God Damned Giant Teenagers Get my Goat
The problem with young people today is that they are too tall.
When I was a boy I was short. Damned short. Stunted, you might say. And so were my friends.
I was 4’2” until my last year of high school, for Christ’s sake, and I was captain of the basketball team.
My dad was the tall one and if I tried to get bigger than my size-three britches before my time he’d have thumped me senseless and been right to do it. It’s disrespectful. He called me “short stack” or “shorty” or “hey you” and I was grateful for the attention.
You’re not supposed to be taller than your old man until he starts to stoop over from age and is ready for a rocker and long afternoons sipping iced tea spiked with gin.
But these kids today…six feet tall before they’re out of grade school and lumbering around the playground in size 22 Keds like a pack of slack-assed Godzillas.
It’s disrespectful and a crime against nature.
People say it’s steroids in meat and milk that are making these kids so damned tall but I don’t buy that load of crap for a minute. It’s arrogance, video games and the MTV – pure and simple.
I didn’t grow unless my parents told me to. I asked permission before I grew and if my dad was pissed from a bad day at work and told me not to – I didn’t dare.
But not these kids today. They don’t understand fear, or respect.
They just grow willy-nilly without any concern for public decency or proper morals. And believe me, when we are living in a world populated by teenage giants running around with their oversized pants and enormous fountain drinks you are all going to be sorry you didn’t heed my warning.
And that is the problem with young people today.
Thanks for that. My son just turned 15 and is 6′. It’s a freak of nature and downright disrespectful.
Thank you Mrs. Hedgecock. Keep an eye on that boy, he could be trouble.
Mr. Mills,
I’ve saved your blog onto my favorites and will check back regularly. Love your post. Thanks.
Peter
Many thanks Peter. You’re a good lad. Hope to see you again soon.
Don
Let’s hear it for short people. Yay!
Thanks for stopping in Maliaann.
This is hilarious. I can’t wait for more. Now I’m learning why kids make me crazy.
Thanks very much Joan.
Them kids have no shortage of ways to make you nuts and that’s for damned sure.
Appreciate your kind words.
Don
My fourteen year old is about 6′2″. He towers over me. I told him to knock it off and he grew more just to spite me! Doesn’t he realize how expensive it is to buy new shoes every two weeks? And he’s taken to calling me “shorty”. I’m nearly 6 ft tall myself and NO ONE has ever referred to me as “shorty”. That’s it, when he goes to sleep tonight, I’m going to shrink wrap him back down to a more respectable 5′3″.
That’s the ticket Mrs. Collins. Good on you and have at ‘er!
6′2″ at fourteen? Good Christ you could have stacked three of us atop one another at that age and we’d still have barely reached 5 feet!
Something has to be done.
Thanks for visiting. Please let me know how you make out.
You may want to sit down for this one Don! Are you sitting?? I’m almost emberrased to say this to you as I’m scared of what you may think of me but my son is HONESTLY 6′10″ tall at 17 years old. He wears size 17 shoe and can eat probably more than you can imagine.
It’s funny because I’m only 5′9″. People think we are bullshitting them when they find out I’m his father. LOL
Holy Christ. A size 17 shoe? My first house was smaller than that!
Gary, what the hell is going on here?
I don’t know?? It’s just CRAZY innit Don???
Might there be a basketball or baseball scholarship in the offing? If so, you can then make an exception.
Wow, It’s funny how all the comments are from old people that agree and say things like “yeah, kids are totally off their rockers!” .
Let me put it this way.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TEENS ARE LIKE TODAY!
I am 16, 5 foot 8 inches, and I’m standing up for teens. All this crap on this blog is so stereotypical. Yeah, we’re tall and like to dress the way we want, but we’re all right in the head! Just don’t even try to understand how we feel about life and what’s going on inside our heads! You and everybody else who’s not a teen will never understand what being a teen is all about. We don’t even know what being a teen is all about.
There’s no corrupt gene, no subliminal messages, no nothing! We’re just trying to get used to everything changing around us! The world seems like it’s all about to implode on you and sometimes it gets really hard being teenage! You know what? IT SUCKS! Stupid hormones and puberty trying to kill us all.
Oh, and I’ll think I will leave off with a quote of yours…
“It’s disrespectful and a crime against nature.”
