Skip to content

God Damned Chauffeured Young People Drive Me Around the Bend

The problem with young people today is that they refuse to walk.

Back when I was in short pants, kids walked if they wanted to go somewhere. And if it was too far to walk we were expected to use our bicycles, hitchhike or jump a ride on a slow-moving freight train and fight off the hobos.

God gave us legs for a reason, damn it, and if we didn’t use them our parents cut them off, tossed them in the furnace and used them to heat the house. It was cruel but so was winter. Sometimes you had to make a choice between indulging lazy children or preventing chilblains.

But these kids today, they expect their parents to drive them everywhere – school, the mall, a friend’s house. I’m not sure if it’s because they’re indolent or just too dense to find their own way but regardless of the cause – it’s a god damned disgrace.

If I had ever asked my dad to chauffeur me over to my pal Homer Frank’s house he would have put his fist in gear, driven me across the side of the head and then taken a U-turn, come back and kicked my ass.

Why do young people need $300 sneakers if they have no intention of ever setting rubber to road? It’s no wonder they have feet like circus clowns – they’re not putting on the mileage needed to wear them down to a sensible size 9 ½ D. It’s freakish and un-American.

I’m not surprised they demand to be driven everywhere. It seems to me that young people go straight from being carried around in the womb to being toted around in a “snuggly” to being pulled around in a wagon to being chauffeured around in the back seat of their parent’s SUV like some God damned international business tycoon.

Frankly, it’s amazing that they ever learned to walk in the first place.

Young people need to get out of the car and back to walking the streets where they belong. It’ll build muscle, character and stop them from devolving into gelatinous blobs barely capable of driving their sorry asses back into the primordial soup from whence they came.

They refuse to walk. That’s the problem with young people today.

114 Comments leave one →
  1. Friar permalink
    12:12 am

    @Don

    If it’s any indication, a few generations from now, kids will be Humpty-Dumpty shaped blobs, with huge lard-asses and teensy atrophied legs dangling helplessly.

    (Just like those Weebles that Wobble but don’t’ fall down).

    It WILL happen. Mark my words.

    • 2:30 am

      Nice to see you Friar,

      You don’t have to convince me. As far as I’m concerned we’re three quarters of the way there already.

      Best regards,

      Don

  2. 12:33 am

    Donald

    Oh yeah god forbid parents want to make sure their children arrive safely from one point to other. And Hitchhiking ..oh yeah that was a safe practice. Yeah just what a kid should do today is hitchhike.

    SAY IT….I Donald Mills and WRONG for bringing up HITCHHIKING. Dont know much about that do you.

    Kids are lazier in that aspect no doubt, does not have anything to do with the price of sneakers. That has to do with supply and demand in the marketplace.

    Cut off legs and heated the house….Another joke just not funny
    But i applaud the effort

    Remind me to not offer the Mills’ grandchildren a ride when its raining, snowing or hailing monkeys out. They will get to school at some point during the day cause Grandpa Donald did not want to fire up the 57 DESOTO….Good going Grandpa..great way to build up points with the grandkids…as always Zman sends

    • 2:28 am

      Jesus Christ Zman,

      I’ve taken a lot of abuse from you in the past: “Mr. Serious,” “dry” and “ordinary.” You’ve suggested I be ground up into food, called me closed minded, petty, crabby…

      And now my you bring my grandchildren into this????

      I don’t object to that. But “not funny”? Jesus, Zman, that stings.

      Still a man is entitled to his opinion, I suppose, and I’ll be the first to admit that I’m no Don Knotts.

      But I sure as Hell won’t say I’m wrong about hitchhiking. I said we hitchhiked in my day. We did. I sure did. But I don’t think I suggested that anyone stick their 9 year old daughter on the side of the road with a sign that says “Vegas or Bust” or recommend that people send their kid out at midnight to go buy them a bottle of Rum.

      I was just thinking that parents might want to consider having young people walk 2 blocks to the video store once in a while. I realize that it’s risky and that it might damage their delicate sensibilities but I say it’s worth the gamble.

      Jesus, Zman.

      As as for offering up rides? Well, lad, if you’re seeing monkeys fall from the sky I’d damned well suggest you don’t want to be behind the wheel in the first place.

      Now I need a damned drink.

      All the best

      Don

      • 2:19 am

        i’m afraid i didn’t find it funny either, don. in fact, i was dismayed. throwing legs in the furnace for heat? 😯 it would be way more frugal to throw them in a pot of water and make soup. cooking the soup would warm up the house, and eating the soup would have kept everyone not only warm, but fed.

        • 2:47 am

          Many thanks Nonnie,

          Humorless and no head for economics? Maybe I should consider running for public office.

          All the best,

          Don

  3. 12:36 am

    And whatever happened to walking to school? (When they decide it’s convenient to ATTEND, that is) #2 son drove to high school, and our home is 2 blocks away. All that house searchin to find a nice home close to good schools…only to have him drive 2 blocks (shaking head).

    • 1:16 pm

      Thanks Sweats Model,

      At least he drove himself. Assuming he used the brake periodically that’s likely more of a work out than most of them get. The kids on this street don’t drive the 2 blocks, they scream at their cowering parents until they agree to drive them there. I assume they also have to wait outside int the parking lot in order to drive them home at lunch and the end of the day.

