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Affronts to Old People #2: Blaming Seniors for All that is Wrong with the World

If there is one thing that riles us old folks up it’s when god damned young people start whining about how we’ve ruined the planet for them.

They hold me and my pals at the seniors centre personally responsible for everything from global warming to the price of gas to the cancellation of the O.C.

I’m not sure what they expected to find when they popped out of the womb but it seems they were hoping for a fairy dreamland where Ipods grow on trees in fair-trade forests and smoke stacks puff out giant clouds of marijuana smoke.

According to the young folks, if they’d been in charge over the last hundred years they’d have remedied all of the world’s problems and still had time left over to invent flying skateboards. They’re short on specifics but I’m guessing their master plan would have involved a lot of high level discussion in internet chat rooms among brainiacs with names like “Freakazoid123” and repeated use of the words “random” and “sweet.”

The big ones they’re always carping on about are the Economy and the Environment. Apparently we old folks have destroyed both during our generation-long luau of depravity.

It’s a load of malarkey.

And it seems to me that young people haven’t done anything to improve matters.

Sure, they can spend their parent’s money with reckless abandon but beyond that and a part time job at Dominos Pizza making “crazy bread” and spitting on pizzas I’m not sure they’re doing a Hell of a lot to prop up the economy.

And the Environment? The young people talk a good game but have you ever walked past a school yard? Nothing but styrofoam containers, old bongs and discarded lunch bags as far as the eye can see. And if the state of their bedrooms is any indication of how they plan to treat the planet it’s going to be a short drive to the end of the world.

So, listen, do me a favor and put a lid on the sanctimonious clap trap and stop blaming me and my senior pals. If you’re so damned upset about the state of the world try coming up with some ways to fix it – and stop picking on pensioners who are just trying to enjoy their golden years while keeping young people off of their lawns.

Now I have to run. It’s time for us old folks to go pour lead paint in the water supply and then celebrate at our weekly panda roast.

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57 Comments leave one →
  1. 6:50 pm

    Don

    No doubt in my mind or anyone I know, that the greatest generation saved the world. Ordinary men and women did an extraordinary thing in an extraordinary circumstance. I dont blame older folk for todays problems..things happen and sometimes they are not dealt with in the best of ways. I dont blame you..shit happens…..Zman sends

    • 1:11 am

      Nice to see you Zman,

      Well said, son, and thanks for the comment. I have to admit though that I miss not having anything to yell at you about. You’re usually good for at least one smart assed remark.

      Best regards

      Don

  2. 7:42 pm

    I love slow roasted panda. If you get a chance, try some koala. They eat a lot of eucalyptus so they clear out your sinuses when you eat them.

    My son wants to work in environmental science. I am not sure how he will clean up the world when he lives in a room that doubles as a petri dish.

    • 1:16 am

      Thanks omawarison,

      Nice to hear from you again. I hope you’re keeping well.

      I’m not a big fan of marsupials (I find the meat stringy) but I’ll look into some Koala steaks for sure. My sinuses have been playing Hell with me lately and I’ll try just about anything.

      Thanks for the tip.

      DOn

      • Lily permalink
        1:25 am

        Dear Don,

        Seriously, eucalyptus oil is the BEST cure for sinuses. I use it all the time.

        Lily

  3. 7:47 pm

    Speaking of the environment, I’ve been hearing for years about how I’m supposed to recycle my plastic bottles. I just heard the other day that I’m supposed to stop recycling my plastic bottles because of the toxins it releases into the atmosphere. Goddamn environmentalists can’t make up their fool minds.

    • 1:22 am

      Hi Shannon,

      Thank God I’m not the only one confused. Do my newspapers go in the garbage, the recycling, the composter or am I supposed to burn them in the backyard?

      Thank God Hattie comes in two days a week to sort that stuff for me. I’d lose my mind.

      All the best

      Don

      • downcastmysoul permalink
        5:38 pm

        Don’t ask me about aluminum cans. Just suffice it to say it isn’t profitable to redeem them unless you can load up the back of a truck with them.

      • 1:44 pm

        I thought you old folk used newspapers to wipe your asses?

        • downcastmysoul permalink
          4:03 pm

          I think the bums in the park do when the city is too cheap to stock TP in the portapotties.