Well guess what? YOU’RE DISRESPECTFUL AND A CRIME AGAINST NATURE. I’m very offended. Go f*** yourself.
Good Day. :angry:
Wow, I’m sorry. Major testosterone rush there.
I still don’t agree with your opinions, though. It’s all of this stereotypical nonsense.
Damn it but I like you boy! You have spunk.
And good for you for standing up for your fellow teens (thought at 5′6″ we may have a hard time picking you out of the crowd).
All the best
Don
Well said, oldpeopleareweird. And what I mean is, oh my god a teenager who can form complete sentences and pretty much get a coherent thought across! It’s amazing! And glorious! Except possibly for the overuse of exclamation points.
Dude, chill.
http://oldpeopleareweird.wordpress.com/2009/04/22/howteensreallyfeel/
Nice job Randy!
Hell of a blog. Sorry you’ve been down lately. Hopefully I haven’t contributed to your angst too much. Sounds like some fresh air and deep knee bends might be just the thing to pick you up.
So “Randy Bush” is your handle is it? I shook hands with a Randy Bush once and I can honestly say it was one of the best experiences of my life. What a coincidence…after all, it’s not every day that a Randy Bush drops into you lap.
And what a great name! I’d consider changing the blog name to “the Randy teenager” or “The Wide World of Bush.”
Both have a hell of a ring and will likely draw a crowd of like-minded studious youngters to your fine site.
All the best Randy Bush. I hope you return. I’d love to hear from you again.
Don, I must say that your last comment is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while. You are a gem. Can’t wait to read your next post.
Jenny
Sheer class, Mr Don…sheer class.
Well, hey. I guess you’re not that bad yourself. You make for some very entertaining blog material!
Wow. This blog is just stupid. It’s disrespectful and a crime against nature to be tall? Well, oh my gods, go throw every basketball player in the world in jail. Go yell at their parents for having strong genetics.
“I didn’t grow unless my parents told me to.” Um.. What? I assume from that statement of ignorance that you know nothing about genetics or biology. A human body is going to grow, regardless of whether anyone “allows” it or not. There is no physical way possible for anyone to stop their own body from growing (Except in countries like China where they used to tie the children’s feet to keep them small.) There is no real way to keep yourself from growing. Only an outside force can keep you from growing so that statement is just ignorant and utterly pointless.
This whole blog is basically ignorant and pointless. Yes, let’s blame MTV, video games, and arrogance for something that no one has control over. If a child is going to be tall, it’s in their DNA. No TV, Video game, or attitude is going to inhibit or progress that gene any further.
For the record, I just turned 21. I’m 5′11; my brother is 6′5; my father is 6′2; and my mother is 5′10. It’s genetics. Has nothing to do with any of the bullshit that you rambled on about in this blog.
Kids today are disrespectful because their parents are lazy asses that won’t raise their voice, much less a hand, belt or paddle, to their children like my parents did. I got my ass beat if I stepped a toe over the line. All children need to be raised like that, then they won’t be disrespectful. I’ve never cursed at my parents, hit them, I’ve rarely yelled at them. I have respect for my elders because I was taught to. If I didn’t show respect, I was spanked when I got home. All of the parents that have agreed with you, I would bet money that none of them have ever spanked or yelled at their kids. I would bet they just roll over and allow their kids to do whatever in hell they want. That’s why they’re disrespectful.
You make some good points there Sol…damn good. Nice to see a young man take these issues as seriously as I do. And you’re obviously very smart and extremely perceptive.
I try, Sol, I damn well try to present my heartfelt beliefs in a balanced and factual manner. This is socially important, Sol, and I research these blogs carefully before posting. No fooling around here.
If you see factual errors I want…no Sol, I need you to point them out to me. You can keep me in check.
You seem like a smart young man with a good head on your shoulders.
Seriously.
Don
Well I’m actually a girl, but thank you. I try to be at least semi-intelligent in my responses to things. Now although I do disagree with most of the things you have said in this blog, and in a few others that I have been reading, I do respect your opinion enough to not throw a fit and yell at you like I’ve seen others do. All they’re doing, especially if they are young kids, is prove you right- they’re just proving how disrespectful and unintelligent they can be.
Sol
Sol,
I’m a youthful 50 and 5′6″.
My son is 20 and 6′3″.