      All the best and thanks for stopping in,
      Don

      • 3:18 pm

        Not only don’t they walk to school, they don’t even walk to the bus stop which nowadays is not at the front of a sub-division like it was back in the good ol’ days. The darn loud mother buses zoom through the neighborhood (one time I almost got run over) and stop at every street corner, yet parents will still drive them to it!

        • 6:39 pm

          Oh, you just have no idea how ridiculous the extreme can be carried to. In this community, the buses drive from house to house and pick children up at the end of their very own driveway. This way people can be sure their little darling is in no danger of being kidnapped. Of course, the usual kidnapper around here is the estranged spouse/ex-boy-or-girl-friend and not a passing pervert. The buses in our school system drive 750,000 miles each school year.

          I need a drink too, what are you having Don? I think it must be my turn to buy.

          • 7:13 pm

            I wouldn’t say no to a rye. Many thanks healingmagichands.

            Always a pleasure to have you stop in.

            Don

  4. Debbi permalink
    2:45 am

    I couldn’t agree more, Mr. Mills. Walking is great exercise. Everyone should do more of it.

    I certainly hope you’re doing your share as well. Frankly, I shudder to think of you behind the wheel of a car, head barely visible (except for your hat, of course) and driving 20 miles below the posted speed limit. Particularly if you’ve been nipping that rye you seem to be so fond of.

    Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying they should take away your license or anything extreme. Just walk, please, and don’t drive. I suspect we’ll all be a lot better off.

    • 1:32 pm

      Many thanks Debbi,

      I appreciate your concern lass but you needn’t worry. I’m one of the safest drivers on the road. I drive my 1982 Buick LeSabre at a respectable 27 mph and keep my indicator on at all times. I don’t pass, don’t turn left and keep both hands on the wheel at all time.

      And thanks for remarking on my driving hat. I have a very nice homburg I sport if I’m going somewhere formal, a pork pie for shopping and a handsome deerstalker if there is a chill in the air.

      Wearing a decent driving hat is what separates us from the savages.

      I’d consider walking more but, to be honest, the streets aren’t safe for decent old folks. I was nearly knocked to the curb by a rogue skateboarder just the other day. If I can ever get my damned lawyer on the phone there will be hell to pay.

      Thanks for visiting, Debbi.

      All the best,

      Don

  5. 3:03 am

    I think the three hundred dollar sneakers is the excuse. These kids don’t want to walk around getting their shoes dirty.

    I sure as hell never got any three hundred dollar shoes.

    God damned kids.

    • 1:33 pm

      Many thanks Shannon,

      Always nice to have you stop in. I didn’t pay $300 for my first car.

      God Damned Kids indeed.

      All the best

      Don

      • 6:45 pm

        Oh Don, you’re dating yourself! I paid a good $1200 for my first car — it was used, not new.

        My son used to sit there and wash his shoes (which generally cost more in the realm of $80) including the sides of the soles. He couldn’t stand it if they weren’t clean. He used to look at my poor worn-for-everything-including-digging-muddy-garden-beds cross trainers with very jaundiced eyes, and I told him he could clean them for me if he wanted to. It was so embarrassing to have a mother who wore filthy shoes everywhere.

        I’ve never had a a pair of shoes that cost more than $140. The ones that did were my ball room dancing shoes — and they are never allowed to touch anything other than a floor (preferably polished wood) inside a controlled environment.

  6. 3:24 am

    Don,

    If WordPress was “The Price is Right” and this was the Showcase Showdown, your blog would be cleaning house.

    (FYI, I have no idea what that means)

    As always, you are right on the wooden nickel. Not only is winter extremely cruel, but I can’t think of anything scarier than a bunch of devolving gelatinous blobs taking over the world one day. I don’t think I need to remind you about what happened in the late 1950’s now, do I? (http://blog.roodo.com/kinks/ae345d4f.jpg)

    One more thing…your father seems like he was (I’m assuming it’s safe to use the past tense here) quite the character. He didn’t by any chance grow up in Saskatchewan, did he? Only because he reminds me of someone my Social Studies teacher used to talk about–http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wineville_Chicken_Coop_Murders

    Anyway, keep stirring up the hornet’s nest,

    Bschooled

    Ps. Don’t worry too much about the snugglies, they’re on my eradication list.

    • 1:46 pm

      Thank you kindly Bschooled,

      I have no idea what it means either but I’m concerned about Bob Barker. I saw the show recently and he appears to have put on a Hell of a lot of weight. I suspect he’s been neutered. I understand that can contribute to putting on an extra pound or two.

      My father was quite a man and travelled a fair bit but he was raised in Scotland, not Saskatchewan. And although he could be generous with the corporal punishment, he was a decent man at heart. At least, that’s what he told us and who the Hell were we to question him.

      All the best, Bschooled.

      Don

      p.s. thanks for looking into that “snuggly” problem. The world needs more young people like you.

  7. 3:59 am

    Mr. Mills,

    If they are being chauffeured, haw can they be driving you around the bend? Maybe it is there parents, the drivers, that you should really be complaining about!

    With respect,
    Bill

    • 1:53 pm

      Nice to see you Bill.

      A good point.

      I try to share the blame equally, son. There’s plenty to go around and many of these damned overindulgent parents fall square into the “young people” category too.

      Thanks for visiting,

      Don

  8. 4:00 am

    Nice blog, Don. Your rants are very funny, keep up the good work.

  9. 4:35 am

    Precious Don,
    Well said.

    Lack of walking is one of the main reasons young people’s imminent future is similar to a Hebrew National Hotdog, minutes before joining a burning grill.

