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State of the Nation Report Card on Young People

I’m damned concerned about the substandard quality of young people today.  

As a public service, I’ve prepared a “state of the nation report card” on youth. My hope is that it will help the young folks in understanding their numerous shortcomings and provide them with some suggestions on how they can shape the Hell up.

I believe I have been firm but fair in assigning grades.*

State of the Nation Report Card on Young People – 2009

  Subject Grade Comments

  D –

Damned young people are terrible at math.

Apparently, they think that using artificial intelligence to add and subtract means that they don’t need to have any real intelligence of their own.

They don’t see any “use” in learning math. It’s not sexy and they don’t see any application in “real life.” Well that’s a damned shame.

Perhaps if my neighbors’ daughter had taken the time to learn some math she might have been able to calculate the probability that the “romantic videotape” she made with her boyfriend of 6 weeks would end up on Youtube the day after they broke up.

Here’s a formula that sums it up:

(Young people – math skills = unemployable assclowns2)




Damned young people wouldn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground and couldn’t find it without a GPS and a compass anyway. 

They’re completely ignorant of the world around them. Some teen Einstein told me that “Iceland” was the upper half of the refrigerator for Christ’s sake.

All these young people need to get out and see the world. They should widen their horizons, go to Europe and damned well stay there until they’re fifty and fit to come back.

Physical Education


A resounding “F”. And the “F” stands for “fat-assed, shiftless couch potatoes.”

Look at them. They are likely the most misshapen generation this planet has since the demise of great hunchback era back in the 1650s.

 They don’t play any sport or do any exercise. The only “push up” young people know about nowadays are those damned racy female undergarments. And that’s not exercise, it’s indecency.

Walking? Football? Baseball? Not for this generation. The only three strikes they understand are the ones they get in court.

Disgraceful. I’d suggest summer school but that would just give them another excuse to stay indoors.




Good God the young people have no sense of what has come before them.

They think ancient history is anything pre-1980 and are entirely convinced that they invented sex, music and teen angst.

And good luck trying to educate them otherwise because “nobody understands what it’s like to be young today.” Apparently they are the first generation of young people to experience youth.

Here’s a history lesson for you: The Madonna is the mother of Jesus not a sleazy pop warbler and Homer’s contribution to society was the Odyssey not the phrase “doh.”





Sadly, this is an area where they show some smarts. Unfortunately, it’s all misguided criminal drug making.

Their only interest in science is how it can help them make narcotics in their rec rooms using sinus medicine and rat poison.

In my day, young people with an interest in chemistry got worthwhile jobs manufacturing products like pesticides, food preservatives and military weaponry.

Nowadays, it’s a one way ticket to jail and druggy-town.




  D –

Don’t even get me started. A damned D was a generous mark.

The young people all seem to think that books are museum pieces that died off with the dinosaurs.

They can’t read paragraphs with more than 4 sentences, sentences with more than 4 words and words with more than 4 letters.

In my view, they should stop sexting, texting and whatever the Hell else they’re doing to retard the English language and write their grandmothers a long letter by hand.



Overall Grade


A big, fat “F”. They fail. And that’s the problem with young people today. 


*As I have been accused of making generalizations in the past, I would like to assure you that the results presented are statistically sound and based on a large cross-section of young people whom I have observed on the bus, at the Winn-Dixie and standing in front of my house.

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66 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:47 am

    LOL. That is too funny, I love it. I think I would qualify for most of those grades, I’m sorry to admit it.

    • 2:20 am

      Nice to see you Eric but hit the books damn it! And none of those paperbacks either. I’m talking dusty tomes from the backshelves of the reference section at the library. My motto is – if the book doesn’t weigh 10 pounds you aren’t learning squat.


      • Lynn permalink
        1:20 am

        psst~hey donald~ just for the record..i don’t think eric can read…shhh..

  2. Gerard permalink
    1:33 am

    Another awesome post by the great Don Mills.

    I actually come from a school where kids aren’t terrible at math (it’s a magnet school – a school of technology). Some kids are, though. I’m actually very good in math and placed into Calculus on my college placement test (most kids place into Precalculus or lower from what I’ve heard). However, I do believe some people are born with poor math skills, but not too many (I’ve noticed that most math teachers are bad at English, while most English teachers are bad at math). Good thing I’m well rounded, though, eh?