You can’t argue with numbers.
Genetics my arse!
Although… we did have that tall postman that used to call a lot after I’d gone out to work, and that was about 21 years ago.
Maybe you’re onto something…. you and that Darwin bloke.
Sol: Chill son, this is what is known as permitted hyperbole. You get better at it with age. My 4 sons accused me of being overly sarcastic,(a more unfriendly form of communication utalizing hyperbole). They now wear t-shirts which say:” Sarcasem, only one of the services we offer”. Try it, it’s fun. Think of a funny way to describe a situation using a little exageration.
I am not disrespectful or rude, and my parents never smacked me, they just told me if i did something wrong.
You know what? Go f* yourself. I’m 16 years old and i’m 6′3″.
You’re calling me a freak of nature? The way people look at me in the highschool hallway gives me the same feeling. I didn’t ask to be tall, nor do I want to be tall. If height alterations were the way you put them Don, I would have told myself to stop growing when i was 5′8″ at the age of 13.
I have my whole highschool thinking that I’m a freak. Now I have an old man’s posted blog saying that I’m a freak, that I’m sex-crazed and all that bullshit. It makes us “freakishly” tall people feel oh so great about ourselves, especially during puberty.
Am I disrespectful to my mother because I’m taller than her? I respect my mother. No one deserves more respect than she does. If being shorter than her would be more respectful, I’d cut off my legs you bastard.
Blame arrogance, MTV, and video games for anything other than this one, old man. Like the sex-crazed teen “problem”. I use quotations there because it’s anything but a problem. Well yes, teen pregancies are bad. But they’re just ignorant retards who can’t use a condom properly.
Jesus ROFOL, You crack me up. I like you.
“I’d cut off my legs you bastard.” That’s a damned nice gesture and pretty darned dramatic. You may have screenplays in your future. Or afterschool specials. Think on it lad. There’s money to be made in Hollywood.
I have to hand it to you. You make a damned strong case. Just to be clear though – and I know that sometimes this can be confusing – I wasn’t speaking about YOU specifically. Okay? With me so far Tiger?
I truly wish I could be more tolerant and make fewer generalizations. I mean, take a look at the pregnancy issue. You cut through my bluster and cruel accusations and lay responsibility firm where it belongs, with the “ignorant retards.” Your a sensitive young man and I apologize if I offended you.
Give ‘em Hell little man!
Don
Thank God you
I guess I went a little bit over the edge there. I know you weren’t talking about me as an individual, but I was speaking on behalf of all teenagers. It’s not my fault that I’m taller, it’s not your fault either. If I were to point the finger of blame, it would be towards the generation between us that decided to pump chickens full of growth hormones. Am I right?!
I won’t lie, I was pretty offended with the “Freaks of nature” and “disrepectful”, but you are entitled to your opinion (no matter how crazy it is). Although I’m no grown man I know some rules of manhood, one of them : argue and debate at will, brawl if you must, crack a beer together after the matter is dealt with.
So cheers to you old man!
PS – You say you research these topics very well before you post… Where in hell did you get these facts?!?
And for the record, I do love this set of blogs you have. I WILL be back to debate.
haha. this is a great blog. its a different experience to see a topic from someone else’s point of view. i have to say, i agree with you on teen sex and tattoos (they freak me out at times). however, i am not one to call a tall person a freak of nature. sol up there has alredy said a lot of my opinions on this. im 14 and am nearly 6′ and very respectful to my elders. my height was from a healthy dose of vitamin c every day when i was younger. never taken an ounce of steroids in my life. being taller than your elders, i could see how that could be seen as disrespectful. but for many people, height is something gained from a healthy lifestyle and/or good genes. just wanted to state my opinions. id love to see your position on other topics! ^_^
also, the cursing could be toned down a bit. its just not nice, spoken or typed.
Thanks Kenni,
Your a good lad. And I agree on the cursing.
All the best,
Don
LMAO, I’m 17 and all I can say is this blog is FUCKING HILARIOUS. Keep up the good work old man!
Now, Sean…
Please son. Easy on the F word and a “Mr.” wouldn’t go amiss either.
Thanks for the kind words though lad.
I have to say… I am VERY impressed by the way my fellow teenagers have responded to your posts. I think that anything that can inspire such ferocity and meaningful debate is well worth the effort you are putting into it.
