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Back to God Damned School Special

According to the Walmart flier, it’s almost time for young people to return to school. Personally, I’ll be happy to get them off my lawn and out of sight.

It occurs to me that a great deal has changed since I was a lad and preparing to return to the classroom.

Take the school knapsack for example.

Back in my day, this was standard issue for a young man heading off to school:

knapsack old v6

Wholesome, decent, all-American knapsacks for decent, red-blooded boys.

Compare that to the contents of an average young man’s knapsack today:

knapsack new v6

God damned sad if you ask me. But the knapsacks speak for themselves.

92 Comments leave one →
  1. York Mills permalink
    1:08 am

    Remember this one, Don?

    Hee hee…

    • 12:07 pm

      York..what year did they finally make train tracks run safely on a flat surface instead of those rollercoaster hills?

      • York Mills permalink
        7:46 pm

        Hello, Mr. bearman

        1967: Also known as “The Summer of Love and Safe Trains.”

        Hee hee…

    • 4:21 pm

      I certainly do York.

      A fine commerical and a better tune. Hope the wrist is on the mend. If you’re looking for your Ovaltine, I but it in the top cupboard next to the arrowroot cookies and All-Bran.

      Don

  2. 1:38 am

    Mr Mills

    I absolutely 100 % God Dam agree with you. School FOR LEARNING nothing else. Any parent let their kid leave the house and not check the dam back pack should be PUNCHED in the face. This post should be mandatory READING for al parents……Great job Sir…..Zman sends

    • 4:22 pm

      Many thanks Zman,

      I always check the sky for falling toads and the horizon for angry horsemen when we start agreeing on matters, but when I looked out the window this morning all I saw was a damned young person urinitating on my rose bushes. Hardly even worth “kvetching” about.

      Always good to have you stop in lad. Thanks for keeping me on my toes.

      All the best,

      Don

  3. Ravikant permalink
    2:30 am

    LOL Mr. Mills that is so damn funny and true too. Nice one. “A yound punk’s knapsack” lol. Was rolling with laughter on this line “god damned flavored condoms. No indecent young person leaves home without one”. Sadly, with every passing year, things are becoming worse. Worse in my opinion is teen sex and pregnancy. That is irresponsible behaviour and the height of indecency. Plus, this whole ‘losing virginity’ crap is so freaking overrated. I do think that virginity is underrated and that is really damn sad.
    Another retarded term is ‘peer pressure’. Yeah, right. Young people doing all sorts of godawful things because they were under ‘peer pressure’. If your peers are pressuring you into crap, then they are not really peers to begin with. I mean, if someone pressures me into something stupid, i would rather prefer walking away or if the other person is too persuading, i’d really have to punch the living daylights out of that person. This idiotic term has become annoying to say the least and is just an excuse for halfwit young people to do all sorts of crazy stuff. It is such a sad state of affairs in the world that maybe only the Supreme Being can come and fix things now. Sometimes i fear that at one point I guess God himself will be so annoyed that he will say ‘damn it, let’s start over again’.

    • 4:22 pm

      Many thanks Ravikant,

      I share your assessment that things continue to worsen and about the use of “peer pressure” as an excuse for poor behavior.

      I’m not sure if there is a solution or, as you suggest, we have to wait for the powers that be to decide that it’s time for a “do over.”

      Thanks for the comment, lad. Always good to hear from you.

      Don

  4. Debbi permalink
    2:39 am

    Hey Don,

    I’m with you, buddy. But did you know that some school libraries have been criticized for carrying The Adventures of Huck Finn? In fact, some idiots have actually called for it to be banned. Something about subversion and racism . . . God help me, I think they missed the whole point of the book somewhere along the way. Maybe these crackpot censorship advocates are the ones dipping into the ecstasy and Mary Jane.

    • 4:23 pm

      Many thanks Debbi,

      I had heard that about old Huck Finn and was somewhat dismayed. I’m usually a big supporter of censorship (what you don’t know, see or is burned before publication can’t hurt you) but in this case I think you may be right.

      Many thanks for visiting.

      Regards,

      Don

  5. Mystsong permalink
    3:28 am

    I’d like to see the version of this post for the young ladies, actually. Any chance of it making an appearance?