    I remember the day I saw a Segway for the first time and cried myself to sleep out of worry for my future grandchildren.

    Stimulated to the bone,
    Frankelstache

    • 5:16 pm

      Always nice to hear from you Frankelstache,

      You’re a sensitive lad. Hopefully by the time your grandchildren roll around the world will have taken some steps toward straightening itself out.

      Shame they don’t make a Buick Segway LeSabre. If they did, and it came in maroon and had an a.m. radio, I’d be prepared to give that a try myself.

      All the best,

      Don

  10. Lily permalink
    4:58 am

    Dear Donald,

    Of course you are completely correct again. Today’s young people are a bunch of completely spineless, mollycoddled, feebleminded wimps, who wont walk anywhere and their parents are just as bad for allowing it to happen.

    Back in my day, we walked everywhere. Not only was it good exercise, it gave us a sense of where we were, where we belonged and where we were going. In other words, a sense of direction. When we got lost, (and we often did on purpose) we had to rely on our instincts and skills to find our way home before sundown.

    To get to school I had to walk through a huge foreboding park, dodging swooping magpies who would take your eye out if you weren’t careful, (and keeping an eye out for flashers behind trees) and then continue another 8 blocks to school.

    I learnt which side of the streets to walk, which houses to avoid, where the ferocious dogs were, and if someone looked like a loony, I learnt how to deal with them. These days it would be called learning life skills.

    One time when I was quite young I arrived at school after the long walk, and found no-one there. My Mother had sent me to school on a Public Holiday.

    So I spent the day walking around to all the corner shops in the town with the sob story that no-one was at school and yes! an icecream would cheer me up. Eventually I walked all the way home again.

    Walking the talk,

    Lily Fossil

    • 5:27 pm

      Many thanks Lily,

      As usual, you’ve crafted the perfect comment. I’m always amazed by your ability to recapture the idyllic qualities of an earlier era while, at the same time, ruthlessly eviscerating the youth of today. A rare skill and I take my hat off to you.

      You craft a fine story, Lily. The comments just wouldn’t be the same without you.

      All the best,

      Don

      • 6:51 pm

        I completely agree. In fact, Lily, your comments are so good I’m starting to get a picture of you as the female incarnation of Don.

        I walked to school too, but only in the fall and spring. It was about 2 miles if I took all the short cuts. I did it because I couldn’t stand riding the school bus full of screaming lunatics that were my “peers.” The reason I didn’t do it in the winter was I lived in the mountains of Colorado to the west of Boulder and during the winter months the drifts in the woods were about 2 feet deep and the shoulders of the roads were covered by snowdrifts thrown up by the plows. I suppose I could have skiied to school, but there was no place to leave the equipment during school hours. At least they had bike racks. At the school here they don’t allow bike racks because that would imply the school had some sort of responsibility for making sure the bikes were not being stolen, and so the policy is that you are not ALLOWED to ride your bike to school. Talk about benighted morons.

        • Lily permalink
          8:35 pm

          Dear Ms HealingMagicHands,

          Thank you for your kind comment, but let me assure you, I am not a female incarceration of Mr Mills. Several others before you have alluded to this, but we are just kindred spirits with a common loathing of the feckless young people of today.

          We do come from an era when life was simple yet tough and it strengthened out characters. Donald has mentioned his Scottish ancestory and I too am from good old fashioned Scottish stock, so this may have something to do with our very similar outlook.

          I enjoy reading your comments also. Here in Australia snow isn’t an obstacle to walking.

          Kind regards,

          Lily Fossil

  11. 11:37 am

    I am surprised they want rides to anywhere. They usually just want to sit in front of the TV and play video games all day.

    • 5:28 pm

      Many thanks Ahmnodt,

      I believe that TV and video are standard fare in the back seats of most cars now.

      Best regards,

      Don

  12. Friar permalink
    11:59 am

    @Don

    I was thinking, what if we convinced kids to ride their bikes instead of walk? At least that would be one step up from driving.

    Remember we used to drive our Schwinns, (where you pedaled backwards to brake?). They were cheap, reliable and indestructible. You could take them anywhere.

    Problem is, todays’ kids would probably expect a Chromalloy-double-shock-absorber-20-speed-titanium-geared mountain bike with optional GPS attachments.

    Jeez. It’d be cheaper to buy them their own car, at that point.

    • Mystsong permalink
      2:23 pm

      I have one of those. With a little bell and a basket, too. I used to have one of those cute little back-pedal-brakes ones, but I out grew it and they don’t make bikes like that in adult sizes anymore.

    • 5:32 pm

      Many thanks Friar,

      You’re damned right, of course. I loved my old bike. No gears, back pedal breaks and it must have weighed 80 pounds. Can’t imagine any young person today would be satisfied with a bike like that. It’s a shame because, as you point, you could drive the thing off the side of cliff with no damage done.

      Best,

      Don

  13. 12:55 pm

    Sir, your rant is spot on and zmanowner is out of order, IMHO.

    • 5:36 pm

      Many thanks Dave.

      Always nice to have you drop in.

      Zman is a good lad. We almost never agree and he likes to get his licks in but he’s true to his beliefs, calls it like he sees it and doesn’t pull any punches. I enjoy mixing it up with him and respect his honesty. (I also suspect he says half of what he does just to push my damned buttons).

      Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to visit.

