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Computer Acronyms for Old People

I don’t care for the damned abbreviations that young people use while chatting on the interwebs.

Not only are they a lazy way of saving keystrokes, I’m always suspicious of young people communicating in code. I don’t mind good old fashioned acronyms like NASA, UNICEF and POLYGRIP but who knows what kind of insidious plots they are cooking up with this “ROTFBMERKGRNMAUL” nonsense. I can’t be sure but it likely involves elder abuse, forced imprisonment in nursing homes and cannabas-laden baked goods.

Well the time has come for seniors to strike back, take the young people’s cryptic abbreviations and make them our own.

To get the ball rolling, I offer the following possible suggestions:

 BFF

1) Bran Flakes Forever
2) Best Friend’s Funeral
3) Been Falling Frequently

BRB

1) Bring Radio Back
2) Bursitis Real Bad
3) Beloved Red Buttons

BTW

1) Born To Wander
2) Broke The Wheelchair
3) Bed The Widow

GTG

1) Going To Graveside
2) Good Time Granny
3) Got the Gout

HAGD

1) Have Any Good Diuretics?
2) Hopeless Assclowns Getting Drunk
3) Heard Andy Griffith Died?

IMO

1) In Monday’s Obituaries
2) Imagine My Outrage
3) Incontinence May Occur

LMAO

1) Like Many Absentminded Oldsters
2) Love My Arthritis Ointment
3) Like Most Angry Octogenarians

LOL

1) Little Old Lady
2) Lots Of Lumbago
3) Lincoln Oldsmobile Lover

OMG

1) Old Man Groaning
2) One More Goiter
3) Open My Geritol

OTW

1) Off The Walker
2) Open To Whisky
3) Old Time Wattle

POS

1) Please Obey Seniors
2) Post Operative Stitches
3) Proud of Senility

ROFL

1) Rude Oafs Flaunting Lawlessness
2) Really Old Ford LeBaron
3) Retirement Opportunity, Fort Lauderdale

TTYL

1) Those Tattooed Young Layabouts
2) Tube Topped Young Lady
3) Try Taking Your Laxatives

WTF

1) Wag The Finger
2) Where’s The Fire?
3) Wanton Teenage Freaks

Please feel free to add to the list. If we work together we can stop whatever the Hell nonsense these young people might be plotting. 

But for now, I need sustenance and rest – IMHO, IRL and then GFN. (I may have oatmeal, imbibe rye liberally and then go for nap.)

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112 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:17 am

    Dear Mr. Mills,

    I am ROFL and saying to myself WTF, how does he come up with this stuff?

    I have to give these new acronyms some thought, but I do like the way you think.

    As always,

    Dr. King

    • 12:24 am

      Always a pleasure to have you visit Dr. King,

      Please feel free to forward any new acronyms you think might help the cause. The more the merrier. But don’t worry if you can’t – it’s just nice to have you visit.

      I do hope you’re keeping well and please pass on my regards to Mr. King as well.

      All the best,

      Don

      • 3:13 am

        Love it all!!!! but i have one for you!
        BFF:
        Best Friend Farted.

        love all your work!!
        Lucy

      • 1:17 pm

        FYI, for your incontinence
        WMB wet my bed
        DHM Down Hill momentum
        BPS Bring a plate of supper
        BNHF Bloody Nursing home food
        CR cant remember
        NCT nappy change time

      • 1:27 pm

        PTA Peel the apples
        SFO Soft food only

  2. 12:19 am

    OMG-Of My Grass

    POS-Pissed of Senior

    BRB-Bring Roosevelt Back

    BTW- Bite The Weiner, Bring The Whiskey

    • 12:21 am

      My “F” key must have something keeping it from working correctly.

      • 12:29 am

        Excellent additions, morethananelectrician.

        My sincere thanks. They were good to start with but the extra “f”s certainly take them up a notch. I have to say I’m a little embarrassed that I didn’t come up with “Off my Grass” on my own. I’m obviously slipping.

        I appreciate the quick additions and your support of a new senior’s code language. When the time comes and we overthrow you damned young people once and for all – you may just well be spared.

        You’re a good lad.

        Don

  3. 12:49 am

    NP

    Nutritionally possible
    Not proper
    Nebulous polyp
    Nitpicky pest
    Nighttime poop

    I’d better stop now.

    • 12:53 am

      Many thanks Pamela,

      I appreciate the additional thought and suggestions. Odd, but “Nebulous Polyp” is the name of the rather avant garde barbershop quartet down at my seniors centre. They’re a little too experimental for my tastes but quite popular with the young seniors.

      All the best and thanks for visiting.

