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God Damned Tubby Young People Get Stuck in My Craw!

The problem with young people today is that they are fat.

Back when I was a lad, there were no chubby kids. The only fat people you ever saw were wealthy industrialists, bankers and state senators – and that was because they had earned the right to overeat.

If any of my friends had dared to put on a little flab, their parents would have dragged them out to the garage, tied them to chair and beaten the lard off ‘em with a spare tire.

But today? Christ! The average twelve year old is two hundred pounds and has already had triple bypass surgery and an angioplasty. In my day you got one heart attack at the age of 55 and it damn well killed you. Just like nature intended.

I see these young folks waddling around at the food court and it scares the Hell out of me. They eat like hound dogs with tapeworms – all doughy flesh, dead eyes and furious fingers tucking away into trays full of 5-patty cheese burgers, pork fried pizza subs and chimichangas the size of a god damned human head.

And the way they look at you? I swear to God if they weren’t too tubby to run they’d chase an old man down and eat him raw. It gives me the willies and keeps me indoors at night.

It’s a sad state of affairs. We’re raising a generation of pudgy flub-a-dubs hell bent on decimating the world’s food supply before they’re done senior year. It’s a joke to them, a party, a never ending Lardapalooza and it has got to stop now!

If this keeps up how long will it be before our young people are too heavy to work, to go to church, to raise a flag?

I can tell you right now that the communists aren’t stuffing themselves full of cheese fries and deep fried birthday cake. They’re biding their time, waiting in the shadows until we’re too chunky to defend our borders. And when they come a calling they won’t be bringing coconut cream pie – they’ll be bringing a truck load of fat-free whoop ass.

And a sad, sad day that will be.

They’re fat. That’s the problem with young people today.

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83 Comments leave one →
  1. 11:43 pm

    Don, they scare me, too. I went to the store today and nearly got tackled by a teenager when I tried to put the last box of donuts in my cart. It’s a sad state of affairs.

    • 1:41 am

      A sad state of affairs indeed, Shannon. I’m always extra cautious when there are young people in the pastry aisle.

      Nice to see you, lass.

      Don

  2. 11:55 pm

    Well, having corpulent young people stuck in your craw certainly sounds painful. And dangerous. You simply must stop consuming them! A craw can only handle so much grist.

    • 1:43 am

      Nice to see you Joan of Argghh.

      Sound medical advice and I appreciate your passing it along.

      Best regards

      Don

  3. Gerard permalink
    12:02 am

    Gotta agree with you for the fourth time in a row, Don! We’re on a roll, haha.

    I actually used to be overweight. Not terribly, but I was an 8th grader (13 years old), 5’8, and 180 pounds. Right now I’m 17, 5’9, and ~160 pounds. I got sick of being fat and decided to start working out and eating healthy. I’ve never felt better 8-)

    As I told you in a different post of yours (which possibly triggered this one?), my brother is 9 and weighs over 120 pounds. Unfortunately I barely see him (he’s my half brother and lives with his father) and I have no control over his diet or exercise whatsoever. It’s a tragedy, and the only way to stop it is to either slap some sense into Americans, shut down or regulate LOTS of the food industry (especially fast & processed foods), or both.

    Yours truly,
    Gerard

    • 1:52 am

      We’re on a roll here indeed young man.

      Not only are we agreeing but now you’re talking about “slapping some sense into Americans.” It’s official, Gerard, you’re an angry old man! Congratulations. Your cane (for shaking at young people), cardigan and secret decoder ring are in the mail.

      And yes, it was in the last post that you mentioned your younger brother. That really is shame, Gerard, and I hope the boy has an opportunity to turn things around.

      All the best, Gerard.

      Always good to hear from you.

      Don

  4. 12:24 am

    It’s either that or they’re models and actresses who look like skeletons!

    • 1:56 am

      Thanks Yorksnbeans. That’s a good point. I can’t understand it. These young people and their eating “disorders” just confound me.

      Nice of you to stop in again.

      Don

  5. 1:37 am

    Hi, Don.

    These kids are not guilty of their overweight. It’s their parents, that don’t take an active role of their nutrition and physical activities. For them it is easy to order a pizza or buy ultra fatty hamburgers, instead of doing healthy meals at their home. It is easy to entertain them with video games instead of taking them out to play sports.

    This culture is promoting one of the seven deadly sins: glutonny. Some day, God will throw a celestial ray to kill all these sinners. Amen.