      DOn

      Don

    • 2:53 am

      Dave Ham

      Out of Order NO dont think so. Nothing wrong with driving your kids from A to B ensuring they get to a friends house or where ever. As far as the hitchiking thing, just think Mr Mills was wrong to suggest such an inappropriate mode of travel. But sometimes its good to have someone else’s perspective on things. This world is a better place with Mr Mills and his wisdom…Zman sends

  14. 12:57 pm

    Walking is so 50’s. Who walks these days except stupid old people that haven’t figured out there is a better way to get from point A to point B?

    Personally, I have a super cool wheelchair that has a hemi and chrome lifters. A pure chick magnet. Take the cane out of your ass and enjoy technology.

    • 5:54 pm

      Many thanks Mr. Leah,

      I’ll have to remember to check my calendar.

      Apparently I forgot that today it is “International Be Disrespectful To Your Elders Day.”

      (It’s a new holiday. I think it started up sometime after the introduction of “Administrative Assistants Day,” and “Take Your Dumb-Ass Kid to Work Day.”)

      Your wheel chair sounds very big and damned fancy. I trust that this isn’t an attempt to overcompensate for other shortcomings? I read a copy of “Cosmopolitan” at the Doctor’s office a few months back (not a Field and Stream to be had) and understand that it’s not an uncommon practice.

      Regardless, enjoy your magnetism. I’ll keep you and your technology suggestion in mind as I work on freeing that cane.

      All the best,

      Don

      • Polly Anna permalink
        3:33 pm

        LOL You’re making me wish I had the time to read the comments section of your blog every post! Thanks for the lift – I needed it.

        Polly

  15. 1:07 pm

    Hear, hear, Mr. Mills. If only I had a dollar for every tweenager who frets about how fat she is but won’t walk anywhere because “it hurts” or because she wants to wear shoes nobody on Earth could walk in.

    But, you know, you’ve got to take their parents into account. Mom and Dad, whom I suspect of being equally allergic to using their legs to get anywhere, are the ones who insist on monitoring them every minute or lock them into schedules that don’t allow time to walk from place to place. Or Mom’s been reading Amber Alerts off milk cartons and watching the news and has exaggerated out of all relationship to reality her little darling’s odds of being snatched by some molester on the twenty-minute walk home from school. As if the average molester would be in any way motivated to snatch the fat little toad.

    You know it’s bad when I can leave someone young enough to be my grandchild wheezing and whining on a one-in-two grade. Then the same kid a few years later is buttonholing me at every turn asking “Is it true you lose weight if you take five garlic capsules with every meal? I tried making Smooth Move tea double strength and I think I lost half a pound, can I do that every day?” “Child,” I said, “listen to me now, you can’t s**t yourself thin.” I don’t know what will get them up off their asses, Don, I’m as baffled as you are.

    • 6:47 pm

      Many thanks Sledpress,

      Always good to hear your take on the issue of the day. There isn’t much I can say in response other then “damned right” because I fully agree with everything you have to say.*

      All the best,

      Don

      *(Plus I’d never dare contradict you for fear of you opening up a “Canna Whupass.”)

      • 9:25 pm

        If that canna plant lives, Don, it’ll be because of all your good thoughts radiating in its general direction. I’ll be sure to post a picture for you.

  16. 1:12 pm

    Mom can I go to the movies? Gotta Ride?
    Mom can I play football? Gotta way there?

    My parents let me do anything but they were too busy with their own lives to drive my butt all around town.

    I have friends who’s entire life is spent in the car going from one practice to another recital.

    Plus why is it that parents feel the need to go to every one of their kids games. Personally I prefered mine to stay home.

    • 6:53 pm

      Many thanks Bearman,

      Of course you preferred your parents stayed home. The last thing any half-way decent young person wants is their damned mother and father hovering over them every minute of the day. It’s suffocating.

      My parents had an approach similiar to yours – do your chores and then get the Hell out of the house. Do what you want but mind your business, stay out of trouble and try to come back with your bones in tact.

      All the best,

      Don

  17. 1:56 pm

    No, no, no. We can’t just let our kids walk around. The world is a dangerous place full of concrete and kidnappers and fast moving vehicles and drug barons. The manual clearly states kids must wear helmets and padding for all physical activity and must never be out of sight of an adult and must never be left without an organized activity. Aside from all the inherent dangers of walking or biking, they’d never make it to all their organized actitivities in time if we didn’t drive them.

    • 6:58 pm

      Many thanks XUP,

      I don’t know what idiot wrote that manual but I don’t undestand it. Seems to me that nowadays a kid has to wear a helmut if there’s danger of a heavy rain.

      All the best,

      Don

  18. Mystsong permalink
    2:19 pm

    While you have a valid point, there are a few things one has to consider.

    Many places are simply no longer within a feasible walking or biking distance for a child. Neighborhoods, shopping centers, schools and other facilities are all miles apart. I don’t know about you but to me, expecting an eight year old to bike ten miles to see their friend is not only cruel, it’s putting the child in unreasonable danger, both from outside factors and exhaustion, dehydration and overexposure to the weather.

    Not to mention the fact that many high traffic roads are very dangerous to walk or bike on. Drivers are increasingly reckless and inattentive, making it that much more likely an alert and responsible adult would be hurt or kill, let alone a child. And very,very few of these roads have sidewalks or bike lanes. Every time I see young children walking or biking in the road alone even in my own neighborhood it worries me, because we have some very crazy teen drivers around here and I don’t want those kids hurt even if they ARE snot nosed brats.

