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The Trouble With Young People (Board Game Edition)

Fun for the whole damned family…

board game 7-1 final

The instructions:

board game v7 instructions

Let the games begin.

p.s. My damned brother, York, tripped over his dachshund and broke his wrist. As a result, I’ll be staying with him for a week to grill his cheese sandwhiches and stir his chocolate milk for him. I’ll tend to any comments on the site while I’m gone but my next post will have to wait a full 7 days.

All the best.


120 Comments leave one →
  1. YellowRoses610 permalink
    12:14 am

    Mr Mills, I am sorry to here about your brother, how nice of you it is to go take care of him.

    Also funny as always, but does one get points for other pericngs. Because pericing one;s nipples sounds painfully, I was thinking of a Belly ring once a lose a couple pounds.

    • 12:37 am

      Many thanks Rose,

      I suspect that the week will try my patience but I have little choice. He is family after all. And I should count my blessings that it isn’t my brother Elgin or sister Erin that I have to tend to.

      I’d arrange for a personal support worker but old York is a bit of a lecher and the agencies in the area have effectively blackballed him from getting any kind of in-home care. I’ve had more than one complaint about his roaming hands and inappropriate requests for sponge baths.

      Between his idiot “tee hee hees” and his endless stories about dating Veronica Lake it will be a damned miracle if I can keep myself from smothering him with a pillow. Still, I will try.

      As for the game, perhaps I will include a belly piercing in the Nintendo DS version. I expect they’ll be calling momentarily. In the interim, you may feel free to take 20 points on spec.

      All the best, lass. Off to pack to my earplugs, a change of sweater vest and a small bottle of rye. (actually, make that a large bottle of rye).

      Best regards,


      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        12:59 am

        I know how brothers can be. I have one who;s in his mid thirties who’s a;lways drunk and what not, and losing his job. He lives far away.

        My other idoit brother who windmystsong coudl rant about for days still lives near by, he calmed down once he got married. I still call him the Ghetto idoit.

        Also I would suggust getting some rum.

  2. 12:34 am


    This might be the funniest post yet. But dont forget a few is a lazy bastard of a young person going to have the money to buy the game, and it takes motivation to download. Sorry to hear about York. Tripped on his dog a of the smallest breeds their are…why he cant manage with a broken wrist, I had a cancer and still had the (MAN PARTS) to take care of myself and work ….anyways hope he is feeling better…r/ZMan

    • 4:23 pm

      Many thanks Zman,

      Always good to hear from you. I have to admit that I hadn’t considered the financials too closely. In hindsight though I suspect that if a young person wanted to purchase a copy they’d take their usual route and either use some form of credit or demand that their parent’s pay for it.

      Thanks too for asking about York. That damned dachshund of his is small but it’s an evil little brute. It’s unfriendly, has a nasty temper and barks at everyone – we should get along fine. As for York, he’s a bit of baby when it comes to these sorts of things. Plus, he’s getting on in years and I guess it’s getting a little harder for him to look after himself.

      In truth, though, I think he just likes the idea of having a damned butler for the next seven days.

      Good to see you lad.

      Best regards


  3. 12:50 am




    Oh my Lord!

    *helpless and delighted laughter*

    Okay – I will have to wait to make a ‘real’ comment…

    (Plese give my best to your Brother Mr. Mills – I am sorry he was hurt.)

    Be well,

  4. 12:51 am

    That would be ‘please’…

    Forgive me – laughing too hard to type.

    • 4:26 pm

      Many thanks for the comment wordsneversaid,

      I’m glad you found the game amusing. And I will be sure to pass on your best wishes to York.

      Thanks for stopping in. Always nice to hear from you.


  5. Mystsong permalink
    1:06 am

    I would actually play this, despite being in the age group you routinely rant about.

    As Rose mention other piercings, what would double pierced ears ring in for? And on a similar note, gender ambiguous haircuts and/or clothing?

    Best of luck with your brother, he sounds a lot like mine. At least mine has the excuse of being young and stupid….

    • YellowRoses610 permalink
      1:23 am

      How amny points for nose rings, I mean the little studs Indain women oftne ahve.