    • 2:04 am

      Thanks Valerie,

      I’ll keep an eye out for celestial rays. There are a lot of large young people in my neighbourhood and I wouldn’t want to end up as collateral damage.

      And please, Valerie, don’t get me wrong. I blame parents too. They’re young people as well and I like to cast as broad a net as possible.

      Thaks very much for visiting with me.

      Don

    • Not That Kind of Girl permalink
      4:49 pm

      That celestial ray is called Type 2 Diabetes. It is beyond appalling that so many people in the First World suffer from a disease so easily controlled (and prevented) by diet and exercise. Of course, people in developing countries suffer from Type 2 Diabetes as well, although I would figure that available food choices and humanitatiran aid probably play a role in that. Americanization (real word? yes? no?) has also increased its incidence (for example, in China, where people are eating more and more processed foods and leaving their traditional dishes by the wayside).

      Back to my point, it is BEYOND ME that people in the Commonwealth and States live with and suffer through all of the complications associated with Type 2 Diabetes. Amongst the wealthiest countries in the world and healthy eating is touted as being “too expensive”. Pretty sure the cost of one family’s dinner under the Golden Arches is comparable to the price of groceries they could use to make that meal at home. When do you become accountable for what you shovel down your own throat (unless you generally eat at gunpoint)?

      It is unfortunate, however, that the food industry in the States (and to some degree, Canada) places profit before people. Cheap ingredients such as high-fructose corn syrup and some rocket science-ing of the fat+sugar+salt palatability equation have successfully guaranteed both the food and healthcare industries huge profits from now until we all die from “natural causes” (at this rate, no one will ever have to worry about drowning). With personal responsibility should also come social responsibility, but unfortunately we’ve probably thown the baby out with the bathwater. That’s the problem with society today.

  6. 2:19 am

    Sound advice once again, Don.

    If I hadn’t declared my womb a fetus-free zone years ago, my kid would grow up on a strict diet of Coke Zero and fat-free Pringles.

    Sure, aspartame and olestra have their drawbacks, but I’d rather my kids health problems remain internal than out in the open where everyone can see them, then put the blame on me for my “questionable” parenting skills.

    Keep up the good work, D.

    • 12:05 pm

      Nice to see you back bschooled. Appreciate your dropping in.

      You raise a damned good point too. Part of the trouble with young people today is that they parade their problems around publicly. Back in my day, we went to considerable lengths to keep our dark secrets hidden.

      We never talked about anyone’s “personal problems.” We just ignored them and trusted that in time they would go away on their own.

      My aunt Gert never learned to read but she didn’t go around crowing about it and looking for sympathy or help. She hid from everyone, even her own family. A proud woman and a hell of a bridge player.

      Thanks for stopping in.

      Don

  7. 2:27 am

    Don this is so true. I was skinny as a kid but I am definitely fat now. But hopefully soon that will change. Great post as always.

    • 12:11 pm

      Many thanks Eric.

      I’ve put on a couple of pounds as well (I just love those digestive biscuits). I’d recommend deep knee bends and some work with the medicine ball. It’s kept me in fighting form for 80 years.

      Good to see you lad.

      Don

  8. John McConroe permalink
    3:01 am

    Well said, Don.
    How these fatties get through life without the slightest sense of guilt is beyond me.
    Seeing a 200 pound kid at McDonalds is always a disgusting sight. I always say, if you don’t do it for us, at least do it for your own freakin’ health.
    You wanna know what’s even worse? I recently found an online forum were fat people reunite, talk about their ridiculous diets and ENCOURAGE youngsters to get huge because, according to them, it “shows character”. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

    • 12:13 pm

      That’s just an outright shocker, John.

      Can’t see how it will lead to character. You sure they didn’t say “coronary?”

      The only positive I can see is that if young people have a slurpee in both hands and a burger handing out of their mouths it makes it harder for them to mug you.

      Good to see you again, lad.

      Don

  9. 3:06 am

    Great post, Don! The rate of obesity in America has gotten disgusting and terrifying!

  10. lily permalink
    3:19 am

    Dear Mr Mills,

    Perhaps “reduced life expectancy” for these useless tubs of lard isn’t such a bad thing.

    Back in my day, a tub of lard was very useful for mixing with lye to make good old fashioned soap.

    • 12:15 pm

      Nice to see you again Lily.

      I miss the soap my old mom used to make. Cleaned so well it damn near took the skin off too.

