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God Damned Young People and Their Weirdo Haircuts Drive Me Nuts

The problem with young people today is that they have crazy haircuts.

In my day, a lad had two choices for a haircut – a crew cut or a flat top and both cost 50 cents. You went to the barber every Saturday morning with your old dad, had your ears raised and were grateful to look like every other kid on your block.

But these young people today. They all want to “express themselves” with their weirdo hairdos!

They walk around with their spiky bangs, corn rows, streaky uplifts, mohawks, faux hawks and wigged out sideburns. It’s a carnival freak show but without the popcorn.

If I had ever come home with a multi-colored mullet and a bum fluff goatee my old dad would have used me as a stump and split a cord of wood on my back.

It’s showy and disrespectful. Plumped and preening like a bunch of randy roosters let loose in a hen house. Disgraceful. I say they should round those damned young people up and sheer them down like the sheep they’re supposed to be.

It’s dangerous I tell you and it leads to anarchy and loose morals. It won’t be long before willy nilly hair styles aren’t enough for them anymore and they start frothing at the mouth, burning down post offices, practicing communism and forcing seniors to sport dreadlocks, rattails, moptops and worse.

And mark my god damned words, when that day comes we are all going to be well and truly sorry.

They have crazy haircuts. That’s the problem with young people today.

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85 Comments leave one →
  1. 8:13 pm

    Serious question time, Don…

    If you got a haircut that didn’t end up making you look like every other kid on your block – what did it end up making you look like?

    • 8:25 pm

      A god damned trouble maker.

      Parents had enough on their plate without worry about us running around getting rebellious haircuts and acting like big shot movie stars.

      I’ve had the same haircut for 80 plus years. I was born with a short back and sides and I’ll damned well die with one too.

      You short-haired dachshunds should be on board with that.

      All the best

      Don

  2. 8:24 pm

    hair…..?

    hmmmm….. I remember that.

  3. 8:47 pm

    To paraphrase Hank Hill:

    I think stupid haircuts are a good thing. It gives us a quick way to tell if someone’s not right.

  4. madlove78 permalink
    8:51 pm

    Seriously…are you for real? Please tell me that this post is meant to be a joke.

    • 11:06 pm

      Madlove78?

      Is the “78” a reference to your age by any chance? Not that I’m looking for romance. Happily married for 60 years before my dear Aggie passed.

      I’m seriously for real and really serious, madlove.

      Thanks for coming in. Hope to see you again.

      Don

      • 12:08 am

        I would have thought it was 78rpm LPs.

      • 12:18 am

        I would speculate that madlove shouted “Firsts!” and hit refresh only to find 77 other madloves clogging the queue.

        • 1:50 am

          That’s because you’re a very funny guy!

        • madlove78 permalink
          12:36 pm

          Nah, I’ve been using madlove78 for the past 15 years or so. And it’s a reference to the year I was born, not my age.

          • 12:50 pm

            1878, eh?

            Damn fine year….

            Edison invented the first MP3 player, teh turks got agood kckingfrom the russinas at the battle of Plovdiv, and West Bromwich albion played their first ever match.

            Good on yer!

          • 12:52 pm

            Bloody hell… talk about dyslexic typing! That’s a classic.

            Can you sort it out please Don?

          • 2:25 pm

            HUH? If the year you were born isn’t reference to your age; what is? Think first, then reply. “I was born in 78, I am not 78y.o.

      • madlove78 permalink
        8:06 pm

        Hmmm, Don. I can’t decide whether I want to strangle you or hug you. If you truly do feel this way about wild hairstyles, I totally disagree. Exactly how would I be disrespecting you by having a wild hair style? And why is it disgraceful? Because you don’t agree with it? Some of the most creative and intelligent people I know either have or have had “expressive” hair styles. I just don’t think you should stereotype someone because of their hair. I think it’s disgraceful and disrespectful for you to take God’s name in vain. Yet, I realize and accept that you have the right to do that. But I won’t be ridiculous and think that just because you choose to do that means you will soon become an anarchist or begin burning down post offices. There’s no telling what you think about tattoos.

        • 9:32 pm

          You can sometimes “accidentally” strangle someone while hugging them. I think it’s called hugging with both hands.