      • zeusiswatching permalink
        2:23 am

        I went to the barber shop for a haircut and wouldn’t you know it, the kid that cut my hair had her Jowls pierced! The kid looked like something right out of hell.

        Most of these kids look like they fell into a tackle box.

    • 4:33 pm

      Thanks for the comment Mystsong,

      Glad to hear you’d give the game a whirl. If you land at the old man’s house you can have a “free pass.” (If you could check for suspicious teens while you’re there I’d appreciate it – I’ll be at York’s condo all week and my house will be empty).

      I’ll have to consider adding double pierced ears and gender ambiguous clothing to the much expanded “Family Christmas Edition”. I’d say they’d each be good for at least 10 points.

      Thanks for the kids words regarding York. In fairness, he’s really a decent enough old bastard, we’re just very different and he tends to get up my nose.

      All the best,


      p.s. Rose – I’m going to have to revisit the whole piercing issue and develop some sort of sliding scale based on number and location. This could take a while

      • 1:03 am

        Two things I noticed missing were the “Design-Your-Own Rude T-shirt” and “Restock Sweatpants with Words On Them” pull cards (the last one could come in the Junior Version for the prepubescent demographic).

        Always thinking…

        The Nerd

  6. Lily permalink
    1:23 am

    Dear Donald,

    I have crinked my neck from trying to read that board game and laughing simultaneously. Unfortunately, there will, no doubt, be many stupid dumb young people who will take the game seriously.

    Thankyou for letting us know your next post won’t be for a whole week, otherwise we may have had to send out a search party lead by Ms Yellowroses, because I suspect she has enough street cred of all of us combined.

    Still, I can see you have a heart of gold, going to look after your dimwit brother, Yorks. I hope it doesn’t mean you have to wipe his bum (I tried to think of a polite way of saying that, but couldn’t think of one). The idea of that would make me quite bilious especially if he was uttering “tee hee” sounds as well.

    Kindest regards,

    Lily Fossil

    P.S. Is your other brother, Elgin, the one who has lost his marbles?

    • YellowRoses610 permalink
      1:28 am

      Heh, street cred, I’m not sure how you are imagening me Lilly, buty I am a pasty some what chubby woman a little over five foot. I jsut read a lot and keep my eyes open, so I know how things work. But I would lvoe to lead I search part if Mister Mills went missing, it would be an epic adventure.

    • 4:46 pm

      Many thanks Lily,

      I have crinked my neck from laughing at the notion of York expecting me to wipe his damned ass (there really is no polite way to say that Lily). I’ll stir his ridiculous chocolate milk and make him a tomato and cheese sandwich but he’s on his own once he steps into the bathroom or bedroom.

      (And the reference to an accompanying “tee hee” is likely to give me nightmares.)

      As for Elgin, I’ll have to try that line out on him myself. He fancies himself a history buff so hopefully he’ll appreciate it. Actually, wee Elgin is likely the most serious-minded of the lads in my family. And he’s a crusty piece of work too.

      Thanks again for the laugh (and the potential recurring nightmare) Lily.

      Best regards,


  7. YellowRoses610 permalink
    1:31 am

    Not that I want him to go missing mind you. I intend to seek him out once I get my drivers liscense, andtake him out for a drink, or rather bring drinsk over since I;m too young for bars to serve.

  8. 2:13 am

    Don, I need to copies of the game immediately. Actually, I want to order at least ten copies. They’re going to make great stocking stuffers for the kids and cousins. The whole thing is a riot, but I love that they lose 400 points for taking a family vacation and they go the hell back 8 spaces for being on an old man’s lawn.

    While we’re at it, can I buy stock in Don-Co?

    Poor York. He must’ve been giggling and lost his balance to trip over the weiner dog. I don’t know how many time’s I’ve told him to pick up his feet. I’m always saying, “You don’t need another sponge bath. Pick up your feet before you trip. Keep your hands to yourself. Watch where you step.”

    He just don’t listen! I just realized he reminds me of one of the kids…

    • 8:58 am

      hey claire when you get your multiple copies of this game can I come over to your house and play?

