God Damned Smut-Watching Young People are Ruining the World!
The problem with young people today is that they all watch pornography.
When I was a lad, the only pornography we had were naughty playing cards and photos of exotic Africans in the National Geographic. And both were hard to come by.
We were ashamed of our carnal urges and didn’t dare look at anything that would whip us into a froth of seething sexual tension. I didn’t see a naked woman until my wedding night and even then it was with the lights out and largely by accident.
But these young people today, they’re watching the pornography night and day. It’s become as mainstream as baseball, apple pie and disrespecting your elders.
And it’s not just bare naked women anymore. God no. That was just a gateway to all manner of perverted filth. Now it’s all stunt pornography with dwarves, vegetables and household appliances thrown into the mix. It has damned subgenres for perverts with tastes for everything from large-bottomed housewives to chesty cowgirls and anything in-between.
I swear, if my dear old mother had ever caught me looking at dirty pictures she’d have removed my eyes with her melon baller and soaked them overnight in chlorine bleach.
It’s a damned sorry commentary on the state of our society. It’s disrespectful to men, women and the farm animals they victimize and I put the blame square on the god damned internet.
The whole damned cyber space is just one gigantic adult book store. Young people can’t focus on their schoolwork, their chores or normal interaction with the opposite sex because they’re never more than three clicks away from all manner of jiggly bits and deviant acts of debauchery.
If you ask me, we will never rebuild this county to its former glory until young people turn off their lap tops, put their clothes back on, stop googling images of “groin-mauling nymphos in leather chaps” and get themselves some damned self-respect.
They all watch pornography. That’s the problem with young people today.
The Problem with Young People Today Is... 
Well said, Don.
It’s a nasty business. On an unrelated note… Do you, uh, still have those National Geographic magazines? I wouldn’t mind reading them… For the atricles, of course.
Sorry Alan,
The Fire Marshall took issue with my collection of old newspapers and magazines some years back and I had to clear everything out. Hell of a disappointing yard sale, I have to say.
Still, I’m sure you can find plenty of educational and informative articles online.
All the best,
Don
Hello TO ALL I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE
Donald “The Monk” Mills.
Cmon Don…now your just being silly. You mean to tell me you dont like to look at younger women that are sexy and hot. What do you just read field and stream and thats it. I dont go for the hardcore stuff but an occasionally hot chick naked..well nothing wrong with that. A young guy should have a healthy libido. Donnie get with it, maybe York has some better ideas. Porn has gotten messed up yes, but the playboy or the occasional porn video nothing wrong with that….dont go so far to the right that people think you and religious right are in bed together oooooppps did i say that…As always Zman
Nice to see you Zman,
Honestly, for some reason, I thought you and I would be on the same page on this one. Not sure why.
Anyhow, I agree that a young man needs to have a healthy curiousity and interest in the finer sex, I just don’t think it’s damned healthy to be watching them wrestle nude in a tub full of grape jello 18 hours a day. I don’t give a damn if you do call me a monk, I just think it’s wrong and poor use of a young man’s time.
(And by the way, don’t be knocking Field and Stream. It’s a damned fine read and plenty informative.)
Honestly, Zman, it just seems to me that this whole damned pornography thing has become a national sensation. Everyone wants to make movies, be in movies or be watching the damned stuff. You may think it’s harmless but I think it’s damned sad. Is this what we aspire to?
And don’t be putting me in bed with the religious right, left or anybody else for that matter. I’m damned happy all on my own. And my views aren’t based on any kind of religion except the church of common decency.
Keep sending Zman. One of these days I’m going to figure you the Hell out. I just hope it doesn’t happen too soon – you keep me on my toes, son.
Don
I agree with you 100% Don, I think zman is hmmmmmm (?)I don’t know what I think. and that’s a fact.
Well, Don, you seem to know much more about this pornography stuff than I do…..why is that??
Thanks, Yorksnbeans, but I’m proud to say I’m actually woefully ignorant on the details. Not an area I’m inclined to research in-depth. Most of what I know I’ve learned from Reader’s Digest, the idiots at CNN and from listening to young people on the bus.
Nice of you to stop in.
Don
YnB, Yet again you read my mind. I was going to ask the same thing.
I mean really, Don, “watching them wrestle nude in a tub full of grape jello 18 hours a day” is pretty specific.
How do you know it was grape? And how do you know it was only 18 hours a day?
And what this about farm animals?