    Geography is definitely the weakest subject in American students. It’s a damn shame, too. I know so many kids that have no clue where many countries are. I tell people that I’m part Lithuanian and they have no clue where that is. Many people later ask me, “Gerard, what’s that country you’re from again? Ethiopia?” Yes, Lithuania and Ethiopia clearly border each other (sarcasm). I also know a kid who had no clue where STATES were located. I asked him what the state all the way in the north-east corner of the US was (which would be Maine, obviously). He had no clue. That’s a damn shame…

    I also couldn’t agree more with you when it comes to fitness. Kids these days eat nothing but manufactured garbage and fast food, then go home and watch TV or play video games. I, on the other hand, follow a healthy vegetarian diet and work out at a gym on a regular basis. People are always surprised with my level of strength/stamina and my lack of sickness. They can never connect the dots.

    I can’t comment too much about history because I don’t really like it as a subject in school. I do know a fair bit of history, but it’s hard for me to concentrate on it with textbooks and stuff like that. I usually get B’s and low A’s, so I guess I’m not so bad. I do, however, think that most kids have terrible knowledge of current events. I know a kid who thought that Barack Obama’s name was “Obama Biden.” I’m not even kidding.

    I found your comments on chemistry funny. I’m actually also good at science, and I just took my final exam for AP Physics. Like I said about math, science isn’t a big problem at my school, probably because of its emphasis on technology. However, I like biology and physics a lot more than chemistry, and I find that many people don’t know basic laws about physics or biology, like, “heat rises,” or how genetics work.

    English is actually something I can comment a lot about. I personally think I’m great when it comes to our language, but many people around where I live have parents that are immigrants, so they don’t always have the best grammar or vocabularies. I’ve read many essays of classmates and people just don’t seem to understand how to organize thoughts or construct sentences properly. Their spellings are also terrible at times. Speaking of “their,” many kids I know STILL don’t know the difference between “their,” “there,” and “they’re,” or “it’s,” and “its,” etc. “It’s a damn shame.”

    That was a long comment, but I think you’ll agree with most of it.

    Once again, this was a great post.


    • 7:29 pm

      Many thanks Gerard,

      As always, nice to hear from you. Sounds like you’re getting a decent education, lad, and it’s great to see that you are engaged and interested. It will serve you well in the future.

      (Perhaps your less involved colleagues can end up getting jobs as toll booth operaters at the Lithunia/Ethopia border.)

      Take care, Gerard.


      • Elmako permalink
        4:22 pm

        Dear Donald,

        Please be true to your own advice. Is this Gerard over 40? I know that sometimes it’s good to encourage the “good ones” but we musn’t forget that they are all basically wild animals, and these little pats on the head (aka ego strokes) might enbolden them and lead them to believe that their opinions and comments actually mater.
        These articulate writings are probably plagerized (except for the “I’m so great parts”, that’s clearly tv derivative). All this in an effort to lull us all in to complacency while they scheme to get us with our guard down! DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY!!!

  3. 1:53 am

    LMAO, OMG were you actually going to add a footnote for “assclowns” I notice the #2 next to the word lol
    I agree though, I’m unemployed and horrible at math. Yeah, I think you actually graded accurately. And a B- in Chemistry?! Hey, I know how to make aspirin, if I gave you some, would that be illegal(?) and most importantly will you raise the grade higher(?).
    btw, you can’t trust kids at the Winn-Dixie, that place only attracts rich snobby kids that know nothing except how to steal drugs…they can’t even make them, maybe that’s why the chemistry grade is lower than usual.

    • Lily permalink
      2:31 am

      Dear Ms Sensico,

      I don’t wish to sound like a smartypants, nor do I wish to pre-empt Mr Mills, but I think he meant by the #2
      “unemployable assclowns squared”, that is, “unemployable assclown TIMES unemployable assclown”.

      I could be wrong, but no doubt Mr Mills will clarify this for us.

      Best wishes,

      Lily Fossil

    • 3:20 pm

      well, that makes perfect sense now. Might as well lower the math grade some more, as well as reading comprehension lol

      • 7:49 pm

        Nice to hear from you Sensico.

        Lily is correct of course. The “2” was a reference to “squared” but when I saw your comment I started to think that “assclown” really would be worthy of footnote.