      Don

  4. robinaltman permalink
    12:57 am

    These all made me laugh, but “Retirement Opportunity, Fort Lauderdale” is my forever favorite. You are so good! You made my 16-year-old laugh, as he’s trying to study for the SAT subtest. I’m a bad influence, and he’s already ready for retirement.

    • 1:09 am

      Many thanks Robin,

      Personally, I’m not a fan of Fort Lauderdale. It’s too hot and there are too many people in white slacks. I’ve never cared for white slacks and don’t trust me who wear them.

      I hope your son does well on his tests. He may be ready for retirement but I suspect it isn’t quite ready for him.

      All the best,

      Don

  5. 1:24 am

    Hello friend!

    You have SRLH (seriously provoked laughter here) and I’m GYTTU (giving you the thumbs up). Now, I need to GCMUP (go change my underpants) because you have CMTUITHFLSH (cause me to uirnate in them from laughing so hard). Also, it’s TFMNGOM (time for my nightime glass of Metamucil)

    Another great post, Don. I really wish that I had your spunk and originality.

    YFACS (your friend and constant stalker)
    TPB

    • 12:36 pm

      Thank you TPB,

      Glad to see you getting into the swing of things. With all of the wonderful suggestions I’m receiving I suspect we’ll have this new seniors code language completed in no time at all. After that work is done, I’m of the view that our next step will be to develop a unique line of senior emoticons. I’ll be looking to create a playful “scowly face” as the first step.

      ATBAMTFV (All the best and many thanks for visiting)

      Don

      • 8:46 pm

        Yes! Senior emoticons are a great idea. How about a toothless smiley face? The playful scowly face would be very popular, I’m sure.

    • Sedate Me permalink
      7:36 pm

      You wish you had his spunk -eh?

      Back in my day, that used to mean….well…I don’t want to give Mr Mills a coronary.

  6. 2:01 am

    WOWSERS! Mr Mills! Thats so wonderful that you’re taking it back for the elders of our society. And so you should. I dont understand the code that much either, its like its wartime and they’re the germans!

    I use LOSTL, but i have an explaination on my websites to tell people what it is (Laugh Out Side Then Loudly) because its far faster to type it and do it than it is to type out the full length words. That and its not as loud as well! LOSTL!

    Anyway, I like your abbreviations list. I dont know what they normally mean anyway so i wont hazard a guess to what they could also be. Either way, its lovely to read your words again!

    Bob

    • 12:38 pm

      Many thanks young Bob,

      Nice to hear from you. I wondered where you had been and was a little concerned that perhaps you had done yourself an injury while servicing the neighbors. I trust you’ve earned a little pocket money and put a smile on a few faces as well.

      I’m glad to hear that you haven’t bought in to this secret language the damned young people have conjured up, Bob. It’s a slippery slope. It starts with shortening phrases like “be right back” to BRB but before you know it people are looking for a 6 hour work week and demanding drive through barbershops. There are no shortcuts in life, Bob. Anything worth having has to be earned.

      All the best and pass my regards on to your DOM (dear old mom).

      Don

      • David permalink
        5:56 pm

        >>>you had done yourself an injury while servicing the neighbors.

        Mr Mills….I’m shocked. Shocked I tell you that you would be associating with the likes of people that “service” the neighbors like a common prostitute. And what sort of neighborhood is that anyway? In my day, those kinds of people were tarred, feathered and sent packing.

        Shameful.

    • 8:46 pm

      Bob…love the fact that you used the word, “wowser”.

  7. 2:17 am

    BRB = Big Rat’s Butt.

    It’s what you don’t give for anything once you’ve reached the age where being cool is irrelevant.

    • 12:39 pm

      Thank you Sledpress.

      A definite keeper. I appreciate your sending that along.

      All the best,

      Don

  8. 2:20 am

    Don! This was certainly an almost pleasant surprise! I came in expecting a set of trading cards or a treatise on iPhonery, but instead I got a discombobulating smack into Memory Lane.

    Acronyms. God help me, the military loved these. Anything that could have been simply said in plain English was quickly deprived of all its syllables and slapped across manuals, teletype readers and various military-issue tattoos.

    We would often receive this abbreviated missives while under fire at the front, leaving us little time or “personal space without incoming bullets” to properly decode these. Add to this hectic workspace a general lack of motivation on the part of my fellow bullet-catchers, and you have recipe for disaster (serves 1 platoon).

    The letters would come flying in as fast as the enemy shells. We would quickly scrawl down as many as we could with the intent of doing a swift translation during the next period of eerie calm. We’d grab our glossaries from off the shelf and fix a steely glare at the nightmarish task before us.