    • 4:55 pm

      Many thanks Claire,

      10 copies? I’ll have to get Hattie an extra glue stick and start paying her overtime but I’m sure the fine staff of Don-co can get the job done. I appreciate the order. If this keeps up I can start drinking a better brand of rye and look into one of those new, aerodynamic sweater vests.

      The stock hasn’t gone public yet but now that we have our first 10 orders I suspect it’s only a matter of time.

      I’m not sure of the circumstances surrounding York’s fall. He’s been unusually quiet regarding the details. I’ll work on getting the specifics.

      And you are absolutely right Claire….York’s just a big kid. Always will be.

  9. 2:14 am

    oh no! 😮 alas, poor york. as stephen colbert would say, wrist strong! i’m sure, under your loving care, in no time, he’ll be feeling like a whole new york.

    i expect you’ll be getting a phone call from milton bradley and parker brothers any day now. this game is going to be bigger than the crocodile dentist game!

    p.s. hope the dachshund survived.

    • 5:01 pm

      Thanks Nonnie,

      No lie – I saw a group of sprogs on my street playing that game just last week. They seemed to be having a Hell of a time. (If they ever want a more authentic version I’m sure York’s dachshund would be happy to oblige).

      I’m not sure I’ll make much of a nurse (I’m more Ratchet than Nightingale) but I’ll do my best.

      Thanks for visiting,


      p.s. Yes, the damned dog is fine. The thing is indestructible.

  10. 2:36 am

    “Most immmature player rolls first”

    Woo hoo…I get to start every time. In your face!

    • 5:03 pm

      Thank you bearman,

      In my face indeed, damn it. I knew there was a reason I was planning to change that rule.

      Good to see you lad.


  11. 3:10 am

    Dear me, but I seem to have arrived at the End of Youth without having even played the game!

    • 6:29 pm

      Nice to see you Joan of Argghh,

      If that’s really the case, I believe you actually win. (It’s in the small print.)

      Thanks for visiting.


  12. YellowRoses610 permalink
    3:21 am

    When is the end of youth?

    • 6:31 pm

      Hi again Rose,

      I think it differs depending on the people playing. It also seems to change with each generation. When I was a lad, “youth” seemed to end sometime around your 16th birthday. Nowadays, some people want to seem to push it out to 40.


  13. Friar permalink
    3:34 am


    Normally, “LOL” is just a figure of speech, but this time I literally did, which doesn’t happen too often. You’ve outdone yourself this time, sir.

    Best. Post. Yet.

    Ass-clown experience. (*snicker*)

    Where can I get this game? Will it be in Toys R Us in time for Christmas?

    I’d love to give a copy to my two free-range hippie-nephews.

    ….Ass-clown experience. (*snicker*)

    • 6:33 pm

      That’s very kind of you Friar,

      I’m afraid that Don-co hasn’t got any kind of distribution arrangements negotiated yet. The CEO needed a nap.

      Production is slow too. It’s just me, Hattie, some old cardboard boxes, a color printer and two glue sticks. So, Christmas might be tight. Maybe Easter.

      Rest assured, Friar, you’ll get the first game to roll off the assembly line.

      All the best and thanks again.


  14. jammer5 permalink
    3:59 am

    Healing an old farts wrist in seven days? Damn, you’re good. Either that, or that’s all you can take of him.

    I have an overabundance of assclown experience: I was married to one for ten years. Brilliant game. A true stroke of genius

    • 6:36 pm

      Many thanks Jammer.

      The time frame has less to do with my powers of healing and more to do with my lack of tolerance. I guess I was one of the lucky ones. I married the right gal at the right time and never had reason to complain.

      Always good to hear from you. Thanks for stopping in.


  15. 7:13 am

    Just found this and thought of you;–just-using-bus.html

    My best to your injured sibling and may peace rain (spelt correctly by me) between you.

    • Lily permalink
      8:17 am

      Oh that is funny !

      “Sit on the bus and observe through windows”

      Gosh, how difficult that must be.


    • 6:41 pm

      Many thanks Dave.

      Heartening to see a lad recongnized for “his ability to walk to the local bus stop, enter the bus ‘in a calm and safe manner’, and wait until the bus has stopped before trying to get off.”



  16. 10:25 am

    Holy hell, Don! That’s awesome stuff!