        • 8:42 pm

          You are taking this waaay to seriously. This is called a rant, and is meant for the purpose of being as ridiculous and distraught as possible, while still making a point. Young people are disrespectful and self-obsessed, regardless of whether that is the fault of haircuts, but the point is moot-this blog is freaking hilarious-that’s what it’s for! In other words, take a chill-pill!

  5. Sander permalink
    8:53 pm

    You say anarchy like it’s a bad thing :P
    As for the haircuts, just plain short-ish hair for me. I never cared enough to do anything else with it.

    • 9:22 pm

      I know what you mean about never caring enough to do anything about your hair.

      I fully intended to be all apathetic about mine, but when it came to the apathy bit, I just couldn’t be bothered.

  6. 10:00 pm

    Don, I agree wholeheartedly. Crazy haircuts are certainly the merge lane on the super-highway to devilment. Just look at what the Beatles did. They came over here, got the kids wearing those stupid haircuts, and the next thing you know, they’re all smoking the refer, participating in sit-ins, and laying down with anything that possessed a hole and a heart beat. Then it got worse, Disco, bellbottoms, platform shoes, cocaine, bloods, crips, crack, assault rifles, where will it stop?

    • 11:07 pm

      I’ve said it before Jumpout but you’re wise beyond your years lad.

      And, bang on with your comments.

      Thanks

      Don

  7. Emma permalink
    10:32 pm

    Hi Don,

    I’m one of those crazy youths with short, spiky and dark blue hair. Why is it that way? Well, when I meet someone for the first time, I don’t have to wear a white jacket with a red rose in the pocket to be recognised. When I stand in the mile long post office queue with the same expression of “kill me” as everybody else in the building, at least my hair is a little bit wild. Mind you, there was a little old lady with purple hair in front of me the other day. My guess would be that she wanted to hold on to that little bit of individuality.

    I think that, as people become just another customer reference number they want to feel that little bit different from every other sheep out there. Perhaps the root of the problem lies in the impersonality of modern day society rather than the youth of today. Maybe we all just want to be able to walk into a shop and be recognised as a valued customer rather than just another addition to their profit margin.

    Emma

    • 11:02 pm

      Welcome Emma,

      Thanks for your comment.

      I feel I need to warn you that the post office is the last place you want to wear a “kill me” expression. Sadly, at least in North American postal stations, there can be an element of self-fulfilling prophecy there.

      And, while I’m sure you enjoy the blue hair, when the rogue postal carrier finally flips, you may NOT want to be drawing attention to yourself.

      Just a little advice from an old man.

      Beyond that, you seem like a sensible lass and I appreciate your taking the time to visit with me.

      All the best and keep your head low and your eyes open in the post offices.

      Don

      • Emma permalink
        1:43 pm

        I’m from Scotland where the worst thing that can happen to you in a post office queue is that you die of starvation before reaching the front of the queue.

        If you are right and i am one day targeted by a nut case, I will at least know that the news report will say “a 20 year old girl with amazing hair was gunned down today in a post office queue in the outskirts of Edinburgh. Police say that the rogue postal worker may have drawn his gun because he was jealous of the fact that the young lady’s spikes were perfectly placed”

        Hope life’s treating you well Don and that those pesky youngsters aren’t annoying you too much.

        Emma

  8. mord permalink
    11:34 pm

    this guy is the best troll ever

  9. 11:45 pm

    Don, you’ll be glad to know that I have the exact same hair style I had when I was born: bald. Ah, the circle of life!

  10. 12:20 am

    Well, watch out for DJs. Much like the whole emo scene, the superstar DJ field is overrun by young men with unfortunate haircuts.

    • 5:29 pm

      Knew a fellow named DJ back in 1950’s. Skinny young man with buck teeth and a bucket load of moles. Never trusted him or anyone else who had initials for a first name.

      But who’s this Emo lad? Sounds Italian.

  11. 2:27 am

    This is the greatest blog to ever grace the intertubes.

  12. downcastmysoul permalink
    3:56 am

    What about the girls? How were they supposed to wear their hair? Do they get a flattop or a crew, too?