    The notebooks would be filled with captial letters (with a few written in reverse by Williams, who never passed the fourth grade thanks to his small town’s school’s omission of any grade past that). The criss-crossing pattern of nonsensical letters resembled a Kazhakstani crossword puzzle, where every word had twice as many consonants as usual and every vowel had apparently been sent to fight for its homeland.

    We’d furrow our brows for a moment and stare off into mid-distance. The panicked yelling of our staff sergeant would often snap us out of our confused reverie as he screamed for a status update.

    We’d respond using the few acronyms we were sure of: MRE, NAACP, MILF. He’d puzzle over his General MacArthur Brand Decoder Ring for a moment before making a collection of futile and often obscene gestures. We’d make a second briefer attempt to communicate with a random smattering of mumbled “Alphas,” “Tangos” and “Niners.”

    Despite our complete ineptitude, a lack of ready reinforcements allowed us to hamper battlefield strategy for nearly two years straight. We began to grasp a few of the simpler terms and began peppering our letters home with misused acronyms and military secrets.

    Oddly enough, when presented with a court martial for our apparent betrayal of our comrades in arms (the good kind, not the Commie kind), the subpeona was so clogged with acronyms and jargon that the MPs were unable to do anything more than politely ask that we not leave “town” until the order could be deciphered.

    Despite the round-the-clock work of a crack team of experts, our walking papers arrived nearly 8 months before our sentences. Our return to civilian life irked the bean counters though and several more unsuccessful attempts were made to lock us up. However, many of us took advantage of the nascent “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” law to retroactively change our “batting stance” so to speak, and remain free to disrupt civilian life with our collective ineptitude.

    Thanks for the gentle prodding of the grey matter, Don. Letters used to mean something and it’s a shame they don’t anymore. Like you, I blame it on the young, who have managed to break nearly everything they’ve touched.

    Sincerely,
    C.L. Tanager

    • 1:03 pm

      Many thanks Clifton,

      I’m delighted that if I was able to prod your grey matter – if for no other reason than it resulted in a references to Kazhakstani crossword puzzles and General MacArthur Brand Decoder Rings. I haven’t seen either in years. (I had a Kazhakstani jumble a while back but am still uncertain if тазалап тастаған шығар really answers the question “What the goat herder said when the Russian tanks approached.”

      And congratulations, Clifton, on finally setting up your own damned blog. If more older folks would follow your lead we might be able to finally wrestle control of the internet away from the damned young people and turn it into something decent, educational and suitable for framing.

      All the best,

      Don

    • Sedate Me permalink
      7:50 pm

      I find most acronyms usage to be self-aggrandizing at the expense of the English language. I find only self important little pukes use them.

      That said, military personnel pretty much get a Free Abbreviations Pass from me. (SNAFU is one of my favourites) These guys are too busy dodging bullets to use the Queen’s English each and every time.

      When these spoiled rotten young punks are pinned down on a beach with bullets flying around their heads, maybe then we’ll talk.

  9. Debbi permalink
    2:36 am

    ROFL! Once again, Donald, you’ve got me LMAO. And it doesn’t involved Fort Lauderdale or oatmeal.

    How about these?

    BBL

    Buy better laxatives
    Bad back layabout
    Bursitis burns limbs

    OMG

    Outta my garage
    Oh, my gas
    Ouch, my gout

    Thanks, Donald. You’re an inspiration! And hilarious, to boot.

    • 1:36 pm

      Many thanks Debbi,

      Excellent additions. I’m beginning to think that making the final selections for the SSGTEADI (Senior Citizens’ Guide to Effective Abbreviations, Damn It!) may be more challenging that I had originally anticipated.

      All the best and thank you for visiting.

      Don

  10. 3:22 am

    WMD – Wet My Depends

    WWJD – Worthless Wasted Juvenile Delinquents

    PMS – Possible Maniac Senior

    • 1:36 pm

      Thank you Tricia,

      Outstanding! Consider all three included in the final guide.

      All the best and thank you for sharing.

      Don

  11. 5:02 am

    you’ve gone too far this time, old man! :x it just so happens, i live in ft. lauderdale (and i don’t own even one pair of white pants). no, i don’t like it here, but that means that i’m allowed to insult the place, not you. HAGD (hosers are goin’ down!) :evil:

  12. 7:00 am

    Hmm, thanks for the new meaning of WTF, I can’t wait to shout Wanton Teenage Freaks to those friggin skateboarding louts..

    • 1:37 pm

      Thank you frigginloon,

      Give them Hell. And if you run out of skateboarding louts to yell at feel free to stop by for a visit. I could use a hand sorting out the small army of them that congregate in front of house every night.