  4. Gerard permalink
    7:54 pm

    I actually can’t comment much on this one, as I’m not familiar with this idea of blaming seniors for much.

    Sure, things like the environment weren’t a priority back then like they’re becoming now (supposedly), but it’s not like everyone knew what the consequences were going to be, and the technology probably didn’t allow for the most energy-efficient designs in products like cars and electronics.

    I don’t blame our elders for what’s wrong with the world. Everyone makes mistakes, and not always knowingly. The people who I DO blame are the idiots that don’t learn from mistakes made by previous generations and do the same stupid stuff all over again.

    Gerard

    • 1:26 am

      Thanks Gerard,

      You nailed it pretty well for someone who doesn’t claim to be too familiar with the subject.

      All the best

      Don

  5. 8:29 pm

    Lead paint chips are tasty..that’s what happened to today’s youth.

  6. Lynn permalink
    8:51 pm

    old bongs laying in the street? i dont gt it, are they smoking pot at school now? geez…

    • 1:33 am

      Hi Lynn,

      Sorry to break it to you, lass, but I’m pretty darned sure that the young people are smoking the marijuana at school.

      In fact, I think they’re getting up to all manner of mischief there. Drug taking, swearing, rude gestures, general disrespectful behaviour and worse.

      I can’t imagine how my old principal, Mr. Curtin, would have reacted but I suspect it wouldn’t have been pretty and would have included the nasty end of a yard stick.

      Nowadays, you’re just as likely to find the faculty hiding under their desks for fear of getting stabbed, shot or sued.

      Nice to see you again.

      Don

  7. Sander permalink
    11:03 pm

    I agree, Don, it ain’t right to blame the seniors. It’s the middle-age people we should be pointing fingers at.

    • 1:34 am

      Thanks Sander.

      Intersting point but I suspect that I already consider a good portion of them to be “young people.”

      Nice to see you lad.

      Don

  8. ymbtgi permalink
    11:29 pm

    I don’t blame the seniors; I blame “That Guy.” By the way, save the lead paint because it makes a nice marinade for roasted panda…

    • 1:38 am

      Thanks ymbtgi,

      Thanks a Ukrainian name? I knew a Yembtgi back when I worked in Washington and I believe he was somewhere from that neck of the woods. Not important, just curious.

      Anyway, I have no idea who “that guy” is but I’m sure as Hell glad he’s taking the heat for a change. I’m a little fed up with being told I’m responsible for the hole in the ozone. Jesus Christ, I admit to using aerosol deodorant for thirty years and burning the leaves in my backyard once a year but I hardly think I can claim sole responsibility for that!

      Anyway, nice to meet you lad. Thanks for stopping in.

      Don

  9. Friar permalink
    11:45 pm

    Don

    Sometimes I think of the 19 year-olds who invaded the beaches of Normandy and pushed back the Germans in 1945.

    And then I try to imagine today’s kids. With their backwards-baseball-caps, Ipods and pierced faces.

    Could they have done the same thing?

    And somehow, I just can’t picture it.

    PS. I hear California Condor is quite nice. That could make a tasty appetizer for your roast panda.

    • 1:40 am

      Thanks Friar,

      I often wonder that myself and I have trouble picturing it too.

      And thanks, I’ve had condor. Tastes like a cross between bald eagle and blue whale. Delicious.

      Good to see you

      Don

  10. Lily permalink
    12:56 am

    Dear Don,

    Once again, your clever and humorous social commentary on young people compels me to reply.

    Most young people are egotistical narcissists only interested in instant gratification and when their needs aren’t met, they throw tantrums like 2 year olds and blame everyone else for their problems.

    My suggestion is to pull the plug on all their technological devices (Internet, iPhones, iPods – in fact anything starting with the letter “I”) and tell them when they get a job and move out of home, they can pay for it themselves.

    Problem solved.

    All the very best,

    Lily Fossil

    • 1:44 am

      Thank you Lily,

      One of the things I appreciate about you, Lily, is that you have an uncanny knack for identifying the root cause of problems and, in addition, are also able to provide real solutions.

      My hats off to you.

      All the best

      Don

  11. 12:58 am

    just use that time-tested retort when the little bastards try to blame you for things like how dirty the air is–the one who smelt it, dealt it! nobody ever has a comeback for that other than blaming a nearby dog.