    I’ve been putting together my things for college this weekend. Personally, I favor a ball point pen over a pencil (Preferably with a unique ink color) and some light reading in place of any pocket games. As for treats, I’m trying to eat healthier, so I’d trade a baggie of sunflower seeds or fruit for the candy. Besides, I don’t care much for licorice.

    My credit card is my own, thanks much. As for gifts, I like to produce something home made. If I like a teacher enough to give them something, it should be something nice.

    • yellowroses610 permalink
      3:35 am

      You make very sweet home made gifts, the cat cross stich thing is on my window.

    • 4:26 pm

      Thanks very much mystsong,

      A very sensible list of back to school items. Well done.

      I’ll give some thought to a “ladies” version and see what I can whip up. I have to admit though, it’s been a long time since I’ve had my hand in a woman’s backpack. I’ll consult with Hattie, my PSW, and see if she can offer any insights.

      Best regards,

      Don

      • Mystsong permalink
        12:57 am

        I do try. I’m very much a “nerd” and love to learn. and one must be properly prepared to absorb the maximum amount of knowledge.

        I admit some of my items are a bit frivolous. Like my pens this year are bright blue and purple ink instead of a more traditional color. I believe I even have a pink one. And all of this is carried about in a bright plaid tote bag rather than a normal backpack. And I have my book store discount card because it’s right near the college….

        Most of what I consider light reading would probably horrify you, as well. For instance I just finished a fantastic book about elves, dragons, space shuttles and mind blowing sex.

        • yellowroses610 permalink
          1:05 am

          >_> <__< Wopuld you tell me the name of the Series? All those things sound appealing.

  6. yellowroses610 permalink
    3:31 am

    Wows…I only think I have had one of those things in the “new school”, book bag;
    I generally have novels and my medication, and a snack to keep my hypoglycemia in check.

    Also you forgot cigarettes; I always have those in my bag, Cools or Salem, preferably the latter brand.

    Also, you probably don’t care but people call it “Pot” or “Weed”, now a days.

    Rose,

    http://rosespetals.wordpress.com/

    • 4:27 pm

      Thanks Rose,

      Hope you don’t mind me interfering but you may want to consider giving up on the cigarettes. I’m told they can be bad for your heath and, besides, smoking is really a man’s game.

      I appreciate the update on the current cannibas lingo, by the way. Always important to try to stay up-to-date.

      All the best,

      Don

      • yellowroses610 permalink
        12:45 am

        Cigars are a man’s game, Ciggerates until 1800 were considered effimient,, hence the femine “ette” ending. Besides, my dear mister mills, I think we have established I am not enterely lady like. But yes not good for my body.

        And I don’t mind you interfearing, I suspect my lady friend will side with you, though I am told I am impossible to argue with.

        • Mystsong permalink
          12:50 am

          Indeed. Though I hold the trump card of refusing to live with oyu until you quit. I cannot stand the smell of tobacco smoke.

          • yellowroses610 permalink
            1:00 am

            I thought I could smoke outside and do the whole gum febreeze thing in combantion with my perfume. The people that live wih me don;t even know I smoke,I’m so ninja about it.

  7. 3:34 am

    You have me trying to remember the in-between years – the late 60s and early 70s; what did we carry?

    Oh, yes. Rolling papers, weed, cigarettes, love beads or hair spray, spiral notebook, ball point pens…

    • 4:36 pm

      My goodness, Pamela, I am well and truly shocked.

      Weed? Cigarettes? And spiral notebooks! It’s a dangerous combination at the best of times but in the hands of a young person potentially lethal.

      And I have no idea what the Hell “love beads” are but I suspect we’re not talking about a rosary. It sounds an ingredient to some form of dark elixer if you ask me.

      Very unsettling.

      Many thanks for visiting.

      Don

    • Lynn permalink
      2:14 am

      you and i gotta get to know one another….

      • Lynn permalink
        2:16 am

        oops replied to wrong comment, sorry don. although i did like your love beads comparison to the rosary.

  8. Tina permalink
    4:45 am

    When I was in grade school, I didn’t carry a knapsack, backpack or anything like that, I got a new cigar box every year. My dad and I would go to the cotton gin and pick out a new one. I think all I had to have in it was a #2 pencil, box of 8 crayons, and a bottle of glue. Life was so simple then. Oh, and the girls’ purses were the weapon of choice – filled with rocks from the playground.