Thank you Claire,
I can assure you that I have no first hand knowledge of nude jello wrestling. I believe Morley Safer mentioned it some time ago on the television as an example of how perverted we – as a culture – had become. I always trusted Morley Safer (but couldn’t stand Mike Wallace). Anyway, it stuck with me and I used it as an example.
As for the grape, I was speculating but I’ve always considered grape to be the most degenerate of all the jello flavors.
Nice to see you Claire. Thanks for visiting.
Best regards,
Don
When you say “hard to come by,” do you just mean within the vicinity of? The disapproving glare of a hyena or lemur has harshed many a youngster’s woody, as the kids say.
Speaking of the kids, they’re making it themselves, texting nude photos (which despite the name are not ASCII-art) to each other, flinging photos of themselves through midair, from phone to phone, like some sort of telephonic love-in.
God forbid you happen upon one of these messages on your kid’s phone. No sooner can you say “Convent” then you’ll be arrested for possession of child porn and get an extended stay at the nearest federal prison and a new address with a brand new shiny sign in it.
Thanks CLT,
An unfortunate grouping of words on my part. Of course I meant that they were “scarce.”
And I don’t know about “harshed woodies” but I wouldn’t be damned well surprised to find out there is a small but ardent group of perverts out there that quite enjoy the disapproving glare of a lemur.
And don’t get me started on the damned kids and their phones.
Nice to see you lad.
Don
Dear Donald,
What debauchery and perverted lewdness is this?
It certainly explains why young people today are completely dysfunctional in every way.
They can’t think, talk, write or listen properly.
They can’t behave, work or co-operate and they can’t have normal healthy relationships. In other words they are chronically retarded.
I blame the Internet and Pornography, too, Donald.
Their tiny malfunctioning brains have been perverted and corrupted by over self indulgence which has converted their minds to putrid sewerage.
The only safe option is for them to stay naked in their basements filming themselves for their chat room “friends” and comparing their penises and labias.
I certainly don’t want to see them in public, ever.
Yours,
Lily Fossil
Well said, Lily. Bravo.
This is a subject that really burns my chops and I think you’ve summed the issue up perfectly.
And while your option may indeed be the only safe one, it still turns my stomach. Personally, I’d like kick them out of their basements, toss their computers in the landfill, hand them all shovels and put them to work digging ditches.
All the best,
Don
Dear Lily,
I confess I’ve been tormented by your image for some months now. I never forget a face, and I’ve finally remembered where I’ve seen yours before. Weren’t you “Miss Wet Tee-Shirt, Streaky Bay S.A. 1961”?
Do you have any spare pictures by any chance?
Fondest regards,
M
Dear Mike,
The answer to both your questions is a resounding NO.
I wouldn’t be seen dead in a tee-shirt, let alone a wet one. Wearing wet clothes is the surest way to catch your death of cold.
My dear old Grandmother instilled in me many virtues, one of which is to always wear a singlet to keep your chest warm to stave off colds and Influenza. This advice has held me in good stead all of my long life and, I believe, accounts for my robust health and good vigour.
Best wishes,
Lily Fossil
Dude, where’s my groin maul?
Thanks Terry,
I’m sure there are dozens of sites happy to oblige. According to my PSW, Hattie, there’s a whole “groin maul” subculture. She said it is a star wars thing but I don’t claim to understand any of it.
Who the hell wants to have their groin mauled? Not me.
Nice to see you.
Don
Don,
I have this superb picture of Gina Lollobrigida wearing swimsuit and high heels. Would you like me to email it to you? I’m not sure, but I think I got Ava Gardner in leopard print bathing suit too.
Let me know if you are interested!
Many thanks Ivan,
I’m not sure my heart would stand up to the pictures but I appreciate the offer. And I remember them well. Simpler times and, in my view, the photos were a Hell of a lot more alluring than any of the nasty business you see posted on the internet nowadays.
All the best my friend,
Don
Totally agree. From a female perspective how could you ever be appealing, mysterious etc if you have a man that has already looked at every type of naked body doing all sorts of things?
Nothing you could do would be new.
In fact they might have expectations that normal women do these things all the time.
You could never compare and the man would never be satisfied. You’d think more clothes would be alluring as there is more mystery…
I’d like to see the pictures, could you post a link?
Don,
Why my comment is awaiting moderation? Did I do anything wrong?
Not sure Ivan but you’re always welcome here, lad. Perhaps the “X” in your avatar was mistaken by my spam filter as an indicator of some sort of pornographic intent on your part.