    • 1:45 am

      Thanks Nonnie,

      I swear to God I hope I live long enough to give that one a try. I love it.

      Many thanks

      Don

  12. magickfaerie permalink
    3:11 am

    I’m not familiar with blaming old people for the environment. I mean, things were different “back in the day” but you guys suffered for it too. I mean, my papaw had skin cancer numerous times (among other cancers)– and not from baking in a tanning bed like people do now. He was in World War II then came home to work in a distillery and a battery factory. I think that this generation forgets that bad things happened back then too. I don’t understand this whole hatred thing with young people and old people. Maybe it was because I loved my papaw so much that all old people ended up in the category “Really cool old guy with lots of stories.”

    • 7:05 pm

      Thanks Jenny,

      That’s a very fine comment and I appreciate your sharing it with me. Your papaw sounds like he was a good man.

      All the best,

      Don

  13. 3:29 am

    Lead paint, asbestos, aerosol cans, vehicle emissions. All of those progressions that helped shape the world we live in has been killing it the whole time and we are just now realizing it.

    Bullshit.

    The kids today live in a throw away world. When something breaks, throw it away. Buy all of your meals in disposable cartons and cups. Toys are wrapped in more plastic that the toy itself contains. Not to mention the imports that have the plastic AND the lead. Do the young people buy stuff used? Do they recycle? Do they use things they buy new until they fall apart and have to be replaced?

    The older generations do all of that while the younger generations run out and buy the latest model or style to show their status.

    Bah!

  14. Lily permalink
    4:08 am

    Dear Ms Claire,

    You raise an excellent point.

    Call me old fashioned, but I will always try to fix something if it breaks; I even have an old bag with an assortment of bits of string, ropes, old belts, ribbons etc hanging in the laundry. I’d be very surprised if young people even know what string is, let alone what you can do with it.

    For goodness sakes, I even make new soap out of all the old leftovers, by slowly boiling them and pouring them into muffin tin molds!!

    I very rarely eat take-aways, preferring to cook all my meals myself.

    And if something breaks and is beyond me fixing it, I will try to find someone who will. I don’t automatically go out and buy a new one. More often than not, I decide I don’t really need it anyway and will donate it to charity, which is a good way to recycle.

    Young people need to start thinking more about how much they “need” and how much they throw away. They are the real culprits.

    Yours truly,

    Lily Fossil

    • 4:13 am

      Thank you very much Ms. Fossil. I’m with you. I donate everything the kids outgrow.

      How many of these younguns know how to sew with or without a sewing machine? I have a sewing machine and I know how to use it and I can sew by hand as well.

      • Courtney permalink
        4:56 am

        I can sew… but i’m pretty sure most people my age can’t. It seems like all the abilities of my peers are going to waste – not learning to do things like that which they could be really good at.

  15. Lily permalink
    5:22 am

    Another thing has just occurred to me, Claire.

    Young people today, say when they get married, expect to have everything new they need, like a new house, new car, microwaves, washing machines, clothes driers, every whizzbang contraption for the kitchen, plasma tvs, dvd player etc.

    In my day, we didn’t buy new whitegoods or anything we needed, until we had saved up enough money for them.

    We certainly didn’t have credit cards and the whole idea of borrowing money was really quite frowned upon, so we just didn’t do it. I think this made my generation more appreciative of any new “luxury” because we exercised and learnt patience, a virtue, which seems to be sorely missing in today’s young people.

    Kind regards,

    Lily

    • 5:28 am

      Exactly Lily! And then they use them for a year or two, toss them out, and buy new ones because they came out a with a model with a bigger screen or it has more power. And they charge it and make nice little monthly payments – for the rest of their lives!

      • Lily permalink
        5:37 am

        We are birds of a feather, Ms Claire !

        • Lily permalink
          6:00 am

          Please don’t get me wrong; I’m certainly not advocating a return to the puritanical, dark and gloomy decades of the 1940’s and 50’s, but, there are some virtues handed down to us from my parent’s generation who survived WW2 and the Great Depression that are worthy of resurrecting and trying to re-teach to young people.

          Thriftiness, making do with what you have, saving money for a rainy day, not throwing things out just because they’re out of fashion or broken, sharing things with your neighbours and being generous with what you have, never throwing out good food, mending clothes, cooking family meals and most of all, being resourceful.