    • 2:41 pm

      I think you have an inflated idea of what’s involved in biking ten miles. I feel like a piker if my speedwalk is less than five miles and it’s obvious to me that my cycling friends consider that a mere warmup — when my best friend got back on her bike after rehabbing a broken tibia and a rotator cuff repair, she clocked thirty-two miles on the trail. Since we’re in our fifties and sixties, I don’t think the junior league is going to expire from “dehydration” after ten, if anything really requires them to go that far. I can’t get the kids I know interested in the short mile to the shuttle bus stop.

    • 7:06 pm

      Many thanks Mystsong,

      I think I should be clear that by young people I wasn’t really focussing on the bairns (although I do feel they’d benefit from some walking too).

      I was really speaking more to the damned teenaged set who don’t seem to be able to get to the mall, the movies or anywhere else unless Mom drops everything she’s going and drives them halfway to Hell and back. As far as I can tell they’d be plenty safe taking a bus, walking or riding a damned bike.

      In my view, 8 year olds should have no reason to bike 10 miles. They’re hardly discriminating when it comes to selecting friends and have no call shopping at a Mall anyway. When I was 8 your best friend was the kid who lived across the street. It didn’t matter if he was an unlikeable bastard, you played the hand you were dealt. You never had cause to venture much further afield than a few houses away or the park at the end of the street.

      Your right about the damned teen drivers, though. A menace to be sure.

      Nice to see you back. Hope all is well.

      Best regards,

      Don

      • Mystsong permalink
        8:21 pm

        There’s biking ten miles and then there’s biking ten miles on busy roads with damned confusing intersections where people run the red lights constantly.

        Personally, I didn’t get out much when I was an unlicensed teen because I hated bothering my mom for a ride and most of the places I visited were impractical to walk or bike to for one reason or another. That and my own mother is of the mildly paranoid set and would not allow it because of said morons running red lights and generally driving like maniacs.

        Now that I have my license she worries about me getting in wrecks with the morons instead of run over, but that’s a different rant.

        • YellowRoses610 permalink
          7:50 pm

          I soon will also be oen of those idoits in cars! For the older brother who still lives near me wants to teach me to drive.*Waits for snarky comment*

  19. jammer5 permalink
    2:50 pm

    Are you kidding? Ride in a car when I was young? Church, McDonalds, school, beach, ball field, spin-the-bottlefriends house, golf course . . . all within walking or bike riding range. Cars were for doctors appointments, visiting friends in the valley on weekends and emergency visits to the hospital (always breaking something).

  20. David permalink
    2:55 pm

    I’m with you on this one Donald. To this day, I love walking about the neighborhood to see architecture, gardens, and window treatments…well, actually just what the neighbors are flashing in front of their windows but that’s not the point.

    @ Lily Fossil – (and keeping an eye out for flashers behind trees)
    I’m positively shocked. I never suspected you were a perve seeking cheap thrills…wandering around the city parks trying to find flashers. Sheesh. Ya think you know a person and then this kind of thing pops up. What next – ordering porn on the pay-per-view channel?

    • 7:10 pm

      Thank you David.

      Nothing like a nice evening stroll. Unfortunately, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to take one what with all of the rowdy young people converging under street lights to exchange hickeys and pass reefers.

      I’ll step back from your comment to Lily. I’d set you straight on this one but I suspect she’d prefer to rip a strip off you personally.

      All the best,

      Don

    • Lily permalink
      8:08 pm

      Dear Peeping Tom,

      Mr Mills is damned right I’m going to rip shreds off you for suggesting that as an eight year old walking to school I was actively seeking the attention of “flashers” hiding behind trees in the park.

      My point was, I learnt to be vigilant at all times, watching my back with eyes in the back of my head to see that no-one was following me with ill intent or plotting my demise.

      As soon as I suspected any unwarranted and untoward behaviour from anyone (usually some poor demented male) I learnt to quicken my pace or to break into a gallop or sprint, so not only did we walk everywhere we knew how to run very fast.

      As my dearly departed Father would say,

      “What have you got legs for?”

      Yours grumpily,

      Lily Fossil

      • reva shane permalink
        2:01 pm

        My Father: ” Are you shot off at the goddamn hips”!!!!!

  21. Juliana permalink
    3:41 pm

    Mr. Mills,

    I’m Juliana, Ivan’s daughter, and I’m 14. My dad called me from work and asked me to read your today’s post. Now I know why he was so hyper over the phone…😛

    It’s not fair. I never ask to be driven to school. My dad says it’s because I live right across my school. I say it’s because I enjoy walking. On the other hand I ask him to drive me to the parties because I wear high heels and it’s not cool to get to a party on foot… duuuuh… I love my dad, but sometimes he sucks. He wants me to wear the same shoes I go to school when I go to a party and gets all edgy when he sees my earings. How am I supposed to dance ‘Shut up and drive’ with my beat up pink low top all star converse? Btw, my dad never gave me a $300 sneakers. If I ask him one he’ll tell me to get a job W/E.

    I miss Texas. There I would be driving in less than 2 years. Here in Brazil I’ll have to wait til I’m 18. That’s ridiculous. I want to be a model when I grow up, then I’ll marry a football star just like Giselle. Then I’ll buy my dad a brand new computer, cause he loves writing and buy me a Ferrari cause I hate walking. My brother Arthur says he will be a soccer star and marry Cody’s sista in Paris. My dad does not give us a lot of support. He keeps saying that we should get better grades, go to college and get a nice job and work in the Federal Government.. ewwwwww

    Sometimes dad takes us to the park to walk, but he walks too fast, mister! Why you old people are always in a hurry?