      Always a pleasure to hear from you.

      Don

  11. 3:21 am

    Have you ever wondered if the real problem with young people is that they have never walked up hill both ways on their way to anywhere ?

    • 12:17 pm

      Thanks L.J.

      I think you’ve summed the problem up perfectly. Not only have they never walked up hill both ways – they never walk anywhere at all.

      They demand that their parents drive them everywhere.

      Nice of you to stop in. Hope to hear from you again.

      Don

  12. Friar permalink
    4:16 am

    Don

    This ties in well with your last post. It’s those God-damned video games. Kids are too busy playing them, instead of going outside and getting some exercise.

    That’s why they’re so fat.

    I also blame those Energy Drinks. And Fruit Roll-ups.

    • 12:20 pm

      Thanks Friar.

      I suspect you’re right lad. It’s all connected. And don’t get me started on processed “fruit” snacks. Fruit by the foot? Whatever happened to just eating an apple for Christ’s sake?

      Don

  13. 5:05 am

    It’s not safe to let the kids outside anymore and parents have to do something with the kid while they work. With video games, a tv, and snacks, parents can go to work and leave tubby home without a babysitter. They won’t go outside and get in trouble that way.

    • 12:24 pm

      Thanks for the comment Claire.

      If they can’t play outside I say send them to work.

      Surely to God there is a factory somewhere willing to help with this problem and give them a 14 hour shift sweeping up metal shavings or assembling cars?

      All the best,

      Don

  14. Sander permalink
    1:30 pm

    Don, the commies have been gone for a long, long time now. The Soviet Union also hasn’t been around for a while. :P

    It could simply be more of a problem where you live, but on the other side of the pond (at least my part of it) there aren’t many fat kids. Sure, there’s the occasional case that makes you wonder how much the person eats, but it’s more of an exception than a rule.

    • 7:47 pm

      Nice to see you Sander.

      Hate to break it to you lad, but that’s exactly what the commies want you to think. They’re just laying low until we’re too heavy and too complacent to put up a fight. It’s all part of a complicated Soviet master plan.

      And glad to hear that chubby young people are less on an issue in your corner of the world. It’s a sad state of affiars on this side of the pond.

      All the best,

      Don

    • lily permalink
      10:20 pm

      Sander’s comment that “the commies have been gone for a long, long time now” bemuses me.

      Perhaps Sander would like to notify 1/6th of the world’s population of this.

      I’m not sure which year it is on the planet Sander lives on, but here on Planet Earth 2009 there are at least 5 Communist states (China, Vietnam, North Korea, Cuba and Laos)

      Communists don’t exist?

      China is the most populous country in the world with over 1.3 billion people (approximately one fifth of the world’s population)
      Vietnam – 86 million
      North Korea – 24 million
      Cuba – 11.5 million
      Laos – 7 million

      Total 1,500,000,000 (1.5 billion)

      And given that the total world population is approximately 6.8 billion, according to my calculations, that gives me one sixth of the world’s population is Communist. Correct?

      • Sander permalink
        8:20 am

        Due to Don’s paragraph about the communists who are “waiting in the shadows until we’re too chunky to defend our borders.”, I was thinking of the “pure” communistic states that have a significant influence on the rest of the world.
        Cuba, Laos and Vietnam don’t exactly pose a threat to any non-communist states. I don’t consider People’s Republic of China to be completely communist, a look at the larger cities shows ample evidence of capitalistic influence. North Korea is in the news a lot, but it looks more like a Stalinist dictatorship than a Soviet-like communistic state.

        • 11:38 am

          Sander,

          Here’s a term you will find worth researching: “The Fifth Column”. See how it was effectively applied by the Nazi’s prior to the taking over of Austria and Czechoslovakia, and the Communist applications in America from 1918 to the late 1950′s.

          DNM

  15. AffluentDogma permalink
    1:54 pm

    I’ve read through your post and I find them mostly amusing even though some of the issues you write about are serious and beg for attention. I am sure you don’t mean everything you say and that (Clint-Eastwood-Gran-Torino) style is here mostly for the humorous value.
    You seem well informed and educated man and combined with all that oozing cynicism is what makes these posts fun to read.
    Some stuff I agree on, some I don’t, but I will definitely be back for more of that opinionated goodness.

    • 2:14 pm

      Many thanks AffluentDogma,

      I appreciate the kind words and hope to hear from you again, lad.