    The kids will be all over this like Milton on Bradley.

    But are they ready for a boardgame that requires them to travel counter-clockwise?

    • 6:46 pm

      Many thanks Mr. Liontamer,

      I hadn’t considered the counter-clockwise issue. And It’s too late to halt production because we’ve already used a half cartridge of printer ink.

      Perhaps, given the fact that most young people likely couldn’t read an analog clock to begin with, they may not even notice.

      Many thanks.


  17. Friar permalink
    11:16 am

    Not sure if today’s kids are into old-fashioned board games, though.

    But if you converted this into something you could play on the I-Phone, it would sell like hot-cakes.

    • 6:47 pm

      Thanks Friar.

      I was thinking the same thing. Shame about the boardgames. I used to love them.


  18. David permalink
    11:22 am

    @Lily – Elgin marbles…hehehe

    @Don – Isn’t a die the singular of dice?

    I agree that rum or vodka will make the week pass more smoothly but I’m not sure if it is most effective when you drink it or when you feed it to York.


    • 11:22 pm

      Many thanks David,

      Sometimes in the rush to production small details slip through the rigorous quality assurance process. Thanks for pointing that out, lad.

      And I suspect I’ll try a little of both when it comes to York. He’s not a drinker but if I slip a little rum into his evening cocoa it will likely result in both of us getting a better night’s sleep.

      All the best and thanks for visiting,


  19. 1:03 pm

    I think you should offer this in regular and advanced versions. An online game with levels can’t be too far off. There are so many possibilities that could be added as one goes around the board: “Hang out at anime convention,” “Go to school stoned,” “Lose cell phone (extra points if Mom buys you a new one),” and several other examples I could contribute from personal observation. In the online game you could blow out and have to go back to level 1 if you got boxed into lawn mowing, community service, etc.

    • 1:19 am

      Many thanks Sledpress,

      If this does move forward to a more advanced version I’d likely need some assistance. Oerhaps some kind joint venture might be in order? SleDon-co? It has a nice ring.

      All the best and thanks for visiting.


  20. 1:55 pm

    I cannot stop laughing Mr. Mills!
    Yet another fine post to add to your collection.

    I think I’ll order one for the family!

    Take care of York eh? – good luck with that one!

    PS – if you’re stupid enough to tattoo your face you should have to go back 10 spaces or automatically lose the game!!

    • 1:22 am

      Thanks for stopping in RLP.

      I know you’re busy at work and truly appreciate your taking a few moments to stop in and say hello.

      See you soon!


  21. Gerard permalink
    2:25 pm

    Don, this post was absolutely hilarious. Also, I’m sorry to hear about your brother. I hope he gets better.


    • 1:50 pm

      Many thanks Gerard,

      Glad you enjoyed the game. And as for my brother – he’s on the mend. He also seems to enjoy sitting back in his recliner, ringing a little bell and expecting a damned lemonade to appear in front of him.

      All the best,


  22. 2:49 pm

    Don, what can I say…you’ve hit the croquet ball right out of the park (or is it over the grassy knoll? I’ve never actually played).

    I’m proud to say that besides one or two exceptions (genital wart ouch indeed!…or so I heard), I was never involved in any of these shenanigans when I was a youth. Although I’m embarassed to tell you that I had to look up “defile yourself” just to make sure. I guess I’m just a little naïve sometimes (I was born and raised in the woods and my sister and I were known as “those follically-challenged feral children”, until puberty hit and our parents moved to the suburbs and enrolled us in public school).

    But I was extremely relieved to discover this term doesn’t apply to me, since I’ve never had sexual relations with an animal (like I said, we only lived in the woods ‘til puberty hit).

    Anyway, you are a brilliant old-man, Mr. Mills, and the only word you’ll ever see shaved in my hair is the one that starts with D and rhymes with “Lon” (is that a word?).

    Praising you to high heaven (but don’t go there yet),


    • 2:09 pm

      Many thanks Bschooled,

      Always very nice to hear from you.

      I’m greatly relieved to learn that that you were able to avoid the many nasty “pitfalls of youth” (which, along with “Moronopoly” and “Pop-0-matic Teen Trouble” was an early working title for the board game).