  13. bcurletta permalink
    9:04 am

    Don,

    The correct phrase is “getting your ears lowered” not “raised” you old Alzheimer crazed coot! I showed my Grandmother Lucille this site and she absolutely adores you. She tried sending you an email via our universal remote but ended up turning on our stoves. Long story short the whole east wing of the house went up in smoke and now she needs a place to live (as the east side was the side of the house the attic she inhabited was located). What do you say there pal? Shes a 4 foot 7 inch foxy blonde octogenarian, the only catch is that you have to refer to yourself as “Don Draper” not “Donald Mills”. She doesn’t mind being called Aggie if that helps.

    Thanks Mr. Draper, (*wink* *wink*)
    Brendan

    • 5:24 pm

      Crazed coot? What the Hell kind of talk is that?

      Now, granted, I made a little gaffe there bcurletta but don’t be calling my faculties into question. Besides, I blame my personal support worker. I think she’s been stealing my cereal and it’s got me damned distracted. I opened a box of Bran Flakes Tuesday and it was empty when I went to pour a bowl this morning. There’s no way on earth I went through an entire box in 4 days. I’ll be watching her close I don’t mind telling you.

      But, thanks lad, for spotting the mistake. And thanks for trying to set me up with Lucille but I’m a confirmed bachelor at this point in my life. She sounds like a firecracker though. Be good to her son.

      All the best,

      Don

  14. SGT.C permalink
    12:24 pm

    If you want a good laugh Don you should see the kids come into basic with those haircuts. Seeing their eyes in just utter dissapointment when their crazy 50-100 dollar haircut gets chopped off with a pair of clippers. Although, I do envy those young kids with the hair to do those syles. I personally have been getting a bigger forehead every year. I just tell myself that its my bodies way of making room for more knowledge. I’m not a big comlainer of the hair styles. If it isn’t greasy and it looks taken care of I couldn’t care less, but looking repectable is always something that a kid needs to think about before he/she goes through with it. Ask yourself; Can I really get a Job with this?

    • 5:27 pm

      Thanks SGT.C

      I can picture it clearly!

      And your comment…

      “I personally have been getting a bigger forehead every year. I just tell myself that its my bodies way of making room for more knowledge.”

      That’s a keeper Sgt. A good one for sure.

      Don

    • 12:43 am

      I once made the unfortunate mistake of giving my boyfriend a mohawk right before basic. I’m sure you can imagine how *that* went over.

      • 12:49 am

        An “unfortunate mistake”? Dropping a stitch is an unfortunate mistake – shaving a stripe down a man’s head is something entirely more.

        And you shouldn’t be cutting the hair of a man you’re not married to. It’s not proper.

        Thanks for visiting.

  15. John McConroe permalink
    5:37 pm

    I’m sorry Mr. Mills but I’ll have to go ahead and disagree with you on this one.
    Crazy and disgusting haircuts have always existed and have never been exclusive to the younger demographic.

    In my humble opinion, they depend much more on socio-economic class than they do on age. You don’t see the Ivy League kids wearing mohawks and green dye. It’s always been about class and education, not age.
    I myself would never even think about getting one of those haircuts, simply because I want my workplace to be somewhere other than Wal-Mart.

    That being said, there does seem to be a significant growth in the use of these “haircuts” (if you can even call them that), but truth be told, even if you’re young, there will always be people with education who will know better.

    • madlove78 permalink
      8:26 pm

      Wow, McConroe, you’re really full of it, aren’t you? So are you trying to say that anyone with a wild haircut is poor and ignorant? I feel sorry for you.

      • John McConroe permalink
        12:33 am

        Well madlove, first you must understand that money does not necessarily equal class and education (as any rapper will clearly demonstrate), but the reality of it is, in general terms, people who are brought up in well educated families just don’t go out and get outrageous haircuts. Or any other form of excesive body modification, for that matter.
        I didn’t mean to come off as an elitist at all, and I’m sure the rule does not apply to all cases, but madlove, those stereotypes exist for a reason.
        I just felt the need to clarify that is has less to do with age than Mr. Mills suggests.

    • 9:36 pm

      Wal-Mart generally isn’t a fan of wild haircuts or facial piercings or visible tattoos or personal opinions or really any sort of individuality that can be expressed outwardly.

      I think you mean you want your workplace to be somewhere other than the local coffeehaus, alternative bookstore, indie music shoppe or telemarketing sweatshop.