      All the best.

      Don

  16. 2:40 pm

    Sander,

    The ‘commies’ aren’t gone. They’re running the U.S.A. right now. And as for not having fatties on your side of the pond, you might want to check with the columns in Edinburgh’s “The Scotsman” newspaper where they cite – with alarm – the shocking number of obese school children on their hands. Scotland is replicating South Carolina in that regard.

    DNM

    • Sander permalink
      7:54 pm

      Are we talking about the same type of communists? Last time I was in the U.S.A., there was a distinct lack of 5-year plans, Soviet propaganda, forced labour camps, military parades, religious oppression, creepy dictators, et al.

      You’ve got a point about the obesity in Scotland, though. Seems the province I live in is more of an exception than I thought.

  17. 2:49 pm

    Don, I have to say I love this blog. I can tell you speak from the heart, & really care about today’s youth.
    If old people didn’t scare me so damn much I’d go out & make some my friends, but for now old people who blog seem like a healthy medium.

    • 2:17 pm

      Thanks for stopping in deathinfrance,

      Sorry to hear that old people give you the willies. If it makes you feel better, you young folks scare the Hell out of us too.

      Anyway, I think you’ve come up with a reasonable compromise and a damned fine starting points.

      Yours,

      Don

  18. eatone permalink
    6:17 pm

    Oh, Christ!

    The excuses for why kids are fat are just endless: school lunches are too “fatty” or kids are not safe to be outside. But, let’s get one thing straight. Fat doesn’t make people fat, people make themselves fat. The gov’t has banned the use of transfats in certain city. Besides, teaching at a school has forced me to the realization that if you ban something it is going to make tubs of lard want in more and eat it in excess. Kids don’t choose salads, they want pizza. Not just a slice, but seven and a can of mountain dew. Maybe their parents should teach them how to take care of themselves and how to make good choices IN GENERAL.

    Back in my day, I used to bathe in fat (it is my Constitutional right, goddamnit). However, my mother also told me to get the heck out of the house, grab an apple and bulid something, like a fort, or bomb shelter to protect us from the Communists.

    http://eatabigone.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/i-have-the-cure-for-obesity/

    • 10:44 pm

      Nice to see you again eatone,

      You sound like a damned sensible lad. And you can rest assured that I would never question your constitutional right to bathe in fat.

      I might question your sanity but I sure as Hell won’t question your right to slather yourself in fat while in the privacy of your own damn tub.

      Don

  19. SgtMaj Walter Smith, US Army, Ret. (WWII Veteran) permalink
    8:11 pm

    Hey Donald,

    You bring up a good point, I don’t ever remember seeing a fatty in our day. We didn’t have access to that much food to begin with. The only time we saw the kitchen was when our mother allowed us to and most of the time, we had to share a piece of bread with all 5 of our siblings. And don’t even think about seconds either! Our dad was the only one with big portions and seconds because he worked for it damn it! Besides we were working in the field most of the day anyways, so we burned off that 1/4 of a slice of bread we ate the night prior anyways.

    Say Donald, why don’t you come down to the VFW for a beer sometime, I could use a good chat about how good these spoiled rotten kids got it.

    • 9:53 pm

      Sergeant Major,

      You hit it. Work is the key. No work and the child’s brain and body do not develop as they should. Work promotes nerve, bone and muscle growth. Sloth promotes blobs of useless, dimwitted citizens.

      DNM
      USN(Ret)

    • 10:46 pm

      Nice to see you again SgtMaj Smith,

      I may just take you up on that offer. Nothing I like better than a cold beer on a hot summer day and a good chin wag about the failings of our young people.

      Don

      p.s. I’m thinking that maybe Don McKay could join us. Nice to see you again, Don. Thanks for the comments.

  20. 9:23 pm

    Sander,

    After Lenin’s Bolsheviks took over the Russian government from Kerensky, there at first was a year of complete administrative chaos. This was followed by the establishement of a strong internal regime deemed necessary to combat counterrevolutionaries and the Allied invasion of Russia to suppress the Bolshevik movement. Add to this the Russian Civil War.

    After the counterrevolutionaries, the White Russians, and the Allied forces had been either defeated or held at bay by the Red Army and the internal police organ, the Checka, there came a period of time before Lenin’s death on January 21, 1924, where he instituted his New Economic Policy which, upon scrutiny, was called State Capitalism. When Stalin took control of the Politburo as Secretary General, State Capitalism was done away with in the Soviet Union. However, China seems to have incorporated it quite well right up to today.

