State of the Nation Report Card on Young People
I’m damned concerned about the substandard quality of young people today.
As a public service, I’ve prepared a “state of the nation report card” on youth. My hope is that it will help the young folks in understanding their numerous shortcomings and provide them with some suggestions on how they can shape the Hell up.
I believe I have been firm but fair in assigning grades.*
State of the Nation Report Card on Young People – 2009
|Damned young people are terrible at math.
Apparently, they think that using artificial intelligence to add and subtract means that they don’t need to have any real intelligence of their own.
They don’t see any “use” in learning math. It’s not sexy and they don’t see any application in “real life.” Well that’s a damned shame.
Perhaps if my neighbors’ daughter had taken the time to learn some math she might have been able to calculate the probability that the “romantic videotape” she made with her boyfriend of 6 weeks would end up on Youtube the day after they broke up.
Here’s a formula that sums it up:
(Young people – math skills = unemployable assclowns2)
|Damned young people wouldn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground and couldn’t find it without a GPS and a compass anyway.
They’re completely ignorant of the world around them. Some teen Einstein told me that “Iceland” was the upper half of the refrigerator for Christ’s sake.
All these young people need to get out and see the world. They should widen their horizons, go to Europe and damned well stay there until they’re fifty and fit to come back.
|A resounding “F”. And the “F” stands for “fat-assed, shiftless couch potatoes.”
Look at them. They are likely the most misshapen generation this planet has since the demise of great hunchback era back in the 1650s.
They don’t play any sport or do any exercise. The only “push up” young people know about nowadays are those damned racy female undergarments. And that’s not exercise, it’s indecency.
Walking? Football? Baseball? Not for this generation. The only three strikes they understand are the ones they get in court.
Disgraceful. I’d suggest summer school but that would just give them another excuse to stay indoors.
|Good God the young people have no sense of what has come before them.
They think ancient history is anything pre-1980 and are entirely convinced that they invented sex, music and teen angst.
And good luck trying to educate them otherwise because “nobody understands what it’s like to be young today.” Apparently they are the first generation of young people to experience youth.
Here’s a history lesson for you: The Madonna is the mother of Jesus not a sleazy pop warbler and Homer’s contribution to society was the Odyssey not the phrase “doh.”
|Sadly, this is an area where they show some smarts. Unfortunately, it’s all misguided criminal drug making.
Their only interest in science is how it can help them make narcotics in their rec rooms using sinus medicine and rat poison.
In my day, young people with an interest in chemistry got worthwhile jobs manufacturing products like pesticides, food preservatives and military weaponry.
Nowadays, it’s a one way ticket to jail and druggy-town.
|Don’t even get me started. A damned D was a generous mark.
The young people all seem to think that books are museum pieces that died off with the dinosaurs.
They can’t read paragraphs with more than 4 sentences, sentences with more than 4 words and words with more than 4 letters.
In my view, they should stop sexting, texting and whatever the Hell else they’re doing to retard the English language and write their grandmothers a long letter by hand.
|A big, fat “F”. They fail. And that’s the problem with young people today.|
*As I have been accused of making generalizations in the past, I would like to assure you that the results presented are statistically sound and based on a large cross-section of young people whom I have observed on the bus, at the Winn-Dixie and standing in front of my house.