        The fact is I had never heard the word until some young person named “Joe” left a comment on my second post. He wasn’t entirely impressed with my views said:

        hey assclown,
        you cant “smoke” acid or “sniff” weed.

        Sadly, I never heard from Joe again. It’s a shame because I’d like to thank him. As soon as I saw it I knew that “assclown” was going to become my favorite new word.

        I’ve used it a few times in the blog and on a daily basis at home. I think of Joe and his keen powers of observation whenever I speak it out loud.

        Anyway…now what the Hell is this about you being unemployed? A smart gal like you? I’m shocked. Hope you find something soon, Sensico.

        All the best, Don

  4. Lily permalink
    2:42 am

    Dear Don,

    Once again, a brilliant and insightful service. Thank you for dedicating your time and energy to compile this report as a service to the nation. At least someone has the moral turpitude and decency to tell it as it is.

    Hopefully the Education Departments, parents and students will read it and pull their damned sox up before it is too late.

    Kindest regards,

    Lily Fossil

    • 12:26 am

      My sincere thanks Lily,

      I appreciate the kind words. Coming from a fine woman like yourself, it means a lot to me.

      Unfortuantely, I don’t suspect that the department of education, parents or the young people will be pulling up their socks anytime soon. In fact, it seems to me that most young people don’t wear socks nowadays. They all seem to be wearing sandals and capri pants. Even the MEN!

      All the best,


      p.s. I only know what a capri pant is because Hattie told me. We were out for a walk and I saw a whole handful of men wearing extremely odd pants. Hattie told me it’s “the style.” Just looks like ill-fitting trousers to me.

  5. 3:21 am


    Physical Education- A poor grade and you chose a picture of you SITTING DOWN.

    English – I admit words such as “Like and “I mean” and “You Know what I am Saying” are killing the language. Society moves forward and weaker parents are bred.

    Everything else well you are a crabbly old dude so anything that young folk you are going to crack on them.

    Your generation went to the Moon only ONCE Saw a president get murdered and DID NOTHING..

    I am guessing you were in the service..i hope for all your kvetching you were

    anyways funny as hell post you are the man…..Zman Young Whipper Snapper extraordinairre

    • 12:45 am


      You’re an odd one Steve “Zman.” Don’t know that I’ll ever figure you out.

      Now, I need to beat on you a little, son. Nothing personal and I suspect you can take it.

      What the Hell do you mean “Your generation went to the Moon only ONCE Saw a president get murdered and DID NOTHING…”

      How many damn times do you need to go to the damned moon anyway? It’s not like we left our house keys there, damn it.

      “Gee Neil, we have to turn around, I left my house keys in a crater and the Super can be a bastard about letting me in.”

      There aren’t any jobs there, no shopping and not a Hell of a lot of nightlife. In fact, the place is a bit of a dump. I’m not surprised people aren’t lining up to go.

      Besides, I’d swear there were a good half dozen moon landings. I’d look it up but my Apollo scrapbooks are in a box somewhere in the attic. Somebody out there can set you straight. Gerard! Help me out here.

      And what kind of nonsense is this about Kennedy and not “doing anything”? Are you saying we did nothing to prevent it, nothing in response to it or nothing in general? Not that it matters, you’re wrong regardless of which way you read it.

      You damned whipper snapper.

      Well, I feel better now.

      Always good to hear from you Zman.

  6. downcastmysoul permalink
    3:48 am

    Then all these G*D*mned Young People go to Assclown University down the street here to learn to be even stupider Assclowns. Even college does not make the Young Ones smart it seems. I’m assuming you are talking about Highschoolers.

    • 12:48 am


      I’m talking about the whole bunch of them, downcastmysoul.

      Always nice to hear from you. Thanks for visiting with me.


  7. 3:50 am

    i wonder how they do in home ec and shop. after all, there are entire tv shows dedicated to cooking, sewing, and all kinds of crafts.

    • 12:49 am

      That will have to be “Part B” Nonnie. I’ll get my pencil and head out to the Walmart to commence my research.

      All the best


  8. Friar permalink
    3:52 am


    Well said! I will never get tired of hearing you use the word “ass-clown” !

    Though don’t be TOO hard on the youngsters, Don. Surely there are a FEW areas in which they deserve an “A”.

    Like Ninetendo, for example. Or downloading music onto I-pods. Or text-messaging.