    What we are now seeing in America is a form of State Capitalism, where the federal government has taken increasing control of the workings of American capitalism. For now, there may be no commisars, or publicly proclamed ’5-year plans’, but talk with our banks and automotive manufacturers as to whether or not the federal government isn’t taking control of the future of capitalism in America. The next area to fall under federal control will be our health care industry.

  21. Matt permalink
    10:37 pm

    Mr. Mills,

    I used to be on the way to being overweight, but my parents introduced me and my siblings to swimming. Not only is it a vital, life-saving skill, it also works just about every muscle in the body.

    Regards,
    Matt

    • 10:51 pm

      Glad to hear you’ve found the value of swimming, Matt. It will do you wonders.

      Us older folks like the pool too. (Although I can’t stand the swimsuits you young people wear. Give me my old one-piece swimming costume any day.)

      Best regards,

      Don

  22. 2:54 am

    i don’t mind them being a little chubby, but do they have to wear belly shirts when they are?

  23. PeanutsEnvy permalink
    12:47 pm

    Mr. Don Mills:
    Your most recent missive, concerning these overweight young people, did a first rate job of raising my hackles. I had to lie down for a spell, until a nap, and my medications, settled me down.
    One would like to think that these young people would have learned about the pitfalls of obesity from the lessons taught by Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle.
    It makes you wonder what they’re teaching in these schools nowadays.
    I was just writing another letter to the editor of the local newspaper about the noise that these confounded planes make flying overhead at all hours of the day and night, and about those annoying cracks in the sidewalk and the gosh darned caps on all my medications being so hard to remove and what the hell is that goddamn ringing noise. Maybe I’ll mention all these overweight young people, and see if we can’t get them to straighten up and fly right. Have you seen my glasses?

    • 10:54 pm

      Thanks for stopping in Peanutsenvy,

      I haven’t seen your glasses but if you’re anything like me they’re likely on top of your head.

      I push my specs up all the time and then forget all about it. Aggie used to laugh at me roaming around the house searching for them while they were right on top me.

      Anyway, glad to see that you are taking up the issue of annoying cracks in the sidewalk. I can’t tell you how long this has been bothering me peanutsenvy.

      If you need signatures on a petition just let me know. I can mobilize a small but dedicated group of seniors.

      Take care now.

      Don

  24. 5:53 pm

    At least they’re too fat to run after you if you take them to task in McDonalds. I say it’s time to put little Dwayne on a diet if you’re having to wash him with a rag on a stick because he won’t fit in the tub.

    • 10:58 pm

      Nice to see you again Mrs. Black,

      Haven’t seen you since you scared off that Cody boy a while back.

      My old mom used to wash all us boys with a rag on stick – not because we were fat though, just because it was easier and she could do it without dirtying the bath.

      I agree though, if you’re too big for the tub, it’s time to consider changing your diet.

      All the best. Nice to have you back.

      Don

  25. 5:54 pm

    I think it’s all the fattening products available now:

    Oreo Filling Compound (in Tube form)
    Butter-Flavored Ice Cream
    Pork n’ Pork
    “Little” Debbie’s Choleste-Rolls
    Beer-Battered Bacon
    Foster’s Beer
    Buttercreme Frosting Individual Serving Packs
    Willy Wonka’s Heartstopppers
    Hungry Man Marshmallows & Ham Dinners
    Cooking Oil of Olay
    Dunkin’ Donuts Donut Holes (now includes donuts)
    Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburgers
    Kellogg’s Crisc-o’s (three flavors: original, extra sugar, outpatient)

  26. Michael Patrick permalink
    5:55 pm

    Oh what a badge of success the good ‘ole fashioned heart attack was….. you worked hard, drank whiskey (neat) and lit your Luckies with a Zippo. Now everyone is some sort of pansy, feeling guilty about some 3rd world hole in the ground that might disappear because we aren’t all recycling.

  27. 9:56 pm

    Dear Donald,

    I couldn’t agree more. This is a problem that’s been hitting us from sea to shining sea.
    The only solution I can think of is getting the NSA involved. If they managed to convince the public that they have a right to exist, sure enough they can convince us to zip it.

    If that doesn’t work, I suggest we bring the power tools and seal those jaws with melting equipment. Seal that baby so tight not even a jackhammer can help.

