God Damned Gun-Toting Young People Make Me Furious!
The problem with young people today is that they all have guns.
Back when I was a young person, we knew how to settle our scores like men. If someone tried to steal your best gal or said something unflattering about your old mother you rolled up your sleeves and put up your dukes. You gave that kid a black eye or got one yourself and it was over with.
But these young people today, they don’t know how to fight. They deal with their snotty little pubescent problems by whipping out a handgun or rounding up 20 of their idiot friends and shooting at you from the safety of a moving car.
It’s cowardly, lazy and a waste of ammunition. Bullets don’t grow on trees god damn it. In my day, we saved our ammo for hunting, shooting mailboxes and protecting our country from the shadowy threat of communism – not for blasting away at someone who “disrespected” you by sneezing out of turn or wearing the wrong colored ball cap.
It’s gotten so it’s not safe for an old man to venture outside of his door. I stand a better chance of catching a wayward bullet than I do of catching the common cold for Christ’s sake. They take guns with them everywhere. Junior won’t go to church or school unless he has the latest Smith and Wesson handgun tucked into the elastic waistband of his Spongebob underpants.
If I had ever showed up at school with a firearm my old teacher, Mrs. Gibney, would have pistol whipped me into unconsciousness with her Bostitch desk stapler.
It makes me sick…the way they swagger around with machine guns stuffed down the front of their baggy-assed pants thinking they are so God damned tough. Tough? If you ask me they’re nothing but penny-ante, no account, sawed off cowards. I’d like to take every last one of the pistol-packing assclowns and have them do three rounds in the ring with the likes of Willie Pep, Jake Lemotta or Joe Louis.
We’ll see how “tough” they are when they’re picking their teeth up off the floor and their noses are the consistency of Scottish oatmeal.
It’s a damned disgraceful state of affairs I tell you and it needs to end now! We need to take these guns away from the young people and put them back in the hands of the police, the military and senior citizens – back where they damned well belong. And when that day comes, and you happen to be standing on my lawn, I will be more than happy to “pop a cap off in your ass, dawg.”
They all have guns. That’s the problem with young people.