    …all very practical skills, that may(er) eventually help them land that lucrative career in the fast-food/service industry.

    • 12:59 am

      Thanks Friar,

      I love the word. It’s the one damned decent thing I’ve gotten from a young person in the last 20 years.

      And you’re right, I’m clearly overlooking many valuable skills including the “advanced hand-eye coordination” that this generation claims will make up for all of their foolishness and laziness.

      Have you ever seen that on a resume, Friar?

      Employer: Well, Jimmy we were hoping we’d find someone with a degree in chemical engineering and, based on your resume, it appears you have been in your basement doing nothing for the past 10 years.

      Jimmy: That’s true. But I’ve been playing video games and have outstanding hand-eye coordination.

      Employer: Good God Jimmy why didn’t you say so. To Hell with education and experience, consider yourself hired and feel free to court my daughter!

      All the best,


  9. Janus permalink
    4:06 am

    This post is too true. Nowadays, kids think College is a place to party, drink, do drugs, and have sex every night, blast real foul music until 3 o’ clock in the morning, nurse a massive hangover, and nothing else… and high school is “a place to warm up for it”.

    Tsk. I worry for the next generation of young people. One day they’re going to think it’s awesome to bash in people’s skulls with a sledgehammer, or experiment with cyanide and paint thinner, or, god-forbid, blast real foul music until 4 o’clock in the morning.

    • 1:05 am

      Thanks for the comment Janus.

      I fear for the next generation of young people too but to be honest my first concern is for us current senior citizins.

      These young people are terrorizing us, making a mockery or everything we worked for and scaring the bejeepers out of us.

      Nice to see you. Thanks for stopping in.

  10. 5:59 am

    Dear Don,

    I’ve noticed several times that you suggest young people write their grandmothers. This brings to mind two quiestions.

    First, why can’t they write their grandfathers once in awhile?

    Second, when was the last time you wrote to your grandchildren?

    • 1:09 am

      Thank you for the comment Claire.

      First off, I’m aware that I’m an old “sexist” so you don’t have to point it out when I say that my belief is that a letter means more to the old grandmothers than it does to the men. I know it’s “outdated” thinking but I still believe it and I don’t care to change my point of view.

      I know the grandfathers like to hear from their kids too. Everyone does. But for the grandmothers it means something a little bit more.

      And as for me. Sorry Claire but I’m a private man and I don’t discuss my family business. I’ve mentioned my wife Aggie a few times but I won’t go any further than that.

      All the best


  11. 10:04 am

    This is great. I completely agree with you on pretty much all of these. Now, to see where I stack up to your list.

    Math– I’m terrible at math, Gerard had it right up there. I’m an English major and I can read pretty much anything, but if you hand me a complicated math problem I will probably panic and start crying. Now, this does not mean that I fail at basic math though. I can count back change without a damn computer– and that’s saying a lot because most of the people I work with cannot do that.

    Geography– I’m ok at this. I know where major places are but I’m not some kind of map whiz.

    P.E.– Oh, I hate exercise but thankfully I’m not fat. I’m blessed with a fast metabolism and a natural inclination to you know, move around every once in a while.

    History– I love history! It was my second choice when I was deciding what to teach. I love American History. World War II is very interesting to me because my grandfather was in the Rhineland right towards the end of the war. He was an army medic and I’ve grown up listening to stories about the war and the depression and everything else he went through. History is fascinating. (And also beneficial. I mean, didn’t Hitler read about Napoleon’s failed attempt to invade Russia during the winter?)

    Chemistry– I also fail at this. There is too much math in chemistry. I like Biology though.

    English– My love for the written word should be apparent. If it is not– I love books. I’ve spent my entire life with my nose shoved in a book and it’s never hurt me. Young people today need to give it a try.

    Overall, I think I pass. I’m about to start a tutoring with two little girls next month. I’m going to take them to the library. Hopefully we can start a trend.
    OH! You’re my new favorite blogger fyi

    • magickfaerie permalink
      7:14 pm

      Wow, um just out of curiosity? How odd is it that I wrote this response last night without that last line about you being my favorite blogger, but now it’s there? I have no idea where that came from. I mean, you are my favorite blogger– but I know better than to use that netlingo crap with you. I would have written out “For Your Information.”

      • 7:22 pm

        That is strange Jenny.