      Many thanks for visiting, Bschooled. Sorry for the late reply to your comment but turns out caring for people is hard and unrewarding work.


  23. 3:01 pm



    • 2:13 pm

      Greetings Frankelstache,

      Thanks for visiting lad. I appreciate the very kind compliment.

      I will see about having a game made up and sent your way as soon as possible, lad.

      Production has been slow. Hattie’s getting tired and we appear to be running low on bristleboard and flavored condoms but I’m sure we can find a way.

      All the best


  24. downcastmysoul permalink
    4:24 pm

    I had a broken bone last year. I hope he makes a quick recovery. I didn’t need a cast. It must be worse with a cast. He still has one hand to goose his care workers with.

  25. downcastmysoul permalink
    4:30 pm

    Go Goth, Start a Meth Lab…how special….will the video version of this game be out soon? Losing all your points due to family vacation…whew. I’d always get to roll first.

    • 2:19 pm

      Many thanks for visitingdowncastmsoul,

      York won’t be goosing anyone on my watch. Once he’s agile enough to grope, he’s agile enough to make make his own damned pancakes and I’ll be out the door.

      I’ve never understood these video board games but I hear they are quite popular. I’ll ask Hattie is she knows anything about them and see where it goes from there. I like the idea of yelling at people from their television sets.

      Thanks for visiting,


  26. Lily permalink
    10:39 pm

    Dear Almond Dills,

    I will apologize in advance to you and your fine readers for the psychedelic nature of this response but I am celebrating 40 years of Woodstock and the mere mention of Nurse Ratchet (sic) sent me into a flurry of flashbacks.

    Donald : “I’m not sure I’ll make much of a nurse (I’m more Ratchet than Nightingale) but I’ll do my best.”

    Did you mean Nurse Mildred Ratched?

    That wretched, cold, sadistic, passive-aggressive battle-axe from “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”?

    That doesn’t sound like you, Donald.

    As for “Nigel, Fetch an Iron Leg”, Florence Nightingale, that’s definitely not you.

    Some anagrams for “Nurse Donald Mills”
    Damned Ruins Lolls
    Dales Mind Unrolls
    Sandmen Drill Soul
    Snared Nudism Loll,
    Unread Minds Lolls,
    Mandolin Sled Slur,

    Peace, Love and Happiness!

    Ifs Silly Lo

    • 2:38 pm

      My goodness, Lily!

      Almond Dills? Woodstock? Flashbacks? Reckless use of Anagrams!

      I’m well and truly shocked (and more than a little concerned for your well-being).



  27. Lynn permalink
    12:36 am

    well, i hope you’re happy donald mills! you’ve managed to out-do even yourself! that’s damned good and creative! it’s usually so crowded in here that i sneak in to read the comments for a quick laugh and then i’m out the door before i bump into anyone. will keep checking in while youre out to read what these grouchy people have to say. ….oh, and my best to your damned brother..:-)

    • 2:42 pm

      Many thanks Lynn,

      I appreciate the kind words. Always nice to have you stop in. I’ll be sure to pass on your best regards to my damned brother. I know he’ll appreciate it immensely.

      All the best,


  28. Lynn permalink
    12:38 am

    something about this site makes me grouchy, can’t figure it out.

  29. 12:52 am

    Don, just wandered by and saw these two new postings. How could I have missed these? Hilarious, of course!

    Sorry to hear about your brother.

    The game idea is fantastic and I would force my own kids to play this. I once played a game called “Redneck Life”. Yes, that exists here in the Midwest. We’re only an hour away from the evolutionary u-turn capitol of the world.

    Hurry up and make it back so we can continue to enjoy your posts.

    • 2:46 pm

      Many thanks for stopping in Wordnerd,

      I’ll have to look into that “Redneck Life” game. It sounds like it could be an amusing distraction and York and I have already played 12 games Scrabble, a half dozen games of Boggle and completed all of the damned “Jumbles” we could lay our hands on.

      It’s days like this that I wish they televised lawn bowling.

      All the best


  30. 2:36 am

    So, it’s just a luck of the roll kind of game. No multiple choice questions, at least? I guess I’m already at the end of my youth, since I’m wanting the game to be more difficult than the players would be capable of playing.