    • 4:41 pm

      Many thanks Tina and welcome,

      Your dad sounds like a sensible man. There is nothing better for toting your valuables than a good old cigar box. I had my share as a lad (kept my marbles in one – they always had a nice tobacco smell to them).

      Thanks for visiting and for leaving the comment.

      Greatly appreciated.

      Don

  9. Danica permalink
    5:07 am

    How true.

  10. 7:40 am

    May I have the licorice?

    • 4:43 pm

      Hello Nursemyra,

      It may be a bit on the aged side by now and have some old pocket lint stuck to it but if you’re game, you’re welcome to it.

      My days of chewing liquorice and candy are well behind me. (I don’t fare too well with Apples, corn on the cob or pot roast either.)

      All the best,

      Don

  11. 12:09 pm

    I saw my nephews school list. 3 PAGES of supplies. 3 PAGES!

    Mine was the above mentioned cigar box with 2 pencils, an eraser, a box of crayons and a compass (we never did use the compass)

    • 4:45 pm

      Thanks Bearman,

      3 pages? What the Hell are they asking him to bring to school? Furniture? household appliances? Power tools?

      I think the compass was really a meant as more of a schoolyard weapon than anything else. At least, that’s the only way I ever saw one used.

      Best regards,

      Don

  12. 1:08 pm

    Spot on again, Don. In my day we were sent off to school(on foot or bicycle when you’d proven to your parents by your continued existence you could be relied to survive traffic) with nothing but a solid packed lunch, our books and writing gear(1(one) #2 pencil, a sharpener and a plastic ruler) Come 4th grade we’d get rollerball pens, which is a damned fine writing implement, and all you’ll ever need. These dense kids today seem to need state-of-the art computers to figure out the answer to “If Johnny has two exstacy pills, and Fred has five…”.

    I blame color television. Over here, in the old days, television was how it should be; dull and educational. There could pop up a 5-minute cartoon every now and then, but you could be damn sure you had to haul your way through an hour and a half debate on the nations agricultural politics or socio-realistic drama(about whatever socio-realistic filmmakers find interesting, which is the sure-fire way of ensuring it will generate no interest whatsoever to the general audience) in order to see it.

    Nowadays it’s all MTV and flashy camera angles and fast-paced instant gratification, cheap laughs and god damned rap music around the clock. No wonder the damn kids can’t concentrate for longer than two seconds on anything other than drugs or hadguns.

    -Best regards,

    TJ

    PS: I can’t help wondering, when will you return to the tried-and-tested “(irate) letters to the editor”-styled format of your earlier posts? All these pie charts and graphics and whatnot, while obviously made with good intentions, seem a bit flashy and “hip”, to be honest.

    • 11:28 am

      Many thanks TJ,

      You paint a damned fine picture of the good old days, lad. Well done and many thanks.

      And I couldn’t agree more about the effect of music videos, stuttering edits, low-brow humor and this insistance on immediate gratification. I think you’ve nailed a good part of the problem right there.

      In fact, much of what you have identified has been the reason for my attempts to change up the format a little and include some simple charts, pictures and graphs. Young people don’t seem to be able to digest words too readily and I was thinking some alternative formats might help get my message out.

      I have a few more in a similar vein but will try to keep a balance between the flashy visuals and the old style posts.

      Many thanks TJ. Always a pleasure to have you stop in.

      Best regards,

      Don

      • 12:56 pm

        A pleasure as always, Mr. Mills.

        I may have come off sounding more critical than I really intended, I just don’t think that prettying up the message is going to do any good with these kids today. Literary effects like “irony” and “exaggeration” and the current generation seem to long since have passed like ships in the night. A very foggy and starless night. If you were to try “sarcasm” they would likely lunge at you with a knife.

        It’s a sad state of affairs, but I trust you will keep up the good work, Mr. Mills.

        -TJ

        PS: Regarding my post above, I meant of course to write “ballpoint pens”, where the heck did “rollerball” come from? English isn’t my first language, but that was just plain weird.

        • Lily Fossil permalink
          8:41 pm

          Dear TJ,

          I think you have hit the nail on the head regarding young peoples’ inability to detect humour in the written language.
          From my observations aspects like irony, sarcasm and exaggeration just flies straight over their heads.

          They tend to take everything so literally. I suspect their addiction to the virtual world has switched off (if in fact it was ever switched on!) that part of their brain and turned them into humourless zombies to the detriment of our rich and colourful language. In a few generations I suspect the entire human race will be autistic and I’m glad I won’t be around to see that.