    G2G

    Juju

    • 3:07 am

      Juliana,

      Delightful to hear from you lass. Welcome. Please pass my best regards on to your old Dad, Ivan, and young Arthur as well.

      My goodness – I thought your old dad had his hands full with Arthur but is sounds like you’re a going concern as well. High Heels? Jewellery? And parties that take place after dark? You should be inside helping with chores and honouring your parents.

      And this dance you describe worries me. At your age, you should be playing musical chairs at parties not doing some crazy dance called the “shut up and drive.”

      Your poor old dad sure has his work cut out for him but it sounds like he’s doing all he can. Take my advice and listen to him. Study hard, improve your grades and attend college. A career in government is fine if you prove to be un-ambitious and less than bright but I’d look at the private sector first.

      And as for Arthur, would you please let him know that Cody does not have a god damned sister. And if he did – he’d likely marry her himself.

      All the best and good luck with you studies.

      Don

      • 9:55 am

        Don,

        Thanks for the advise for Juliana. I tried to talk to her about your words but all she could say was: “Cody doesn’t have a sister!!!! Poor Arthur!!!!” I’ll wait a little more.

        As far working for the government, I don’t know in your place, but in here it’s close to win the lotto. Best job in the world, even better than that freaking island in Australia.

        Um forte abraço,

        Ivan

  22. Lynn permalink
    4:39 am

    you all alaready said what i was going to say the only hthing left is…great post as always don!

  23. Lynn permalink
    4:40 am

    sorry it’s 12:40 am and i’m typing with only a small light and not doing a good job at that!

  24. 5:31 am

    It’s late and I haven’t read all of the replies, but I do have to mention that not only do these parents drive their kids everywhere, but the little darlings sit in the back of the SUV and watch videos on the built in tv for the entire two block trip!

    All of my children walk to school except the oldest, and he now rides a bike. For the most part, the kids walk or ride a bike wherever they want to go because I refuse to play taxi.

    • 8:31 pm

      Good on you Claire,

      Now if you could only keep those damned boys in line when it comes to their skateboarding, we’d be all set.

      Thanks for visiting,

      Don

  25. Le Geant permalink
    5:53 am

    My old dad taught middle school (7-9 grades, the years from hell), and I attended the school where he taught. One morning it had snowed about a foot; I wasn’t feeling quite up to par and I asked him if I could ride to school with him. After an hour of chopping cordwood to clear my head, I was sent on my way to walk the 1-1/2 miles to school carrying my bass clarinet. Old Dad did honk the horn as he drove by, and I appreciated that. I never did ask for a ride again.

    Fast forward 40 years, and grandson (my idiot brother’s boy) asks for a ride on a beautiful May morning because his flute is “kind of heavy”. Old Dad skips breakfast to drive the little snot to the very same schoolhouse. And that’s why the world is going to hell in a handbasket.

    All the best,

    Le Geant

    • 2:57 am

      Many thanks Le Geant,

      A great story and very well told. My sincere thanks.

      Sounds like our old dads would have had a great deal in common.

      (And I’ll be laughing about those “kind of heavy” flutes for some time to come).

      All the best

      Don

  26. 2:47 pm

    I love your comment on tossing unused legs in the fire. My parents came from the same stock. In my day if you broke your leg you didn’t see a doctor. If the leg fell off they waited while you reginerated a new one.

    Today’s kids are too coddled and they grow up to be sissies on Prozac. Every single one of my teenaged daughter’s friends took meds for their lethargy (there is a pill for laziness, but the parents must administer said medication since teenager is too lazy to remember).

    These same girls got a PE excuse because they had a disorder and they took meds. They failed to inform the PE teacher that their disorder is called Lazy and Coddled to Death.

    These girls all later became dropouts and currently have no jobs and still living at home.

    • 3:00 am

      Many thanks Tricia,

      Pills for lethargy? It’s a crying shame. A shot of cod liver oil and a 6 mile hike is the only damned pill they need.

      God damned mollycoddling gets my goat.

      All the best,

      Don

  27. 6:38 pm

    One word that would put and end to all of these wasteful miles chaufering young folfs around? NO!

    • 3:10 am

      Nice to see you Russrealname,

      God forbid that anyone should attempt to deny these young people a drive. The results could be catastrophic.

      My idiot neighbour assures me that young people need unconditional emotional support at all times and that withholding material objects or failing to cater to their whims breeds individuals who lack confidence.

      It’s a load of horsecrap as near as I can see. Sure, her son appears to have lots of confidence but he also has a fat ass, an lazy mind and is an unlikeable little monster too.

      Thanks for visiting.

      Don

  28. 10:37 pm

    Well, at least they’re not all out riding Segways. Someone said the failure of that product was the fact that the inventor failed to consider “how stupid people looked on them.” All the field tests in the world will never compare to being endlessly heckled by people in four-wheeled vehicles. Or on bikes. Or horses. Or skateboards. Possibly even on foot.

    • 3:12 am

      Thanks Mr. Liontamer,

      Young Frankelstache mentioned the Segway earlier. I confess I don’t know much about them but I suspect young people need little assistance in looking stupid. Any idea if they come in maroon?

