagichands,

      It sounds a little like one of the new housing developments that have gone up around here.

      They have no sidewalks and these gigantic 2 or 3 car garages that thrust out of the front of the house and dominate the entire landscape. People just drive in to their garages and then go straight into their houses. No need to step outside.

      What’s eerie about it though it that there is no pedestrian traffic at all. Never. You just don’t see anyone on the streets.

      Anyway, anytime you want me to whip up a letter for you just say the word. I’ve written hundreds of them in the past few years (it was part of my retirement plan) and am always happy to lend a hand.

      Nice to hear from you healingmagichands.



  15. Polly Anna permalink
    3:40 pm

    Mr. Mills,

    As a former municiple employee, I find I must take exception with your blanket use of the word ‘moron’ when referring to city workers. Some of us make sure our pants come up high enough in back!

    • 4:15 pm

      Thanks for the comment Polly Anna,

      I can completely appreciate your taking issue with my comment about the morons at city hall. I should explain that part of the reason I feel justified in labelling them this way is that I spent the better part of my working in life in public service (although not at the municipal level).

      In general, I hold most civil servants in decent regard. Throughout my career I saw a great number of very dedicated professionals committed to their jobs and improving their communities. I also saw a great number of individuals who used rules, red tape and bureaucracy as an excuse for indifference, inflexibility and poor customer service.

      Having seen what quality public service can look like and having experienced first hand on a number of occasions the decision-making of this particular lot of pencil-necks, I believe my use of the word “morons” in reference to the local works department was entirely apt.

      Thanks again for your comment.

      Best regards,


      p.s. sorry, I’ll get back to the prior comments as soon as I’m able. At present I’m glued to my window waiting to see if those idiots are coming to take down the sign.

      • Polly Anna permalink
        5:02 pm

        Thanks for the thoughtful reply – I’m now in state government so I know what you’re talking about Re: some public ‘servants.’

        Also, sorry for the misspellings…I was in such a snit I wasn’t my usual thorough, capable and conscientious self when I fired off that post. 🙂


  16. 6:02 pm

    Mr Mills

    Damn Sir I think you are at the height of your feistyness. And as much as I hate to admit it…I agree with you again……although not all young people are CRACK ADDLED…i DONT and have never used drugs…..but where is the sign…for GOD DAMN CRANKY SENIORS COMING…please part the see…isnt there a shuffleboard tournament that you and York need to be attending….zman sends with respect

    • 11:22 pm

      Many thanks Zman,

      Agree again? Jesus I must be losing it Zman. Not to worry, lad, I’ve got one coming up soon that should rankle you sufficiently. (I won’t be picking on the red heads again though – I learned my lesson there).

      And to your question, no, I don’t play shuffleboard with York. He’s a damned incompetent and I still haven’t forgiven him for costing us the lawn bowling “golden cane” trophy back in 2004. He was so busy staring at some sexy septuagenarian that he couldn’t keep his mind on his balls and ended up losing us the match.

      Good to hear from you lad.

      Also sending with respect,


      p.s. glad to hear your drug free lad. Never a doubt in my mind but it’s good to hear.

  17. Lily Fossil permalink
    7:57 pm

    Dear Donald,

    I can see precisely why the sign “Caution: Senior Citizens Crossing” has got your goat and I share your condemnation of it.

    In my town, it’s not the Seniors who shuffle and loiter in the street, it’s the young people who drag themselves about walking at a snail’s pace three or four abreast across the sidewalk and because I’m walking faster than them I can’t get passed.

    When they aren’t doing that, they are blocking the entrance to the supermarket.

    My friend, Beryl is a very sprightly young 94 year old walks more quickly than I do and I have seen her part a crowd of bedraggled young people blocking her path, like Moses parting the Dead Sea.

    I am in total agreement that if any signs need to be placed they should read:

    “WARNING: For the Next Mile, Drug and Alcohol Fuelled Young People Will Randomly Cross In the Path Of Traffic, Especially at Night.”