    How are things holding up there at York’s?

    • 3:03 pm

      Many thanks Yorksnbeans,

      I considered a more complicated version of the game – one with ethical dilemmas and hard choices but after some discussion with Hattie agreed that even the current version might be a tad complex for a good number of young people. (Tallying all those assclown experience points could be quite taxing).

      Thanks for asking about York. I hate his damned condo. People aren’t meant to live in matchboxes 20 floors above ground – they are meant to live in small bungalows.

      I suspect his decision to purchase the condo (and the wide assortment of ascots he seems to have acquired) has more to do with his romantic ambitions than anything else. I suspect he thinks the condo is “young and cool.” The building itself seems to be populated almost entirely by young people. I’ve been watching the security camera channel on his television and observing them coming and going at all hours or day and night. It’s frightening but also compelling television.

      I’ll stay with him for a few more days – just to be sure he can manage on his own.

      All the best


  31. Debbi permalink
    2:42 am

    Hi Don,

    You have indeed outdone yourself with this game. It’s too bad manufacturing and distribution will be so slow. You should think of upgrading a bit from yourself and your friend, Hattie, wrestling with old cardboard boxes and glue sticks. I think you need to capitalize your business and try to grow. Else how will you keep up with demand once Oprah hears about this and endorses it?

    You know, there was an entrepreneur I knew once. He owned a convenience store and had all sorts of innovative ideas. He knew how to run a business. Due to, um, odd circumstances, he’s no longer in business. In fact, he seems to have disappeared. So . . . maybe he isn’t actually the best person to seek advice from after all. Never mind.

    • 4:10 pm

      Many thanks Debbi,

      I’m not sure I can do much more on the manufacturing front (Hattie is already talking union) and I’m not sure I’ll be looking for an endorsement form Oprah (she’d likely want a cut and some form of creative control).

      So, it looks like a cottage industry for me.

      Too bad about your friend. Still, my experience has always been that you can’t trust convenience store owners. They’re a shifty lot. And always busy on the phone.

      Best regards,


  32. 4:05 am

    Seven days without a new post? Good thing you left us this excellent game to keep us busy. I already navigated through my youth, thank God; I’m not sure I want to relive all those “good times.”

    • 4:11 pm

      Many thanks magichealinghands,

      I can’t imagine wanting to relive mine either.

      All the best,


  33. 8:30 am

    Hello there, Mr Mills!

    It’s been a while….. sorry.

    It’s good to see that your creative juices have been flowing (I hope they haven’t stained the carpet), and that you make enough money out of your board game to buy your own rye distillery and a sock farm.

    I do see one small problem though….

    The game does use words of more than 5 letters, and I feel that intellectually it may be straight over the cropped and tattooed heads of the target demographic.

    Best wishes,


    • 4:14 pm

      Nice to see you Nobbly,

      Glad you could drop by. A rye distillery and a sock farm would pretty much a dream come true for me. Just work in a cardigan mine and I think you’ve described my personal heaven.

      Good point about the 5-letter words, Nobbly. I’ll have to remember that if the game goes to a second print.

      All the best,


  34. 10:32 am

    Wowsers Mr Mills!

    What a game!

    sadly, mum says i shouldnt play board games as it makes me a little hyper as well. Plus, im not really good at them either!

    That seems like a strange game Mr Mills, but surely it must be fun as you made it!


    Congratulations on your game!


    • 3:21 pm


      I mean this only in the nicest way, but I can’t see you advancing on this game past roll the dice. Cursing a senior–not you. Tattoo face–not you. I’m with your mum, games can make one hyper, it’s best to avoid them. I have to lie down from the sugar buzz I got from playing CandyLand.

    • 4:18 pm

      Many thanks Young Bob,

      As Tricia points out, this game really isn’t well-suited to a decent young man like yourself Bob. You’d be better off with a nice game of tic-tac-toe or snakes and ladders. Decent games and ones that you can make yourself with a pencil, paper and a little imagination.

      All the best to your Mom, Bob.

      Best regards,


  35. 3:16 pm

    The ole tripped-on-the-weinie dog-and-I-can’t-get-up-routine. That is so cliche. Tell York we’re all on to him. I suppose a week enduring an evil weinie dog and York’s tee-hee’s will send you to the cheap rye.