Hey Don,
I’m guessing most folks watching porn on the internet ain’t so goddam young. Yeh, sure, the majority performing are goddam young (thankfully), but it’s mostly old fuckers like you and me watching it. Right? How else would you know about farm animals, vegetables, and household appliances?
Besides, those goddam young don’t have to watch it. They can actually do it. Doesn’t it just drive you a bit crazy, Don? Does me.
At least what’s on the web is clean, disease-free, and free.
Later,
Tom
For God’s Sake, you can find this stuff all over the news, what’s the matter with you? (nothing personal intended)
Thank you Tom.
Some harsh language you used there, son. I like to think of this as a family blog, Tom, so I’d please ask you to check the f-word at the door if you don’t mind.
Much appreciated.
Now, as to where I “got this” Sandy is correct. It’s reported on regularly on the news programs and in magazines (which, in my opinion, have become little more than pornographers themselves) and it’s also discussed fairly regularly at the seniors centre.
All the best, Tom.
Thanks for stopping in.
Don
Hello Mr. Mills,
My apologies to you & your readers. Now that I’ve been told, I will absolutely check my obscenities at the door. No more of that colourful language. In my defence, though, it’s not entirely my fault: my mother taught me all the French I know. Nevertheless, I will abide by your Terms of Use.
Looking forward to your next brilliant observation on those g*ddammed young people who are destroying civilization as we know it.
Regards,
Tom
Many thanks Tom,
I appreciate your understanding Tom and no need to apologize. If you’d heard some of names I shot at Hubert on my recent fishing trip you’d be calling me the worst kind of hypocrite.
Anyway, I do appreciate it.
Don
In your day, you could just drag a woman into your cave…it isn’t so easy for the young ones these days.
Dear Mr LessthanaBrightSpark,
I apologize to Mr Mills in advance for jumping in to reply to this cheeky young whippersnapper.
Firstly, Mr Mills is a perfect Gentleman and he would never in a zillion years “drag a woman into a cave”, certainly not without asking her permission first.
Secondly, “it isn’t so easy for the young ones these days” …. gimme a break.
The problem is precisely the opposite. Young people these days have it far too easy. They are soft in the mind, body and spirit from too much Internet perversion and from what I can see, have debased themselves to the level of Pre Neanderthals. Extinction would be too good for them.
I’m really cranky now, need to lie down.
Lily Fossil
Thanks morethananelectrician,
Looks like the venerable Lily Fossil took you task on your comment, son.
Sorry if she tore a strip off you but I’d have to say you had it coming.
By the way, I never did hear back from you on my knob and tube issue. Any suggestions?
All the best,
Don
Sorry…about the knob and tube thing. It is hard for us youngsters to get back here and check on the comment section with all of this Internet Porn to look at…I get distracted easily.
I will find the knob and tube question in the comments and get back to you.
Many thanks morethananelectrician,
I knew you were a good lad. Appreciate the help. I tried googling “knob and tube” and all I got was electrician porn. Nasty stuff.
Best regards,
Don
that old melon baller sure had a lot of functions at your house, don. i applaud your parents’ ingenuity in finding new uses for it every day.
Thanks Nonnie,
Mom was damned handy with a kitchen utensil. The melon baller was her favorite – practical for use with a cantelope and brutal as a instrument of discipline.
All the best,
Don
i bet she was hell on wheels with a ladle.
Ha!
She sure was. Give her some boning scissors, a double boiler and a nutcracker and she’d damn well have you confessing to the Lindbergh kidnapping.
Don
I’ll hope you all will forgive me for going slightly off-topic, but I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while: Just what in the heck is a melon baller, exactly? Apart from sounding like an excellent instrument for well-intended violence, that is. The melon has no traditional place in Norwegian cuisine, so we have no specific kitchen implements relating to it, that I’m aware of.
A melon baller is just that: it is a cute little instrument (piece of silverware – kinda) that you put into a melon, be it watermelon or cantelope and both the ends are “round” read my lips: r.o.u.n.d. and one end is a ‘smaller’ size than the other end that is a l.a.r.g.e.r. size – it rounds them out (the pieces of melon) into little cute balls) and then you place the rounded melons into a bowl, or into your mouth – please don’t tell me I would need to explain all that to you too :O)
p.s. this is NOT a porn explanation for all you dirty minds out there :O)
Then there’s a cherry pitter, The kitchen is full of devices which seem to be double entendres in the making.
That must be why Hattie giggles everytime I mention my old mom’s lemon reamer.
OH, God, Donald. I can’t believe you said that.
snicker. Lemon Reamer.
That would never have occurred to me.