      Best regards,

      Don

  13. 7:50 am

    Don!

    These are truly outstanding. Not only have you come up with an acceptable way for seniors to broach otherwise repugnant topics like goiters and senility (gross!), you’ve also managed to cut a good 20 minutes off their otherwise long-winded and rambling monologues.

    Now all you have to do is get them all on the L337 bandwagon, and soon you’ll all be falling and can’t get up in three different languages!! LOL!!!!!

    (Sorry, I’ve been suffering from a bit of lumbago lately.)

    Tremendous job, Don. j00Z r 0LD, BU7 j00Z R |-|3P!!

    Your LOL (but hopefully not for long) friend,

    Bschooled

    • 2:10 pm

      Many thanks Bschooled,

      First off, sorry to hear about the lumbago. I know first hand how painful that can be. I suspect that more and more young people like yourself are being struck with this type of ailment though – what with all of the current emphasis on irresponsible footwear, booty-shaking and mandatory slouching. A spine can only take so much anti-social twisting before it’s inclined to speak up. You may want to consider replacing your mattress with a full sheet of ¾ inch plywood and your pillow with a sack of yams (or any other comparable root vegetable). The combination will have you straightened out in no time.

      As for L337 – that’s an excellent idea. I see it as the second wave. Once we seniors have developed a comprehensive list of short forms and developed our own unique brand of emoticons we can begin to branch out and co-opt other forms of “youthful expression.” Who knows, perhaps I’ll start working on a dictionary of senior gang signs we can flash to one another as well.

      Many thanks for the suggestion and for the visit.

      Always a treat to hear from you, Bschooled.

      Your friend,

      Don

      • 10:20 pm

        Thanks for the tip, Don.

        Needless to say, I yam feeling better already!*

        (*OPJ-Old Person Joke)

  14. 10:55 am

    On one hand I felt old reading this for not knowing what over half the original acronyms meant, but on the other, I felt refreshed, rejuvenated and youthful from all the laughing it induced, so I feel a tad confused as to whether I can ‘work with you and add to the list’ as a fellow oldie, or jeer loudly at your when you next fall over as a disrespecting youth…

    I’m thinking work with you…

    SFA (Sweet Fuck All for those not in the know) = Senior Fall Area ( I’m thinking as a sign/code for a soft foam type play pen that they have for toddlers, but for oldies so they can cut loose and fall ass over tit all day long and not even worry about breaking their hips…)

    • 2:27 pm

      Many thanks RubyTwoShoes,

      Glad to hear you decided to come down on the side of decency and work with me on this. It may not sound like quite as much fun but you’re still free to jeer loudly at young people. Based on my observations, they pull plenty of damned ridiculous and jeer-worthy stunts.

      And your suggestion is a good one. I know a SFA would go over big at the seniors centre. They folks there may be old but they enjoy some good clean tomfoolery just as much as anyone else (especially after “shandy-hour”).

      All the best, RubyTwoShoes, and thanks for stopping in.

      Don

  15. 12:32 pm

    You’d think this post would be tailor made for me but it’s not Don. I don’t even know what half of those acronyms stand for in the real world. I’ll give it my best shot though…

    BFF- Beer for Fred. Better fight fair. Busty friendly female.

    BTW- Better to wait. Be there Wednesday! Been taught well. Buy the Wellies.

    GTG- Get the gun. Great talk granddad.

    HAGD- Humble Australians greet dogs. Hug a good dauchshund.

    IMO- In microwave oven. In my orifice. Insane medieval oncology.

    LMAO- Licensed in marital aids only. Little murky asshole orifice.

    LOL- Learn only labia’s. Leave out lepers. Leave one latent. Leaky oily loins.

    OMG- Oh my gout.

    ROFL- Running on feeble legs. Recession’s over fire Lehman.

    I told you I pretty much sucked at acronyms.

    • 2:42 pm

      Thanks very much Scott,

      I did, indeed, think that this was tailor made for a lad of your imagination and don’t feel you disappointed at all. You’d likely be surprised how often I’ve worked the phrase “Insane medieval oncology” into casual conversation. (I can’t say the same for “leaky oily loins” but perhaps when I reach my 90s it might be an appropriate fit).

      Well done and many thanks.

      All the best,

      Don

      p.s. plus, I partial to the dachshund one.

  16. 12:38 pm

    Don thanks for having someone set you up with the technology to follow me on Facebook.

    Believe it or not that scroundrel on the run Ram also is following me. You would think he would have time to blog from whereever he is in hiding.

    • 2:42 pm

      Thank you Bearman,

      It’s a pleasure to be following you, lad. I just wish I knew where the Hell you were taking me. And remember, I need to be home in time for the Wheel of Fortune.

