Defining Moments with Cody – Part One
I have always maintained that young people have a basic vocabulary of somewhere between 40 and 50 words.
I recently had the opportunity to test my assumption.
Yesterday, Cody, the moron son of my idiot neighbor, dropped by for an unexpected visit and I asked him to define 10 simple words for me.
I report back now on the words I posed and the definitions he supplied:
1. PUERILE (pu•er•ile)
Young Cody wasted no time in defining this as “the stuff you rub on your hands so you don’t get the pig flue.” While it was a disappointing attempt, I give the lad full marks for having a passing familiarity with rudimentary hygiene.
2. OSTENTATIOUS (os•ten•ta•tious)
First, Cody clarified that I hadn’t said “Austin Texas” because apparently he knew that one. Austin Texas is an adult film star. He has no idea what ostentatious is but thinks it would be a good name for a State Capital.
3. IRONIC (Iron-ic)
Cody looked stumped on this one but after counting the fingers on both hands (for some inexplicable reason) he came up with “pertaining to iron.”
4. LASCIVIOUS (las-civ-i-ous)
Cody stated with confidence that this is “the third book of the bible. The one with the laws.”
5. PREDICT (pre-dict)
Cody blushed a bit before advising me this is what you call a girl who lost her virginity before you started dating her.
6. VOCATION (vo-ca-tion)
“The week in August when Dad doesn’t have to work we go to the trailer.” Cody, himself, is unemployed. And a gormless peckerhead of the first order.
7. ACCOUNTABILITY (a-count-a-bil-ity)
Cody believes that this is what he learned on Sesame Street.
8. HOMOGENOUS (Ho-mo-gen-ous)
I’ll spare you the painful details. Suffice to say, he wasn’t even close.
9. ACADEMIA (a-ca-dem-ia)
Somewhat predictably, “a kind of nut.” Cody believes that they may be from Canada.
10. ASSCLOWN (ass-clown)
Cody seemed surprised by the word but answered quickly. “A guy who makes a total idiot of himself when trying to be funny.”
Score one for Cody.
Next time he drops by, I’ll quiz him on historical terms. Can’t imagine what he’ll make of the Industrial Revolution.