With respect, my friend.
Many thanks, Sandy. Not all unlike an ice cream scoop, of sorts?
Sorry, I can’t help but feel there’s some sexual innuendo in your explanation, but I can’t put my finger on it.
lol *blushes*
Well, TJ as I was writing out my explaination for the infamous melon ballers, I got to reading it back to see if it made sense, and well, after reading it, I thought I better add the PS just in case 😉
Thanks TJ,
Looks like Sandy has addressed your question so I’ll just pass on my best regards.
Good to see you lad. Hope things are cooling down at work for you.
Don
Many thanks, Mr. Mills. Yep, the weather’s better(from a foundry point of view) now.
Thank you for your concern,
TJ
Glad to hear it, son.
Don
Back in the early sixties, when I went in the corp, my sister gave me a playboy mag to take along. Damn drill instructor took it and told me I wouldn’t know what to do with any of em anyway. Told him I was from the California beaches, and the beach babes were hotter than the bunnies. Got me 50 pushups for that one. Stupid kid.
Thanks Jammer5,
I imagine that the pictures in a Playboy from the 1960’s would be considered more than a little tame by today’s standards. You’d likely see similiar images in the current JC Penney catalogue.
Nice to see you again Jammer.
Thanks for stopping in.
Don
Blessed Don,
First of all, I want to thank-you for taking the first steps to eradicate this disturbing trend. It was on my list, but since cameltoe has taken longer than I thought it would, I feel confident knowing someone with your intellect is dealing with this topic head-on.
To be honest, the whole idea of pornography makes me ill. I once dated this guy (because that’s how all my stories begin on your comment thread) who seemed like a really nice fellow. It wasn’t until we had been together for about a month that I found out he had a thing for “hot rods”. I was disgusted.
Then, if that wasn’t bad enough, a few nights later he asked if I would pick-up some filthy magazine for him on my way over, because he wanted to see the latest trends in “mudflaps” (excuse my French). Needless to say that when he began referring to it as “small molded lips around the bottom of a vehicle wheel well”, I was done.
It’s too bad, though. I heard that now he runs something called a chop shop and makes six figures.
But like I always say, all the money in the world can’t clean a tainted soul.
Straight from your mouth to my ears,
Bschooled
ps. TJ, if you want to know what a melon baller does, I suggest you go to Thailand. For $5, those girls will show you every possible use for it that you could ever imagine, and even the ones you can’t! Or don’t want to!
Sounds like your guy was more into cars than girls, bschooled.
Thailand? Oh dear. A cesspool of debauchery and moral degeneration. Hot and humid and filled with people with shrill voices to boot(no racism intended at all, but the timbre of asian languages give me migraines). I nearly had a heatstroke in Norway just a few weeks ago, I think I’ll pass on Thailand. I fear the mystery of the melon baller will forever elude me.
for six figures i do believe i could have changed his ways! 😉
Many thanks Bschooled,
Another gentleman caller? You’ve had some bad luck in the romance department young lady. Hard to believe. In my day a clever and sensible girl like you would have been snapped up well before her 17th birthday.
Still, hopefully your current beau, Mr. Hortons, will prove to be a decent lad with honorable intentions.
Thanks for your kind words, Bschooled. I always appreciate hearing from you.
Your friend,
Don
Thanks, Don. I’ve never been called clever and sensible before, and coming from you it truly means a lot.
Sadly, Mr. Hortons and I are going through a bumpy batch right now, and my friends say I can do batter. Don’t worry, though. This has happened to me at least a baker’s dozen number of times, and I’m a survivor.
Dear Ms Bschooled,
I have a delightful Tempura Batter recipe you may be interested in.
Kindest regards,
Lily Fossil
Well, Lily, although I find your offer to give me a recipe for Tempura Batter somewhat out of left-field, I may hit you up on it, especially since I’m getting sick of eating those Grand Slams at Denny’s every night.
Just so long as there are no vegetables in the recipe. I’m deathly allergic.
You did say your friends said you could do batter.
Oh, right…I guess I also said I was going through a bumpy “batch”.
Do you have any chocolate-chip cookie recipes by chance?
Dear BS,
No, sorry, I dont. Choc chip cookies are a bit passe in my neck of the woods, but I do need a recipe for smelling salts after I was kindly informed by Mr Curmudgeon of what a MILF is.
I’m not sure I will recover from the shock.