          Best wishes,

          Lily Fossil

  13. David permalink
    1:30 pm

    I fear your back to school stuff just plain stinks. I hate licorice so just keep your god damned Good and Plentys. The slow kid next door swallowed my marbles so none of the parents in my neighborhood would allow them. What teacher wants an apple that the kid spit on???? Spit polish my fat ass.

    Virginity is highly over-rated. By the time I was married, I wish that both I and my wife had been safely around the block a few times so we had a clue on how to please each other so the condoms are perfect educational tools.

    I’m an old fart now but I still remember walking to school in snow up to my knees and uphill in both directions so now I drive by that dump of a school.

    So I hope you have a nice day and the little demons stay off your lawn, bless your heart.

    Cheers

    • 11:35 am

      Thanks David,

      Sorry to hear you’ve had poor experiences with licorice, marbles and virginity but I appreciate the comment and thank you for stopping in.

      Many thanks

      Don

      p.s.That marble eating kid wasn’t named Geordie was he? We had a marble eater on my street too but he moved away after 3rd grade and I’ve often wondered what became of him.

  14. 5:18 pm

    “Wigger Weekly”? A little cutting edge for you, no? You must be hopped up on too much Metamucil.

    Very nicely done although Swank really is a wonderful magazine.

    • 11:41 am

      Hello Mr. Tannerleah,

      Trust me, I learned my lesson about overindulding in Metamucil back in the 1960s and am damned careful not to exceed the recommended daily dosage.

      It’s wonderful stuff but, as with all things in life, moderation is the key.

      Always nice to have you visit, TL.

      Don

  15. 5:18 pm

    Don, Don! Get in the 21st century. You forgot the lap top computer.

    Knapsacks? I thought they were called backpacks now. When I was attending an institution of lower learning we didn’t have containers that we carried around. Girls didn’t even carry purses until they were of a certain age where certain supplies were likely to be needed on an emergency basis, puberty being as unpredictable as it was. If it wouldn’t fit in your pocket, you didn’t need it at school. We didn’t carry our pencils back and forth, we left them in our desk. Fancy that, I’m so old I remember when I had a desk in the classroom that was All My Very Own and I could leave my pencils and protractor and ruler there. I carried a sack lunch, which often included an apple, which I would never have wasted on any of the teachers I ever suffered from. If I had homework, I could carry my book and notebook in my arms.

    Nowadays the kids pack everything around with them all day because their lockers are not secure and the darlings are starting to suffer from neck and back injuries from carrying all that crap around. In the Old Days we got those injuries from falling off the monkey bars or the merry go round like God intended. Of course if they’d leave the gun at home the pack wouldn’t weigh so much.

    • 11:49 am

      Thank you magichealinghands,

      The 21st Century? When the Hell did that happen? I wish they’d send out a notice or put a note in the paper or something. It’s damned embarrassing I don’t mind telling you.

      Regardless, thanks for the point on the lap top. I admit to having missed that one entirely and suspect you’re right that it would be another standard issue item.

      And you make a good point about the size of these damned knapsacks (or whatever the Hell young people call them these days). Some of the sprogs I see ambling off to school appear to be packed for an excursion to the top of Everest. Of course, given the fact that they are winded and calling for a ride before they are at the end of their driveways, I suspect that’s not the case.

      Thanks for visiting,

      All the best,

      Don

      • 5:48 pm

        Don honey, we’re already almost 10% of the way to the 22nd century.

        That’s scary. Almost as scary as the thought that someday these dumb lazy kids are going to be in charge of monitoring the nuclear power stations.

  16. downcastmysoul permalink
    7:16 pm

    I vaguely remember having a desk to keep stuff in and I had nothing fancy for school supplies. Just #2 pencils, that wide rule brown “Chief” paper, maybe a small box of crayons…maybe a ruler. Later, in middle and high school, all I got were a few spiral bound notebooks, one 3 ring binder, a few cheap folders and a bag of Bic pens. I had no cell phone, no laptop, no designer clothes. Kids carried JanSport backpacks and had PeeChee folders that had a picture of mr. and ms. Jock on the cover.

    My mother would not even buy me cutsie folders with kitties on them.

