God Damned Booty-Shaking Young People Drive Me Around the Bend!
The problem with young people today is that they don’t know how to dance.
Back when I was a youngster, dancing was damned serious business. We were expected to learn proper dances like the foxtrot, the waltz and the lindy hop. Complicated dances that required scholarly study, precise execution and a predetermined sequence of steps.
My generation learned from the Arthur Murray school of dance and when you saw us on the dance floor we all looked alike, dressed alike and moved in the exact same way. Just as God intended it.
But these young people today, they don’t dance. They get all hopped up on ecstasy and hormones and flail around like someone’s set their asses aflame. It’s manic and moronic – they dance like god damned mental patients chasing imaginary butterflies. It’s interpretive anarchy, I tell you, and it leads to all manner of social ills, reckless behaviours and venereal diseases.
And when it’s not just a free-for-all of herky-jerky arms and legs, their dancing becomes a dirty hodgepodge of pelvic thrusting, groin mauling and simulated sex acts. It’s “pornography” not “choreography” and I blame “the bump” for starting it all.
If I had ever “shaken my booty” at my old mom, she would have two-stepped my backside into the root cellar and busted my moves with a meat tenderizer.
I don’t understand it. For some reason, young people seem to feel that dance should be about expressing themselves and having “fun.” Ridiculous! Young people need to understand that dancing is social obligation like visiting in-laws, talking to your neighbours and attending Christmas parties – it’s meant to be endured not enjoyed.
The sooner these young people cut out all this willy-nilly arm flapping, finger snapping and dry humping and get back to doing a sensible hokey-cokey, the sooner we can pull this country out of its moral limbo and jitterbug on down the road to common decency.
They don’t know how to dance. That’s the problem with young people today.