Yours truly,
Lily Fossil
When I was a boy, we heard about older fellows who went looking for sheep that were “stump broke”. In my later years, when I discovered what they were about, I needed a cup of tea and a lay-down! I’m guessing that the young’uns you write about aren’t much better, and I suspect the interwebs are to blame. If my old dad had ever caught me expressing an impure thought for man or beast, he would have sent me out to chop cordwood until I was dealing with a woody of a different colour!
Many thanks Le Geant,
Nothing puts an end to impure thoughts like an afternoon of chopping cordword.
Good to hear from you and thanks for stopping in.
Don
Once again, I agree with your wisdom.
I blame it all on the 60’s. That decade knocked this whole country off kilter. As soon I saw the first brassiere set aflame, I knew that there was just no going back. Now everything is weird and strange and scary. I just don’t like it anymore, Don. Glad I’ve found a decent fellow to share a gripe with.
It’s damn nice to see ya!
Thank you Scott,
I tend to agree with your assessment. The 60’s were the beginning of the end as far as I’m concerned. We need to stop burning bras and start burning damned pornographic books and magazines.
You’re always welcome to share a gripe, Scott. Please drop by any time.
Best regards,
Don
…….”I swear, if my dear old mother had ever caught me looking at dirty pictures she’d have removed my eyes with her melon baller and soaked them overnight in chlorine bleach…….”
too funny! you had me laughing on that one.
geesh I can’t believe people don’t know what a melon baller is!
“A melon baller is a small spoon-like tool used to cut round- or oval-shaped sections of melon, known as melon balls, by pressing them into the mellon’s flesh and rotating. It can also be used to cut other soft fruit. The diameter of a melon baller’s bowl varies from around 1.0 centimetre to 3.0 centimetres (about ¼ inch to 1 inch), and it is typically made of stainless steel with a handle of wood, metal, or hard plastic. Some varieties have the handle in the middle and a different-sized bowl on each end, and the bowl typically has a small hole in the middle to allow air and juice through.”
so there!
p.s. it is also used to remove eyes – 😆
Thanks Sandy,
I appreciate your sharing the information on the old melon baller. A damned fine utensil. I can’t say I’m surprised that a lot of people don’t know if it anymore. Seems we buy all of our produce pre-cut, pre-washed, pre-mixed and pre-balled these days. Salad is a bag? What a racket.
All the best,
Don
Hello Sir, I am Ravikant from India, like I told on the threads of other topic. I again agree with your views about pornography. But, I have to be honest here and say that I too did watch porn when I was around 15 to 17. Now I’m 19. Though at one point later on, I realized that it is not only boring and a waste of time, but I started to feel that it is like exploitation of women. And then I thought, ‘wait, they are there by choice’. So it is like a whole society of corrupt people. And as for deterioration of the yound mindsets, I think media played a good hand and still does. Pornography is just a bad world. Now when I think of it, it is really retarded that I, at one point, watched that crap. Now as you see, these things have become so “normal” today. The porn industry makes more money in a year than twice of what Hollywood manages to make a year. It’s just sad, but I don’t think we can do anything about that. I guess in coming years, it is going to progress even more, and it’s reach will spread. It is just a bad waste of precious time. Now I don’t even think of watching that. I’m all ok with mainstream Hollywood cinema now. I feel even sadder for those who act in those porn videos. I wonder how their life must be many years from now.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annie_Sprinkle
Jesus Christ, Sledpress, you’ll give me nightmares. “Public Cervix Announcement?” Good God…
Nightmares are what I give best, after panic attacks.
Well said, young man. Appreciate you sharing your views and glad to hear you’ve come to your senses.
Many thanks
Don
Mr. Mills:
Didn’t they have a Sears catalog when you were young? I remember when I accidentally discovered the “Ladies Undergarments” section (bras and panties did not exist) around the age of of 13. I spent so much time peering at it while in the bathroom my grandmother warned me I would go blind if I didn’t stop.
For shame, myiq! But must say I’m not surprised. I spent my summers with ooollllddd relatives at the lake, read every NatGeo there was. My brother’s room was a treasure trove of education. My Mom was so proud of me when I came in with my newest discovery, a bright red “Barbie Hat” complete with red glitter and a long tassle. I was so sad when she said a choice curse and took it away from me. So I went back to reading the detective magazines under the covers with a flashlight.
I remember the bullet proof bras and tent panties my mother wore and hoped I would never have to wear that stuff. It was all white, too. But very proper. Since you are a man, you would not remember girdles.
Thanks myiq2xu,
I do remember the old Sears catalogue and admit to having taken the odd peak or two. My old mom was pretty careful to keep it out of sight though. She had three boys and knew what kind of mischief we might get up to if we found it.