    As far as getting players, revise it to an online game that they can download illegally. It’ll be a hit.

    • 4:25 pm

      Many thanks Tricia,

      I’ll be sure to let York know of your suspicions.

      I swear he bought the mutt just so he could make ridiculous double entendres. He goes on about “getting his wiener out for a walk” and how his “wiener enjoys being handled.” At present, he’s telling anyone that will listen that he “tripped over his own wiener.” He thinks he’s a regular Sid Caesar.

      Thanks for visiting,


  36. 3:37 pm

    Even if this board game distracts 100 young people for a total of 60 minutes, the reduction in teen pregnancies will be sizeable.
    Full marks, Donald. Tell that brother of yours to “wrist” up until he gets better.


    • 4:30 pm

      Many thanks Mrs. Black,

      If I can make any small contribution toward reducing the number of damned young people brought into this world it will have been well worth the effort.

      Nice to see you back!



  37. YellowRoses610 permalink
    11:58 pm

    You ashould add “Buying the cheapest drink or iteam on the menu just so you can use the for custimeners only Bathrrom

    • 4:32 pm

      Thanks Rose,

      I’ve received many grear suggestions. Looks like the “Family Christmas Edition” could be a winner.


  38. 1:17 pm

    Where is the “get out of jail free because your goddamned parents won’t let you suffer or being a total ass hat?”

    I’m with you, Don.

    • 4:34 pm

      Thanks Sweats Model,

      I wish I had thought of that one, lass. It’s a good one. If we go to a second print, I can guarantee you that one will be there.

      Many thanks for the suggestion.

      All the best,


  39. YellowRoses610 permalink
    8:25 pm

    I’m guilty of the one I just mentioned. And at the risk of sounding creepy, if I made a blog, would you read it?

    • Lily permalink
      10:07 pm

      Dear Ms Yellowroses,

      Before starting your own blog, let me suggest a few things to help you.

      1) how to spell correctly
      2) how to use capital letters
      3) how to use punctuation marks
      4) how to construct a sentence
      5) how to use grammar properly
      6) how to edit your writing
      7) how to use spell check
      8) how to use paragraphs

      Good Luck !

      Lily Fossil

      • yellowroses610 permalink
        3:13 am

        I think before all of that, get reading glasses that work.

        Also, for the record, I can edit my writting, I just think of the comment section as informal. Though if it bothers you that much I will use spell check.

      • 5:54 am

        My I humbly flag up a little e-booklet I published free on line a couple of months ago giving some thoughts on ‘blogging for beginners’?

        Can find at;

        If you haven’t met the issuu format before LEFT click on the turning pages to open a full screen view.

        Best, dave

    • 10:32 pm

      I WOULD!!!

      Hell, I’d even blogroll you…

      (sorry for butting in, I just got a little excited there for a minute)

      • Lily permalink
        11:21 pm

        I would read it too as long as it was coherent and I didn’t have to spend too much time deciphering it.
        I’m sure Ms YellowRoses has some interesting things to say.

        • yellowroses610 permalink
          3:17 am

          Please, call me Rose, no need for honorifics.

      • yellowroses610 permalink
        10:23 pm

        Please forgive any mistakes, I am new to blogging. Here is my link.

        • 1:21 pm

          Thanks for the link, Rose. I’ll be over to take a look as soon as I can finish making York’s porridge. First batch was too damned hot. Second batch too damned cold…

          Best regards,


  40. Lily permalink
    9:48 pm

    Dear Donald,

    No need to be concerned, it was just a temporary glitch. My old hippie friends dragged me to a “Revisiting Woodstock” weekend and I suspect they slipped something into the Kool Aid.

    Now that I have recovered I am back to my cranky old woman self.

    Lily Fossil

    • Hydrangea permalink
      3:38 am


      I am glad to see you recovered. It was clear that you were not quite yourself. So good to see you back to your usual picture of health.

      Best wishes,

      Hydrangea Bloom

    • 1:22 pm

      Thank you Lily,

      You had me worried there for a moment. Nice to see you back in fighting form.