      Best regards,

      Don

  17. 2:48 pm

    Mr. Mills,
    I got a kick out of reading your column. Personally, I think your abbreviations are better than most of the real ones! And it goes without saying that I’m always glad to see another senior citizen blogger entering the forefront of the Internet!

    The Codger
    http://thecodger.wordpress.com/

    • 4:08 pm

      Many thanks thecodger,

      Always a pleasure for me to run across (in a non-vehicular way) another senior as well. I look forward to visiting your site.

      All the best,

      Don

  18. 3:19 pm

    Well, I really hate old people and I don’t think you’ll be an exception to that, Mr. Mills. That said, I like to spend at least 70% of each day experiencing writhing anger, so I’ll have to work my way through your backposts at once.

    Good day to you.

    • 4:13 pm

      Thank you Shawn,

      I appreciate the honesty. I don’t know why you’d hate old folks though. We’re the damned salt of the earth. Still, given my stance on moronic young people I can hardly fault you for it.

      Nice of you to visit. All the best,

      Don

  19. Skip Filgo permalink
    3:32 pm

    ROFL&ICGU

    Rolling on floor laughing and I can’t get up!

    • 4:13 pm

      Many thanks Skip Filgo and welcome.

      Nice of you to stop in and leave me a comment. I do appreciate it.

      All the best,

      Don

  20. 6:09 pm

    Um… Prostate Operation Soon

    Outlive My Grandson

    (and for the older lady) Tits Touch Your Lap

    • 11:44 pm

      Many thanks blogmella,

      First rate additions. And although we senior men would have to be careful around the usage of TTYL, we’d have ample oppotunity to put POS to good use.

      All the best and thanks so much for stopping in.

      Don (Don)

  21. Sedate Me permalink
    7:27 pm

    It’s amuses me that young people with their entire (pathetic) little lives ahead of them come up with these bullshit acronyms that saves them the time and effort of a few seconds worth of typing…just so they can do even more typing. You’d think that old people, with little or no time left, would use such codes to maximize every second they have left and/or shorten the time typing with painfully arthritic fingers.

    But no, they are the most literate people on the Internet.

    As a younger person (compared to Mr Mills at least), I’m actually proud of the fact that I DON’T recognize the following ones: HAGD, OTW, POS, TTYL

    I honestly can’t even guess what they really are, but I will play along anyway.

    OTW – Old Tired… Weak/Wreck/Whore
    POS – Piss Or Shit, Purpose Of Surgery, Prostate Old Spongy
    TTYL – Tired of Typing You Letters, Terribly Tired of Your Life
    HAGD – Had A Good Dump

    • 11:52 pm

      Many thanks Sedate me,

      That’s an excellent point you make there.

      Just how much time do young people save typing BTW instead of “by the way” anyway? I’m old and typing the full version only took me a couple of seconds. It’s not like they’ve been performing brain emergency brain surgery and running late for the opera.

      And you’re right, if anyone should be in a position to use acronyms and maximize our time left on this planet it’s damned seniors. Well said.

      Thanks for the acronyms too. The last one was damned crude but it did make me laugh.

      All the best and thank you for the comment.

      Don

  22. Lynn permalink
    7:52 pm

    i just wish i had one small area of my brain that worked like yours don… :-) i always laugh when i visit…this was great!

  23. 8:50 pm

    Don…you need to get started on compiling these for a handy senior’s manual. The writers at Things White People Like blog (or something similar to that) made a killing by compiling all the replies. I’m sure this would be a hit! A #1 at Amazon with a bullet. I’ll bet you’d have more pre-orders than Sarah Palin did.

    • 12:17 am

      Many thanks TPB,

      There have been some excellent suggestions made and I’m quite grateful for them. I like the idea of a handy senior’s manual and as soon as my PSW (personal support worker) starts I will set him to the task of transcribing them. They may not make it to print but I’ll find a way to get the work out to the seniors’ community.

      All the best,

      Don

  24. elizabeth3hersh permalink
    5:54 am

    Wow Don, your challenge was tougher than it looked. I gave it my best shot:

    BFF — Befuddled Frail Fossil, Blew Fumy Flatulence

    BRB — Bocce Rye Bingo

    BTW — Bald Tottering Wastrel

    GTG — Grizzled Tyrannosaurus Geezer

    HAGD — Hypertensive Anemic Going Down

    IMO — Interment (at) Mausoleum Outing

    LMAO — Libido Malfunctioning And Obsolete

    OMG — Ossified Mummified Grandpa

    OTW — Old Tired Wrinkled

    POS — Prostatic Obstruction Syndrome

    ROFL — Rickety Old Fugly Loser

    TTLY — Tipsy Tottering Loud Yenta

    WTF — all the following possibilities and couldn’t string them together to make sense: Wobbly Wasted Womanizer Worthless Wretch Wreck Writhing Francophile Facade Fascist…

    I covered the old people…the young people will be a cakewalk. Again, harder than it looks.