Thanks for stopping in. Nice to see you again.
Don.
p.s. Downcastyoursoul, I sure as Hell do remember the girdle! Damned racy stuff and attractive to boot.
I’m not a pornography fan. I never was. When it comes to sexual issues I’m more of a “do it” guy than a “watch it” guy. I NEVER navigate on x-rated websites, I NEVER flip through the pages of a Playboy magazine, and the only time I ever watched a porn movie was by accident in a motel [the TV was set on the porno channel]. And the short part I watched made me laugh my ass off.
Now, when I was 14 I peep through my parents bedroom keyhole and watched them having sex. On biblical times I would turn into a statue of salt. Other than this experience, which may not be exactly porn, I really don’t recall any other related to smut.
🙂
Glad to hear you steer clear of the pornography, Ivan. It only leads to trouble.
All the best,
Don
Gosh i thought my mother was tough for washing my mouth out with soap when I said “damn”
thankfully the melon baller wasn’t invented (or hadn’t reached the shores of NZ) when I was a child
Nice to see you Nursemyra,
Must be a cultural thing because I’m pretty sure my mother’s melon baller was a hand me down from her mother. I’d wager its invention pre-dates a young lass like yourself.
Best regards,
Don
I must say Mr. Mills, my ideas on pornography are vastly different from yours. I’m ok with porn as long as it’s not hurting anyone. Actually, I would much prefer that most young people watch porn and get off that way than have them actually in the breeding population. For some reason, too many teens and young adults do not understand the idea of birth control. I’m sick of seeing 15 year old girls with children. We don’t offer proper sex education in schools, and we vilify sex in such a way that kids want to do it. They think its cool and rebellious.
I’d much rather these kids sit back with a dirty video and take care of themselves instead of flooding my future classroom with children who were raised by children.
Sorry Jenny,
I hate to disagree with you but I just don’t see any value in the filth.
And while I agree with you about 15 year olds with children, I don’t think free-range pornography is the answer to that problem. A kick in the ass might help.
Rather then sit back with a dirty video, I’d like to see them stand up, go outside and take a 5 mile hike in the woods. Or sweep out the garage.
All the best,
Don
Don, you are right. I hope that’s some comfort
It’s damned comforting, paper doll, thanks for saying so.
Best regards,
Don
This is one topic I should take the fifth on. I could rant out the fundamentalist Christian view on porn, but, I won’t. I think the effects of porn are just as insidious as drugs, alcohol, or gambling. The more you watch it the worse it gets and the more into sin you get. Marriage is between a man and a woman. I believe in marriage as God made it. (ooops I said it anyway). Ok, I take the elevinty amendment.
Thanks downcastmysoul,
I’ll tread lightly here as well but will say that my view has nothing to do with religion. It’s just common decency as far as I’m concerned. And I agree, the more people watch, the more they get a taste for it and the worse it god damned gets.
Nice of you to visit. Always a pleasure to hear from you, lass.
Don
Glad to see you back, Donald.
How was your fishing trip? Were you attacked by a Medusa and was forced to pee on yourself?
As for today’s topic, I think that any man (young / old / gay / emo) should be absolutely and completely content with a Lily Fossil thumbnail. I’ve referred to her as the ‘Internet’s Numero Uno MILF’ during your absence, and I will put all of my hard earned Bar Mitzvah money that her sight alone will spark and ignite any sexual repressed individual.
Prosper beyond reason,
Frankelstache
I have lots of grammar mistakes, I can tell.
Jesus Christ, Frankelstache, what the Hell are you on about?
Medusa attacks and urination? I was on a damned fishing trip, Frankelstache, not some bare-assed hippy acid trip. Good Christ, man, you’re out of control.
Now I’ve always been fond of you, lad. You seem like a smart young man and I’ll tolerate a great deal but I think you owe Lily Fossil a damned apology. I have no idea what a MILF is but it sounds offensive and given the context I don’t need to check.
You’re free to express your views here, Frankelstache, and I’m always happy to read them but I won’t stand idly by while you objectify a good friend and regular visitor.
A simple note of apology will suffice, son. And trust me, you’ll feel better.
Sternly, but with warm regards,
Donald Mills
p.s. your damned grammar is fine. And you’ve got a nice flair for language.
Dear Don,
Thank you for your kind words. Please send my sincere apologies to madam Fossil.
I sometimes go out of line, a bit of a loose cannon, I know.
