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God Damned Teenagers and Their Ridiculous Nicknames Make Me Crazy!

The problem with young people today is that they have ridiculous nicknames.

Back in my day, young people had sensible nicknames like “Shorty” or “Red” or “Spanky” and “Buckwheat.” Solid, dependable nicknames that you could count on to see you through the good times and the bad. Nicknames that would last you a lifetime.

But these young people today, they have nicknames like “DXMST,” “DJ Ice Dam” and “Pee Diddly.” God damned ridiculous names that sound like acronyms for the space program, chemical compounds or the tail end of a rude limerick.

They’ve driven the Buick out of Stupidville and arrived safely in Assclown County, folks. I mean really, if I had ever asked my old dad to call me “Phat A” he would have brained me with a pair of ice tongs and changed my nickname to “that idiot boy.” And he’d have been right to do it.

Just what the Hell do they think they are accomplishing with these stupid handles. How idiotic must you be to think that calling yourself Fed X is going to give you more credibility and get you more respect.

Sorry kids but changing your name from Greg to “Tre Fierce” doesn’t make you a gangster or change the fact that you’re a 110 pound lactose intolerant sophomore with acne, no girlfriend and a lateral lisp.

It’s a god damned national disgrace and it better change soon. If our young people keep up with this nonsense our fine country will become the laughing stock of the free world.

Well, when that day comes, you can call me “Stone Cold Embarrassed as Hell.”

They have ridiculous nicknames. That’s the problem with young people today.

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115 Comments leave one →
  1. 12:57 am

    No Kidding! My brother’s nickname is Cuban B… what the heck is that? We’re not even close to being Cuban and his name begins with a D!

    • 1:23 am

      Unbelievable.

      Cuban B?

      I think that’s what thet call the second extra on a Havana movie set.

      I take it Cuban A was taken?

      Thanks for visiting Kate. Tell your brother to come see me.

      All the best, Don

    • Buster permalink
      11:47 pm

      “Cuban B” is from a movie called “Half Baked” One character refers to everybody as “B”. “What’s up B?” etc. Somebody calls him Puerto rican to which he replies “I’m Cuban B!”

      • 11:49 pm

        Thanks for enlightening me Buster.

        Don

      • pinnythewu permalink
        11:47 pm

        I was just going to say that Buster, love that movie. Don wouldn’t.

      • 12:07 pm

        hey you guys are stealing our stuff. from bartow florida yeahhhh charlie

    • graciela permalink
      11:07 pm

      omqq they call me FLAKA datz latin..it means skinny..well i actually like iht=]

  2. 12:59 am

    Am I the first comment?

    I agree with you on this one, Don! My friends all call me either Gerard or “G”. I never understood all these stupid nicknames that people have. The Lils, Da, etc. all get me upset. Oh well, what can we do about it?

    Once again,
    Gerard

    P.S: Has anyone ever told you that you’re like Clint Eastwood’s character in Gran Torino? You remind me of him so much. If you haven’t see the movie, I’d recommend it. It’s awesome.

    • 1:29 am

      Nice to see you Gerard. Glad we were able to agree on this one.

      And thanks too for the movie tip. I’ll have to stop by Blockbuster next time I’ve got the Buick out and pick it up. (Had my eye on a 68 Gran Torino one upon a time but Aggie never did like a Ford).

      All the best, lad,

      Don

  3. 2:39 am

    I always liked how if your named was Anderson, then your nickname was “Andy.” If your last name was Smith, then you were “Smithy.” It made sense.

    Don, I’ve been meaning to ask you. Whatever happened to the milkman?

    • 11:46 am

      It made sense, Al, it made sense. We saved our imaginations for things like developing a space program not coming up with idiotic pet names.

      Not sure what happened to the Milkman but I’m almost certain the young people are to blame.

      Regards

      Don

  4. Ashley permalink
    3:26 am

    “They’ve driven the Buick out of Stupidville and arrived safely in Assclown County, folks.”

    This is the best line yet. I’m still laughing about it. Mr. Don, I’m barely out of the “young people” category, but your blog cracks me up to no end. Please keep ‘em coming!

    Ashley

    • 11:48 am

      Many thanks Ashley. It was a short drive for most of the young folks and, truth be told, I’m surprised they found their way without a GPS.

      Appreciate the kind words. Hope to see you again.

      Don

  5. Music94Skater permalink
    3:50 am

    Ha well my friends are weird and randomly call me “kitty”…my name is collin and i’m a guy i think they fail at coming up with nicknames agreed?