      • 12:56 am

        I like it that people like Mr. McConroe have ordinary haircuts. It makes it much easier to distinguish them from the interesting people. Not that ordinary hair makes one uninteresting, necessarily; it’s just an intriguing advertisement to have crazy hair. But to say that the under-educated are those who choose unusual hair indicates nothing more than living a very sheltered life.

        I’m a chemist. I’ve shaved my head, had a mohawk, and have had more colors in it than I can remember. Normally, one anecdotal incident does not negate a stereotype. I’m just saying that the stereotype is shifting, so Don is correct. It’s more about being young-ish.

        I wanted to say something funny, but now I’m all, what is this? Everyone is taking this all too seriously.

        Love your style, crazy old man.

        • 1:05 am

          If you want to see serious, you should take a peek through the comments on the early posts – I think you might find it amusing.

  16. 1:34 am

    I need amusing. I’m feeling decidedly unfunny. The pulp fiction thing wore me out :) Thanks for giving me yet another blog to track. Goddamn. Talk about prolific.

  17. Friar permalink
    1:36 am

    Hey Don

    What do you think about weirdo haircuts, where they try to spell out words or cut out a symbol in the hair itself?

    That’s almost like having a weirdo haircut, AND a tattoo at the same time.

    The worst of both worlds.

    • 2:35 pm

      God damn young Friar, you are absolutely right.

      What the Hell kind of asinine business is that? Shaving words in your hair?

      If they’re going to do it, they should shave the word “brainless” up there.

      Worst of both worlds indeed.

      • 2:45 pm

        Unless you are unfortunate, hair has a way of growing out, so the words cut into hair thing is only temporarily unfortunate. Tattoos are forever.

  18. Tony permalink
    9:49 am

    We never had weirdo haircuts tolerated in the military, That’s the problem when they don’t learn no discipline

  19. 2:54 pm

    I agree. Strange hairstyles are just an indication of the the breakdown in the value system in America. Canary in the coal mine thingy. And what’s with guys going to beauty salons and “spas” to get a haircut? I’ll take a real barber shop any day, striped pole outside and the combs in the blue fluid. My barbers name is Norm, not Norma!

  20. 8:08 pm

    My barber Norm says it was used in World War 1 as a topical rub for mustard gas and also has recently become popular removing dried gum from school equipment.

    • 8:17 pm

      Gum in schools…huh.

      Not in my day. When I was boy, the only thing you chewed in school were your fingernails – and that was just because you where nervous about getting strap.

      He’s a good man your barber. Thanks for visiting Russ. You seem like a decent lad.

  21. 10:03 pm

    Russ, you need to be careful with those exclamation marks, mate.

    I read the bottom line of your post:-

    “My barbers name is Norm, not Normal”

  22. 1:39 am

    Come to think of of it I could a good set of white walls about now…and maybe a razor ! good to see you Don ……~Dave

  23. Kevin permalink
    2:41 am

    Hey Don, (You don’t mind if I call you Don now, do you?)

    My grandmother is now a daily reader of your blog. I believe that you may have even inspired her to start her own blog, once I finish explaining what a blog is to her, but boy does she agree with every word you’re saying. Have a good one.

    Sincerely,
    Kevin

    • 2:11 pm

      Morning Kevin.

      Thanks for stopping in and visiting. Tell your grandmother to send a link when she’s up and running. She sounds like a smart woman.

      All the best

      Don

  24. Devon-Anya permalink
    12:59 pm

    I don’t see what is wrong with being an individual. I’m 13, and all of the girls at my school have the same comb-over, and it drives me nuts!!! So what if I have a different hairstyle, it’s who I am!

  25. 1:54 pm

    Don, The last thing I would do is “force seniors to sport dreadlocks, rattails, moptops and worse” I don’t have a death-wish.

    I’m one of those ‘old-fashioned” youngsters who sport a “not-too-funky” hairdo and constantly get harangued by my peers to “wake-up-and-smell-the-hair gel”.

    I agree that outrageous hairstyles are kinda weird. But don’t elders teach you not to judge the book by it’s cover?

  26. James permalink
    11:24 am

    Donald, I myself like the crew cut and flat top styles. I right now, have a flat top. TO me, it is just more professional. Also it is more respectable.