    On second thoughts, forget the sign and mow them down instead.

    Yours vigilantly,

    Lily Fossil

    • 12:45 am


      I do so look forward to your comments. While we live on opposite sides of the world it would appear we share the same damned young people. I can’t count the number of times a pack of those feet-dragging layabouts have blocked my path on the sidewalk, at the mall or – as note – standing in front of a damned store. It makes me so damned mad.

      And they’re all so oblivious. You wave a cane in their face and yell at them to get the hell out of your way and they stare back at you like wide eyed, cud-chewing cattle.

      Just makes you wish you had captive bolt pistol.

      “Just mow them down instead.” Now there’s a street sign I can get behind. Vigilant indeed, Lily.
      Thanks for the fine comment and the welcome laugh.

      All the best,


  18. 8:05 pm


    Please run for congress. I’ve already hit up Don but he resisted. We need you in politics

    • Lily Fossil permalink
      11:05 pm

      My Dear Tricia,

      Thank you so much for those sentiments.

      I like to think I am a decent law abiding citizen so that rules me out of becoming a politician.


  19. 8:48 pm

    You tell ’em Don.

    I write a mean snotty letter myself, but there are a few lines in there that I could use, if you don’t mind me nicking them.

    ‘Respectfully’ was a great touch.

    Give ’em hell!

    • 12:35 am

      Many thanks Nobbly.

      Based on what I know of you, I would love to see one of your letters. Feel free to post the whole damned thing right here.

      Best regards,


  20. 8:50 pm

    While we’re on the topic of road signs, can you please explain this ridiculous one that can be found all around England? I know England is known for their inclement weather, but who needs a road sign to tell them to open their umbrella?

    And BTW….while I was googling the umbrella sign, those Brits obviously like to insult their elderly population as well…..

    • 8:53 pm

      Come to think of it, I have seen that elderly sign with the bent over couple many a time over there across the pond. How insulting is that??

    • 12:33 am

      Thanks Yorksnbeans.

      That first one is a mystery to me. I just look out the window. Or wait until I feel my head getting wet.

      The second one is damned offensive though.

      I’ve really had enough. I’m going to draw up some hazard warning labels and street signs of my own, post them here and suggest that the older folks out there print them off and stick them up over top of those damned signs!

      Many thanks


  21. Lily Fossil permalink
    1:15 am

    Dear Donald,

    May I be so bold as to suggest this one.




  22. 2:53 am

    That letter is perfection. We have two of those signs in our neighborhood and they always leave me puzzled. Of course, most of the actions of our City Hall leave me perplexed.

    • 2:54 pm

      Many thanks Talon,

      Nice of you to stop in. I too am constantly perplexed by the actions of the folks at City Hall. You may not be able to “fight” it but I find a good letter writing campaign can sure annoy the Hell out of it.

      All the best,


  23. 3:36 am


    The other day I was thinking of writing a letter to our city hall in Curitiba but I was not inspired. Now I have the perfect blueprint. I’m gonna add a few more adjectives as soon as the new edition of the Little International Dictionary of Insults I ordered arrives. I’m not sure this small edition will do the job, but they ran out of the Comprehension Edition.

    Let me ask for some advice: is this okay to call them assclowns?

    Um abração,


    • 3:38 am

      I meant to say Comprehensive Edition… I need the dictionary to make sure I won’t make any spelling mistakes. I want to insult and I want it right!

      • 3:43 am

        You’ve noticed I decided not to disclose the nature of my complaints, but I’m forced to do so in respect for you and all your readers. Bad things in the neighborhood, Don, bad things…

        • 3:45 am

          Okay.. I’ll give you a hint… just 3 words: Sodom and Gomorrah

          • 2:58 pm


            Good to see you lad. I appreciate your stopping in.

            By all means use the word “assclowns.” It shows them your damned serious.