    I was always sneaking candy into my maw in class but hated licorice. By that time I had already lost my marbles..heheheh

    • 11:54 am

      Thank you downcastmysoul,

      I can appreciate your mother’s point of view and suspect she was trying to do you a favor.

      Cutsie folders with kitties on them sound rather extravangent and might distract you from your schoolwork. It’s hard to focus on your sums when you have a wide-eyed tabby staring up at you.

      All the best,

      Don

  17. 8:37 pm

    Sorry Don, but I’m a little confuddled here.

    Excuse my ignorance, but I don’t understand the heck anyone would invent a flavored condom in the first place.I mean, not to be vulgar or anything, but we don’t even have taste buds “down there”.

    Mildly befuddled yet still respectful,

    Bschooled

    • yellowroses610 permalink
      12:46 am

      It’s for oral sex. Many people where condoms for that so they do not catch the aids.

    • 1:08 pm

      Many thanks Bschooled,

      I see that young Rose has addressed your question as to the purpose of the flavoring and I have to say I am both relieved and horrified. (Relieved only in that my answer was, apparently, entirely incorrect!)

      I too was confuddled (or perhaps donfuddled) by this puzzler and for the life of me had no idea why you would favor a condom other than as a potential deterrent ( a “spicy tabasco” flavor might so some way toward dampening a young man’s romantic enthusiasm). Or, I thought perhaps they include a stick of gum in the condom package, just like they used to with hockey cards.

      All in all, I think I prefer my speculation over the grim and graphic truth.

      Thanks for visiting,

      Don

      • 4:42 pm

        Thanks Don. It makes me feel better just knowing you were as confused as I was. Although the spicy tabasco reference might concern me a little, depending on which side the condom was actually flavored…

        And thank-you, Rose. I appreciate knowing the facts. (even if I don’t believe that any woman in her right mind would be into that kind of thing)

      • 5:25 pm

        FYI Don,

        I just contacted Mirriam Webster, and she was so impressed that she plans on adding the word “Donfuddled” to the next updated edition of her book.

        It will be listed on page 237, in-between the words “Donfucius” and “Dongarees”. (she said she prefers to list the words alphabetically for easy reference)

        Congratulations Don, you deserve it!

  18. 8:39 pm

    (ps. I meant confused…apparently “confuddled” isn’t a word)

    • 11:48 pm

      It should be, though.” Confuddled” sounds right by me.

  19. Lily Fossil permalink
    9:33 pm

    Dear Donald,

    I’m so old that I have trouble remembering what I took to school, but I do remember that it was a long walk to get there and I carried a brown Globite suitcase (before backpacks were invented) which always smelt of stale bananas and Vegemite sandwiches.

    At morning assembly out in the playground we all lined up and three things were inspected by the teachers everyday before lessons began; our fingernails to see that they were clean, our shoes to see that they were polished (we only had leather lace ups back then) and we had to have a clean, ironed handkerchief in our pocket.

    At recess each child was given a free 1/3 pint bottle of fresh milk, courtesy of the Government which we had to drink, whether you liked milk or not. Luckily I did, except the days the milkman inadvertently left it in the sun and it was warm.

    The only monitors we had were assorted responsible children like the Milk monitors, the Blackboard Monitors, and the Trash Monitors.

    The best job in the whole school was to be the Ink Monitor and of course that was me because I was one of the most responsible. Yes, dear readers, we had real liquid ink (Quill Blue) which needed to be mixed up very carefully (about 5 pints?) each morning before school in the Staff Room and poured into big metal teapots.

    Then it was my job to go around to each ink well on each desk in the classroom and fill it up. We used pen nibs in a holder and dipped our pens into the ink to write and used blotting paper to blot the ink after each line of writing we did.

    Of course these days if you mention blotting paper to young people they think you mean LSD, because I gather that’s all it is used for.

    Those were the days my friend, we thought they’d never end.

    Lily Fossil

    • 4:25 pm

      Thank you Lily,

      As always, a wonderful comment and a splendid retelling of a simpler time. I don’t believe there is anything more I can – or need to – add.

      All the best,

      Don

  20. Lynn permalink
    9:55 pm

    well one thing is true don, you never ever disappoint me…images are hilarious…can’t trust kids these days….they steal your mary jane and give it to kids at school! they’re down right evil! glad they are off the streets and back in school so the “real” parents can take care of them.