          I think these values are universal, across all cultures and we in the West have to start rethinking and assessing our values and try to instil them in the next generation, if it isn’t too late.

          • 6:12 am

            I’m in good company Lily.

            I think the current economy has done a lot to bring people back to reality and make them appreciate what they have a little more. I also think a lot of people have learned those lessons the hard way.

  16. 6:56 am

    Al Gore will reach retirement age next year, maybe he could shoulder some of the blame.

    • 7:48 am

      I think he’d prefer to take credit for the internet, avoid all blame, and not retire.

  17. 10:56 am

    lostl! you’re so funny Mr Mills!

    I dont blame you or your generation. Blame leads to hate and thats where nobody wins. I practice the ways of accept, move on and fix. We accept that this is happening, we move on and fix it. Blame doesnt solve the problems, we do! LOSTL!

    But i do think you’re right. My nemesis Tommy Belfonte thinks that hes so great that he can invent flying skateboards, but really, its just him tied to a rope on a tree. He’s not worth the time.

    Anyway, Stay happy Mr Mills. A New war is no doubt on its way and conscription will be back!

    Bob

    • 7:12 pm

      Thanks for visiting young Bob,

      You’ve got a good attitude and that’s for damned sure. I like your approach, Bob, of accept, move on and fix. A good philosophy and wise words indeed.

      I’ll stay happy Bob and hope that you do as well.

      Don

      • 9:31 am

        Oh absolutely, Sir! Gotta keep upbeat and fancy free, but still wary of the responsibility that we have in the world.

        Bob

  18. downcastmysoul permalink
    5:45 pm

    Put the blame where it’s due: corporations and the military/industrial complex.

    • 7:15 pm

      Thanks downcastmysoul,

      Personally, I’m not sure one generation is responsible. Seems to me that getting the earth to its current state has required a concerted effort on the part of us and everyone that’s come before us.

      I’m in agreement with young Bob Trusty. Accept, move on and fix. And if not, at least stop giving me grief about it. I’ve had it up to here with all of the snotty little complaints.

      Lovely to see you downcastmysoul.

      Don

  19. 6:13 pm

    I needed this laugh.

    Thanks Don.

  20. 10:21 pm

    just wait another 20 years when their heads will be filled with tumors from their cell phones. Not a good thing….to be attached to those things all day long.

  21. 3:15 am

    you damn old people are always writing long blogs.
    us young kids are always busy and we don’t like reading at all. I like them but could you shorten them up to like a paragraph? or make videos instead!

    -kyle

    • 3:42 am

      Kyle, Your “About Me” page is 7oo words long. Don’s is 25.

      Just saying…

    • Lily permalink
      4:47 am

      Dear Mr Webs,

      Just for that, I am going to write a really long post and if you don’t mind me saying so, from your photo you don’t look a day under 50 your self, which pretty much qualifies you as a crabby old fart, don’t you think?

      Damned cheeky, if you ask me (which you didn’t, I know).

      Pray tell; just exactly why aren’t we seniors allowed to write long posts? Hmmm?

      Is it because you young whipper snippers have the attention spans of gnats? Or is it because you can’t read?

      More than likely it is a combination of both, plus an inability to comprehend the written word, especially when a sentence involves more than one verb.

      Then again, I am rather fond of using commas and semi colons; never under estimate the value of a good colon, I say, but of course I am sure I have lost you already, Mr Webs.

      Since when is Mr Webs the arbiter of word count?

      And besides, Mr Webs, in spite of what you say, if anyone one wants to write a really long post, I don’t think Mr Mills really minds and if he did, I am sure he would tell us.

      It is certainly not up to you.

      So perhaps next time you decide to be our moral guardian and try to cramp our style, you might think twice.

      Damn cranky now and need a nap.

      Lily Fossil

  22. 3:21 am

    What do you mean the O.C. is cancelled???

  23. 5:19 am

    The generations before us paved the way for where we are now. We owe them a huge debt of gratitude for all they have done. Very nice post Don, I like this a lot.

  24. 8:45 pm

    I was just looking at my teen’s room yesterday thinking the same darn thing!!!!

  25. 10:56 pm

    I have bookmarked this website. Great blogpost and delightful comments.

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