    • 11:50 am

      Agreed. If they had to go “domesticated pets” I would have suggested “collie.” And even then…

      Maybe it’s time for some new frieds, Music94Skater.

      Nice to see you again lad.

      Don

      • Music94Skater permalink
        2:44 am

        I’ve thought that over and though I don’t care for the nickname my groups of friends are generally decent people unlike the douche bags I know and have talked to in other groups so I think for now I’ll keep them lol

        Thanks for the suggestion though Don,

        Music94Skater

    • 8:27 pm

      Your friends are gay.

  6. 4:04 am

    Word up, D Dawg!

    • 5:52 pm

      “D Dawg?” I’ve been called many things in my day but this is a first, Zirgar.

      (I used to enjoy that damned deputy dog on the cartoon program though. That dog could crack me up.)

      Thanks for visiting son.

      Don

  7. 6:42 am

    I hafta agree with you here Don and lemme ask you, does this apply to people calling you ridiculous ‘sweet-names’ as well?

    Pookey bear, cupcake, muffin, pichkoo (what the hell is that?)…

    One guy actually cat-called “Yo Sugar lips…”

    Somethin sure is wrong wid them kids…

    • 5:56 pm

      Nice to see you Archie.

      The lovey-dovey pet names are upsetting too but mainly because people don’t have the damned decency to keep them private. If you want to call your spouse “sugar lips” that’s your business, just don’t make me listen to it while I’m at the Winn Dixie. Enough to put me off my pop tarts.

      And as for cat-calling “Yo Sugar lips” well that’s just damned rude. In my day, we respected women.

      All the best

      Don

    • zigzag permalink
      8:25 pm

      I have to say, dear Archie, that pichkoo reminds me very much of serbian/croatian word “pichka” which is a very rude word meaning vagina. I am deliberatly avoiding rude english word with the same meaning.
      I respect mr. Mills, you know….
      Anyway if somebody calls you pichkoo again…think about it

  8. 9:57 am

    Dear “Stone Cold Embarrassed as Hell” speaking as a non-American I have some terrible news for you ….

    • Sander permalink
      1:17 pm

      I’m afraid I’m going to have to agree. Your country has been the laughing stock of the free world since a certain George W. Bush became president…

      • 10:08 pm

        Hey Sander,

        If we’re talking nicknames, here….

        I’d love to know if they call you ‘Orbital’.

        (sorry….)

    • 8:21 pm

      It’s a sad state of affairs and that’s all I can say about that.

      Thanks Sir Roger and nice to see you again Sander.

      Regards

      Don

  9. Friar permalink
    11:07 am

    “The Idiots of Assclown County”.

    Heh heh.

    That would make a good movie title.

    • Sally permalink
      2:50 pm

      I was thinking a band…

      I have to agree, that’s one of his funniest lines yet!

      Special D, you’re my hero!

      • 8:09 pm

        Thanks Friar.

        A horror movie I’m assuming but a good one nonetheless. And they’d have no trouble casting it, there’s an abundance of young people that would be perfect for the lead roles.

        @ Sally: Thanks for visiting with me. I appreciate the kind words.

        All the best,

        Don

  10. 2:57 pm

    I agree that it’s a tad uncomfortable when nicknames don’t make sense Don but, then again, neither does the term itself. It derives from ekename which means additional name … where does Nick come in anyway? What concerns me more is the way they spell their Christian names – Coni? Keven? Seriously.

    • 8:17 pm

      Thanks for stopping in, Blue, and providing some history.

      And you raise a damned good point on those Christian names. It drives me crazy. Not only do they spell them strangely but half the kids today are named after products.

      Who in there right minds names their kids “Revlon” and “Sprite?”

      Best Regards,

      Don

      • 8:39 am

        I so agree. I don’t know what it’s like in your part of the world but here in Australia boys used to be given names like John, William, James, Robert, Charles, George, Henry, Thomas, Edward, or David. Now you have to call your boys Tory, Ethan, Logan, Kyle, Aiden, Jayden, Josh, Tyler, Zack, Gage, Kai, Landon, Xander, or Troy.