Thank you for your words of guidance and wisdom. I continue to learn from you with each visit.
Again, I was wrong and out of line.
Humbly yours,
Frankelstache
Dear Mr Frankelfurter,
You apologized just in the nick of time young man. I was just about to unleash the full extent of my wrath on you and believe me, you NEVER want to see that.
I told you once before that I am not a member of that Filippino terrorist outfit, M.I.L.F, never was and never will be.
As for my thumbnail, I would prefer to keep both my thumbs intact, thanks all the same.
I realize that I do have a certain charm and je ne sais que? that some men find irresistible, but I can tell that you are most definitely not my type, because you have a moustache and loose canons tend to go off prematurely.
My heartfelt thanks to Donald, being the thorough Gentleman that he is, for coming to my defense in a most chivalrous manner. I almost had an attack of the vapors but it was just my corset too tight.
Sincerely,
Lily Fossil
way to go Miss Lily Fossil!
Dear Sandy,
That is very nice of you to say so. Thank you.
Kindest regards,
Lily Fossil
Lilly, dear, MILF is another damned acronym, and in this case, it is a compliment for you- I believe. It means “Mother I’d Like to F(ornicate with).
Ahem.
The thumbnail the young man refers to resides not on your hands, my dear, but on the computer- as in, the picture you have posted as an icon for yourself. I don’t know if that is truly you or not, but I think Mr. Franklestache hopes that it is.
And Don, I am surprised you don’t know that the Medusa he is refering to is actually a type of jelly fish. Urinating upon the sting of said creature is said to make the burning, itching, and pain go away, though there are several types of jelly fish (the Man O’War, for instance) that will kill you, urination withstanding.
So glad that you had a good vacation. Your half-wit brother didn’t do a half bad job.
Dear Mr Curmudgeon,
Oh my Goodness Gracious me, I had no idea. Thank you so much for alerting me to that very unfortunate acronym. I was beginning to think Mr FrankFurter was convinced I was a Filippino terrorist.
God damned young people and their ridiculous acronyms. I suppose it’s another symptom of their abbreviated minds.
Why can’t they just use plain English, for goodness sakes?
So, a “thumbnail” is an icon now?
That photograph of me was taken recently at a local Country Women’s Association Meeting where I had been Highly Commended for a batch of Raspberry and White Chocolate Muffins I had whipped up for Morning Tea. The Ladies were quite impressed but I had no idea there was a photographer from the local newspaper there to record the event for all prosperity, which explains the somewhat bemused, yet disdainful expression on my face.
With gratitude,
Lily Fossil
Many thanks Rick,
I’m damned ashamed of my ignorance on the medusa issue. And an apology to Mr. Frankelstache if my “bared ass hippy acid trip” crack was ill-advised. I guess I was just a little wound up.
Always good to see you Rick. Thanks too for the clarification on that acronym. I assumed it was nasty and it appears I was correct.
Many, many thanks.
Don
And it’s a lovely picture, Miss Lily. Don’t let these problematic young men get under your skin.
Would I be your type, sweet Lily?
Probably not, Ivan.
Lilly, would you mind posting your white chocolate raspberry muffin recipe?
My wife would love it if I turned up with a batch for her. She has a sweet tooth, and the hips to show it- and I like to encourage their broadening as often as possible.
Thanks!
Dear Mr Curmudgeon,
I’m sorry to say I am bound by the by laws of the Country Women’s Association of Australia, not to disclose winning recipes unless it’s for a good cause, like a charity. Unfortunately your wife’s broadening hips don’t qualify as a “good cause”.
As charitable as your good wife may be, I sincerely doubt she would be impressed that you were soliciting my muffins, ample as they may be, from the Internet.
Best wishes,
Lily Fossil
Your very welcome Lily, and Mr. FrankFurter should be ashamed of himself, want me to smack his thumbnail? And why are his eyes closed, maybe he’s been smacked a lot *giggles*
Dear Sandy,
Mr Frankfurter was gracious enough to apologize, so I’m prepared to let bygones be bygones.
If however, he steps out of line one more time, not only will he most likely get the melon baller punishment from Mr Mills, but he will get a swift kick in the pants from me and you will be most welcome to hit his thumbnail with a hammer or some other blunt instrument of your choosing.
Kind Regards,
Lily Fossil
Mr. Mills, I can’t believe you have overlooked the benefits of porn. For example, I thank porn for my strong wrists. It also showed me ways to please women that I would have never imagined.
Good God. What next?
OK Don,
I’m with you on this issue.