    • 12:28 am

      Many thanks Elizabeth,

      It is harder than it looks isn’t it?

      An eclectic and intriguing mix of abbreviations, Elizabeth – just exactly as I would have expected from you. It’s difficult to pick favorites but if I had to choose three I’d say they’d be:

      BTW — Bald Tottering Wastrel

      LMAO — Libido Malfunctioning And Obsolete

      and

      OMG — Ossified Mummified Grandpa

      Truly wonderful additions, Elizabeth, and I appreciate your taking the time to write them and share them with me.

      Best regards and thanks for visiting.

      Don

  25. 8:38 am

    Hilarious. I have nothing to add to your list, but this really made my morning. Thanks!

    • 12:29 am

      Thank you azahar,

      I’m glad you were able to find a chuckle and appreciate your kind words.

      All the best,

      Don

  26. 11:11 am

    WTF: Where’s the food?
    PDA: Pretty damn angry.

  27. 12:23 pm

    MAEN, TTFN!

    • 12:33 am

      Many thanks Dave.

      Appreciate the comment but have to say I expected at least one IMHO from you!

      All the best,

      Don

  28. 3:53 pm

    FTW – Find The Walker!

    Acronyms play an important role in life. I use them sometimes in my Presidential campaign. http://ahmnodtheare.wordpress.com/2009/03/27/acronyms-the-next-phase-of-the-campaign/

    • 12:38 am

      Thank you Ahmnodt,

      Appreciate the contribution and the link. I’ve had more than my damned share of exposure to government acronyms but I look forward to reading about how you use them in your campaign.

      Many thanks

      Don

  29. 7:37 pm

    BFF
    Bloody Freakish Fratboys
    Bowel Freeing Figs

    BRB
    Burping Really Badly

    BTW
    Been to Walmart “Where do you think I was? I BTW! And no, I didn’t get your damn SMS! I dont do that newfangled rubbish. In my day, sitting outside someone’s house and waiting an hour was just good manners!”
    Bowling Team Wannabe “Someone’s gotta tell Frank that all he’ll ever be is a BTW. Sally can’t sew him a team shirt that big, anyway.”

    HAGD
    Had a Good Dose (Viagra) “Hey Bill, I HAGD last night! He he he”
    Hips are Going Downhill “How am I? I’ll tell you how I am! I got HAGD!”

    LMAO
    Let my anger out “If that punk doesn’t shut up, I’m going to LMAO”

    LOL
    Luscious Old Lady

    OMG
    Oh My Goiter

    OTW
    On the Wane – “My patience is OTW, Billy. Time to get the shotgun and get those young punks off the lawn once and for all. Where’s the buckshot?”

    WTF
    Why The Face? “WTF? When I was your age I had tons to do! Women by the mile! Friends by the pound! What the hell is wrong with you?”

    And some new ones:

    For those young people:
    NBTW – Never Been To War
    TDTV – Too Dumb To Vote
    TYTC – Too Young To Care

    Shorthand for your Carer/Nurse/Doctor
    CBDR – Colostomy Bag Change Required
    NMV – Need more Viagra
    HOMJ – Hands off ma junk

    • 12:49 am

      I have to say I’m damn impressed, ittybittycrazy.

      That’s a Hell of a contribution. Bowel Freeing Figs is my absolute favorite but they are all top drawer. And I really enjoyed the manner in which you put the abbreviations to work in real life situations so that we could see them at work. Nice damned touch.

      That comment must have taken you some time to write and I really appreciate your doing so.

      Many thanks

      Don

  30. 7:53 pm

    Dear Mr. Mills,

    I think you and your faithful readers have pretty much got this topic covered. And since I can’t top anything you guys have said, may I just add one more…

    BYOB…works for young and old alike!

    Mrs. King
    *hic*

  31. Sedate Me permalink
    8:37 pm

    Mr Mills,

    I’m sure you fondly remember some of these old acronyms from your youth. It’s funny how some of them are (or at least should be) as relevant today as they were under FDR. (Franklin Delano Roosevelt)

    http://americanhistory.about.com/od/greatdepression/tp/new_deal_programs.htm

    Or, for the keeners, a more complete list and links to explanations of the programs

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alphabet_agencies

    These acronyms were life and death for many. The acronyms of today’s spoiled rotten kids are all cutesy, illiterate-isms, brought on by their damn $500 phones and desperate desire to be “kewl”.