        It’s no better with the girls. They all used to be Elizabeth, Mary, Margaret, Barbara, Patricia, Carol, Catherine, Julie, Jacqueline, and Jane. I don’t know any girls called that any more. Now they’re all Brody, Madison, Alyssa, Chloe, Hailey, Mia, Brook, Trinity, Riley, Jade, Leah, Ashlyn, or Brooklyn. Brooklyn? You might as well call her Yonkers…

        • 12:44 pm

          Us Aussies are notorious for shortening names. My sister’s name is Helen but lots of people call her Hel…..

  11. 3:02 pm

    I had a friend try to call me Shay-Dog once. I was not amused.

  12. bschooled permalink
    3:49 pm

    Crazy…I just Googled “old people are gracious lovers” and I stumbled upon this post…

    Amen to that, Donald!

    Regards,

    B “Bust yo’ grill” Schooled

    • 9:45 pm

      Nice to see you again, bschooled.

      I like to include “pro-senior” commentary whereever possible. There’s a terrible shortage of it out there.

      (I won’t ask what you were going trying to find websites about how geriatric performance sexual performance…)

      All the best, Don

  13. 4:43 pm

    Shortening “Micheal” to “Mike”, or “Anthony” to “Tony” is all well and good, but could we please not shorten “Randall” to “Randy”? It’s not terribly common here, but in England of course “Randy” means “Horny”.

    I’ve been here long enough that it winds up on my credit cards and utility bills. So now I have to go around telling people “I’m Randy” or they can’t find my name in the computer. Isn’t it enough that it’s usually true – must I really be forced to go around admitting it all the time?

    Still though, I guess it’s better than having been named “Richard”.

    • 9:48 pm

      Thanks for the comment, Randall.

      I see your point there, lad. “Randy” is a damned unfortunate short-form and there’s no question about that. Still, as you point out, it could be worse. Richard is bad and William isn’t a walk in the park either.

      I knew a lad from Scotland who was named William after his father. His old dad was “Big Willie” and my poor friend was forever known as “wee Willie”. Died a bachelor.

      Thanks for stopping in son.

      Don

  14. 5:06 pm

    I couldn’t agree more Don! I gave my step son a good old fashion nickname about 5 years ago. We all call him “Beaver” “The Beav” or just “Beav” because of his striking resemblance to Beaver Cleaver. He could also pass as Opie Taylor. :-D

    • 9:51 pm

      Thanks Gary. A damned good nickname. A black and white nickname. Excellent choice.

      All the best and nice to see you again.

      Don

  15. 5:28 pm

    I have been trying to get rid of my nickname for years. “Yes U R” is a bad nickname.

    • 9:53 pm

      Yeah, that’s a stinker all right. Try “bucky,” “sport” or “FDR.” They’re all good.

      Don

  16. 6:19 pm

    Mr. Mills,

    First, I feel obligated to state how great a site you have here. It’s one of the funniest sites on my frequent visits list and there is a good message contained within each blog post. Please keep up the great work!

    Having completed gushing, I would like to add one point to this nicknames post. You mentioned a few key nicknames from the better days, but I’m afraid you neglected one of the most important names in the short history of our great nation: Stinky. We all had a Stinky growing up. He may not have been stinky, but over time the name just seemed to fit him. Stinky was always there for us when we needed him and I know I wouldn’t be the same person I am today if it wasn’t for Stinky and all the Stinkys around the world.

    That’s the problem with young people today, there aren’t enough “Stinkys”.

    • 10:00 pm

      Welcome Reading Geek and thanks for stopping in.

      I appreciate the nice words, that’s very kind of you. And you make a great point on the “Stinky.” Every single word is spot on. Thanks very much for that.

      And it’s funny you should mention it because “Stinky” was actually my nickname when I was a lad. Never bothered me much and, over time, I came to like it.

      “Stinky Mills”….damn but that brings back memories. No one’s called me that since President Hoover was in office.

      Many thanks for dropping in. I hope to see you again soon.

      Don (aka “Stinky”)

  17. Greg permalink
    7:29 pm

    My wifes nickname is Little Jen, but it makes sense because she’s 5 foot nothing and 96lbs.

    I suppose if the nickname fits it’s OK, like if you’re a delivery guy “Fed X” might be appropriate, but then again you might need a lawyer to fend off a copyright suit… and “Phat A”, well I’m pretty sure thats not a complement.

    Thanks for the site Mr. Mills, and have a good day.

    ~Greg

  18. 8:15 pm

    LOL. Yet another VERY FUNNY post Don. I love it. the part about the 110 sophomore was hilarious. Nice one.