      All the best,

      Don

  29. YellowRoses610 permalink
    11:40 pm

    Personally I see points from both sides of the spectrum. I basically walk to and from school unless it is so hot out I can’t breath, or so could out I’d get frost bite, now given my reason is my mother had a habit of being condescending when I am in a car with her, and honestly her driving scares the ever living shit out of me. Generally if I want to do something out of the house and have money, I walk down to main street, which where I live had many shops because it’s a college town.

    Now give some of the streets I have to take are near Ghettos and rather shady people attempt to sell me drugs or proposition me, it’s not really that dangerous, because generally you can just walk away. Now if you have younger kids just tell them to stay away from that part of town, and not walking around with their money, and valuables hanging out and not dressing too revealing, and generally not is stupid and they will be fine, assuming it’s with in reasonable walking distances.

    A lot of my interesting adventures came from me walking up to maintreet and hanging out in the Wiccan/Neo-Pagan/new age store. I met a few people, had conversations about magic and such things, and met a priestess in training and a shaman, all rather interesting actives, though I think it would frighten Mister Mills.

    As for Flashers kick them in their exposed naughty bits.

    They only times I really ask for rides are once it gets dark because my mother seems to think if I woalk home I will be mugged raped and raped some more, even though it;s not that dangerous a place, I tend to carry knives in my clevage and I know how to fight.

    • 12:58 am

      In your cleavage?

      …with all due respect, wouldn’t that be more painful than a regular mugging?

      • Lily permalink
        1:47 am

        I don’t think I would be messing with a woman with a knife in her cleavage!

        Hang on, I thought Yellowroses was male? if so, must be a very large male to have a cleavage.

        S/he is certainly an enigma.

        Lily

        • 1:50 am

          Yellow Rose is male? I’ve got to pay more attention to these comments! And, Bschooled … maybe its a knife in a sheath. (My dad told me to always keep it sheathed … although, maybe he wasn’t talking about a knife … I din’t pay much attention to him either.)

          • YellowRoses610 permalink
            7:48 pm

            It’s folding knife and I have to flip it out o unseath it. I fihure peopel would assume that,xD I stand about five foot and an inch so I feel the need for a little extra protection sometimes, ya know?

        • YellowRoses610 permalink
          7:40 pm

          No I am a woman, Hehe. My name is Rose, the confustion probably stems from my talking about my girlfriend. I am female, I just happen to be homosexaul.

      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        7:37 pm

        I forgot to mention it is a folding knife, the kind that had the blade fold intot he handle. Wow I sound creepy about now. >_<

    • 3:26 am

      Nice to hear from you Rose.

      I suspect you don’t need this confirmed for you but “YES” the mention of a “priestess in training” and a “shaman” certainly did frighten me. I double checked my window locks as soon as I read it.

      Now I don’t know what a Neo-Pagan is (what was wrong with the old Pagans anyway? Sad to see that even Pagans aren’t respecting tradition) and I have no idea what goes on at a new age store but I’d just ask you to be cautious, Rose. When you combine that kind of activity with knife-toting and fist fighting you start to get me a little worried.

      I know you have a good head on your shoulders so I won’t lecture you further. Just be careful is all.

      Best regards,

      Don.

      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        7:39 pm

        A Neo-Pagan is one who is pagan in the twentith century. I just have a knife and know how to fist fight as procaution, it seems like oen should know how to deffend them selves. For the record I’m nor a brawler or anything.

        Newage stores mostily sell herbs, inscense, statues,books tarot cards and things. I have a lot of interesting conversation about greek mytholigy there.

        • 10:23 pm

          Thanks Rose,

          Glad to hear you’re no street tough. You had me worried.

          And I’m all for the ladies learning how to defend themselves. There’s no shortage of rakes, rascals and rogues out there. My Aggie was a sweet woman but if she needed it, she had a left hook that could take down an Irish beat cop.

          Best regards,

          Don

          • YellowRoses610 permalink
            10:37 pm

            Yes, it is neccary for one to know how to deffend them selves. I often enjopy walkings under the star and moonlight, and it would be quite unpleasent to have the interrupted by unsavory bastards trying to take my wallet.

        • Lily permalink
          10:49 pm

          Dear Ms YellowRoses,

          First I must apologize to you for gender stereotyping you as male. In your first responses to Donald I thought you were female, but when you mentioned your girlfriend I wrongly assumed then that you were male. “My bad” (as you young people would say.)

          I know I am old and I lived most of my life in the twentieth century so I could perhaps be forgiven for thinking it was still the twentieth, but I thought we were in the twenty first century now?

          Lucid,

          Lily Fossil

          • YellowRoses610 permalink
            11:00 pm

            It is alright, I found it very amusing, though I suppose I can understand how it was happing. Plus, I like you, you sort of remind my of how I invision my self when I grow older, though maybe a bit more strict. ^__^

  30. Gerard permalink
    4:06 am

    Don, I could not agree with you more on this post. I walk and bike whenever I can, while all of my friends drive. I have a driver’s license and I’m very capable of driving, but on hot days, I ride my bike to the gym rather than drive (2 miles). I do it to save gas/money, and for the environment as well. It also helps keep me in a bit better shape.

    All of my friends think I’m crazy for using public transportation as well. Why would I waste gas driving my dad’s car to the mall and spend money on parking, when I could just take the Light Rail ($1.90 each way)? It makes no sense to me.