    • 11:35 pm

      Many thanks Sedate me,

      Some of those acronyms from the first link really took me back. And you’re right – they certainly had important meaning to an awful lot of people.

      I appreciate the links tremendously.

      All the best,

      Don

  32. Yo' Momma permalink
    8:55 pm

    I’m loving the bursitis and gout ones. My dad doesn’t even know you can email from other places than your home, so I can’t even imagine what he’d think of a computer acronym.

    AB

    • 11:40 pm

      Many thanks Yo’ Momma (there’s a phrase I never thought I’d type) and welcome.

      Very nice of you to stop in. I have to admit that I was under a similar assumption as your old dad for quite a while. It’s embarrassing as hell but I’ve slowly come around.

      Still, it’s nowhere near as daft as a young person I worked with when fax machines were first introduced. The young pup kept feeding the sheet in time after time after time and when I asked him why the hell he was doing at it he looked up at me and said “but the memo keeps coming back out. It’s still here…” He seemed to think that the fax machine would dematerialize the paper, and send it in tiny pieces through the phone lines before it was magically re-materialized on the other end.

      I retired the next week.

      Anyway, I’m rambling. Pass on my best to your old dad and thanks for visiting.

      Don

  33. 10:53 am

    A handy list, Mr. Mills. I tried to copy and paste it but they hid the screen magnifier under “acccessability options” so arcanely that I needed to get someone else to do it. When will they make computers for people over 18?

    • 11:43 pm

      Nice to see you bmj2k,

      I’d like to see senior-friendly computers too. Actually, something with a crank on the side would be nice. I trust machines more when I can see at least one moving part and have to put some elbow grease into starting them up.

      All the best and thanks for stopping in. Always good to hear from you.

      Don

  34. 12:53 pm

    I’m going to give this list to my teenager. It might shame her into rediscovering real words.

  35. 6:14 pm

    Hello Mr. Mills,

    As usual, your writings have left me with a hearty smile and spring in my step and I thank you for that.

    I’m not ADA Compliant (Another Damn Acronym), the abbreviations used today drive me nuts, as I feel they simply add to the idiocracy of our society. Soon, the English language will have become so butchered that ‘See Spot Run’ will be considered a literay classic. Change is inevitable and, as Charles Darwin has made us all aware, it is the survival of the fittest that ensures our species, which leaves me to believe that our species may be doomed. While that’s incredibly pesimestic, I do still believe there’s hope for the youth and maybe this is simply just ‘a phase.’ Lol :)

    All my best to you,

    Tara

    • Sedate Me permalink
      8:56 pm

      You’re right. They cheapen the language and really only serve to confuse people.

      The thing about acronyms is that, because there are only so many letters in the alphabet, there are only so many combinations. This is starting to be chaotic just in the field of business and organizations alone. Since everyone is reducing themselves to just 3 or 4 letters, the same acronym could apply to dozens of organizations. Perhaps the most famous overlap occurred when the WWF battled the WWF over use of WWF in a court of law and won.

      Start throwing in the ROFL, OMG, BRB, and such into the mix, and you might as well just put the language in a shredder. Everyone will only be able to understand their own tribal codes.

    • 11:56 pm

      Thank you kindly Tara,

      I fully agree about the state of language and what it might suggest for our future. I must be a tad more pessimistic however because if things keep up at this rate I don’t see anyone being able to read at a “See Spot Run” level in a few years. It will have to be translated into “modern” English and become “c spot rn and be a maximum of 140 characters in length.” I doubt spot will run or jump anymore either but that’s another beef.

      Still, hold on to your optimism as long as you can. It will serve you well I’m sure.

      All the best and thanks for stopping in.

      Don

  36. 10:40 pm

    Ok, this is some GOOD stuff. Thank you! I’m afraid I’m going to have to add you to the list!

    • 12:00 am

      Thank you livingdilbert.

      I enjoy lists. I always have at least 1o on the go. Shopping lists, to-do lists, lists of suspicious licence plates, potential letters of complaint. I find it a good way to stay organized.

      Regardless, I appreciate you adding me to yours. It’s very kind of you.

      All the best,

      Don

  37. Anonymous permalink
    11:14 pm

    LOL and WTF are the only two I know, Don. How pathetic is that? Sometimes I figure one out, but then forget it soon after. Oh! The post office calls their little trucks LLVs, for “long-life vehicle”. POV is not “point-of-view”, but “personally-owned vehicle”. LHD is “left-hand drive”. So I drive a LLVLHD, and there’s a lot more where that came from, throughout countless postal manuals. The postal service is based on the military, and after reading Mr. Tanager’s reply, it all makes perfect (non)sense. Cheers and great post; definately LOL-worthy!