        I don’t know what is happening but a handfull of comments showed up duplicated and in my “Spam” folder.

        I suspect it may be the result of some insidious plot by the young people to confuse the Hell out of me but I can’t be sure.

        There were two copies of your comment. I didn’t scan them for differences but simply deleted the first and left the most recent.


        All the best.


        p.s. I’d say you more than pass. Nice work there. Can’t think of much better than a love of history and books.

  12. Lynn permalink
    12:45 pm

    “wouldn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground and couldn’t find it without a GPS and a compass anyway. ..They’re completely ignorant of the world around them.”

    this is so true, did they stop teaching geography in schools? i guess it makes sense though, their entire world is in cyberspace anyway! i suppose twitter is their teacher…

    • 1:32 am

      Thanks Lynn,

      I hadn’t thought of it in that light and you’re likely right. If you’re whole world is sitting on your desktop I guess there isn’t much reason to consult an atlas.

      Thanks for visiting. Nice to see you.


  13. 1:12 pm

    This is just going to fly over the kids’ heads. F’s? Nobody hands those out any more. The grade curve has slipped to the point that no one hands out anything lower than a B-. If you manage to get a C on your report card, that means you’re repeating that grade.

    As for unemployable assclowns… there certainly are a lot of employed assclowns out there, whether they’re ignoring you at the local supermarket, ignoring you at the local Blockbuster, or ignoring you while staring you directly in the face when taking your Appeteaser order.

    I guess when you only have assclowns available, you work with assclowns. And yet, they want the minimum wage raised. It’s time to bring back the Communist threat and put the kids to work building tanks or walking the beans or pulling jammed items out of the combine blades.

    • 1:37 am

      You’re a crafty lad, CLT, and we agree on many things but the grim spectre of communism isn’t something I can support for even the most heinous of assclowns.

      I fully agree though that there is many an employed “AC” out there. It galls me when they just stand there, mouths agape, casting a vacant stare at some ceiling tile while you wait for them to snap out of their ignorant reverie and sell you a damned bag of nails or ice cream cone or bottle of rye or whatever it is you’re looking for.

      Good to see you again CLT.

  14. 1:38 pm

    Hey Don,

    Congrats, you actually changed your format !

    PS: By the way you forgot to grade us in sports 🙂

    • Sander permalink
      5:13 pm

      sports=physical education, at least as far as I’m concerned 😛

    • 1:42 am

      Thanks Sesarr,

      I changed it up and may do it again in the future sometime but I’m going back to my old style next time around. It’s what I do.

      Thanks for stopping in. Didn’t think I’d see you back.


  15. 3:08 pm

    Do they even have real report cards in the lower grades anymore?

    I was at Walmart the other day and even though this might be a pretty common sight these days, this one child really stood out to me. She was probably around 8 years old, but was so obese, her face looked like a fully inflated balloon. Very sad.

    • 1:45 am

      That is sad Yorksnbeans. Don’t think there is anything more I can say about that.

      And I don’t believe they have real report cards for anyone anymore. Period. I heard one story for an old gal at my club who’s daugher is engaged to a teacher in England. At his school students don’t “fail” they simply have their “success deferred.”

      I’m going to pour a drink.


  16. Sander permalink
    5:20 pm

    As those of us on the right side of the pond learn proper English, know where Iceland is (hard not to, when you’re living near it), have spent a fair amount of time in Europe and bike uphill both ways to school instead of driving there, could you be convinced to write a “state of the other-side-of-the-pond report card on young people”?

    • 1:48 am

      Good to see you Sander.

      To be honest, I don’t know that I’m qualified. But then again, that’s never stopped me from spouting off in the past.

      (Maybe I can get in touch with that NobblySan character. He seems to have some halfway decent insights into young people in England.)

      I’ll think on it lad but it sounds to me like you’d be the more likely author.

      Take care


  17. steve permalink
    9:46 pm

    Damned Straight.
    Keep up the good work.

  18. 10:48 pm

    Mr. Mills, here are some “pearls” I had to read when correcting my young students’ compositions (in Portuguese, you know):
    – Lavoisier was guillotined because he invented the oxygen.
    – Wind is a big amount of air.
    – The sun gives us light, heat and tourists.
    – Birds have a tooth called beak.
    – The heart is the only organ that won’t stop working 24 hours a day.
    – Plants are different than animal cause they only breathe at night.
    – The salivary glands only work when we feel like spitting.
    – Atheism is an anonymous religion.
    – It’s been very difficult to find pandas in the Amazon.

