God Damned Sleeping Teenagers Rile Me Up!
The problem with young people today is that they sleep too much.
Back when I was a lad, young people were expected to be up at the crack of dawn every day. And earlier on Sundays. On Sundays, I had to get up in the middle of the night in order to iron my tie for church and still have time to rotate the tires on my old dad’s Packard.
But these young people today, they sleep 14-16-18 hours a day. Wrapped up in their silk sheets, down duvets and king sized beds like giant, swaddled, milk-fed babies while the rest us mine coal, cut down trees and trawl for fish. I didn’t have sheets when I was boy. I had a threadbare gunny sack and a bag of corn I used as a pillow.
It’s disgraceful. No wonder our economy is in the toilet. Half our god damned population can barely muster the energy required to repeatedly smack at the snooze button – let alone get their asses out of bed and look for a job.
And what the Hell good is all this sleep doing them anyway? It just gives them a chance to dream foolish dreams that they’ll never be able to achieve. I didn’t dare have dreams when I was a boy. My ambition was to survive childhood and take whatever job my dad had planned for me. Dreams are the devil’s cinema and don’t lead to anything but foolishness, heartache and pain.
I slept 2 hours a night and that was only if my dad didn’t need me to guard the henhouse or stand in the cornfield with a straw hat on. We worked ‘til we dropped. And when the dizziness and disorientation set in, we drank black coffee by the jug and slapped each other repeatedly across the face. It was decent and right and made for a better America.
If I had ever slept until noon my old mom would have dragged my pyjama-clad ass down to the local veterinary, grabbed a hypodermic and put me to sleep permanently.
If these dozy young people don’t start getting their butts out of bed our country is doomed. Productivity will cease, morals will erode and next thing you know the United States of America will only be open for business 3 days a week between the hours of 1 and 3 p.m.
They sleep too much. That’s the problem with young people today.
(for Claire Collins and her lazy assed son)