  19. Sander permalink
    8:42 pm

    No nicknames for me, Sander has always worked perfectly. There was this one time where somebody noticed that you got the name of a certain illegal herb if you added a letter to my surname, but ..convincing him that it wouldn’t be a good nickname didn’t take long.

    • 11:35 pm

      Sander’s a good solid name, lad. No need to mess it up with an illegal Herb.

      Funny though, because I knew a fella back in the mid-fifties, Joey Hasis, had a similiar issue. Not sure what ever became of Joey.

      Thanks for the visit Sander.

      Don

  20. 8:45 pm

    you’re a funny man.
    sarah

  21. 9:20 pm

    Uh Oh. D to tha O.N. Mills hasn’t responded to these last few posts. I hope he’s not dead. Probably just trying to finish off a pee he started taking about a half hour ago. Just kidding D-Rock!

    • 11:47 pm

      Hey, there, nice to see you RBG. (We never did settle if that stood for Royal Botanical Gardens, by the way…)

      Good of you to visit lad. And I wasn’t in the washroom, son, I was feeling peckish so I went to the kitchen to get a ginger ale and tuna fish sandwich but when I got there my damn tuna was gone!

      How does a can of tuna up and walk away, RBG? Jesus. I think my personal support worker, Hattie, may be up to her old tricks. Rye, cornflakes, socks and now tuna fish!

      Anyway, I ended up having egg salad. And then I watched Wheel of Fortune. But I’m back now, and happy to be here son.

      Don’t be a stranger RBG. You crack me up, son.

      All the best,

      Don

  22. 1:16 am

    Sure, the teens like giving themselves nicknames, but have you ever tried to foist one upon their baggy, suburban asses?

    Nothing ever sticks and I’ve tried them all: asshat, mouthbreather, nimrod, thyroid mary, the town pump, fuckmook, brainstem operator, Canadian, R-Type, Keanu, waiter, useless, butter knife, bratmobile, Devry graduate, tin man, meatbag and Toby MacGuire.

    Suggestions?

  23. 3:32 am

    Don,
    Did they call you Donnie when you were a boy?

    The closest thing to a nickname anyone would say to my face is CC. I’m sure I’m called all kinds of things behind my back!

    • 11:37 am

      Hello Claire and thanks for visiting.

      I was never called Donnie when I was lad. My mom called me Donald and my dad mostly referred to me as “boy.” They didn’t believe in adding unneccessary vowels to the end of someone’s name. Just seemed wasteful, I suppose.

      Thanks again for stopping in.

      Don

  24. 5:25 am

    Nicknames are one thing, they can come and go, just pack your bags and move to another town or preferably country, as it is a good character building experience to live in a different culture I think, and you can erase that terrible nickname. I think the bigger problem is parents who give their kids terrible real names, names that were not well thought out you know. I knew a kid back when I was in school, and his last name was Crocket. Guess what his parents named him . . . you guessed it. Davy. Davy Crocket. Now Davy Crocket might be a good character, but damn that kid got teased! Actually sadly, about ten years ago he took his own life. One has to wonder if being teased all the time as a kid could have contributed to that.

    Of course, I want to be the devils advocate, and say that sometimes a silly nickname can be like an inside joke for your friends and you, and a nickname that seems lame at first can sometimes end up being endearing after awhile. Now when you were a kid, what would your grandparents have thought about someone being called “Stinky” or a big fat guy being called “Slim”. It’s all relative. However I do agree, that sometimes it seems like people are trying so hard to be anything other than themselves.

    Just recently discovered your blog through my favorite blog, http://www.onegoodmove.org/1gm/ and I do got to say I find it pretty funny. Keep it up, take it on the road.

    Cheers,
    Trevor “Prof. Nutsack” Clements

    • 12:05 pm

      Thanks for the comment Trevor,

      That’s a sad tale and there is no question that “Davy Crocket” is an unfortunate handle to give to any youngster. You have to wonder what the parents were thinking.

      And I have no problem with a nickname as an “inside joke.” My wife, Aggie, (may she rest in peace) had a few choice nicknames for me but they stayed inside the bungalow.

      I sure didn’t broadcast them widely, spraypaint them on railroad cars or make up my own nickname and demand that the members of my bridge group address me as “DJ Pimp Don. ”

      Thanks again for visiting Trevor. That onegoodmove is a fine site.

      Hope to see you again.