    • 12:07 am

      Thank you anonymous,

      I don’t consider it pathetic at all. To me it just suggests you have common sense.

      There are just too many damned acronyms all the way around. I used to work for government and know full well the penchant each department has for both jargon and acronyms. I’m not surprised the post office is the still way. Still, at least they keep their acronyms largely internal – these young people are turning them into mainstream language.

      That Mr. Tanager’s a pip isn’t he?

      All the best Anonymous and thanks for stopping in.

      Don

  38. 1:18 am

    Funny how the post office is FULL of these dreaded word replacements. My little delivery truck is an LLV or “long-life vehicle” and the list goes on and on. POV is not point-of-view, but “personally-owned-vehicle”. Anyway . . . it’s no coincidence that the postal service was born and bred by the military, and Mister Tanager’s reply explains why the abundance of acronyms exists. This post was more of your comedy genius, Don. You could’ve been a writer for some of those great variety shows that have been missing for so many years.

    • 1:13 am

      Thanks Dan. You sound remarkably like anonymous. Must be a postal thing.

      All the best, lad.

      Don

  39. Skydancer (Guardian Angel) permalink
    3:24 am

    Very clever! But I LIKE BFF! As an old fart, I’m taking that one over! I’m a man and I call my best friend (a female), my BFF! lol! There isn’t a better word because she’s not my “lover” or “girlfriend”, but she’s more than “just'” a friend and it keeps the question of whether or not we have a sexual relationship ambiguous as I would prefer it to be :)

    • 1:14 am

      Many thanks Skydancer,

      I appreciate your stopping in. Always good to have a little mystery in your life. By all means, claim BFF as your own. They more we can wrest them away from the damned young people the better.

      All the best,

      Don

  40. 12:25 pm

    Young language when chatting usually knows the young man himself

    • 1:16 am

      Thank you beds and mattresses.

      You’re correct. And old sounds of sighing often respond to dumbass comment.

      Best regards,

      Don

  41. mediamugshot permalink
    2:27 pm

    How about:
    POS: Peed on Self (it’s a medical condition …)

    LMAO: Little Maggots Are Obnoxious

    • 1:18 am

      Top Drawer, mediamugshot.

      Many thanks for the contributions. I’m sure POS will be a damned popular one.

      All the best and thanks for stopping in.

      Don

  42. 6:56 am

    I would like to add: WYLAFATST -Warning You Will Laugh and Fart At The Same Time, very important for an old person.

    WAMFT- Where Are My False Teeth?
    ITPT- Is It Pensioner Thursday? This only applies in Australia.

    • 1:20 am

      Thank you Poppy Kat,

      All excellent additions but I have to confess that the first one had me chuckling pretty hard. It’s perfect.

      Many thanks. I appreciate you visiting.

      All the best,

      Don

      • 10:07 am

        Careful with hard chuckling, how old did you say you were?
        I shouldn’t type without my glasses, there’s an old person acronym in that.

  43. 11:08 am

    For the older person who still likes the house to be fashionable –

    PMSL: Pimping My Stair-Lift?

  44. Shafali permalink
    2:50 pm

    Hi Mr. Mills,

    I’ve just returned from the dead and I thought I should remind you of TPWYPT! (I don’t know if one of your zillion fans has already mentioned this one:)

    Warm Regards,
    Shafali

  45. 12:21 am

    Don, a few of those I don’t even know! You’re quite in the know for an old crabby fart!

  46. Anonymous permalink
    4:30 am

    LOL Sir [Sorry we netizens are used to some of these words now :D]. Excellent article as usual. My favourites are the full forms for ROFL, POS and OMG. Keep it up Mr. Mills.

  47. 3:28 pm

    Here we are, back in the early 19th century, with lists of letters, two of which survive: OK, and PDQ.

    I personally like WTF. Like “My Bad,” it clicks with my old teletype brain. “And Mate.” (I want to see who gets that…).

  48. 2:06 pm

    I don’t feel like such a young person anymore seeing as I didn’t recognise HAGD, OTW and POS.

  49. lianamerlo permalink
    11:41 pm

    I just about died when I saw TTYL – Try Taking Your Laxatives.

    I could see this catching on in the young community actually. There seem to be so many teens suffering from eating disorders, they might find this sage advice when trying to lose weight in a pinch.

  50. Anonymous permalink
    9:40 pm

    never heard of a ford lebaron

  51. saz1454 permalink
    12:51 pm

    may be tmi but i pmsl when reading this , you sir are a legend , :)

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