There’s just too much photography floating about on the internet, and anyone can get to see it.
It’s high time someone put a stop to these damn camera salesmen, peddling their instruments of filth all over the place.
Bad eggs, the lot of ’em, d’ya hear me! Bad eggs!
I have to agree with you on this Don. Everytime I run across it I feel like I’m watching some weird out-patient procedure.
You’re right, turn that off and go watch something on the Hip Replacement Channel.
Mr.Mills,
As much as I missed you on vacation, you should take more of them. You came back feistier than ever. Your melon ball comment had me spitting coffee. Since I never waste a drop I was forced to lick the cup from which has an elephant emblem on it. Then I felt dirty for such animal-perversion that I had to stop reading and wash my cup out with soap and water. I’m better now.
Ah pornagraphy. Personaly I prefer tastefully nudity, preferibly depecting greek goddesses,
Sincerely, rose
I came over here because sledpress passed on the Lovely Blog award to you and mentioned your blog as she did so. I’m so glad I did. I have already had three big belly laughs, several chuckles and about four “Amen, Brother!”s. I would love to read your rant combining the “Young People Talking on Cell Phones” with “Smut Watching Young People.” You didn’t even mention in this post the disgusting practice of sexting, in which Young People combine the activities above and send their own home-made porn to each other and then they are shocked, SHOCKED to discover that the recipient has downloaded (uploaded? I can never get them straight) their naked booty pictures to YouTube.
Incidentally, you must not live in the Ozarks because around here the practice of wearing sweat pants with disgusting messages across the ass is not limited to McGirls, unemployed meth addicts of the male persuasion also sport them. Similarly, the T-shirt message is found decorating the breasts of moronic young women just as often as it is seen on the chests of unemployed males. Apparently, wearing disgusting and disturbing messages is an equal-opportunity activity. My dear mother refuses to wear any clothing that carries messages or advertises anything, holding that if she is going to sport something advertising Yves St. Laurent (or any other business for that matter) they should pay her for the privilege of advertising. Do you know how hard it is to find a ball cap that has nothing printed on it?
“The whole damned cyber space is just one gigantic adult book store. Young people can’t focus on their schoolwork, their chores or normal interaction with the opposite sex because they’re never more than three clicks away from all manner of jiggly bits and deviant acts of debauchery.”
“Get in here and look at this! This stuff’s in color and it moves!”
I remember the day high speed first reached the office. Productivity dropped, and absenteeism declined.
And these guys went to college to get these jobs.
to quote a popular musical… “The internet is for Porn…”
PENIS
Hello Mr. Mills!
I just came across your blogs and I find them to be mostly true, and very funny.
However, I am a young gun and I resent porn! Sex is meant to be something beautiful and private. Not something disgusting, mainstream, simple, and viewable by the public. It is part of the reason many of us “young people” have so little respect for women, and I don’t like it one god damn bit!
Cheers,
Johnny
Hear-now, ‘googling images of “groin-mauling nymphos in leather chaps”‘ doesn’t get you squat other than your own page. Your meaning your blogs are just… smut?
Hey… that’s not what I use the internet for! 😉
You need to learn that not ALL young people are like that
Dear Young Person,
When did you and your friends become so damned humorless and obtuse? And just to be clear – yes, I am referring to every single damned young person on the planet. You’re all humorless and obtuse. Without exception.
Honestly, sometimes I just have to shake me head.
All the best and thanks for visiting.
Don
You’re really funny.
A+
I googled “groin-mauling nymphos in leather chaps” and got 52 images with no porn… not cool… try “giant dildos in teens”… you will get all kinds of stuff you don’t want to see…
You have pretty much time to reply to each one of us huh?? Cool…keep it up oldman.
God damned young people with their internet perversions. I blame it on the so-called “Sex-ed classes.” They do nothing but promote fornication!
Oh and I loved the double entendre, “Both were hard to come by.”
My grandparents have a massive collection of National Geographic, score?
Oh I do enjoy your way with words: “groin-mauling nymphos in leather chaps” – glorious!!! I have to be honest though, I was half tempted to google the phrase just to see what came up!
Don. I abso-blinking-lutely love your blog! I have recently started one of my own & I have you to thank for giving me a bit of inspiration regarding that. So I am sending you my thanks, but no money, as I’m skint. I’m only 55, but totally agree with what you say on young people. They just don’t do anything like we did (or still do when I can manage it)! Unfortunately, common sense doesn’t seem to be as common as it once was, more’s the pity! All the best, Gilbo.