    Keep on doing,
    Frankelstache

  28. Jenny permalink
    5:04 am

    Have you ever noticed how much more expensive healthy food is? My girlfriend is on a diet because she is a bit over-weight and just trying to buy vegetables can be ridiculous! Grapes are 4-5 dollars a pound and I live in Kentucky! I’m not out in New York or California where there’s a higher cost of living. We’re not rich people but we have just cut back on fast food and such. It’s sad though that buying fresh, preservative free produce costs more than a pizza. I also blame that for childhood obesity–along with bad parents and the fast-food industry.

  29. 5:38 pm

    Hey grandpa, don’t you think this post is a bit racist to obese kids out there ?

    • 6:54 pm

      Thanks leetgamer. I’d say it’s more sexist to the older folks.

      Always good to here from you Sonny.

      Don

      p.s. And for the last damned time, I’m not your “grandpa.”

  30. bolognaball permalink
    8:58 am

    Fat children are evidence of Darwinism, they are thinning out the gene pool…. soon to be dead from heart failure, stroke or any number of fat, lazy people diseases. Fat, poor people cannot be allowed to multiply

  31. 3:46 pm

    Fatties… For starters, you need to differ fat from McFat(tm). Fat was a momma that cooked and raised kids, cleaned, worked. She was big, but she was also mobile and strong – and not a nasty thing to see. McFat(tm) is that white gooey weak gelatine fat that only produces pimples and turns you into an immobile amoeba. The solution in America is you can buy that little wheelchair like thingy to move your fat ass around. Im lucky to live in a country size of NY in east europe. We still have some old values. One thing I noticed in our capital city which is westernized is that fast food is cheap, tasty and on every corner. It taught me that whenever you actually feel your stomach you can also fill it. And thats how you get McFatties. They think hunger is when you feel your stomach. And it just keeps getting bigger. Before you know it your a nasty huge trash can. People need to learn to cope with the “maybe im hungry feeling”. My diet is that I eat when I start looking with lust on the leftovers in the street. It helps and teaches you to live with a bit of hunger. Also, I beleive that a person in a developed county cant really experience hunger. True hunger is when you dont eat for a week and stuff. Not that sissy feeling we modern suckers get and interpret as hunger. Greetings Sir!

  32. 3:49 pm

    Have you seen what schools serve as a “healthy” lunch? Blame the schools, parents, video games, McDonalds, and cheerleaders. Let’s burn Bill O’Reilly in effigy just for the fun of it.

  33. The dope fiend permalink
    6:55 pm

    To be honest, I don’t necessarily see it as being 100% the kids fault. Parents are the ones who, typically, feed their children. Why, my neighbor feeds his 4 year old daughter mcdonalds just about everyday. Home cooked meal? She has no clue what that is.

    Sad. We’re all just a bunch of fat asses.

  34. YellowRoses619 permalink
    8:05 pm

    Dear Mister Mills,

    After much lurking in the shadows and agreeing with you on various points I leap out and comment!
    I wonder what you consider over weight, though I suspect I fall into that category being only nearly five one and weighing between one hundred and seventy pounds and one eight pounds, though a decent amount of that is muscle or in my chest. Wile that ma sound likely a lot of eight you do need to factor in how much of it is fat and how much is muscle as muscle weighs more than fat. I for a wile weighed between one hundred and fifty five and one sixty, but spent about six months mostly in bed from being ill, I gained a decent amount. I do generally though, walk two miles a day, do sit ups and leg lifts, fencing drills, which involve practicing the sword movements, along with lunging, guarding E.C.T,I engage in swing dancing and waltzing, alone with martial arts, I also I volunteer on a small farm three days a week, tending to plants and making beds for them. I intend to start belly dancing and doing Yoga with my girlfriend. So I suppose I am Fat and not a McFattie, even though I come from Scotch-Irish stock?

    But introductions and personal stories aside, seeing some of these heifers is rather frightening, the other day I saw a fellow, who’s age I can not determine riding around on a motorized chair as he was too obese to walk, and the tosser had the guile to be shirtless, it was terrible, his breasts were larger than mine O_o!
    You know what’s even worse!? Those fat girls who wear tight jeans and belly shirts so you can see their swollen pierced stomachs. it’s enough to make me run laps around my house until I have an asthma attack!

    Also, wow you guys have decoder rings, may I have one? What are the requirements for being an honorary old person, do my hearing problems and occasional need of a cane get me in?