      Don

  25. 5:30 am

    Oh, and I teach English in South Korea. Often the kids want to take english nicknames. Sometimes the school wants you to give them English nicknames. I never did force it on them and if they wanted one I let them pick their own. One kid wanted to be “Santa Claus”. I figured, what the hell, go for it. These days I’m teaching in a University, so generally they don’t do the nickname thing. I kind of prefer it, as I think they shouldn’t feel like their Korean names are for some reason not good enough. If I study Korean I am not pressured to take a Korean name, though I did take one, just to be fair and put myself in the same boat. My Korean nickname is Kim Chul Su, which is funny because it’s the name they always use in textbook dialogues, so it’s kind of like the equivalent of being called John Doe, it’s always good for a laugh.

  26. Slim permalink
    5:56 am

    My wife Dipples and I couldn’t agree more Don. Keep soldiering on.

  27. lily permalink
    6:45 am

    Dear Mr Mills,

    I have only just recently had the good fortune to stumble upon your very fine and humorous blog. It’s not often I get the opportunity to guffaw out loud (gol?) especially at the expense of these silly young whipper snippers that infest the Internet these days.

    I too, am absolutely horrified at the nicknames (handles?? in MY day, handles were on doors or cups or teapots!)

    Have you noticed how some of them particularly like to leave out the VOWELS (not that young people these days KNOW what a vowel is!!) An example is “Sldghmmr” – presumably he means “Sledgehammer”?? no doubt a big lad with a very small penis? or he’s a tub of lard who can’t fit outside his bedroom door anymore so he is now doomed to play video games for the rest of his entire life?

    Goodness gracious me, Mr Mills, these young people today with their “yo sup dudes” , their “wassups”, their “fo shizzles”
    Poor Shakespeare would be turning in his grave !!

    • 10:56 pm

      Thanks for visiting, Lily, and for the kind words.

      Indeed, Mr. Shakespeare would be turning in his grave (a tip – don’t call him Bill or Willy. I got in some trouble for doing that a few posts ago. The young people don’t like it).

      Hope to see you again.

      Don

  28. 10:21 am

    I annoy people by refusing to use their nicknames

  29. denise permalink
    7:18 pm

    *chuckling merrily*

    My son & his friends have some really goofy nicknames for each other – mostly in response to some of the asinine nicknames that are out there – something like mock nicknames. The “more common” nicknames between each other, though (non-mocking…more geared toward personality traits), are akin to oxymoron-style nicknames (one kid calls my son “Shorty” because he’s so tall); or Psycho for one kid who is really mellow/quiet/mild-mannered.

    Then again, I’m still working with my son in the hopes that one day he’ll realize that while appearances don’t “matter” – they are the first thing adults see, and he will be judged on appearance before he’s judged on character. Not to mention, one day, I’ll be earning terrific blackmail money from him to keep the pictures of him in his ridiculous outfits & hairstyles away from his wife/girlfriend/children… *huge evil grin*

    Thank you so much for the funny!

    • 10:59 pm

      Thanks Denise and keep working on that lad.

      You’re darn right about being judged on appearance before character and – for better or worse – having a ring through your nose, ear, tongue, check, eyebrow and lip tends to make a pretty strong statement.

      Hold on to those photos. Payback is sweet.

      Don

  30. John McConroe permalink
    9:02 pm

    Stupid nicknames will always be stupid nicknames.
    Pains me to say this, seeing how much I love this blog, but methinks the D-Man is running out of topics =/

    • 11:03 pm

      Thanks, John, nice to see you lad.

      I hope I’m not running out of topics! I thought I was just warming up. I haven’t even had a crack at swearing, rudeness, arrogrance, piercings, and being disrespectful behaviour yet. (And that’s just the list of gripes I picked up in line at Wal-Mart this morning.)

      Still….Keep on me, son, and if you think I’m spinning my wheels or missing the mark, you be sure to let me know.

      Best Regards,

      Don

      • John McConroe permalink
        3:51 am

        Oh wow..xD I stand corrected. Can’t wait to keep hearing from this blog, Donald.
        I’ll be sure to let you know if any one entry is not up to par. Take it as constructive criticism will ya?

        Regards,
        John

  31. Scope permalink
    10:18 pm

    Don, I agree with you. I hate those stupid nick-names. I only have one that my friends gave me. And that is Scope. And they only call me that, because they saw the bottle of Scope Mouthwash that I have.

    • 10:34 pm

      Wonder if that’s why the kids down the street call me Metamucil. Little bastards.