    Gerard

    P.S. Sorry for the late comment again. Still on vacation…It’ll be ending the 20th though!

    • 10:01 pm

      Many thanks Gerard,

      No need for apoligies, lad. Just happy to have you stop in. Keep biking lad. It builds character.

      All the best,

      Don

  31. 8:03 am

    Oh Mr Mills! I have to get mum to drive me around, but thats only because i cant drive and getting around Melbourne is a little hard as we’re really spread out!

    I DO catch the bus though to get to where i need to be when Mum cant drive, which does happen often. I love catching the bus though!

    My shoes couldnt cost anything more than $20 as they are for comfortable wearing and walking only. No bells and whistles on these shoes, im not a court Jester! LOSTL!

    I certainly hope you’re doing ok, Mr Mills, Fighting off the ladies no doubt!

    HOORAY!

    Bob

    • YellowRoses610 permalink
      7:53 pm

      Okay now I have to ask. What does LOSTL mean?

      • 9:49 am

        LOSTL is what i have to say because i cant Laugh Out Loud. My Mum doesnt like me laughing loudly, so anytime i have the urge, i have to Laugh Out Side Then Loudly or LOSTL!

        Bob

    • 10:10 pm

      Nice of you to stop in Young Bob,

      I hope you’re not taking advantage of your kind mother’s caring nature Bob. She has enough on her plate without having to drive you all over Hell’s half acre.

      Still, it’s good to know that you enjoy the bus and it makes sense that you become well acquainted with it now. Someday you’ll need to strike out on your own lad and it’s always helpful to know your way around public transportation.

      I’m also pleased (and not surprised) that you’re a sensible footwear man, Bob. I’ve said it before but more young people would be wise to take a page from your book.

      All the best to your mom, lad.

      Don

      p.s. Rose, for the answer to your question, I would recommend you visit young Bob’s blog. Not only will you find the answer to your question, you’ll be treated to some damned fine stories of this young man’s life. He’s a plucky kid, full of optomism and good to his mom.

      p.s.s. I haven’t been “fighting off the ladies” in several decades Bob. I’ll leave the romance to young men like you.

      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        10:40 pm

        Where is his blog. I must go I smell food that won;t irrate my hypoglysema.

      • 9:56 am

        Oh No Mr Mills! I would never take advantage of my Mum! Its a give-give relationship with me and her. I help her with chores and shopping and cooking and cleaning and bathing, and she drives me where i need to be if she has nothing else planned.

        As ive always said, Public Transportation is the backbone of any developed economic society. But like any economic society, you need comfortable and utilitarian footwear. They just happen to be on the economic lite side of things! HANDY!

        And Mr Mills, theres always romance at every stage of a persons life, even yours! So no matter what, try, try again! Because theres always going to be someone wonderful out there for you!

        Bob

  32. Ravikant permalink
    11:16 am

    Hello, Mr. Mills. I agree with every point you have made. Perhaps this explains why most young people are unfit, fat idiots. Walking is indeed a great exercise. It seriously melts fats really. But what would those people know who are used to their parents driving them places? I think young people need to be educated about the benefits of walking. I myself prefer walking daily. Atleast for 2 hours. It not only helps you be fit, it makes you feel great too ! But damn the lazy kids…

    • 10:13 pm

      Many thanks Ravikant,

      Wise words, young man. Wise words indeed. And good on you – you should be commended for walking 2 hours a day. Most young people nowadays don’t walk 2 hours a month.

      Best Regards,

      Don

  33. The Naughty Professor permalink
    1:37 pm

    The problem with old people today… is that they’re not all like Donald. Keep up the good work, D-Man.

    Cheers,
    The Naughty Professor

    • 10:18 pm

      Many thanks Naughty Professor and welcome.

      Always good to have an academic drop in. I’d be interested in knowing what you’re a professor of? Let me know.

      And thanks for the kind words. Hope to hear from you again.

      Don

  34. YellowRoses610 permalink
    7:45 pm

    O_o Did people really thing I was a man? Is my typing manly?

    • 8:48 pm

      I would never consider a person with YellowRoses nickname a man…:-/

      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        8:53 pm

        Thank you, apperently Miss fossils though I was a man. >_< Ifidn this very funny, because of how obviously female I am in relaife, or over the phone. Exept when I start to lose my voice, then I sound like Batman From "The Dark Knight."

  35. Lynn permalink
    9:56 pm

    lynn was in the house and agrees totally!

    • 10:17 pm

      In my house? Jesus, Lynn, you’re a nice lass but you could have called first…or knocked even.

      All the best,

      Don

      (You didn’t see my reading glasses by any chance? I seem to have misplaced them.)

      • YellowRoses610 permalink
        10:34 pm

        That means she was near by and decided to comment, it is colluqualisim. Also, sorry avout the reading glasses it happens to me all the time.

  36. 1:34 am

    I’m a girl and I’m a size 9 shoe, is that freakish and a sign of a cushy childhood? Perhaps, but does it help if I only got driven around all the time because my parents thought the streets were filled with motorcycle gangs even in the middle of the day? But maybe that’s a story that starts off “The problem with Indian parents today is”…😉

    Anyhoo you’re effin’ hilarious, albeit veiny and wrinkled, you are a cool cat😉

  37. Sander permalink
    1:09 am

    I suppose driving everywhere is something people on the wrong side of the pond tend to do, because around here people bike pretty much everywhere.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s