  41. gingerbreadwoman permalink
    3:34 am

    omygosh, omygosh–I laughed so hard, I almost…dissolved.

    You have outdone yourself, Mr. Mills. Truly.

    I hope you get all the legal assistance you require to take this to market. Brilliant. Just, brilliant.

    • 1:29 pm

      Many thanks gingerbreadwoman and welcome.

      I appreciate the kind words. I hope to Hell lawyers don’t need to get involved. My former counsel, Skip Shand Sr., was a fine man but he died 23 years ago. His son followed in the old man’s footsteps but I’ve never really trusted him. His eyes are set a little too close together for my liking.

      Nice of you to visit. Hope to hear from you again.


  42. Lily permalink
    5:32 am

    Dear Ms Hydrangea Bloom,

    Thank you for your concern. I appreciate it.

    Kind regards,

    Lily Fossil

  43. YellowRoses610 permalink
    4:00 pm

    Miss Lilly, I was wondering fi you would be so kind as to tell me how one gets their hair in the way your thumbnail picture has it? With the slight waves.

  44. Lily permalink
    12:18 am

    Dear Rose,

    I have an appointment at “The Talking Heads” Hair Salon every second Wednesday morning at 10 am, where my hairdresser, Sharon does my hair. To be honest, I have no idea what she does, but I leave the Salon looking marginally better than when I entered. She has been doing it the same way for thirty years and we joke “same as it ever was”.

    Lily Fossil

    • 2:05 am

      And it is lovely, Lily.

    • yellowroses610 permalink
      2:47 am

      Alas I do not have money to go to a Salon, I will have to make do with envying your hair and trying to copy it.

      Thank you though. ^__^

      • 2:02 am

        You should treat yourself. Consider going to Lily’s salon. It’s a once in a lifetime experience.


  45. Le Geant permalink
    2:58 am

    Dear Don,

    My old Dad loved board games and this would have been his hands-down favourite had he lived to see it. The “Spectre of Responsibility” in particular would have struck a chord. All the best,

    Le Geant

    • 1:30 pm

      Many thanks Le Geant,

      Have to admit that was my favorite square on the board. Thanks for visiting and all the best to you as well.


  46. Ravikant permalink
    3:09 am

    Sorry to hear about your brother Mr. Mills. Hope he gets well soon. And as for the post sir, this is as usual, great and very funny post too…lol the funniest post you ever wrote. Your blog is one of the best things i found on the internet. One of the best reads on the internet 🙂

  47. 1:14 pm

    I can’t wait until I’m really old and can retire so I’ll have time to be really clever and creative like this!

    • 1:39 pm

      Thank you XUP,

      Retirment has its advantages. I have all kinds of time now for the things I’ve always wanted to do – like write nasty letters to the editor of the local rag, write nasty letters to area politicians and write nasty letters to manufacturers of lousy products.

      Always nice of you to stop in.


  48. 5:31 pm

    I am looking forward for the video game version. You can do all the updates you wanted to do for the next print edition immediately and asshats from around the world can play around the world and be the King Asshat.

  49. yellowroses610 permalink
    3:52 am

    Mister mills,

    Do you have any advice for dealign with nightmares and insomnia.

    I have the normal sort of nightmares, people murdering me, finding out my deepist darkest Secret in realife, the undead attacking me.

    • 10:49 pm

      Sorry Rose but I’m afraid I can’t help you here.

      I’ve never had any trouble with insomnia and rarely have nightmares (beyond the one recurring dream that involves those damned kids from Highschool Musical singing and dancing in my livingroom).

      I hope the night terrors subside. Nothing worse than losing out on a good night’s sleep.

      All the best,


      • Mohan permalink
        6:56 pm

        “(beyond the one recurring dream that involves those damned kids from Highschool Musical singing and dancing in my livingroom)”

        Mr. Mills, I love the way you handle the words. Moreover your sense of humour is amazing.

  50. yellowroses610 permalink
    11:42 pm

    Eh, one gets used to it. Such things afford time for long walks.

  51. babe_xx permalink
    6:33 am

    ummm ..


  1. The Trouble With Young People (Board Game Edition) « The Problem … | boardgame

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