    And yes, there are still communists, and yes, I know they often do not adhire to the communist manifesto but If you read it you will notice what Marx outlines is unworkible. Sorry commies, but your system fails, or mutates into some form of dictatorship.

    Respectfully yours,
    Rose.

  35. 1:29 am

    Oh my word. I am laughing so hard I can’t breathe! This is THE funniest thing I have ever read, hands-down! Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!

    The Nerd

  36. poddys permalink
    9:30 am

    Definitely a sad state of affairs.

    The NHS (National Health Service) in the UK is saying that it’s actually cheaper to give people on benefits gastric band surgery so that they can lose weight and get a job, than to pay for the treatment when they get sick as a result of being a humongous lard ass.

    Yes of course these people are all living on benefits, and none of them work, whole families on benefits and a drain on society.

    It’s a shame that an explosion like last night in San Francisco couldn’t take a few of them out. Of course the fire would probably burn for a week because of all the fat…

  37. Chloe permalink
    6:20 am

    The scariest thing is, scientists predict that by 2230, everyone in the US will be overweight. As in 100% of the population! Would be like in the movie “Wall-E” where everyone is too fat to move.

    Skinny folks like me would be considered “freaks”.. that’s IF there will be anyone skinny left by then.

    • Sedate Me permalink
      3:32 pm

      The fat will help serve as a flotation device, which will come in handy once all the ice caps have melted.

  38. Snowkiss permalink
    9:28 pm

    First time reading~woot

    Too true, too true. I’m amazed at the amount of food teenagers/kids can stuff down their throats -_-’. I swear, I got runover by two kids because there was free ice cream….

  39. PolishSpring permalink
    3:49 pm

    Hah!
    Mr. Mills, your keen eye towards societal issues of “yoof” qualifies you as a presidential candidate, and damn better choice than the last two.
    Keep on telling like it is, with slim hopes that maybe some of those tossers will read and repent.
    Kind regards,
    Polish Spring

  40. Dallas Reagen permalink
    10:10 pm

    Dear Don,

    My name is Dallas Reagen. I’m a 14 year old, white, all American teenager. My hobbies include Whittling, Card Games, Fishing and building yard furniture. Do you dislike me too?

    Dallas

  41. Dallas Reagen permalink
    10:12 pm

    Dear Don,

    My name is Dallas Reagen. I’m a 14 year old white all-American teenager. My hobbies include Whittling, Fishing, Card Games and making Bird houses. Do you hate me also?

    Dallas

  42. mmcc permalink
    9:10 pm

    But look on the bright side. Our Social Security problem is solved. Most of these 20-30 Y/O’s will die of heart disease and diabetes long before they reach 65. If you really want to see some fat young people just go to any call center.

  43. A Concerned Youngster permalink
    4:51 am

    Not everyone is fat. Im not. My friends arent. Hell, almost no one I know is truly fat. Stop making generalizations.

  44. 8:45 pm

    Don, I just love visiting your blog whenever I am in need of a good hearty laugh. Keep em coming please. I’m on the edge of my chair in anticipation of whatever you’ll say next…

  45. 6:56 am

    Don…there literally is an entire library of comments I could spew out about overweight children. However, I agree with you fullheartedly, it is all just sad, these children will realize how unfit for living they have become when theyre teen years begin. (My fionce is a school teacher, I have alot of experience with children.)

  46. coolgurrl permalink
    11:03 pm

    Hahah tub of lard ? now thats just kinda mean ? :$

  47. 10:57 pm

    Reblogged this on GRUMPY'S WACKY WORLD : Life as viewed through smudged and grimy bifocals. and commented:
    Wednesday is REBLOG Day at Grumpy’s World. Grumps will search the WordPress and Tumblr sits for BLOGS that suit Grumpy’s Cantankerous space. In this case, enjoy someone Grumpier than Grumps, Don Mills, and his THE PROBLEM WITH YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY . . BLOG. Enjoy -Grumpy

  48. Chris permalink
    6:05 pm

    Stereotypical to young people. Not every teenager is fat.

Trackbacks

  1. » God Damned Tubby Young People Get Stuck in My Craw! « The bProblem/b b…/b Wordpress UK: Wordpress UK, taking it further…
  2. Ceasar Rian: What’s Wrong With the Young People of Today « Adventures In Writing
  3. The F-Word | ChameleonGiraffe's Blog

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