    • 4:25 pm

      Many thanks Lynn,

      That’s very kind of you to say. I thought the “real” parents were the television set and video game but I suppose they may just be the baby sitters.

      Best regards,

      Don

  21. 12:02 am

    Don….can you hear me laughing? Great post! Sad, but extremely funny!😆

    • 4:32 pm

      Thank you kindly Yorksnbeans,

      I’m afraid I can’t hear you laughing but that should come as no surprise. Half the time I can’t hear the damned phone ringing and it’s right beside me.

      All the best

      Don

  22. 5:38 am

    Gracious Donfather,

    I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for filling my cold heart with warm memories of marbles and Huck Fin. I myself never carried a frog, but to be honest, I did experiment with letting frogs smoke. Very cruel, I know – but nowadays I am a lover, not a fighter.

    Standing fast,
    Frankelstache

    • 4:30 pm

      Many thanks Frankelstache,

      And glad to hear you’ve changed your ways. You want to be cautious with frogs. Once you get them smoking it isn’t long before they’re drinking, missing work and betting on the ponies. It upsets the whole damned ecosystem.

      Always good to hear from you.

      Don

  23. 10:13 am

    You sure were a mean lot in them days Don .. killing poor defenceless little squirrels – you ought to be ashamed of yourself!

    • 4:40 pm

      Thank you Julie,

      Point taken but in my defence, they really are little more than rats with fuzzy tails. They tended to get into everything if allowed to go unchecked and, far from being defenceless, were merciless little brutes with bad attitudes and beady eyes.

      All the best,

      Don

  24. 6:36 pm

    I am now firmly of the view that waiting a couple of days after a COF posting is the best, ‘cos the comments add to make a fine read.

    Most of your replies are from USofA, I recognise a couple of aussie and darepublikofdasarfafrica handles.

    The situation in britland is very similar, current yoofs hauling army weight bergen rucksacks cos school lockers are insecure. How did we/ they/ us allow that to happen? No wonder the products of education over the last 20 years have no respect for personal property, they have been taught that anything they can lift is theirs, FFS. I know that the past cannot be reinvented, but some of it’s principles are sorely in need of rediscovery.

    End of rant. BTW I think the graphics are excellent for an oldie to produce, assuming you do?

    best, dave

    • 11:44 am

      Many thanks Dave.

      I suspect you are right about waiting. There are a more than few regular commenters here that are well worth reading.

      And, yes, the graphics are mine. My brother York gave me some photo software for my birthday a couple of years back and I have ample time to sit and play with it. I’ll admit that Hattie has given me a few tips here and there but she’s no youngster herself.

      Thanks for visiting, Dave.

      All the best,
      Don

  25. 8:35 pm

    Where is the knife? The gun? The nun chukkas? Here in Britain, it seems it’s practically illegal to go to school unless you’re armed to the teeth and prepared to kill a fellow student because they looked at you ‘a bit funny’.
    In my day, we carried our fists and our wits. That and some wilting sandwiches in a plastic box and our inhalers.

    • 11:49 am

      Nice to see you Mrs. Black,

      I considered including a trusty “jack knife” in the old school knapsack but truth be told we tended to carry those in our pockets and not to take them to school. They were more of an weekend diversion.

      For the new school lads, I did include the handgun. I suspect that knives and nunchucks are innefficient weapons that wouldn’t compete with the Smith & Wessons the rest of the kids on the playground are carrying.

      Many thanks for visiting.

      Don

      • yellowroses610 permalink
        11:25 pm

        Never underestimate the knife, or for that matter blunt non lethal weapons. Why kill a fellow when you can shame him by defeating him in a fair fight,and make your name legand amoung your peers.

        That was atleast my reasoning, when I was younger and reckless.

  26. 10:25 pm

    That 1939 lad would get charged with animal cruelty for having that frog in his knapsack; the cops would have him in a headlock for the slingshot; someone’s parents would raise holy hell because their kid’s allergic to licorice and the lad would be in for some lengthy sensitivity training for reading such racist literature.

    • 11:51 am

      Many thanks XUP,

      Lovely comment. And I suspect you are absolutely right.