      Thanks for stopping in Scope

      Don

  32. pinnythewu permalink
    11:50 pm

    I know a guy called Skank-Daddy.

    • 1:09 am

      That’s very nice. I’m hoping it is just a nickname and that he doesn’t actually have children.

      If he does, they can be rightfully proud. Maybe some day he can be Skank-Granpappy.

      Sorry, I realize he’s likely a friend but, honestly…

      All the best

      Don

      • pinnythewu permalink
        4:02 am

        Oh, don’t be sorry Don, you can say whatever you like because you are my hero of all that the world should be. Decent and civilised.

  33. 1:17 am

    I used to go by ” fed x” and “UPS” ………I was bi-postal….thank God I grew up…thanks for the laugh Don

    • 10:35 pm

      Always nice to see you David. Bi-coastal I’ve heard of. Bi-postal? Sounds most unsavory.

  34. 3:57 am

    Hi Don,

    Stop around and see me some time. I figured someone should try and extend an olive branch to you on behalf of the God Damned young people. They’re not all bad. Most, but not all.

    Good talking to you again Pappy (I thought you would enjoy a nice respectful old-timey nickname, hopefully it isn’t short for Pap Smear)

    See you soon.

    Royal Botanical Gardens

  35. 4:20 pm

    I concur.
    Furthermore, I feel like you’ve underestimated the severity of this catastrophe, dear Donald. These nickname shenanigans are the #1 catalyst for an identity crisis, which usually leads to self-medicating – that leads into addictions – Interventions – reality TV – More people checking out your Myspace page – a detached, self-centered society.

    Keep on Keeping

    • 10:37 pm

      That’s an excellent comment frankelstache. I like the way you think lad.

      All the best

      Don

  36. Eliza permalink
    4:37 pm

    First of all, I have to say that I love reading your posts, even if they are totally stereotyped and are only true for a tiny percent of teens. They are hilariously.

    I have to disagree with you on the nicknames, though. No one at my school has weird nicknames, and the only ones who do have nicknames like Kris instead of Kristopher, Andy instead of Andrian, and Sam instead of Samuel.

    • 4:23 pm

      Thanks for visiting Eliza.

      Appreciate your kind words and the comment. Glad to hear your school is free of the ridiculous nicknames but be vigilant – they’ll sneak up you.

      Don

  37. Regina permalink
    6:08 pm

    I have far too many nicknames. I go by my middle name, which is Regina. It has been shortened mostly, to Reggie. I am fine with that. Since I often read Japanese literature or anime the suffix -Chan has been added to it, which is generally a famine suffix. My close friend often call me Reggie-Chan which I think is cute. I make fun of the Terminator movies so I have been called the Reginator. Some one once some how miss spelled Regina and spelled it “Regian”, like the former president. I think I was for a time called Edgy Reggie.“ The same person also called me Re-g-unit, which I slapped her repeatedly for so that nickname mostly stopped. A German girl also used to call me “Reginer”, though that may have just been her accent. My first name rhymes with Caffeine, and as some one who drinks a lot of coffee I was been called that.

    One of my teachers who is my friend’s father calls me petunia or weasel, I really do not know why. I once had to play a Tuna fish in school play so I was called Ms. Fish, Tuny or, Queen of atlantes, because I had a crown on. Being a red head I have been called, red headed, red, ginger, though never cherry, that I an remember.

    I stand at about five feet tall and an inch, so I have been called shorty or many variations there of. Having taken martial arts at various points on my life I have been called “Karate kid” or “Numchuck girl” One of my best friends when I was twelve or so called me Reese’s, as that was my favorite candy.

    I have difficulties sleeping so I was dubbed “”The insomniac”. One girl also called me Monkey and Sita, because I used those names as inter net monkers. I have been called Äthos”, from the three musketeers because one of my group of friends refered to them selves as the “Three musketeers.””There are at a dozen more I am forgetting

    “Too many nick names” -Regina

  38. 12:20 am

    How confusing. See, in Aussie, you’d have none of this trouble. You’re a redhead? Your name is “Blue”. Simple. Even people who never met you know your nickname. “G’day, Blue!” Just like everyone knows short strangers are called “Stretch”. Good on you , Blue!

  39. 3:17 pm

    Yeah, but in Australia you have to have a nickname, otherwise you’d all be Bruce or Sheila, wouldn’t you?

  40. Nick permalink
    4:50 pm

    That is SO not true about me my nickname is Aggsddafghhh!