    • 1:51 am

      Thanks Ivan.

      Those are damned priceless.

      My hands down favorite is “The sun gives us light, heat and tourists.” Dare I ask how old these youngsters are?

      So, you’re a teacher are you Ivan? Good on you son. A damned noble profession by my way of thinking.

      All the best,


  19. 10:50 pm

    … and they meant it!!

  20. 12:36 am


    I couldn’t help but notice, this is the first post you’re written, where the title doesn’t say the topic makes you furious, livid, or drives you crazy..

    Does this mean you’re getting mellow on us?

    (I certainly hope not!)

    • 1:55 am

      Just a quick change up, Friar. I’ll have double the livid furiousness next time out.

      (It may be a while a while though. I think I’m going to head up to your part of the world and visit with my sister-in-law for a few days. I could use a rest and a decent home cooked meal.)

      • Lily permalink
        8:07 pm

        Dear Don,

        I hope you have a safe trip to your sister-in-law’s and enjoy a well deserved rest and some good old-fashioned home cooking.

        Best wishes,


  21. 2:07 am

    I used to teach Don, but here in Brazil the students can beat the teacher’s ass down and if we complain, their parents will shoot us right between the eyes! So, a few years ago I decided to make a living as a translator.

    The youngsters I have mentioned above were between ages 15-19. If you are asking on their mental ages, I would say they are pretty much an embryo or maybe just sperms and eggs.

    • 2:16 am

      Thanks for the additonal information, Ivan.

      Given the environment, it sounds like you made a wise choice moving over to translation. Too bad though, the world needs more good teachers.

      All the best


      p.s. Always remember, Ivan, “O sol dá nos claros, o calor e os turistas”

  22. 2:56 am


    Sorry to tell you this, but if your intent with this report card is to help young people shape up I don’t think this is good enough. They probably won’t find it and even if they do, they sure as hell aren’t going to (gasp) READ all of it.

    If you want to reach the youngsters you’re going to have to make a video version of this report card and put it on Youtube. But don’t name it “State of the Nation Report Card on Young People”. Call it “EPIC NUT SHOT!!! LOL!”

    Trickery is the best way of getting these kids to learn anything.


    • 2:21 am

      Thanks Perry,

      I’m sure you’re absolutely correct. I’d likely have to include a hip hop score as well, and some scantily clad dancers. Trickery may get them there but a lack of attention span will make it challenge to keep them.

      Best regards,


  23. 6:50 am

    Hey old fella!

    Why the disclaimer at the bottom? Too humble in my opinion. Generalisations are what separates the Alpha’s from the Beta’s in society.

    I hit the B- section of the report card and couldn’t stop laughing. It really bums me out that kids these days just aren’t content with the good old trusty legal drugs like tobacco and alcohol. There are endless possibilities as to what you can achieve while drunk, and it takes time to get to that state too. None of this take-the-pill-with-a-sip-of-water crap. That’s the lazy man’s high.

    As a telecommunications call centre supervisor (try saying that 7 times in a row) I deal with a slew of deadbeats and morons. The young ones are the worst, close to 70% of them can’t spell their own street name.

    Thanks again Don,


    • 2:25 am

      Thanks for stopping in DeanCasino,

      You crack me up son. You’re disrespectful as Hell but you make me laugh.

      Not being able to spell their own street names sums it all up beautifully. It really does.

      Thanks for stopping in.


  24. 3:18 pm

    Hey Don,

    Boy, was that ever bang on. But I did notice you left out Biology…I have a feeling kids these days would do quite well in that area.

    For example, had my cousin stayed in school past the 9th grade, she’d probably get an award or something for her understanding of the sexual reproductive system. Three kids before her 19th birthday has to count for something, hey?

    Anyway Don, thanks for saying what every one is thinking (or at least what every one starts thinking after you say it).

    And you are right…old people do kick some serious ass.

    • 2:33 am

      Jesus, Bschooled…

      Your cousin sounds like some kind of trouble. Out of school before grade 9 and with three kids before 19? Goodness, I hope that husband of hers can convince her to give education a second chance.

      Nice to see you Bschooled. And many thanks for the kind words.