  27. Danny permalink
    5:48 pm

    hey Don, (little wave)
    Just wanted to let you no that i enjoyed reading your posts they say the best medicine is laughter and I feel im getting better all ready. I dont mean to disrespect you in anyway but i am one of those teenagers with a sweet hair cut. im currently 19 years old with 2 kids and I just got both of her names faded into my hair the other day. theres still a little bit of hair and i dyed the part that has there names pink and blue for both of my kids. Thought you would like to no that im being a responsible 19 year old father. I work had to give them everything they need (I sell some illegal substances) but my little boy his name is jacob he has a mohawk. Just keeping it real.
    your A COOL man don. keep livin

  28. Kristina permalink
    7:55 pm

    It’s just a haircut.Somebody likes roses somebody loves tulips, people have different tastes in everything but that doesn’t define them as persons.You never judge a book by it’s covers.People are different.I have a crazy haircut , and I am young, but that doesn’t make me stupid.I don’t have a cazy haircut because I want to be special, I have it because I like it. I don’t care if somebody won’t like me, or gets offended by a trivial thing like a haircut, I don’t adjust to others because I don’t live for other people.Anyway,it’s just a silly thing to get upset about.

    I apologize for my bad english and even worse grammar.

  29. rene permalink
    5:40 am

    Vincent Van Gogh was a crazy painter but he had a fine haircut!

  30. Etienne permalink
    11:50 pm

    I think it’s humorous how much I disagree with you on every one of your posts. Without being disrespectful, I think you’ve become too fixated on what used to be, and need to keep an open mind to the citizens that will soon run the country when you are gone. Reading your opinion of what’s “wrong” with youth today makes me laugh, only because I imagine how intolerant you are of others. You forget that these “God damned young people” are human beings like yourself. If you grew up in the same environment that they did, you would be exactly the same…

  31. W.Smith84 permalink
    3:15 am

    You’re absolutely right Don, crazy hairstyles are for tropical birds and the mentally unstable haha!

  32. 7:25 pm

    Dear Don,

    Communists supported standard hair styles. So if those young people, whose hair choices you dislike so much, start practicing communism, they will all have to get hair cuts you are so fond of.
    Mysteries of life…

    Best,
    fornormalstepfathers

  33. Rocket Dog (Ergo Proxy) permalink
    3:41 am

    I can’t stand kids today either, and I’m a kid! They’re always fighting each-other, drinking, cussing, getting babies and being sex-obsessed. I respect my mama and try very hard not to let her do anything that will strain her. I try a lot to repay my aunt when she buys me nice things, and I also try not to be too overbearing and ask for anything too expensive or out of our way. It upsets me to know how kids are these days. I wish they were more like me.

  34. oldgoat permalink
    1:04 pm

    When I was a lad I was just grateful to have hair. Now that I no longer have any, looking back, I should have been a damn sight more grateful. These youngsters today engage in all kinds of tomfoolery designed to make us older folks pull out what hair we have left. It’s a conspiracy if you ask me, and those damn new age weirdos are behind it. Keep up the good work Don, and God bless you.

  35. Anonymous permalink
    12:52 am

    Don I have to say I respect your words deeply ….about time someone assembled your quotes into a book…sounds like a best seller to me

  36. 3:02 am

    What is a “bum fluff” goatee?

  37. 10:26 pm

    Just saw a crazy fauz hawk on a young person the other day! It was pink. Truly is one of the problems with young people today… You’d enjoy my photo blog, http://www.omgg.org
    OMGG = Oh My Goodness Gracious!

  38. 3:05 pm

    My husband and I couldn’t believe our eyes when, during the late 90s, kids starting wearing Mo’s bowl cut from the Three Stooges. And to make it worse, our two son’s insisted on the cut. We now keep an old photo of their stooged heads on the piano for all to see.

  39. 4:03 am

    Hi Don, I just wanted to say, the pure enjoyment I receive from reading your blog is unreal. I really think you should publish a book.

    Keep it real, old man. *fist pump*

Trackbacks

  1. Adam’s Ideas » Blog Archive » The youth aren’t alright
  2. Room For Laughters » God Damned Young People and Their Weirdo Haircuts Drive Me Nuts
  3. Ceasar Rian: What’s Wrong With the Young People of Today « Adventures In Writing

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