  41. svib permalink
    8:35 pm

    hate to tell you this, but the United States already are the laughing stock of the world.
    also, your blog is a good funny read, congratulations.

  42. hnawelhik permalink
    11:07 pm

    In my city the nickname are and necessarylake in the westerne movie “morning” or “little bear” on the nickname to the peculiarity of a person, my friends, Karim Gazouza (Gazouza in lake coca cola drink) so you can guess the cheerful personality of the person I gave my text to Google to translate it and I hope it will turn too)

  43. 1:33 am

    Thank you hnawelhik. It translates just fine.

    Where you from, lad?

    • hnawelhik permalink
      10:29 am

      “Hnawelhik” it means here and other side, and i am from Algeria in north africa

  44. 12:33 am

    Great post, great blog, great advice.
    We should sit down someday, drink some bourbon and have a cigar and talk about the good old days.
    Wonderful stuff, Sir Donald.
    ~m

  45. 3:49 am

    i cannot believe i just read all of that.
    funny tho. keep it up donald duck!!

  46. Sherrod permalink
    1:25 am

    Mr. Mills,
    My name is Sherrod and this article is funny and true. My nick name is Roddy because of my first name. It reall suits me. I’m 18 and these other teens with their “D-Money, 10 cent and K-mon.” That gets really annoying. I like to make them mad by calling them by their first names.

  47. Pat permalink
    11:52 pm

    GOD DAMN WHIPPERSNAPPERS

    *taps walking stick*

    a STAIN on this country’s FINE history!

    now where’d I put my anti-angry pills? ahhh dang kids!

  48. Jose permalink
    5:07 pm

    Hey,
    Donald people call you different nickname like “D DAWG” and “Special D”
    Did you ever have a time where you were saying “why are these people calling me this I don’t even know then”?

  49. Charlotte permalink
    10:38 am

    I accept some of you guys don’t like this and all, and of course its your opinion. But, I’m 15 yrs you see, and I reckon you guys need to grow up and get over it! Its just a nickname, we get a laugh and a kick out of it because we don’t have, um, marbles? to play with these days. And by the way, what kind of a name is Spanky or BUCKWHEAT!?!? That’s not sensible at all, it’s MUCH worse than anything I’ve ever heard.

  50. Chloe permalink
    5:39 am

    Sorry but the day George Bush Jnr opened his mouth and said “fool me once, shame on —shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” the US became the laughing stock of the free world.

  51. 6:52 pm

    Ha Ha… He said Assclown…

    I think I use to work in Assclown County… had to get out while the getting was good! :) Thank you for this blog, I am going to enjoy exploring it!

  52. 6:51 pm

    I so agree!

    I don’t know if you’ve heard of the stupid names modern rappers and musicians have, things like:

    Eminem- (It sounds like the candy, *shudders*)
    Jay-Z- (WTF?!)
    Snoop Dogg- (Learn to spell, would you?)
    Lil Wayne – (Another person who never learned to spell)

    *shudders again* Yuck. Those are some of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. Who would WANT to be called something like that? Probably just us brain damages young people, haha.

    I’m proud to say that the only nicknames I’ve ever had were derivatives of my name, thank you very much, and I sure as heck don’t want some dumb ass nickname that doesn’t sound a t hing like my real name or that just makes me sound deranged.

    Either ways, this is hilarious! Also…do you have any idea HOW people come up with these? I’m lost, and seeing as you’re a superior senior citizen, I thought you might know…. : )

    Also….I should really direct my brother to your site. He has the nicknames “A-Dude”, and “Australia”, respectively. We don’t like anywhere near Australia, *shakes head*

  53. Anonymous permalink
    10:22 am

    Hi Don, great post. I saw one of my facebook friends calling himself ‘Muzzah’ when his real name is Murray. Can you please knock some sense into him!

  54. 2:51 pm

    Another post that kept me laughing. Our neighbor’s daughter ran away and got married to a guy named Snake last year. And my cousin’s brother-in-law, named Mark, insists on being call Mario. My niece’s ex-boyfriend actually likes his nickname – Nemo – that’s the name of a cartoon fish. By the way, Nemo and Snake are brothers.

  55. 10:43 pm

    My name volenoie is not a nick name my nick name is jeff cause my real name is wierd so people call me jeff or Steve. Sound ridiculous

  56. Anonymous permalink
    10:43 pm

    There’s this kid in my grade named Grant, and his nickname is BiG D!

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