  25. 9:38 pm

    Greetings Don ,

    thankfuly I won’t be getting a “ass clown” tatoo after all. I feel it is catching on fast and I wouldn’t want seen as a follower , a copy cat or anything else for that matter…..I’m off to think of something else.

    good to see you Don……….~Dave

  26. Lily permalink
    3:27 am

    Dear Don,

    Apologies in advance if you have already seen this, but I’m sure you won’t mind.

    City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam

    Name: JOE the Assclown II
    Gang:___LA Assclowns

    1. Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?

    2. If Jose has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn’t cut it?

    3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

    4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

    5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4×4. If he has stolen 2 BMW’s and 3 4×4’s, how many Chevy’s will he have to steal to make $800?

    6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will he have left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing her since she spent his money?

    7. If the average spray paint can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?

    8. Hector knocked up six girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

    (I’m sorry but I am speechless and need to have a lie down.)

    Lily Fossil

    • downcastmysoul permalink
      6:39 pm

      See, assclowns know about Capitalism! Now, what color do they wear in the assclown gang?

  27. Le Geant permalink
    5:47 am

    Dear Mr. Mills,

    I agree with most of your grades, but I might make some allowances for their problems with Geography. It’s very hard to keep up with the name changes — Byzantium? Constantinople? Istanbul? Well, which one is it??? How often do I have to replace perfectly good maps? It’s not like the damned place moved, right? Mumbai? What the hell is that? Myanmar? Sorry, if Burma was good enough for HRH Victoria, it’s good enought for me. And don’t get me started with Africa — try to find Rhodesia on a map today.

    None of which explains why they can’t find Maine.


    Le Geant

    • 5:14 pm

      Good point Le Geant! But, let me suggest you a quick look at this page in my blog (the only one in English). This is a very good article describing some huge misunderstandings about my country, Brazil. The presentation is good for both youngsters and adults!

      All the best,


  28. Patricia permalink
    3:51 am


    Thank you for this report card. Sadly, your grades are fairly accurate. I am currently enrolled in the Masters of Business Administration program at a private college that prides itself in being of the “highest” academic standard. Even in a rigorous program, and in spite of excellent professors, most of the students are complete idiots. 85% of them cannot put together a proper research paper or think critically, which makes me wonder how they graduated high school, let alone college.

    Thank you again,


  29. Luke permalink
    1:08 am

    About the math…

    Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b.
    a + b = t
    (a + b)(a – b) = t(a – b)
    a^2 – b^2 = ta – tb
    a^2 – ta = b^2 – tb
    a^2 – ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 – tb + (t^2)/4
    (a – t/2)^2 = (b – t/2)^2
    a – t/2 = b – t/2
    a = b
    All numbers are the same, and math is pointless.

  30. David permalink
    3:42 pm

    I am wondering why these youths are loitering in front of your no-doubt lovely home? Have you set up some lure to bring them in for observation or have you located yourself in the upstairs of a 7-11 selling them slurpies?

    One wonders.

    btw – I must agree whole-heartedly with your assessment.

  31. YellowRoses610 permalink
    2:49 am

    Alas so many stupid people, so few Feincing swords.

  32. Mystsong permalink
    10:04 pm

    I’m going to break this one down based on my own experiences of the American Public School System.

    Math: You’re probably right on this one. People are lazy. I’ve never excelled at math but at least I know enough to balance my own checkbook!

    Geography: I have actually met a girl who did not know that Mexico was a country. ’nuff said. Personally, I have a terrible sense of direction, but I try to at least know the countries around me by name.

    Physical Education: I have to disagree at least partially on this one. There is a quite sizable chunk of the American youth who is obsessed with attracting the opposite gender who spend most of their free time at the gym working on those “Sexy” abs. I prefer a partner who can keep up an intelligent conversation, however.

    History: Again, I have to agree with you on this one. The school system teaches the same curriculum over and over and over again because people are incapable of getting it the first time. Personally I love history. The past is fascinating.

    Chemistry: I think you over estimate the percentage of today’s youth who actually do enough drugs to know how to produce them. I avoid that group for the most part, so I can’t say for certain.

    English: You are probably correct on this one as well. Down with text talk! Down with ebonics! Learn to speak so that normal people can understand you! this is a personal pet peeve of mine. On an unrelated not, I must make sure I get those library books back soon….

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