            Sorry to hear that you’re having trouble with the neighbourhood. It sounds pretty damned serious. Please let me know how it goes and if you’d be willing to share the letter, I’d love to read it.

            A pena é mais poderosa do que a espada – mas retrocedendo alguém nos trabalhos do burro demasiado

            All the best,


  24. downcastmysoul permalink
    5:48 am

    Seniors crossing:

    Is that like wildlife crossing the road? Like a “deer xing” as they used to call it?

    Most elderly don’t have problems crossing the road. I see a lot of people walking around mumbling to themselves around here that look that they would be a hazard but most elderly people here have cars and the ones that don’t aren’t loitering in the middle of the street.

    Those scooters can go fast, though and sometimes they ride them for all they are worth down the sidewalk like hell on wheels. The electric chairs can go fast, too.

    • 3:02 pm

      Nice to see you again downcastmysoul,

      Yes, I believe they are meant to be exactly like those deer x-crossing signs. The inference being that we seniors are damned stupid creatures that are likely to dart out into traffic without forethought or concern for safety.

      You half expect to see someone driving around with the senior they just hit strapped to the roof of the car.

      And I agree about those scooters. Never did care for them. All most people need is a good cane and a healthy exercise regimen.

      All the best. I hope you’re well.


  25. Danica permalink
    2:58 pm

    Have they taken down the sign yet?

    • 3:06 pm

      Thanks for asking Danica.

      Sadly, no, the sign has not yet been removed. And as it is almost noon on Friday I’d say my chances of seeing a city works employee are somewhere between slim and none (unless I venture down to the local watering hole.)

      I’m going to round up my neighbour’s son Cody, get my ladder and tools and have him take it down for me. If I tell him that it is a random act of vandalism instead of civil disobedience and common sense, he should be happy to participate.

      I’ll just need to wait until the cover of nightfall.

      Nice to see you again Danica.

      All the best,


      • Danica permalink
        3:59 am

        You’re too sneaky for your own good 😛

  26. 3:38 am

    Don –
    As soon as I heard about this outrage, I dropped virtually everything I was doing and rushed right over to check the offending sign out.

    Now I had been drinking a lot (I had just dumped a “40” into the gas tank, if you know what I’m saying) and it was rather dark out, especially with the 3-D glasses on, but I thought I saw York out there urinating on the sign.

    I can’t be sure it was him, but I thought I heard a faint “tee hee” every time the wind shifted.

    Did you put him up to this or does he just need closer supervision?


    P.S. Do you actually know what I’m saying? My car just, like, stopped working completely. Maybe I misunderstood myself. I know you oldsters with your mandatory military service are much more mechanically inclined than us relative youngsters. What does it mean if the exhaust registers a .12 BAC? The tow truck driver refuses to tell me and keeps asking me to “shut the hell up” and “wait for the authorities to arrive.”

    Many thanks in advance.

    • York Mills permalink
      12:06 am

      I’m the midnight tinkler.

      Hee hee…

    • 12:15 am

      Many thank CLT.

      Sounds to me like you may have problems greater than a faulty exhaust or bum muffler. I’d suggest a lawyer. They’re not that different from mechanics, actually. They speak their own lanaguage, will rip you off mercilessly and enjoy having other people entirely dependent on them.

      Good luck. I can neither confirm not deny York’s involvement.


  27. Calculate900 permalink
    2:21 am

    Thanks, Mr. Mills. This is the funniest thing I’ve seen all night, and I really needed that good laugh.

  28. 8:16 am

    Well said Mr Mills!

    Keep up the good fight for whats right! Mum and I will be rooting for you to change your slice of the world!


  29. 3:25 pm

    Oh, I thought they were warning the motorists about the dangers of seniors. Old people tend to smack car windshields with their canes and puncture tires with those spikes on their Zimmer frames if they don’t like the looks of some driver at a crosswalk.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s