Keep up the posts Ron!!!
WilliamRansom
Thanks William,
They’re a passionate crew, no doubt about it.
All the best
Don (Ron is my brother)
Damn those kids, they have a more ample supply of food and nutrition letting them grow! You old folks like wars right? Lets start another one so we can ration our food, that’ll keep the future little runts from growing to their full potential!
Goodness, It’s MnM again.
Thanks for the comment lad. Sorry I didn’t get to it sooner but I’ve been having problem with my hips. But you kids don’t care about my joints.
And, sure, yeah, we old folks like wars.
Any ideas on who we might want to fight? How about the Belgians? I hate their waffles. Taste like god damned rubber. Or how about the Swiss. They’re not much on fighting and they have some damned nice cheese. Old people like war but we love cheese.
Where was I?
Anyway, glad to see a young person actually using their noggin and coming up with ideas.
Thanks lad. Good to see you again..
I’m short, but I’m suddenly growning very tall
same size as my sister now, and she’s almost 18. I’m about 2 years younger.
You can’t control it.
This post is hilarious
I like your blog, very funny
I understand your point of view Mr. Mills, but i am short my self 5′ 4″. In all honesty i would like to grow taller but there is no real way to accomplish that. Your blog has brought many people to respectfully debate their opinions and that is the reason why i am going to come back and visit your blog daily.
I’m 13 and im about 5′ but many people are bigger and smaller than me !
We’re not freaks of nature it is merely genetics , so sorry if i don’t meet your standards !
Maybe I’ll ” ask my parents if i can grow ” so that i can ‘ get your goat
I am very insulted and I will be dropping in and DISagreeing what you have to say daily so…
P.S In the UK we don’t Watch MTV , So you’re theory is Wrong ( HAHA )
My theory is you don’t like us because , Of the bullying you had when you were in your youth – ain’t that rite shorty ! ;P
I grow when I grow and there isn’t anything anybody can do about it. I’m 13 and I’m 5 foot 5 and yes, I may be alot taller than some of my friends (including you, Tom =D), but I don’t see it as a problem. It just singles me out as being an individual – nobody wants to be the same as everybody else. I wouldn’t care if I was small, it doesn’t matter!
This is a Joke , To you don – Of course
I love reading your posts, in fact your entire blog is a pleasure to read!
You know what I think is wrong with kids today:
They don’t grasp satire.
Just an opinion.
U tellim’ Don!!!!!… I’m 57 & 5′7 that means my son should be 2′1 tall…OH NOOOO my son is 6′3 …HOW disrespectful!!!!!. If I could reach his backside I’d place my 71/2 shoe fairly between it. Speaking of which my dearly departed 5′7 dad would give me 2 belting’s a day ..one for what I did.. & one in case I secretly grew while he was at work.
YES!!! video games, KFC, ipods, Maca’s etc….& whats with the damn pants around the their ginger, pubes & crack galore…hand me the bucket..mmmpf.
Now he’s hungry 24/7 he eats more than a third world country.
A what’s with the “conversation” ..”nah” ..”yep”.. “nothin’”..”dunno” why did I spend all that money sending him to school!!!???:P
The social & economic ramifications are enormous of a planet of GIANTS!!!
I’m glad to say I was 5′6 & 3/4 till my dear old dad died (sniff)… then reached my lofty 5′7 I am today.
Teenagers!!!! I wish they’d go back to where they come from!!!!!!
Many thanks for the comment Oldwrinkly,
I have to say that oldwrinkly was my dear wife Aggie’s pet name for me (when she wasn’t calling me old bastard).
And good on you for waiting until you dad had passed before growing that final quarter inch. You’re obviously a good man and I’m delighted to make you acquaintance.
Now, to answer your question (below) I believe you need to have a wordpress account in order to upload your photo. I don’t think you need to register a blog but you do need an account. If you go to the main wordpress site (there is a link on my home page) you should be able to get any instructions or help you may need.
All the best.
Don
If it’s not a rude question….how do I upload my photo….For heavens sakes!!!!!!
Thanks Don, it’s nice to meet a bloke with old fashion values. Love your blog.
My wife is now baby sitting a 4 year old who is one foot for every year of age. He is the size of an 8 year old. It’s crazy.