      All the best,

      Don

  27. 12:47 am

    why did the pink good & plenty candies taste better than the white ones? my mom kept telling me that they tasted exactly the same, but i knew she was wrong.

    p.s. we always used to get a new pencil box every year. if you were lucky, you’d get one of those fancy ones with a plastic top that opened like a rolltop desk. if you weren’t lucky, you’d get one of those zippered plastic bags that always got lots of lint in the seams.

    • 3:47 pm

      Many thanks Nonnie,

      A damned good question. I’ve written numerous letters to the Good & Plenty folks demanding an answer to that question but have never received a satisfactory reply. Eventually, they stopped responding to me completely. It all strikes me as very suspicious.

      Thanks for visiting with me Nonnie. All the best,

      Don

  28. 3:59 am

    Ah, another great post, Donny (can I call you Donny?)! Very true, too; I’m actually typing this from my “expensive toy” (my iPhone). Kinda makes you wonder where things went wrong. I blame the 60s. Everything went downhill after those damned hippies took over.

    The one thing I’d add to the modern day backpack is some porno. What teen is complete without porno?

    I’m looking forward to seeing more posts from you in the future. See ya’s around.

    Dubba Tubba

    • 3:49 pm

      Many thanks Dubba Tubba,

      Not to be difficult but I’ve never cared much for “Donny.” My brother York used to call me that all the time and my Mom would call me that on occasion but my feeling is that once you hit the age of 10 the “Y” should be dropped from all names. A fifty year old “Petey” or “Davey” strikes me as damned silly. So, if you don’t mind, I’d prefer we stick with Don.

      Now, I agree that those damned hippies started a dangerous trend toward rebellion and non-conformity. And it seems to me that the youth of today have taken those poor habits and made a damned art of them.

      Good call on the pornography too. I missed that one completely.

      Thanks for the kind words and for the visit. Hope to hear from you again soon.

      Don

  29. 4:09 am

    Don, another excellent post, with plenty of eye candy, real candy and drug candy.

    One thing confuses me though: isn’t Idaho a “dry” state?

    • 3:49 pm

      Many thanks CLT,

      Always good to have you call. And if I ever have to go back to Idaho I’ll be sure to look into your question.

      All the best.

      Don

  30. 7:24 am

    Don’t forget those great lunches we (or mom if she was trying to get rid of us) packed: either peanut butter and jelly or bologna (w/cheese on days dad got paid) sandwiches, a bag of chips and a dill pickle. 10 cents for a carton of milk. And I always had a pencil sharpener in the shape of the statue of liberty. And if Laurie posts and said I put gum in her hair, it wasn’t me . . . honest.

    • 3:50 pm

      Many thanks Jammer.

      How could I forget the lunch? Jesus, I’m getting sloppy in my old age. I haven’t had a decent bologna sandwich in decades. My favorite though was when my old mom would slip in a couple of fresh baked cookies. Damned good eating.

      I’ll take you at your word on the gum in the hair incident, Jammer, but I have to admit that you strike me as the type that might be tempted…

      Best regards,

      Don

      • 7:47 pm

        Don, you got me thinking:
        Remember the all important carrier of those lunches? First, the brown paper sack. Remember the sound they made when opened at the table with all the other kids? Opening the sandwiches neatly wrapped in wax paper; looking around at what the other kids had. Jimmies got strawberry jam; you got grape. He hates strawberry, you love it, so you trade. When you’re done, you carefully fold the sack up and put it in your back pocket, because mom wants to use it again. Even has your name on it.

        Then the old rectangular lunch boxes. Mine had Hoppalong Cassidy on it, because Cassidy land was three blocks from where I lived, so he was my hero. Remember the smell of opening it up? I think that smell has long gone from this world, and I miss it.

        Then you graduated to the big lunch boxes, with the thermos in it. Most of the time it had milk, but once and awhile, you snuck in some orange juice instead. Mine was basic black, but had Flash Gorden on the side, because he was the intergalactic hero with the beautiful girl at his side, and I was starting to notice such things. Then, suddenly, it was gone, and the cafeteria, mystery meat and all, became the center of the school universe.

        And as for me being the type? Well, there was that time . . .

  31. Paris permalink
    12:49 pm

    Is this all that you do all the time, cribbing about young kids after having “fun” all your life?

    Constant bickering reduces life, you know “dude.”

    • 3:51 pm

      Many thanks Paris and welcome.

      I appreciate the comment although I admit to having some trouble in deciphering it. At the risk of continuing my “cribbing” I have to say that you employ some rather unconventional sentence structure.

      (No offense meant – I’ve composed more than my share of questionable sentences and have a bad habit of using quotation marks recklessly.)

      Still, once I determined that you didn’t mean “reduce” in the sense of thickening a sauce or gravy, I believe I managed to get the gist of it.

      Quite honestly, Paris, I’d suggest that speaking your mind is a damned healthy exercise. At least it is for me. In my view, suppressing your feelings, holding your tongue and looking the other way when things offend you is a far greater reducifier of life.

      Just my point of view, Paris.

      Nice of you to visit.

      All the best

      Don

  32. Gerard permalink
    6:08 pm

    Great post, Don. I don’t think I’ve personally ever known anyone to go to school with (or even own) a gun or Tattoo magazine, but the rest seems pretty accurate. They don’t let us bring sling-shots to school, however. We could get in trouble for that…

    Also, I think the backpack should’ve been the North Face brand, as that’s what most kids use these days. Still, I loved the post.

    Gerard

    • 11:57 pm

      Many thanks Gerard.

      Glad to hear that the crowd you run with aren’t packing the guns and tattoo magazines. And, no, I suppose the days of carrying an innocent slingshot around have long since passed. We used to tuck them into our back pockets and never raised the slightest concern.

      Thanks for the tip on the knapsack brand, Gerrard. I’ll keep that in mind in case I do decide to do a “ladies version.”

      All the best

      Don

  33. 7:03 pm

    Hey, I don’t bring all that crap to school. I only bring a backpack, notebook, a phone to think for me (lol), a knife, money, and keys. I only bring a knife because I bring it everywhere incase I need it and my school is in a bad area so if I get jacked, I can just pull it out and stab them.

    I haven’t seen anybody in college with ecstasy, only weed, lighters, and knifes…which is also in middle and high schools. Lighters and knifes are allowed in a lot of colleges though. But I think the main drugs stay in middle school and high schools.

    The whole condom thing….sick. I don’t think I’ve seen many of those, who uses them anyway? lol But I’ve seen people with porn a couple times which is only a little weird…I guess they just can’t wait till they get home. haha
    🙂

  34. paper doll permalink
    4:59 am

    Don, you are somehow completely on target and very funny at the same time. That’s a gift .

  35. Fenekk permalink
    5:36 am

    My backpack/purse…

    1. Laptop – for doing my college work. Also, I’m in graphic design, and I would rather use my own computer for my work as much as possible. Who knows what the people using the lab computers were touching before they touched that keyboard? :S)
    2. Pens and pencils, erasers, and a notebook (Because I was always ready to take notes or write down some novel or character concepts! I’m a writer as well.)
    3. Cell phone – for emergencies, like if my car breaks down, not for texting or playing games or twittering. Actually, I have never sent a text message from my cell phone to this day.
    4. Keys – I drive to school, it’s 11 miles away.
    5. Wallet – containing my money, credit card, library card, school ID, and REAL driver’s license.🙂
    6. Various art supplies, like charcoal, pastels, colored pencils, triangles, paint (Also, I always carried rubber cement in my purse, because I had a tendency to forget it when I had a project due and needed to mount it on illustration board. And I only used it for projects! It’s not what you think!🙂 )
    7. Sketchbook – You never know when you might need a good sketchbook, be it to sketch something you saw, or do some comps or brainstorming for a project.
    8. Schoolbooks – can’t go to class without your books.
    9. A book to read for leisure – Sometimes it is fiction, sometimes not. I enjoy historical novels from the colonial periods, especially those focusing on ship travel, survival, and sometimes pirates, like Kidnapped or Robinson Crusoe. Other times I enjoy reading about art history, technique, animals, or even theory and instructional books. One thing I’m really into lately is the art to being a “pack leader” in the eyes of a dog – in other words, it’s kind of like child psychology for dogs.
    10. Lunch – I don’t buy that awful cafeteria food.
    11. Burt’s Bees lip balm with pomegranate oil. Best stuff ever. I don’t like for my lips to get chapped.
    12. Flash drive – For all of you behind on the times, this is the object I use to carry computer data with me, like my school projects.

    There are probably other things too, but this is definitely the usual for me. A little more pleasant than the usual young person backpack, I would hope…

  36. Rachel Young Person permalink
    9:37 pm

    I found this and thought of you!

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